I need your grace to remind me

to find my own.

If I lay here, if I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told, before we get too old

Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am, all that I ever was

Is here in your perfect eyes,

they're all I can see.

I don't know where, confused about how as well

Just know that these things will never change for us at all.

If I lay here, if I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

-Chasing Cars, Snow Patrol

The hours went by in a haze, nights and days blending into one another as they waited. Castle's vitals were holding steady and there was little anyone could do other than wait. His mother and daughter urged Kate to go home and rest, but she refused to leave his side.

Lanie and the boys came by, offering their support and bringing food. Martha was extremely grateful for Lanie, who was close enough to both Kate and Alexis to be of comfort. She also took responsibility to make sure that Kate was eating and drinking.

Regardless of what may or may not have happened in the past, there was no denying that Kate Beckett was dedicated to her son. She clearly loved him fiercely, and Martha became worried not just for her own sake, or for Alexis. She now understood that if he couldn't pull through this, Kate would be shattered as well.

There was a certain level of tension between Alexis and Kate, but the young woman couldn't deny that she was touched by the dedication the detective showed to her father. She silently observed the way she looked at him, the way she brushed the hair from his forehead, or caressed his cheek lightly with her fingers.

On their second day at the hospital Alexis and Martha left the room to go get coffee, and when they returned they caught Kate holding firmly to his uninjured hand as she laid her head beside his and whispered into his ear. To the casual observer, it would look like Kate was talking to her lover, not a friend and former partner.

She jumped back when she heard them enter the room, assuming her previous position and accepting the cup of coffee Martha held gratefully. After awhile, Alexis finally spoke, "So, did the hospital contact you when he came in?"

Kate was confused for a second, then it hit her. How would I have known about the accident so quickly? She supposed that Martha kept that part from Alexis, although Kate wasn't sure why.

"Alexis, I was with your dad when he was hit. We had just finished breakfast, and he was grabbing a paper when a car jumped the curb and hit him." Alexis nodded, still with a look of uncertainty on her face, prompting Martha to jump in. "Oh goodness Alexis, just ask her already." The teen blushed.

"Ask me what?" Kate pressed.

"Well, my dad has been different over the past couple of months, and we know he's been seeing someone. He won't tell us who though. Then last week he started to leave random tweets about his secret companion. He's with her on the 4th of July- Making Fireworks."

Alexis rolled her eyes as she spoke the last part, and continued, "then, this weekend grams and I go to the Hamptons and he says that he's going to stay in the city with this secret woman and enjoy the 'Naked Heat.'" The girl shuttered to herself as she thought about the innuendo of the posts.

Kate couldn't control her blush, again, she couldn't believe he'd tweeted that. "My point is, detective," Kate thought to stop her, but Alexis was on a roll now and she couldn't get a word in edgewise. "that I was under the impression my dad was spending the whole weekend with his new love, only to find out that he was with you."

"What are you asking me Alexis?" Kate got right to the point.

"Are you and my dad a couple?" The teen questioned, looking her directly in the eye.

"Yes we are." Kate admitted, holding his hand a little tighter as if he would awaken and offer her support. Afterall, they were supposed to have this conversation together. For all her suspicions, Alexis was still shocked to learn the truth. She was also mildly irritated and uncomfortable. Martha, for her part, looked completely unsurprised.

"Oh, well that figures." The older woman commented.

Kate arched an eyebrow at Castle's mother, who simply replied "oh come on darling, one day he is miserable and has sworn to never see you again. Then suddenly he's on cloud nine. The old Rick may have moved on quickly, found another love interest, but not now. Not with you. The only explanation for his happiness that made any sense to me was you, my dear."

Voicing some of her concerns, Alexis spoke up, "Is is still going to be your partner? Isn't that dangerous if you're involved?" Kate smiled wistfully at the girl.

"Alexis, I am not with the NYPD anymore. Your dad gave me a choice," Kate decided to go with the entire truth, lies had done nothing but tear down and destroy lately anyhow,

"and at first I chose wrong." She admitted.

"He walked out of my life." Martha and Alexis nodded, they knew that the partners had fought bitterly, and that he'd vowed he was done with her once and for all.

Kate continued to explain, "It took exactly 24 hours for me to realize that it was a mistake. I got my priorities straight, quit my job and told him the truth. Your dad is more important to me than the badge."

Alexis' eyes grew wide, as did Martha's. "Wow." They both said at the same time. Kate smiled and laughed softly, "all you need is love," She spoke, before adding a sardonic, "until you need a job." That caused both women to smile at her.

