Shitscale the Brave: Chapter 3

Journdr and I crept our way through the dark alleyways of Bruma, until we could see the North exit. There were two guards on either side of the gate, so I told Journdr to shoot one while I rush the other. After Journdr had let his arrow fly, I rushed at the guard closest to us and brought my mace down upon his head. The gross man tried to fight back, but my blow seemed to have made him dizzy, because he was swinging at a tree, so I finished him off. The second the guards were dead, my Nord friend and I rushed through the gate. "Hey I need to look for something, keep watch." Journdr told me. I couldn't help but stare at his fine Nordic ass, as he ran over to some rocks and began looking around. He searched for a couple of minutes before he held up an old looking bag, that was about to burst filled with wonderous treasures and loot. Journdr was grinning from ear to ear as we made our way to a cave outside of town to plunder the bag of mysteries. Running around killing people and looting with Journdr reminded me of my days as a butt pirate, back in Black Marsh...

*Flashback*

The sound of screams and moans of pleasure were filling the night air, as a ship of butt pirates docked in the port of a town called Buttreek. Butt pirates were everywhere you look, plundering the anus' of small children and men alike. The smell of garlic, dick, and shit became overwhelming as the night went on. I was the last one to unboard the ship, considering I was the lowest rank, closer to a sex slave than an actual member of the crew. I saw a small child trying to hide under the docks, but I dove in and sodomized the poor lad. After 30 seconds with my Argonian chode, he was dead, because, you see, Argonian chodes are packed with venom equilvilent to that of a grand daddy long legs. But it was not the vemon that killed this child, no. It was the gusto and power that I thrusted with that did him in, as I was trying to impress my captain into giving me a higher rank. When I turned to see if the captain had seen, I saw a green apple the size of a grapefruit, that looked like it had been in the sun for weeks, then soaked in the fecal matter of bugs and rodents. I had to have it. I charged for the divine piece of fruit, only to be stopped by none other than Captain Sheghtboot himself. "Draw your blade, Argonian scum," he snarled.

"What? I'm your sex slave, Shitscale!" I called to him, hoping to quell the large Dwarven man-beast, but he would have none of it. He lunged at me with his rapier stabbing me in the head. Good thing I had a tough cranium. I thrust my wooden dagger into his stomach, completely shattering my dagger and leaving me open to an attack. He stabbed me three more times in the head, until I finally escaped to grab the apple. Right when I was about to grab the apple, he stabbed me in the head again. All the blood loss had made me light headed, but not enough to forget about the forbidden fruit of the anus in front of my eyes. I snatched it up, and devoured it right there. The Captian was furious that all the wounds to my head had not killed me so he began choking me, but I kicked him in the testicles as hard as I could, which wasn't very hard, either that or he had literally no genitals, because he didn't even flinch. Right when I was about to die from being choked, an arrow struck the Captian in his head, killing him. I turned around to see Abdul, my lover. Abdul was a Mexican from another land, who came to Black Marsh seeking love and fortune like myself. We met up at a tavern, had a few drinks, and ended up in eachother's arms the next morning. He hasn't left me since. "Thanks Abdul!" I called to him.

"I would never let him ki-" Abdul was cut short as one of the larger pirates snuck up from behind and stabbed him through the chest with a scimitar.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" I screamed charging at the large man, scratching him with my claws. I knew that I was too weak to even do damage, but I hoped that some of the diseases in my claws, like Hepititus A, B, and C, yellowtick, rockjoint, A.I.D.S, etc. would kill him in the long run. Before I could even touch the butt plundering man, he chopped off my hand with his scimitar, then grabbed me and threw me into the broiling valley below...

*End Flashback*

Good times. I have no idea how I survived or grew my hand back, but I didn't exactly care. I really didn't even miss Abdul either. "Hey come on, Shitscale!" Journdr called from further up the road.

"How long was I reminiscing?" I called back.

