He kept telling himself that he had done the right thing; the smart thing. But the guilt still got the best of Sirius. He did his best to avoid Lily and James. He didn't want them to think of him as weak, though surely he was after giving up secret keeper to Peter.

There were several moments when he thought to himself, Seriously? Peter? What the hell were you thinking? But there was no going back now….

He took to checking up on Peter, though, just to make sure everything was going alright. He figured if he did this much, maybe it wasn't so bad that he had made the switch. But the guilt was still there. He figured it would be until they were out of this mess.

He needed to get away. He wanted a break from having to think about all of this. Sirius wasn't used to caring if he was doing the right thing or not. Suddenly it was like his conscience was working overtime….

"So how long will you be gone?" James handed Sirius his helmet as they headed for the front door and outside.

"I'm not sure. I'll try to be back for Harry's birthday, but I really don't know." Sirius said, not completely meeting James's eyes.

"Look, whatever is going on, you can tell me…." James said, standing by, arms crossed as Sirius pulled his helmet on and sat on his bike.

"I might… but not now okay? I'll send owls and stuff. I'll be back soon…. I just need to clear my head. " Sirius placed his sunglasses carefully over his eyes, still trying to avoid his best friend.

"You sure you're okay? You don't want me to go with you?" James gave his last attempt to get Sirius to explain to him why he had just showed up this house claiming that he was going away for a couple of weeks.

"I'm sure." Sirius said, and he kicked bike roared to life. James stepped back and held up a hand in good bye as Sirius drove off. Sirius waved back, but almost half-heartedly.

"In my defense, I didn't necessarily lie to James." Sirius said to his cousin, Andromeda. He had to drive a while to get there, but she seemed very happy to see him. They went to sit in the kitchen and caught up with why Sirius had driven all the way out there.

"Okay, so it wasn't lying if you don't count purposely keeping something from someone in hopes of not feeling any consequences." Sirius said defensively in response to the skeptical look he was getting from her.

"Ah shit that's the exact definition isn't it?" Sirius said wanting very badly to smack his head.

"You said a naughty word." A young girl with electric blue hair was suddenly standing the doorway of the kitchen, staring at Sirius with an angry glare.

"Dora! I told you to get to bed almost two hours ago!" Andromeda stood and tried to usher her daughter from the room.

"I'm eight, mum! I should be able to stay up! I won't go." She said sternly and crossed her arms with the exact same expression Sirius had just seen upon Andromeda's face.

"Nymphadora Tonks, don't you back sass me!"

"Andy, cool it. The kid's got Black Blood in her…. I can take care of it if you want."

"Sirius, that's not necessary. She has to get to bed."

"So, I'll take her." Sirius shrugged and walked over to the young girl whose hair was now a heated crimson.

"I don't need anyone to take me anywhere. I'm almost nine and practically a grown up, thank you very much." She said, crossing her arms and looking remarkably like her mother.

"I know that… that's why I think a smart girl- I mean young lady- like you should be in bed." Sirius raised an eye brow, daring her to challenge him.

Finally, she sighed, "Fine."

"After you, my lady." Sirius bowed to her.

She rolled her eyes and scrambled clumsily up the stairs and to bed.

"You didn't have to do that." Andromeda sighed as they sat back down.

"Jeez, Andy. You act like you don't trust me." Sirius said, looking hurt.

Andromeda had turned away, but Sirius could have sworn he heard her say something like, "Gee, I wonder why that is…."

"Alright, alright- I get it. I know I've done some stupid stuff before, Andy… but I'm not seventeen anymore. I've already disappointed my family to the point of no return."

"So?"

"So, mission accomplished." Sirius shrugged, "I'm not irresponsible- well not as irresponsible…."

"Is that why you're running away?" Andromeda smirked.

"I'm not 'running away'!" Sirius said, using air quotes to emphasize just how ridiculous he thought the suggestion was. "I just need to take a break…"

"From what, Sirius? I've never heard of or seen you doing anything that could drive you to 'needing a break'." She used his air quotes against him to show how he sounded ridiculous too.

"From a mistake…." Sirius muttered, running his hands angrily through his shaggy hair.

"Sirius…." Andromeda noticed his gaze wouldn't meet hers and she grew concerned, "Is it anything I can help with? Or can you at least tell me exactly what it is that you did?"

"No… I can't. And it's nothing you can help with… thanks though. I know what I did was the right thing… I'm just…- I don't know Andy. I've constantly got this weird feeling in my stomach… like something's gonna go wrong…."

"Come on- you're driving me crazy here! What's going on?" Andromeda scooted her chair closer to the table to hear him better.

Sirius chuckled, "No… I really actually can't tell you. I wish I could."

They sat and talked a while longer. Sirius changed the subject to Andromeda's daughter and he asked how work was going with Ted—anything to keep his mind off of Lily and James. Andromeda offered for him to use their guest room for the night, or even until he figured out where he was going. Sirius thanked her, but declined. Soon he was kicking his motorcycle to live again and zooming down the road. After checking and double checking that no muggles were roaming the streets at this hour of night, Sirius pulled up on the handlebar and took to the air.

