Disclaimer: Naruto doesn't belong to me.

UPDATED: 12/23/10

"Sorry I'm late," Kakashi not so elegantly burst into the meeting room. Under the dim light, several Jounin stared back at him with defeated wryness. "I have a legit excuse this time. My team and I were on a C-rank turned A-rank mission and we just returned. I'm serious."

Mumblings burst from the ninja at the sound of a Genin team taking on an A-rank. Sarutobi just puffed on his pipe, already knowing the truth from several of his ANBU squads. "I'll take your mission report later, Kakashi. Surely you know what this meeting is for?"

"Yes. Why do you think I rushed?"

"True, that is unlike you, my dear rival!" Gai boomed forth. "You look most becoming with your new team. I too, have pumped my own sweet darling students full of the power of youth!"

"...Hm? Did you say something?"

"Gyaah! Kakashi, why are you so hip?"

"Anyway, let's move on to the actual topic." Sarutobi coughed, and the Jounin snapped to attention. "Anyone from the rookie squads willing to nominate?"

Kakashi put his book down. This was what he was here for. "I nominate Team 7, consisting of Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura, and Uchiha Sasuke. Under the name of Hakate Kakashi, I swear that they are ready for the Chuunin exam. Oh, we're also called Team Badass, by the way."

Not to back down, the other two Genin leaders nominated their own teams.

Whispers broke out across the dim room. The Hokage's eyebrows shot up to his hat and disappeared there. Rookie squads entering the Chuunin exams? This was the first in six years!

On cue, Gai and Iruka stepped forth, not happy with how things were going. "Now wait a minute, Kakashi.."

"Sorry, no can do," Kakashi eye-smiled. He whisked his book into his pouch with a swish, and turned with a friendly grin to the smirking Hokage. "Mind if I...?"

"Yes, yes, go away." Sarutobi sucked on his pipe. "The little hellions are probably near drowning you with training requests anyway."

Iruka looked appalled. "But Hokage-sama! You can't possibly allow these.. kids! These kids to enter the Chuunin exam! It's too early!"

"Just leave them be, Iruka." Sarutobi chuckled. "I'm sure the squad leaders know what they're doing."

"Yup, now that's settled, I'll go now. Sorry 'bout that. Ja ne!"

Kakashi shunshined out of the meeting room, much to the chagrin of the other Jounin. "He comes late and leaves early! That's so not fair!"

"Just how long is he going to make us wait?" Naruto complained. "We've been waiting at this bridge for ages. Can someone please tell me why we agreed to an impromptu training session as soon as we're back from a freakin' two month long mission? I want a shower, and some ramen. And some steak. Can we just ditch Kakashi and go get some quality food?"

"I heard that," Kakashi popped out of nowhere. "I'm kind of sad, really. I just came straight from the meeting. I nominated you all for the Chuunin exams." He held out three slips of paper. "Though, not all of you have to sign up. The Chuunin exams will be hard. You can choose to wait. But-" He grinned an evil smile. "If you don't sign up, I'll stick you with d-ranks for the rest of the year. And per every paintball done on my person or on my house, that's another year, right there. Also, my dear friend, Gai seems to be a little willing to take you three for-"

"Yeah, yeah, spare us the theatricals." Sasuke rummaged around in his pouch. "I don't have a pen. I have my brush here with me though. Is that okay?"

"It better be okay. I already signed it." Naruto happily held up his own slip, already wet with ink.

Sakura tsked. "This is a legal document. Don't be so hasty Naruto!" She then took out her own brush and signed it. "It's the only thing we have though."

"..." Kakashi watched them bicker over their signatures, then sighed. Grabbing the scruff of their clothes- earning a 'hey!' from each- he shunshined out of the area and dropped them into the nearest pool of water. Naruto Sasuke Sakura screamed when the cold water rushed inside their clothes and foamed inside their mouth.

Spluttering and shivering, they burst from under the surface. "Wha-wh-what arrrre y-you doing?" Sasuke did his best to look mean with his teeth chattering. His spiky hair was plastered to his head, making his eyes look big and innocent. Kakashi never saw the little Uchiha so cute.

