Thanks for reading and adding this story to your alerts, but please remember that your feedback is essential. So, good or bad, please post how you feel about this chapter.
To those who have commented, thanks. Your reviews have been truly important and enlightening. Please keep them coming.
xoXOCutieOXox,you're right. This story is AU an even thoughMercedesis the same Mercedes from the show, she's only just met Rachel. Tina, Archie, Emma and some other people also don't know Rach yet. They're Puck's friends, colleagues, teammates or roommates from Florida and it's the first time Rachel's visiting him there and you'll see why in this chapter.Crimson-Kiss17, I guess this explanation solves your doubt, too.Lunar Kitty Kat, I'm glad you're intrigued, but I'm sorry this seems a little confusing. Puck's angry and you'll see he has every reason to be, but Rachel's not entirely to blame. She's also a victim at times, but I can't say too much. The reason Mercedes was rude is because she's Puck's best friend in Florida and she hasn't been given any reason to like Rachel since she's only heard about Puck's feelings. I know she was too rude, but as a best friend sometimes I act the way M.J has acted. Also, one of Rachel's sins is revealed in this chapter and I hope it's not too disappointing.
Italicsare used forflashbacksand phone conversations.
"To win you've got to stay in the game." - Claude M. Bristol.
His lack of desire to have a social life seems to bother him at the moment. Had he gone to the party, he wouldn't have too much fun, or fun at all, but he would certainly be in a better position than the one he's currently in.
He looks blinded by his anger and resentment and that is the only thing preventing him from feeling pathetic for being where he is.
Right now, he is locked in his bedroom and his mind is racing as he paces around like a wild man and, most importantly, hides from Rachel and from a serious amount of heartache.
Rachel's presence suffocates him and despite two or three very unique and special pictures of her and the guitar she gave him - the one he just destroyed without giving it second thought - he kept nothing from her. Her belongings and treasured items, left behind by her first, were also left behind by him a couple of years ago, when he transferred schools from Texas to Florida, in hopes of regaining his bearings and putting his mind at ease. The pictures he kept are hidden in one of his drawers. What he can't see, he doesn't think about. At least that's what he tells himself.
The change of schools didn't do miracles. It turned out not to be as wonderful as he expected it to be, but it gave him back his sanity. Unfortunately, he can't say the same about his desire to live.
He thinks of life back in Texas and remembers how playing there felt like. What started out as the experience of a lifetime for him ended up turning into a nightmare he never anticipated. While in there, he reached the point where going to school day after day made him feel trapped in an environment where he could do nothing right, at least from Rachel's point of view. Life in Texas is something he has to forget, or he'll lose his mind and that's just about the only thing he doesn't allow himself to do. He still pays for the last time he did it.
"God, I can't do this anymore," Puck shouts in front of his and Rachel's families. Their friends Kurt, Finn and Quinn are also present. He's so angry and frustrated that he doesn't even notice the tears rolling down his face.
"Well neither can I," Rachel replies in the coldest tone and walks past Puck towards the door. She doesn't look back. Their life together is over and the next few months in Texas turn out to be a struggle for the boy who only told the love of his life what his heart was asking him to tell.
The price of losing his mind was way too high. He never expected Rachel to take his words as seriously as she did and he thought she'd be able to see what he was trying to show her and fight for them. Instead, she walked away and not once looked back. That makes him wonder if she didn't just use his words as an excuse to leave him.
Three years have gone by since that fateful day in which she decided to walk out on them. Three painful and excruciating years, but Puck seems to have reached the state of numbness and acceptance. Acceptance that some things go beyond his control.
And now this. This fucked up appearance after he finds the strength to take all the necessary steps to cut any remaining ties with her without having to personally contact her. It's illogical, nonsensical. He goes out of his way to get things done, but apparently karma has to go against him and his wishes.
To find Rachel outside his lawn tonight feels like having someone stab a rust dagger through his heart, or something close to it. He is not willing to be stabbed for real to figure if it would hurt more or less. And even though Puck knows she had reasons to show up now, he never expected her to find the guts to do it and he prayed for her not to come.
She spends three years without making an appearance, doesn't give him the time of day when he needs her to and now she stands outside his house for what? To say a final goodbye? To ease her conscience because, like him, she has one? Her presence turtures and confuses him, but he won't give her the pleasure to see him suffer. Those days are so over.
