Disclaimer: I still don't own HIMYM.
A/N: Once again, thanks to everyone who has reviewed! I truly appreciate you taking the time to leave feedback.
Chapter Three
Future!Ted: "Right, so where was I?"
Son: "You just gave us printed copies of Uncle Barney's twitters from 18 years ago."
Daughter (in an undertone to Son): "I think I'm scarred for life."
Son: "Dad, isn't it a little… creepy that you gave us these?"
Daughter: "Yeah, if you won't think about our mental health, what about Uncle Barney's right to privacy?"
Future!Ted: "Don't be ridiculous. If Barney didn't want these to be read, he wouldn't have posted them online in the first place. But that reminds me, kids, a word of warning: once you put something on the internet, it's there forever and anyone can access it. So be cybersafe."
[Kids stare dully at him.]
Future!Ted: "Anyway, back to the story… while Barney and Robin were Bro-ing out in Canada, I was on a romantic cross-country road trip with Victoria, and Marshall and Lily were preparing for Baby Marvin's first Fourth of July. Or maybe 'freaking out' about it is more accurate…"
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"Baby, relax," Marshall told his wife. "It's all going to go fine."
"I know, I know; I just want Marvin's first holiday to be perfect," Lily fretted. "And since we're the only ones here –"
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Future!Ted: "Oh, that's right, I forgot to mention: back in the day, we had Fourth of July Traditions with a capital 'T.' You know, like in that song from Fiddler on the Roof?"
Son: "Seriously, Dad. Don't sing."
Daughter: "Just… don't. Please."
Future!Ted: "You two wouldn't appreciate culture if it bit you. Fine. As I was saying, we were big on our traditions back then. Every year, we'd get together for a special BBQ bash: grill some food, watch A Christmas Story and Independence Day, and then set off some sparklers (which was usually followed by a trip to the ER). In the wake of Marvin's birth, Lily had scrapped some of our traditions while clinging fiercely to others, and our version of the Fourth of July was one tradition that she wanted to maintain. Add in the typical new-parent sleep deprivation, and Lily was a bit… forceful in her attempts at keeping said tradition afloat."
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"– we have twice the amount of work to do," Lily exclaimed a tad hysterically.
"There really isn't all that much prep work to be done," Marshall said tentatively.
"Oh, that isn't the point!" Lily said. "It's just… this is the first time we haven't all spent the Fourth of July together."
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Future!Ted: "Kids, this wasn't strictly true. After all, Lily hadn't been in San Francisco on the 4th in 2006, while Robin had spent the 4th of 2008 in Argentina. Still, Marshall wisely chose not to mention this to Lily."
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"And we don't even know if Robin and Barney will be back in time!" Lily continued. "I mean, you've seen Barney's tweets, right? They were incarcerated for touching exhibits at a museum just a couple of days ago. Who knows what trouble they'll manage to get into next?"
A grin twitched at the corner of Marshall's mouth before he said, "They'll be OK, Lilypad."
"Of course they'll be OK," Lily said with a dismissive flick of her hand, "They're Barney and Robin. Barney always has a guy and I bet Robin has a bunch of Canadian contacts. I just want to know that they'll be here for the Fourth! Marvin needs his family around him."
"You just want to get your hands on Barney's copy of A Christmas Story," Marshall scoffed.
"Well… that too," Lily agreed. "Ted should have thought about that before he took off with Victoria."
Marshall shrugged and replied, "Worst comes to worst, we can pick the lock at Ted's place and steal his copy."
Lily smirked.
"Tell you what," Marshall said. "I'm going to grab us some drinks from the kitchen and then we can discuss our plan of attack."
Lily nodded and turned on the TV for some background noise.
When Marshall came back out of the kitchen, he set down the bottles on the coffee table and plopped onto the couch.
He had just relaxed when Lily exclaimed, "Marshall!"
"Sweetie, everything's fine," Marshall said automatically.
"No," Lily said, exasperatedly turning his head in the direction of the TV, "Look! It's Robin and Barney!"
"What have they gotten up to this ti–"
Upon seeing the image, he froze and his mouth dropped open.
"Sweet mother of god."
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[Commercial Break.]
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