"Six hours," he told me. Wow I thought I was at least here for a week! I thought. I caught up with Journdr and he lead me into a cave near the outskirts of town. As we entered the smell of dead babies and unwiped Argonian ass filled the air.

"Are you cooking something?" I asked him, licking my lips. "Smells good!"

"No. When I was in prison, I heard two Satanists moved in here. I'm gonna beat the shit out of them." he explained. The cave was dark and creepy looking; perfect for a group of Satanists. As we rounded the last bend of the cave, sure enough, there stood two scrawny looking Satanists. One was an Imperial, while the other was a Wood Elf, so I took the Wood Elf, being the weaker of our duo. Journdr tackled the Imperial to the ground and started grinding his bones to smitherines with his inhuman, Nord strength. The Wood Elf caught me off guard with an uppercut and I felt blood pouring from my face as I stood up to fight the small woman. Holy shit this is embarrassing, I thought to myself as the four foot tall woman began beating the fuck out of me. I soon became desperate, so I grabbed the poor woman's head and forced it thought a stalagmite, impaling her on the outcrop of rock. I looked to see how Journdr was doing and saw him standing over a pile of bone dust with no blood, skin, or muscle in sight. "That was the easiest fight I've ever been in," he said, while licking the blood from his lips.

"Heh, yeah..." I agreed.

"What are you talking about, I watched you get the fuck beat out of you by a woman half your size. The only reason you won was because of that lucky stalagmite," Journdr called me out.

"What are you talking about? I was just playing with her. I could have won that fight if I wanted to." I lied.

"Then why is your face all manged up with bones sticking out, and blood pouring from at least 4 visible fatal wounds on your body?" he asked with a sly grin. It's true: I was in pretty bad shape. I looked around the cave for anything that could help me stay alive and found a small barrel full of health potions. I took 3 of them out, and pounded them down. By the time my wounds had healed, it was close to 1 a.m., so Journdr and I got into bed.

I woke up not much later, with a raging boner bursting through my leather chaps. I hadn't had sex since that crazy day that I killed Ongar. Needing to realieve myself, and not wanting to wake Journdr, I found a soggy looking bread loaf and stuck my scaly shaft right in without realizing that it had a sign on the front that said, "PROPERTY OF JOURNDR! DO NOT TOUCH!" I made love to this soggy loaf for another hour before I heard the sound of Journdr stiring in the bed behind me. Releasing my load into the pastry, I pulled up my chaps and went back to bed for another hour or two of rest. I awoke to Journdr fighting someone near the entrance to the cave. I grabbed my dagger and sprinted through the cave and saw one of the most impressive and attractive things I had ever seen a man do. Journdr had an Imperial guard bent over, ass naked, getting buttfucked by the Nord himself, while fighting and beating three more guards with just a dagger. In the corner of the room lay a small pile of guard corpses. Having came at this sight, I waddled over the Journdr, trying to avoid the pool of Argonian seed in my trousers, and asked, "What's happening? Where did all these guards come from?" He finished off the other three guards with a powerful sweep of his rusty dagger and finished in the dead guards ass, then turned to me.

"I don't know and I don't care, these guards are almost as weak as you!" he said. I knew there was no way they were that weak, so I took it as a compliment and asked where we were heading next. "First, why don't we open my bag of treasure?" asked Journdr, grinning. So he pulled out the bag and poured it on the table near our bed, to reaveal a box of large condums, a small bag of opium, a flask of chloroform, a crack rock, and a strange Dwemer-looking machine part that looked like it belonged in a complex machine of some sort.

"What's that?" I asked pointing to the metal part.

"Watch." he replied, pulling out his iron dildo, and clipping it on the side. The metal penis began vibrating violently and oozing white cream from the tip.

"Cool..." I whispered in awe. "Where should we head from here?"

"Were heading to Kvatch."

To Be Continued

A/N: This chapter is dedicated to my first reviewer, skyrimmerxx. Thanks for reviewing, you fucking nerd.