"You make him happy, and that makes me happy." Alexis spoke, as she touched her dad's shoulder lovingly, looking at his peaceful face.

"He makes me happy too. I love him, Alexis." She looked at his daughter meaningfully, hoping that she would take the words as comfort; as proof that Kate was in this for the long haul. "Now he just needs to wake up so I can tell him."

Martha squeezed her shoulder, soon you will Kate. Soon you will.

They brought him out of the coma slowly, decreasing the barbiturates in his system and giving his body a chance to process them out. The doctors warned the three of them that it was not uncommon for the process to take several days. Further, he informed them of common responses to being awakened from a coma.

"It is very disorienting, so it is not uncommon to experience fear. Some patients report having very vivid dreams or nightmares when they are being raised from lower levels of consciousness, and others go as far as to act their dreams out, I assure you that we will be watching his responses and ready to act should any form of psychosis arise."

"Psychosis?" Alexis asked, alarmed.

"It isn't as bad as it sounds, it simply means that he may be delirious or experience night terrors. If it happens at all, it will only be while he is emerging from the coma. It is not a problem that will have lasting effects." The girl calmed slightly at his words.

"Now," the doctor continued, "we will be checking in on him several times to evaluate his conscious state, and will continue to do so until he is fully alert and oriented."

The three women nodded at him, Kate squeezing his hand as she watched the doctor switch out his IV, replacing the chemicals that kept him under with a simple saline solution. "It is time for you to come back to me," she whispered to him before placing a kiss briefly on his lips.

Alexis and Martha took it in stride, not wanting to draw attention or make Kate feel awkward. Things were strange enough already, and everyone was tired and overwhelmed. He remained comatose for the remainder of the day, causing Beckett concern. She didn't let on though, refusing to fall apart in front of Alexis.

During 2am rounds a nurse checked his eyes and reported that his pupils were beginning to respond to light. By breakfast time Castle's body was responding to pain, he made no noises and gave no indication, other than a physical, reflex-like reaction when the nurse prodded his body.

Around dinner time the next day he moaned, but did not respond to any of the words of love and encouragement from the women in his life. They all had hope though, as he was progressing towards consciousness. The doctor came to check on him and explained that he had moved up two full stages on the levels of coma, and it was great progress.

When he started to talk, it didn't make much sense. He wasn't able to hold on a conversation and seemed to be responding instead to some dream or hallucination he was having. He was mumbling about which wire to cut, which caused Kate to suspect he was recalling the bomb.

Finally, nearly 72 hours from when they discontinued the medications, Richard Castle was alert and oriented. When he opened his eyes the first person he saw was Kate. He simply took her in for a moment before furrowing his brow.

"Kate?" He spoke in a raspy voice. She nearly began to cry as the joy of hearing her name filled her. "Hey you." She spoke softly.

"What are you doing here?" He asked her with a look of confusion on his face. At that moment Alexis stepped forward.

"Dad!" She already had tears streaming down her cheeks as she leant in to kiss her father. Kate smiled and took a step back, although she still had a firm grasp of his hand.

"Hey pumpkin. I'm ok." He reassured his daughter, looking back at Beckett again, meeting her eyes with a strange expression, glancing at their joined hands and then back up to her. He was obviously disoriented. Had Kate thought about it, she would have been alarmed that his first question wasn't What am I doing here?, but What are you doing here?

Regardless, she was too happy to see that he was awake to consider the detail. The doctor came into the room as Martha bent over to kiss her son, "Welcome back kiddo, we missed you." He smiled at her.

"Mr. Castle! It is nice to see you're awake." The doctor spoke, as Rick finally pulled his hand free of Beckett's.

"Forgive me doctor, but I'm a little confused. What happened?"

"You were in an accident. You got banged up pretty badly, and in addition to the injuries you see," the doctor spoke while motioning to his wrist and leg, "you also took quite a hit to your brain." The doctor began to do a brief neurological exam on Castle, asking him to follow a light with his eyes, testing his strength as best as possible with his injuries.

"Daddy, we were so worried about you." Alexis spoke, tears beginning to fall again.

"Oh sweetheart," Rick began to comfort her, "I'm ok. Do you think I would leave you? You can't get rid of me that easily." Beckett let out a laugh, earning her another confused stare from Castle. His lack of warmth was starting to get to her a little.

Rick turned back to his daughter, "Besides, May is just around the corner, and there isn't a chance in the world that I would miss watching my daughter graduate from high school." Alexis pulled back suddenly, looking at him with concern. She looked to Kate and then to the doctor.