He traveled like this for weeks, stopping at places he'd always wanted to see. He never knew where he was going until he got there and decided to stop. He hoped all of this would distract him…. But no matter what park bench or (if he got lucky) hotel room he woke up in, he still started each day with a jolt and a feeling of terror in his stomach.

Sirius told himself he wouldn't go home until he could shake this feeling. He'd never had trouble ignoring his conscience before now… he didn't know how else to solve the problem. He wrote letters and made a few phone calls as he promised James he would. He even flew to London and, after gathering more of his gold from Gringotts , he bought a small child's broom for Harry's birthday. He hoped to be there to see the little guy's face, but he still couldn't bring himself to face James and Lily, so he mailed that with a note apologizing for his absence and, just as he did in each of his letters, he promised to return home soon.

After a few more days of traveling, the thought struck Sirius that maybe he needed to go somewhere familiar to him…. It now seemed the only choice he had, having run out of ideas of where to run next.

He knew where he was going now. He swore this would be the last time….

As Sirius landed in the park across the street, he looked at the space between buildings eleven and thirteen. He almost wished it really was just a mistake in the numbering and it really was just an empty space. However, after stashing his bike in the bushes, approaching the space, and waving his wand, the old apartments began to move as if being forcibly shoved to the side. After a few moments, number twelve Grimald Place stood before him.

He was sure she wouldn't even know he was there, so he walked in and smoothly closed the door behind him. After shoving Kreture away and cursing him under his breath, Sirius made his way up the stairs to his old bedroom. On his way, he noticed Regulus's door. Just the name on the door made Sirius's eyes burn. He walked in and closed the door gently behind him.

The small, square room reeked of dust and stale air. Sirius had a feeling he was the first one to visit it since Regulus's death. He moved towards the old Blackwood dresser. His footsteps produced puffs of dust from the carpet as he walked. There, on the dresser, in the corner, was a picture of the Slytherin Quidditch team. Sirius smiled. His brother's smile was scarily similar in the photograph. Regulus slowly moved his long, curly hair from his eyes and smiled back as his big brother.

Sirius whipped his now wet face on his sleeve, turning away to look at something else. In the corner of the room there was a poster tacked on the wall. It depicted a wizarding band with which Sirius wasn't familiar. He noticed the Slytherin banners hanging around the room and smirked; it seemed they were exact opposites in every way.

Feeling himself tearing up again, Sirius sat hard on the bed, sending another large cloud of dust into the air. Sirius heard a thunk of something hitting the floor. Something had fallen from behind Regulus's pillow when Sirius sat down. Waving the dust away from his face, Sirius bent down to pick up whatever it was.

It was a picture…an old one that used to sit on the mantel. It was still in the small, silver polished frame. Two young boys stared up at Sirius, one smiling toothlessly and the other with an air of mischief about him already, even at so young an age. He couldn't believe Regulus had hung on to this. No doubt their mother had tried to throw it away when Sirius ran away….

Sirius's reminiscing was interrupted by a sharp rapping at the window. He rose from the bed, placing the photo back under the pillows as he did. Recognizing the owl as the one he'd sent Lily, Sirius opened the window to let it in.

It fluttered around the room for a moment, and then landed on the bottom-left bed post, waiting for Sirius to take the letter from its beak and pay him for his services. Sirius crossed the room again and quickly paid the tawny as it dropped the letter on the bed.

As the bird squawked and soared out of the open window, Sirius stood, unopened letter in hand, and went to close the window again.

Slowly, Sirius headed to the door and left the room, not bothering to close the door. He smiled as he entered his own domain just up another short flight of stairs.

His room was set up almost exactly the same as his younger brother's. The bed sat in the far left corner, there were posters covering the grey painted walls, the dresser, a dark brown Maple instead of Blackwood, sat in the same spot with a different picture in the corner. Sirius and his three best friends stared back at him, laughing. The room was a shock compared to the darkness of the rest of the house. Bright gold and crimson colors screamed their defiance from the rest of the house as soon as you walked in. Attractive muggle women stood unmoving by muggle vehicles and there were pictures of muggle motorcycles covering the back of his door.

Sirius chuckled, remembering his mother's face every time she saw his idea of interior decoration. Pushing the thought of his mother from his mind, Sirius slit the top of the envelope to the letter open with his forefinger and took out the contents. As he unfolded the letter, something fell out of the pages and fluttered slowly to the floor.

It was a snap shot from Lily. Baby Harry was zooming across the room with James trailing behind him, trying to catch him. Lily stood in the corner smiling radiantly and laughing at them both.

Remus must have taken the picture of the three of them… at Harry's first birthday party…. Sirius thought to himself.

Another pang of guilt hit him in the gut. He should have been there. He knew he should have been there.

Sirius finished the letter, and then, now angry with himself for his absence in their lives, he shoved the letter and the picture in the top left drawer of his dresser, slammed it closed and stormed from the room and out of the house.

How could he have been so selfish to take all of this time for himself? Lily and James were in danger every day! How could he not understand that he needed to spend every minute he had making the best of what they all had right now? Harry needed his godfather. Remus needed his best friends…. And Peter needed someone to keep an eye on him… After all, he had a big job now….

With all of these thoughts and more running through Sirius's mind, he sped home. To his real home.