Sakura was red in the face. "I'll kill you for this." She stuck out her middle finger at Kakashi, who merely threw his head back and laughed triumphantly.

Naruto picked his pouch off his hip with trembling fingers and howled at his messed up supply of paper, ink, and seals. "Fuck you, Kakashi!"

Kakashi chuckled darkly. It was time to get them all back. Now that their supplies of paint and traps were ruined, they had no other means to best him. Such a glorious plan.

Kakashi smirked down at the little devils he was assigned to. "Is the water cold, my little angels?"

"Damn right," Sakura huffed and shook her fist at him, wading towards the edge of the rushing water. She stepped onto the bank, then screamed as Kakashi took the liberty to push her back into the deep, icy water. "Bastaaarrd!"

Naruto and Sasuke stopped short of the bank, wary. Kakashi smiled at them, his eye turning to an upside down U. "First training lesson: Walking on water. For as long as it takes for the three of you to get it, I will be shooting my Suiton: Suiryuudan no Jutsu at you. Good luck." His hands blurring in motion, it took the Genin approximately three seconds to understand what their crazy teacher just said.

"Wait, what?"

Too late. A huge water dragon burst from the water, growled ferociously at the trembling ninja, and lunged, its teeth bared.

Team Badass did the only thing they could do in that situation. They screamed.

...

Very happy with their training results, Kakashi faced his dripping team with a wide grin that split his face. "Excellent job, team! Now that we've sufficiently improved our chakra control, I will now move you to the ninjutsu training session. Take these slips of paper." He held out little bits of paper.

Sasuke scowled. "I had an entire pack of those until you dropped me in water. That's a whole packet worth of money gone."

Kakashi laughed. Their unhappiness was his mirth. "Well, I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Does this mean you know your element Sasuke? I'm supposing you have fire, like the rest of your clan."

"That and something else." Sasuke muttered, recalling his strange new element formed with a combination of fire and lightning. He'd been testing it out secretly during the mission to Wave.

"Hmm? Did you say something?" Kakashi handed the paper out to an eager Naruto and Sakura, who never had the chance to test themselves. "Just put some chakra into it, and it'll react. What did you say, Sasuke?"

"I said, I already know my element." Sasuke grumbled, irritated. "It's fire and lightning."

Kakashi blinked. "How do you know your secondary element, Sasuke?"

"It's not a secondary element. Apparently I have two primary elements." Sasuke rubbed his neck, looking sheepish as Kakashi dropped his book in shock. Naruto and Sakura snickered.

"Wait, wait." Kakashi recomposed himself with a cough. "Do the test for me?"

Bored, Sasuke took a slip of paper and channeled some chakra. It crumpled, then burst into flames. Kakashi's eyes grew as round as apples. "How long did you..?"

"Knew for a while now." Sasuke smiled awkwardly. "Don't know much what to do with it."

"This is a kekkei genkai! Is there anything like this in your clan scrolls?"

"Not that I know of."

"Wow," Kakashi looked fazzled. Naruto waved his slip of paper in the jounin's face.

"Okay, okay, we've established that already! Now will you puh leez take a look at our elements? I wanna learn some cool jutsu!"

"Okay. What do you have?" Kakashi slapped himself mentally twice. Kekkei genkai weren't everything. Even as interesting as it was to discover a possibly new one starting up.

"Hmmph!" Naruto grunted, and his paper cut into four halves. Puzzled, he looked up. "Is that good?"

Kakashi nodded, pleased. "You're a wind element. Pretty well developed already too. Nice. Sakura?"

Sakura concentrated, and her paper crumbled to dust. "Earth?" She queried, not so sure if she was pleased or not. "I get such a manly element?"

"It's got substance, and formidable." Kakashi assured her. "In the third ninja war, the Rock ninja were a great hassle to Konohagakure."