Dumbfounded, Rachel still has her feet glued to the same spot. She hasn't moved yet and she's still looking down at Puck's shattered guitar. She can't believe what just happened before her eyes. She thought his post game reaction, or lack there of, was bad, but this just takes the cake.
She's torn between letting him cool off and talk to him later, and following him now, but as she contemplates her options and looks to the door, Mercedes makes the decision for her.
"You are not going in." The girl says matter-of-factly. She's like a prison guard.
But Rachel doesn't listen to Mercedes' words and walks towards the house, stopping in front of the girl who's twice her size.
"I'll stay here all night," Rachel kindly informs her.
"I'll call the cops on you," Mercedes replies dead-seriously.
"You'll regret it when my parents call Noah and ask him to bail me out," Rachel says smugly. "Or maybe they'll come do it themselves and stop by and visit him while they're in town."
For a moment, Mercedes studies Rachel.
She's the only friend from Florida who knows everything, all the gory details of what transpired between Puck and Rachel and deep down she knows Rachel's actions were the actions of someone who was out of control and couldn't find her way back. Finally, Mercedes breaks the scary silence.
"You don't deserve the chance to talk to him. In fact, you don't deserve anything from him. Not his love, not his compassion and not his forgiveness, but the choice is his to make," she says and continues, "I'm letting you in, but if he kicks you out, you better leave."
"I will," Rachel promises.
"Don't hurt him more than you already have," Mercedes warns Rachel, but her words come out sounding more like a request. It's then that Rachel realizes she should thank Mercedes for taking such good care of Puck. After all, she failed miserably at it.
It takes her a while, but Rachel finds Puck's bedroom door. It's closed, just like his heart seems to be, and she doesn't know what to do next. She takes a deep breath, recomposes herself and opens the door without knocking. She doesn't really walk in. Instead, she stands in his doorway observing him.
Puck's no longer pacing. He's lying flat on his back, staring at the ceiling.
For a moment that seems to last an eternity, Rachel takes in the sight of his bedroom. His mom, Mercedes and this other guy and girl, his sister, Finn, Quinn, Kurt... there are pictures of them all over his walls. She wonders how many pictures of her he still has. He must have kept at least one because Mercedes was able to recognize her as soon as she arrived.
"I don't want you in here. It's a Rachel free environment," Puck says coldly and uncaringly.
"Out of sight, out of mind?" Rachel asks, still looking at the framed pictures as if they were something unpleasant. "Really?"
"Just leave, Rachel. It's what you do best anyway," he poisons, not tearing his eyes from the ceiling. It seems to fascinate him at the moment.
"I'm here to talk to you and-"
"We've got nothing to discuss, unless you're here to give me back what I sent you a month ago," he interrupts her rudely.
"I-," she starts speaking, but he interrupts her again.
"Please say that's the reason you're here. Please, Rachel." He begs her. He's running out of patience and wants her gone.
"No. Noah-"
"Since there's no real reason for you to be here, you can leave this room through the same door you came in. Just get the hell out of here," he orders harshly, but she doesn't move.
Growing tired of looking at the ceiling, he turns to his nightstand and grabs his cell phone. There are eleven missed calls and they're probably from his mom, from his other roommates or maybe from his teammates. He knows that he's just trying to ignore Rachel's presence and that he's acting like a spoiled brat, but he doesn't care. He has earned that right. To piss her off, he decides to return one of the calls, leaving Rachel frustrated, but also curious because she can't hear the other end of the conversation.
"Puck, where are you man? You're missing one hell of a party." Tina, his other roommate, tells him loudly. "Get your ass here NOW! And bring M.J back with you."
"I'll see you in five, Tina," he tells his friend and flips his cell phone shut. He quickly grabs his wallet and car keys.
"You're not going to leave me here talking to myself, are you?" Rachel asks. "Noah, I'm not asking you for much. Just give me ten minutes, listen to what I have to say to you and then I'll leave if you still want me to."
"I didn't ask for ten, but just for one minute of your precious time when I went looking for you and you…" he mutters and stops himself from saying things he shouldn't say. "Listen Rachel, I really don't see how ten minutes will erase the last three years," he looks at her as he sits up.
"It's not supposed to," she admits, defeated.
"You better believe that!" He snaps at her, laying the blame for their current situation on her.
