Disclaimer: I don't own HIMYM. Similarly, I don't own or write for the real Broslife (Barney's 'official' twitter account).
A/N: Since this chapter is written in pseudo-twitter form, I suggest reading it from the bottom up. I hope the formatting isn't too confusing; unfortunately, FF.N doesn't permit the 'at' symbol, so I had to figure out ways around using it.
To all of my readers: thank you so much for your kind reviews, and a happy USA Independence Day to those of you who celebrate it!
Chapter Two
Tweets
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Barney Stinson at Broslife, 30 June [1 hour ago]
Ho Canada! Heh. Off to a Canada Day Parade in Toronto tomorrow. Wish me luck… there's gotta be a hot chick there somewhere. Maybe a tourist?
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Barney Stinson at Broslife, 30 June [4 hours ago]
Playing laser tag. The venue isn't as good as the ones in America, but it's still pretty awesome.
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Barney Stinson at Broslife, 30 June [10 hours, 55 minutes ago]
And apparently there aren't any nearby. Thanks, Sherbatsky; way to crush my dreams. #why Canada sucks
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Barney Stinson at Broslife, 30 June [10 hours, 56 minutes ago]
Apparently they serve "Pirate Pak" children's meals.
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Barney Stinson at Broslife, 30 June [10 hours, 58 minutes ago]
Their most famous condiment? "Triple O" sauce. Heh.
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Barney Stinson at Broslife, 30 June [11 hours ago]
The greatest discovery ever: Canadian restaurant chain White Spot has a – wait for it – "Legendary Burger." Canada, I now understand why we allow you to exist. #legendary
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Barney Stinson at Broslife, 29 June
toddobrien: Hockey may be better than I remembered, but if I hear one more useless statistic I'm gonna go "oot" of my mind.
[Show Conversation:
Todd J. O'Brien at toddobrien posted to Broslife, "I thought hockey was a 'noble sport' now?"]
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Barney Stinson at Broslife, 29 June
Visiting the Hockey Hall of Fame. If I don't emerge alive, arrange for some really hot chicks to gyrate on my grave.
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Barney Stinson at Broslife, 29 June
Casa Loma "represents one man's architectural dream. However, Pellat's dream went awry and contributed to his downfall." Hear that, Ted?
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Barney Stinson at Broslife, 29 June
At Casa Loma. Or is it Casa in your Ma…
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Barney Stinson at Broslife, 28 June
I told her that we aren't missing much, but I don't think she believes me.
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Barney Stinson at Broslife, 28 June
Sherbatsky is bemoaning the fact that we won't be here for the Canadian National Exhibition.
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Barney Stinson at Broslife, 28 June
At Canada's Wonderland amusement park. Where's the Robin Sparkles ride?
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Barney Stinson at Broslife, 27 June
For the record, though: the War of 1812 was won by the good ol' United States of America. Geez, Canada, get it right.
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Barney Stinson at Broslife, 27 June
Canada was founded in blahblahblahblah... yeah. That's how much I care. No more history museums, Sherbatsky.
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Barney Stinson at Broslife, 27 June
mrmapleleaf: Appreciating the occasional Canadian item does not mean that I am "going native."
[Show Conversation:
Adam Williams at mrmapleleaf posted to Broslife, "So, you like double-doubles, eh? And poutine and scrunchins? Sounds to me like yer goin' native."]
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Barney Stinson at Broslife, 27 June
At CN Tower, one of the "Seven Wonders of the Modern World." It's pretty impressive, but not nearly as impressive as the one in my pants.
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Barney Stinson at Broslife, 27 June
I have to admit, Tim Hortons' "double-doubles" are decent. And the "scrunchins" we bought at the gas station aren't bad either.
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Barney Stinson at Broslife, 26 June
RIP, Nora Ephron. And hey, thanks for all the chicks I've nailed while watching your movies! #solemn low five
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Barney Stinson at Broslife, 26 June
Brushing up on my Canadian sex acts. Remember, when traveling abroad, it's only polite to know a bit of the local tongue.