"So now we know our elements, will you teach us some kick-ass jutsu?" Naruto looked hopeful, his eyes bright. "We can't exactly be badass without some badass moves, you know."

"I thought you guys were already badass?" Kakashi teased.

"Don't worry we already are," Sakura growled. "Don't think I forgot about what you did to me back at the pool."

"Woah, woah. Remember the one paintball=one year rule?" Kakashi put up his hands in a placating gesture. "Now that we have each of your elements, let's start some ninjutsu training! Anything else you guys want to tell me?"

"Ooh, me! Me!" Naruto jumped up and down with his hands. "I have sensor abilities! Isn't that cool?"

Kakashi's eyebrows went up. A sensor? Those were more common in Kiri and Kumo, not in Konoha. Either way, it was a terrific asset. Pretty much no one would be able to sneak up on them. "That's great Naruto. We'll do some training on that later. Okay, then, we're all going under element manipulation training!" Naruto, go get a leaf. Sasuke, we're water walking. Fire and lightning training is best on water. Sakura, go get a rock, and try and crush it with your fist. Everyone, get moving!"

"I have a question!"

"Yes Sakura?"

"What happens once I'm done?"

"I'll tell you when it gets to that."

"Me, me!"

"Yes Naruto?"

"I got a leaf, now what?"

"Put it in between your palms like this, and try to cut it in half with only your chakra." Kakashi brought his hands together to demonstrate. "Got it?"

"Yes sir!"

"Kakashi."

"Yes Sasuke?"

"I'm hungry."

Naruto made a face. "I'm hungry too. Can we train later?"

Kakashi wasn't fazed. "You can eat after we're done training."

"I'm hungry." Sakura sat down and rubbed her stomach. "Can't we eat first?"

"Life as a shinobi will always be hungry and tiring." Kakashi said shortly. "It won't be fully of glory. Get over it."

"But the whole point is, we used up a lot of chakra earlier trying to water walk. Can't we eat?" Naruto made a puppy face.

"No. Now get moving, all of you! Chuunin exams start tomorrow!"

"Which is exactly why we should be resting," Sasuke grumbled.

"I thought you guys wanted to train!" Kakashi was slowly losing his patience. "Wasn't this the entire reason why you were so into pranking me earlier in the year? Because I wasn't training you enough? What the hell? Get off your asses and get to work!"

Mumbling under their breath, the three Genin got to their feet and started on their individual exercises. Kakashi followed Sasuke onto the water. "Ok Sasuke, we're first going to do some Fire manipulation. Once I get a good measure of how experienced you are in that area, we can move on to lightning. Sound good?"

Sasuke nodded. At Kakashi's beckoning, he moved to perform all the fire ninjutsu he knew. From ashore, Naruto concentrated on slicing his leaf, and Sakura was focusing on her rock. For a while, everything was quiet.

Kakashi relaxed. For once, they were silent and working. "Good Sasuke. I think you're pretty well practiced on the Fire part. Let's move onto lightning. Now, lightning is controlled through lapses in mental energy from the brain to each of the nerves-"

Growl. "I'm hungry." Naruto complained.

"Naruto, if you're really focused on your leaf, you wouldn't even feel the hunger. Try again." Trying to keep the ire out of his voice, Kakashi turned back to Sasuke. "As I was saying-"

"...I'm still hungry."

Ugh! "Naruto, you-"

"Can I eat?" Sakura's hopeful voice sounded from her area in the riverbank. "I crushed my rock! It really wasn't all that hard." She threw some of the gravel in her hand into the water.

Kakashi rubbed his forehead. "You can eat if you can get Naruto to cooperate. As soon as everyone makes sufficient progress, we will eat."

That shut them up. For a while.

Five minutes later, this time it was Sasuke who broke the tense silence. "I'm hungry."

Kakashi wanted to break something. It was with extreme self-control he replied, "...Fine. Go eat."

...

...

In two hours, Team Badass was back at the same training ground.

"There's no way you'll all finish elemental manipulation anytime soon. Something like that takes years of training." Kakashi explained. "But you guys really surprised me by getting so far already. Especially you Naruto. Your leaf work was impressive."