She finally leaves the doorway, but instead of leaving the room she walks closer to him. The action causes him to flinch, though he tries to hide it from her.
Instinctively, he folds his arms over his chest. She watches his actions and can't help thinking how sexy he looks.
During the game she was unable to admire his body because of his uniform and protection equipment, but ever since she arrived at his house, she noticed that he's matured. His boyishness is gone and his face is a strong face with clean, sharp features. He's well-muscled but not overly so. He looks different, but he's still Noah Puckerman, the man she has fallen in love with. And, as she expected, he still wears the stupid Mohawk.
"You were just perfectly fine standing where you were. There's no need for you to make yourself comfortable. You're still leaving in less than ten minutes because I'm going out."
She ignores his comment and walks even closer to him. At this point, he begins to lose the composure he's struggling so hard to maintain.
"Don't be afraid, Noah. I'm not going to jump you or force you into doing something with me."
"You haven't let me near you in three years, let alone touch you. I'd be a little naive to think that's the reason why you're here."
He doesn't know what she really wants and the anticipation is killing him.
"I know the feeling of being uncomfortable in your own bed," she tells him softly as she observes his tense frame, but he says nothing. "I haven't been able to sleep ever since you sent Finn and Kurt to my place in New York. I had been thinking a lot about us before that day. There's no reason to lie about it so I'll be honest and straight forward and tell you I was planning on contacting you," the admission doesn't get a reaction from him. He has built a wall she can't tear down. "I can't say I wasn't a bit shocked with your timing."
"Better late than ever," he mumbles.
"I don't think that's the only reason you have for doing this now. I heard you're being drafted next year. Is it true?" She asks him.
"Don't take it personally, but it's really none of your business."
"So it is true," she smiles proudly, but her smile quickly fades. It's replaced with disappointment.
"Don't do this, Rachel. Don't look at me with those hurt eyes because I'm not doing anything wrong here," Puck defends himself. He's unable to believe she's upset by his actions.
"You want to protect yourself from me, don't you Noah? I can't believe that's how low we've sunk. I can't believe you feel this way," she whispers brokenly.
" Don't put words in my mouth, Rachel."
"Noah, I don't represent a threat to your brilliant future. I'm not this cold hearted bitch you think I am. "
"You want to know the truth, Rachel? You want to know why I'm doing all of this? It's because I can't give you the benefit of the doubt and believe you. It's not like you haven't changed your mind before," he taunts her into a fight.
"You know better, Noah. Our relationship was… is bigger than that and you know it," she says, "you can't believe I'd be capable of putting your career at risk and-," she's offended that such thought even crossed his mind, but he doesn't show any signs of being ashamed. He has no reason to be. Irritated, he interrupts her.
"I can't believe you were capable of doing half the things you did to me, but that doesn't change anything. We've been postponing this decision for a long time, Rachel. The possibility of being drafted just sped things up a bit."
"This is very unlike you, Noah. You're doing and saying things someone asked you to. This is your step dad's idea, isn't it? What the hell is wrong with him? He thinks I'm going to use what we had against you? That I'll want to extort money from you in order to be quiet? You'll be a golden pro in no time and you'll do a lot of publicity and he's afraid I'll spill the beans on your life story and hurt your groupies. That's just rich, Noah. That's just so-"
"You're saying I'm incapable of making my own decisions?" He says, interrupting her again. "Well I'm not. I think this has gone on long enough and I think it's time for you to go," he tells her, getting out of his bed and looking down at her. "I'm going out and there's no way in hell you'll be here when I get back." He informs her.
"We're not done talking, Noah," she shouts as she panics. After all, she's running out of time and that's entirely her fault. "And you know what? I'm not signing all that crap and that confidentiality agreement can kiss my ass," she tells him and he stares at her and her newly found vocabulary. She's breathing hard now and he's pissed. It takes them a while to cool off and when they do, he looks down at his cell phone. It's eleven o'clock and there's still plenty of time for him to distract himself at the party. He decides he should go. This conversation is taking them nowhere and is only making him mad. He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath and when he reopens them, he realizes she's not planning on leaving. He glares and snaps at her.
"Didn't I ask you to leave?"
"You did, but I'm hoping you'll change your mind and ask me to stay," she pleads, watching his eyes for a positive response. One that doesn't come.