I'm sorry for taking this long to get this next chapter done, for all those who have been waiting for it! Writer's block and real life has gotten in the way of my silly side. Anyway, I'm hoping that I'll be able to get the rest of the chapters done soon, although I may end up condensing the others that I had planned into one. I'm not sure yet. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!
It had been two weeks since the team had quit the CBI to form the Cool, Beautiful Investigators detective agency. In that time, they had three paying jobs. The first was a little girl who gave them each fifty cents to find her missing cat, which turned out to be the key in a murder that they solved and were able to laugh in Bertram's face as he, himself, had declared it accidental. The second was a hysterical rich old woman who was sure that her rich old husband was unfaithful. The truth was he was involved in an international illegal trade in exotic pets and he hadn't ran away with the housekeeper, he got eaten by a Nile crocodile. In her gratitude, the old woman gave them ten thousand dollars. The third was Jane putting a ransom demand on Lisbon's desk and hiding in the basement so that they could feel good about solving a case without him, and giving everyone a pack of lifesavers as payment.
Of course, they had non-paying jobs, too. Over the course of the two weeks, Wainwright had slipped them four cases under the table that they had solved easily. The problem with this arrangement was that they really did need money: to rent their new office building, to pay for their computers and of course, to download new apps on their ipads. This monetary problem was solved by Jane running down to Vegas for a weekend and returning with ten million dollars. He gave them each fifty thousand dollars, and told them that it was their monthly salary. Lisbon had argued that they shouldn't get their earnings from gambling, as there were a lot of people addicted to gambling and were destitute because of it. Jane reluctantly agreed and cut their monthly salary to twenty-five thousand dollars.
Now this could have caused yet another problem, as Jane was now technically their boss since he was paying them. However, this was resolved very easily. Everybody ignored that technicality, and Lisbon went on being the boss she always had been. All in all, it was a great life except that they were so bored out of their skulls that Van Pelt had linked their computers together and they were playing World of Warcraft in a team for hours on end.
Then one day, somebody walked into their office. She was tall, slender, wearing a smart business suit and a serious expression on her face. She brought with her a tall pile of official-looking boxes. She surveyed the team coolly, because she had walked in on them having an airplane throwing contest and Cho had just crunched his together and threw it out the window to win. As a side note, Summer was now an official member of the team, and she got along great with everyone, especially Cho.
"Agent Darcy," Lisbon greeted coolly, as if she was the one who had just walked in on Darcy throwing airplanes. "What can I do for you?"
Agent Darcy walked into the office, her high heels muffled in the carpet. "I want to hire you as official liaisons to the FBI."
"What?" Lisbon exclaimed. "I thought you didn't like us."
"Why did you think that?"
Grace spoke up. "Because you accused Jane of working with Red John, and you said the rest of us were all hopelessly hypnotised by Jane's charms and we'd do anything for him, and that made us idiots and fools and some words that I just don't care to repeat."
Darcy rose her eyebrows in confusion. "The only other thing I said was that you all seemed doped on his personality."
Lisbon and Grace flinched. "Don't use that word!" they both exclaimed. "It brings back bad memories."
"Yeah," Cho, Rigsby and Summer gathered around their colleges protectively. "We don't use that word."
Darcy shook her head. "Okay. Sorry. But I only said all those things because I was threatened by Jane's intellect and was mad that he was smarter than me. I have come to realise that now, and I know that he isn't working with Red John, because that would be waaaaay too cliché. Where is he, anyway?"
Lisbon looked around. "Jane?" she called.
Rigsby frowned. "He's not holding himself for ransom again, is he?"
"There's no notes," Van Pelt replied, checking over the desks.
The pile of boxes that Darcy had brought with her shifted nervously.
"Hello, Wainwright," Lisbon said.
"Hello," Wainwright said from behind his pile of boxes. "How are you?"
"Can't complain. You?"
"I'm going to couple's therapy to get rid of my shifting nervously at the mention of anything."
Agent Darcy shifted nervously at the mention of couple's therapy.
Just then, an air vent above Lisbon's desk burst open. Jane's blonde head poked out of it. He was covered in cobwebs. "For future note, air vents are not a good way to sneak in on people," he said, coughing. "Too many spiders, and they do not like it when you try to hypnotise them."
"You hypnotised a spider?" Grace asked with interest.
"I just squash them," Summer offered. "Well, I get my husband to squash them."
Summer and Cho proceeded to give each other googily eyes. Van Pelt and Rigsby shook their heads, and Lisbon sighed. Jane grinned, reaching into his pocket. Agent Darcy and Wainwright shifted nervously at the mention of Summer's husband. Or just husband.
"Why don't you put the boxes down," Lisbon said to Wainwright, gesturing to a corner.
"Agent Darcy?" Jane said, having just noticed the FBI woman and the CBI man. "What are you doing?"
"We snuck the Red John files out of CBI headquarters," Wainwright answered for Darcy. "It was awesome. We make such a good team."
Darcy shifted nervously at the mention of them being a team. "I'm hiring you to catch Red John for me. I'm too busy with other things."
"What things?" Jane asked.
"Things," Darcy replied with a nervous shift. "Plans."
"What plans?" Summer asked.
Darcy went pale. Wainwright shifted nervously. Jane pulled his hand from his pocket. He was holding a small object that flashed white in the fluorescent lighting. With a quick flick of his wrist, it went flying. Wainwright gasped as it came towards him. Darcy gave a loud cry of distress and jumped in front of him. Summer and Cho clung to each other. Rigsby tried to swat it out of the air with a flyswatter. Van Pelt covered her face with her hands. Lisbon rolled her eyes.
"I win!" Jane shouted triumphantly as his airplane glided out of the window and across the street, landing gently on the roof of the opposite building.
"Seriously?" Lisbon complained, looking at everyone. "What was with all the drama?"
"I don't know, it just seemed like the right thing to do," Rigsby replied with a shrug. "Anyway, back to Agent Darcy and her hiring us."
"Right," Darcy said, pulling herself out of Wainwright's arms and flushing terribly. "As I was saying, I want to hire you all. Will you be hired?"
"Well, we're still going after Red John anyway, so we might as well get paid for it," Lisbon replied with a shrug.
"Great!" Darcy clapped her hands. "I'm really glad."
"Me, too," Wainwright sighed. "Bertram is getting really annoying lately. He's playing this wailing music all the time. I can't tell if it's blues, punk, heartbreak rock, or a cat getting strangled. This way, I can find excuses to come and hang out with you! 'Cause Red John is still technically part of the CBIs jurisdiction right now."
"Anyway, it's time for us to leave," Agent Darcy said. "But before we go, can I ask you guys something?"
"Sure," Lisbon said. "What is it?"
"Why 'Cool, Beautiful Investigators detective agency'?"
"That's so we can still yell 'CBI' when we ambush people," Cho explained. "It was my idea."
Agent Darcy nodded. Then she and Wainwright left, shifting nervously together as they went down the stairs. The CBI detective agency glanced at each other knowingly.