"Hehe," Naruto grinned goofily as he held up a leaf ¾ cut through. "It only took a little bit of food!"

Kakashi smiled. "Since the Chuunin exams start tomorrow, I decided that any other last minute training wouldn't be as effective. You guys are strong. Remember, I expect Genin of your caliber to all pass on your first try. You want to be kick ass? Then prove it. And I'll help you to the top."

"Badass, not kickass. Though it does have a certain ring to it." Sasuke helpfully pointed out.

"This is the very first pep talk you've given us sensei," Sakura laughed. "It's awkward."

"You should buy us dinner. ICHIRAKU RAMEN!" Naruto bellowed.

"You just ate lunch." Sakura admonished. "You want food again?"

"Hey, hey, don't fight..I'll treat you all after the exams. Oh! And I totally forgot. I snatched your forms before I dumped you into the river. Here you go." Kakashi eye-smiled and handed the slips of paper back to his students.

Sasuke glared at the white haired Jounin as he took his own form back. "You piss me off, you know that?" He was more than a little irked because Kakashi bested him like that. Plus his ruined supply of paper.

Kakashi bared his teeth, but none of them saw it, due to his mask. "I shoot that comment right back at the three of you."

"Hmm, this is most peculiar," Naruto was stroking his imaginary beard as he stared long and hard at the number inscribed onto the door of the academy. "Is this a..?"

"Genjutsu." Sakura confirmed. "It's a little too obvious. What, do they think we're idiots?"

Sasuke stopped walking, then pointed. "Looks like our competition isn't going to be all that rough. Look."

Gathered around in front of two menacing boys trying to bully the rest of the Genin, the other low ranked ninja struggled to turn in their applications, completely unaware of the illusion placed on the building. A girl and a boy stood out, obviously taking the blows and acting weak.

"So now what? Do we bust in and tell them to fuck off with their illusion, or do we act dumb and stupid?" Naruto tapped his chin as he turned to his friends thoughtfully.

"I say we stick with the traditional ways of shinobi..quiet, deceptive.." Sasuke's eyes gleamed. "Then again, we're not most shinobi."

"There's no way we can go to the third floor without getting the people who set this up to remove the illusion themselves anyway," Sakura cracked her knuckles.

Naruto cackled. "So, the normal, 'Team Badass' mode of entrance?"

His teammates smiled a predatory smile. "Let's get to it."

Shifting into a line, Team Badass each reached into their pouches with practiced ease, then hurled hundreds of tiny paintballs at the group of Genin.

Once everyone was distracted and the two bullies lost grip on their genjutsu, the team speedily made their way to the third floor, and turned in their forms.

Naruto laughed loud and clear. "Take that suckers!"

"That was indeed, a most impressive display." An unfamiliar voice rang out behind them.

Naruto Sasuke and Sakura turned around, curious. "Who're you?" Sasuke asked.

Clad head to toe in green, the shiny bowl-cut hairstyle glinted off the florescent lights. Dark bushy eyebrows twitched. But what blinded them most was his sparkling white teeth. "My name? I am Rock Lee! And I challenge you, Last Uchiha, for this lovely lady's hand."

The two boys face planted. "Who's the lovely lady in our team?" Naruto whispered to Sasuke.

"I dunno." Sasuke whispered back. "It's not Sa-"

A chill crawled up their spine. "You motherfuckers," Sakura forcibly choked out a hysterical laugh. With a hand, she grabbed hard onto their hair and pulled, earning a sharp cry from her male teammates.

This, "Rock Lee" watched her with rapt awe. "Oh, my sweet lovely lady. You are indeed the most beautiful woman I've ever met. Will you go out with me? I promise to protect you with my life!"

"Noo!" Naruto felt for the weird green kid. He wrestled out of Sakura's grip and rushed to the poor deluded boy's side. "Lee, right? Lemme give you a piece of advice. Sakura is not someone you want to go after."