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Barney Stinson at Broslife, 26 June
JenniferG: Yeah, I'll show you how to handle a stick.
[Show Conversation:
Jennifer Angela Garner at JenniferG posted to Broslife, "Hey, Barney, can you teach me how to handle a hockey stick? I'm getting tired of playing all by myself. ;)"]
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Barney Stinson at Broslife, 26 June
More: "takes it in deep," "penetrating the zone," "undressing the defense," "body check," "two-on-one," "give and go."
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Barney Stinson at Broslife, 26 June
Some terms of interest for budding enthusiasts: "in the crease," "in the slot," "backdoor sticking," "ball sack, "pulling the goalie."
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Barney Stinson at Broslife, 26 June
Watching hockey live. A far nobler sport than I remembered.
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Barney Stinson at Broslife, 25 June
Google "Happy Canada Day/July 4th You Know You're in Canada When …" and read the list from last year. Word, Karen. Word.
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Barney Stinson at Broslife, 25 June
Oh, you thought I was talking about food. Well, if you must know: Poutine = delicious. Caesars = not.
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Barney Stinson at Broslife, 25 June
Sampling the native fare; the breasts here are succulent, if rather small.
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Barney Stinson at Broslife, 25 June
Free again! The security guard said we'd both get marks on our records, but no need to worry: no one takes Canadian charges seriously.
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Barney Stinson at Broslife, 24 June
In the Canadian Fossil Discovery Center's security office. Apparently touching the exhibits wasn't strictly allowed…
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Barney Stinson at Broslife, 24 June
Some cool dinosaur bones here, but if you want to see the biggest bone in the place, buy a ticket for a tour in my pants.
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Barney Stinson at Broslife, 24 June
Currently at the Canadian Fossil Discovery "Centre."
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Barney Stinson at Broslife, 24 June
lilasmith: Slanderous lies! I may be 25% Canadian, but rounding up the other 75% (American) makes me 100+% awesome.
[Show Conversation:
Liliana Smith at lilasmith posted to Broslife, "By continually ragging on Canada, you're suggesting that you aren't 100% awesome. After all, you are one-quarter Canadian."]
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Barney Stinson at Broslife, 23 June
Isn't saying that you "Don't Want to Be a Canadian Idiot" redundant? Still, Weird Al got some things right…
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Barney Stinson at Broslife, 23 June
Changing U.S. dollars to Canadian "dollars."
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Barney Stinson at Broslife, 23 June
Waiting at customs. There's a surprisingly long line of people who want to enter Canada; poor saps probably think this is the line to America.
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Barney Stinson at Broslife, 23 June
Latest Haiku: '4 in the AM. on my way to the airport. kill me now, I plead.'
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Barney Stinson at Broslife, 22 June
SuitsRCool: You see, while normal cold makes boobs delightfully perky, the unnatural cold of Canada causes them to shrink. True story. Pam barely made it "oot" in time.
[Show Conversation]
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Barney Stinson at Broslife, 22 June
SuitsRCool: Nice twitter account name! In answer to your question, the lovely Ms. Anderson is an aberration, not the norm. And you'll note that she moved to the US ASAP.
[Show Conversation:
Jason Tyler at SuitsRCool posted to Broslife, "You say boobs die in Canada, so how do you explain Pamela Anderson?"]
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Barney Stinson at Broslife, 22 June
To comfort me, please send pictures of yourself if you are female and hot.
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Barney Stinson at Broslife, 22 June
That, or I will have shuffled off this mortal coil rather than suffer any longer.
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Barney Stinson at Broslife, 22 June
So if you don't hear from me again, it's 'cuz I can't get internet in That Place (AKA Canada). *shudders*
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Barney Stinson at Broslife, 22 June
I'm being taken against my will to a frozen wasteland where dreams, fashion-sense, boobs, and wireless connections go to die.
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