"Why not? She's an absolute angel." Lee sent Sakura an air kiss. She avidly dodged, Sasuke coming free from her grasp.

Sasuke too bounded for Lee's side. He draped an arm around Lee's shoulders. "Lee, listen to me. Sakura doesn't need protection nor does she want any. Besides," He dropped to a conspiratory whisper. "You don't want to go after her. Listen to me and Naruto."

"I still want to fight you."

"Okay, okay. We can fight during the exams. But not now. Sakura's not in a good mood and when she isn't she's rather..uh..violent?"

"That just adds to her charm." Rock Lee shot Sasuke another sparkly smile. "But I shall heed your words. I will see you in the testing room then!"

Sasuke and Naruto couldn't answer, as in that moment, Sakura took her opportunity to drive her fist into their faces. Pummeling them into a nearby -and unfortunate- wall, she eventually peeled them off the wood and dragged them across the floor by the scruff of their clothes.

She smiled a sweet delicate smile to Lee. "Lee-san? Thank you. I'll think about it, okay? Let's do our best in this exam!"

Lee flushed a brilliant red. This girl was absolutely beautiful. "Yes, my dear Sakura-san!"

When they entered the testing room, many paint splattered Genin were blowing off steam by beating the daylights out of each other. Sakura blinked at the mayhem. "Look, Naruto, Sasuke. The idiots are decreasing competition for us. How convenient."

"Ugh," Sasuke picked himself off the floor and dusted his clothes. "I think some of my teeth are loose."

Naruto spotted their fellow rookies off to the corner and pointed, jumping to his feet. "Look! It's Shikamaru and the others. They're all here."

"Too bad he's smart enough to keep his team out of the fray," Sasuke commented apathetically. "It would've been nice if he was down this early in the game."

"Ooh, nervous, Sasuke? What happened to the Uchiha genius?" Naruto taunted.

Sasuke shrugged. "Just stating the truth. Besides, you and Sakura are just as good as I am."

"Hmm. I wonder when they're gonna stop fighting?" Sakura walked around the bustle and sat in a corner. Naruto and Sasuke followed after.

"It's better if they don't stop." Naruto remarked.

"But won't that make things a little too easy?" Sasuke pulled out a kunai and twirled it expertly. "I want some intense battle."

Then smoke erupted in the room, throwing everyone onto their feet, tensed for any possibility. "You idiots! No intense battle in this room! Or you're all disqualified!"

Sakura giggled. "Hear that? Sounds like you won't be getting your 'intense battle' anytime soon."

"Aww." Sasuke put his kunai away. "Now what?"

Morino Ibiki, the man who had just burst into the room with a whole load of other proctors, suddenly faced their corner and pinned the three with the most frightening glare they ever saw. "You little brats. Don't think I don't know about you three." His dangerous aura made them shiver.

"Crap. He knows." Sasuke breathed. "He knows it was us with the paintballs."

"He's just pissed because his crew has to clean up the mess." Naruto scoffed. "We're not going down, no matter what this guy throws at us!"

"Shut up! He's still looking at us!" Sakura hissed. "Let's go find a seat." They got up and without flinching, sat down at some empty seats.

Ibiki raised a brow. So they were Kakashi's prized brats. Hmph. Didn't look like much. Especially the blonde..that was the Kyuubi Jinchuurki, if his memory was correct. And the last Uchiha..

Well then. Let's see how different they are compared with the rest. After all, his test was always the hardest.

Omake: Naruto and Teuchi's New Ramen Experience.

"Teuchi-ossan! I'm here!" Naruto bellowed with joy at the sight of the ol' ramen shop. "I want the usual- wait, no friggin way, you're CLOSED?" Naruto jumped up and down with frustration. "But I've been waiting so long to eat your ramen! No fair. Aww." Stomping his foot childishly, Naruto turned to head back to his house, when a whiff of something delicious caught his nose. "What..?"

Unable to calm his curiosity, Naruto clambered up the walls and peered into the vent on the side of the building.

There, to his utter joy and excitement, Teuchi was making ramen. A new menu, it seemed. The smell was heavenly. "Oomph, I just gotta try that new ramen! OII, Teuchi-ossan! You in there?" Naruto yelled into the vent.

Teuchi tensed, then loosened up. "Oh, it's just you Naruto. Sorry, but the shop's closed for today."

"I know that!" Naruto bounced off the wall with glee. "I just want to try your new ramen! I'll be the best taster there is, promise! Can you let me in?"

Teuchi looked conflicted, but eventually shook his head. "No, sorry, but I still need to work out the finer details of the soup and the broth before I can let anyone taste it. You can come back tomorrow. Sorry, Naruto."

"Aww.." Naruto groaned and jumped off the wall. "I really wanted to try that new ramen... Oh well, see ya later then ossan!" He then turned and hid his smirk with a hand. "Like I'll go away that easy? Let's wait and see!"

Later at midnight, Naruto snuck back to Ichiraku.

"Kekeke, I, Uzumaki Naruto, will never fall back at the chance of tasting new ramen! Hehehe." Naruto snickered, and carefully pried the edges of the vent from the wall. Maneuvering the metal quietly out of the way, Naruto slipped into the darkness of the closed ramen stand. From the piping hot stove, little streams of steam issued from the small holes of the cover. Delicious smell wafted out of the pots.

Giddy with anticipation, Naruto pulled out a spoon and opened the pot. He sniffed. Once. Twice. "ahhhhhhhh," Naruto licked his lips, and reaching out instinctively in the dark towards the delicious aroma, he felt for a bowl, and piled the bowl with soup and soup stock. He couldn't boil the noodles, but that didn't matter for now. He just had to try the new soup!

Naruto dipped his spoon and tried the soup. IT WAS GLORIOUS! He quickly slurped it all up, and poured himself a new bowlful. Prodding with his spoon, he felt for a piece of stock and popped it into his mouth.

Mmm, this texture, this flavor- this flavor?

Unadulterated fear spreading through his veins, like ice, Naruto spat the piece of stock into his palm, ice cold panic pounding at his brain. Unable to see through the thick blanket of the night, Naruto bulleted out of the small building and into the moonlight. He opened his palm, and stared.

And stared.

And stared.

Then he shrieked and threw everything from him as far as possible. Turning, he ran for dear life, goosebumps of shock poking up on his skin, his face starting to go blue in disgust.

In the corner, halfway covered by the shadows, lay the remains of the new strain of seafood ramen. An half chewed piece of oyster lay in the dirt.

Three days later, as Teuchi opened up the shop and took out his broom to sweep the front, he wondered, "Now, what happened to Naruto? He didn't come by for three whole days. And I've just finished developing my new menu."

LIFE LESSON #5: DO NOT STEAL.

Okay, so here's the thing. People were confused in the last chapter. Candle was Sasuke, Fist was Sakura, Hair was Kakashi, and Tracker was Naruto. I gave you a lot of clues all throughout the fic, so if you couldn't figure that out, and you reviewd about it incorrectly, I know just who's not reading my story carefully enough:) Besides, the way they were talking should have been a dead giveaway.

Anyways, I know that hungry part was a little random, but I just wanted to make the kids drive Kakashi bats on the most nonsensical things! It was too much of a temptation!

Sorry for the late update. My house was being fumigated, so I had to evacuate to my grandmother's house, who doesn't have internet. I nearly died without any fanfiction.

Excuse the language in this chapter. I think I was really frustrated because I was internet/fanfiction deprived. I had to let it out somewhere, but nowhere that might reach my grandmother's ears.

Please review, review, review! I got ten reviews last time and that was great, because I normally don't get as much in my other stories. BUT, this is my special story and I expect lots of reviews. READ! READ:::::::At least more than ten, if you please. Or I won't update.

Besides, I know this is really, reallly random, but can you guys take a few seconds of your free time to vote my poll? It's really weird, but I just have this insatiable curiosity about the strangest things.

Thanks!

-Hulk.