"What's the last thing you remember Castle?" Kate asked with concern in her voice.

He cleared his voice and thought for a moment. "I was working with Slaughter on that case, you helped me. Why?" Kate felt like a bucket of ice was thrown over her body, a cold sweat breaking over her body. He doesn't remember anything. He doesn't remember us.

She thought back to how bad things were between them then. She thought back to how horribly he had treated her and it nearly made her sick. Now she recognized the confusion and the somewhat empty look in his eyes when he directed his gaze at her. She wanted to run, to scream, to destroy something. Most of all, she wanted to crawl into bed with him and have him hold her and tell her it would all be ok.

"Ok. I think it is time that we let Mr. Castle get some rest. He's just awoken from a coma and that can be very disorienting." He spoke to them.

"In the mean time, I'll send someone down to talk with him a bit more. To see how he's doing." All three women could tell that the doctor was concerned.

As Castle settled in to rest again, he pulled all of them out into the hallway. "It is not uncommon for memory lapses following traumatic brain injuries. It could be disorientation, or it could be a case of retrograde amnesia."

Alexis' hand flew over her mouth at the mention of the word amnesia.

"It isn't like what you see in the movies." The doctor began to reassure the girl. "He knows who he is, and he knows who you all are. As I said, it is common for brain trauma patients to block out memories and events before their accident; the closer the memory to the present time, the less severe the amnesia. " He turned to Beckett then.

"How long ago was this case you worked on, that he remembers." Beckett thought back for a moment,

"It was early April."

"Of this year?" Kate nodded, "That is wonderful, it is not uncommon for retrograde amnesia patients to block out as much as 4 years!" Given that he doesn't recall the past few months, it is likely that he will recover those events fairly quickly.

"What is fairly quickly, doctor?" Martha asked, concerned for her son and concerned for Kate.

"Could be days, weeks or months. That depends on him." The doctor replied.

"I will mention something that is very important though. If possible, it will be critical to keep as much as you can to yourselves pertaining to what he can't remember. Don't try to force him to recall things. His episodic memory is quite vulnerable now, and there is a chance that stories you tell him, or pictures you show him may cause his brain to create false memories. It can be confusing and overwhelming to the patient. Let him remember in his own time, as his brain processes everything."

When the doctor left, Kate stepped away for coffee, and to get some perspective. She never imagined that something like this would happen. Still, he was awake and functional, and Kate couldn't be more grateful for that. She also knew that his memories would return with time. So she decided that she would give him as long as he needed. He waited for her, and she would do the same for him.

Upon her return she stopped outside of his door, hearing an intense conversation between Castle and his mother.

"Richard you owe her this."

"How can you say that mother?"

"She's been your partner for years, she hasn't left your side since you got here, you can't just throw her out because you don't want to talk to her right now." Beckett felt a knife twist in her gut.

She inhaled deeply and braced herself for what was to come. However, when she entered he was nothing but polite. A little too formal, but polite. "I hear you took care of things while my family couldn't be here." He spoke to her.

Less than a week ago, you said I was your family, she thought to herself. Kate simply nodded, "it wasn't a difficult choice Castle. I would do whatever I needed to save your life." He smiled at her, but it didn't reach his eyes.

"Well, thank you detective." She inhaled sharply, oh yeah-something else he doesn't know.

"Always." She spoke with a smile. For a moment he looked as if she'd slapped him in the face, as if she'd used a weapon against him. Then, in a flash, it was gone. He simply looked back to Alexis, who was laying her head against his chest and thought for a moment.

"I think we're good now. I've got my mom and Alexis. You don't need to stay." Kate's heart sped up. Please don't ask me to go. Ask me anything, but don't ask me to leave your side, she pleaded inwardly.

"Why don't you go home? I'll call you later." He spoke, again politely. She inhaled sharply, feeling the threat of tears in her eyes. She knew she was going to lose it and she needed to move fast.

"Ok." She said shortly, "I'll talk to you later." She wasn't rude, just short with him. She wanted to stay and fight him on it, but she was too close to tears and she reasoned that her behavior would just freak him out. She said as much as she could without showing her emotions. Kate grabbed for her keys and left the room without looking back.

She found the nearest stairwell and opened the door. Once she had the privacy, her legs gave out and she released a violent sob. The tears came quickly as she grabbed onto the railing and lowered herself onto the stairs. She felt as if she'd been asked to rip out her heart and leave it behind.

Kate was only mildly surprised in the next moment when she heard the door open and close again. A hand found her shoulder and she looked up to see the sympathetic, but determined eyes of Martha Rodgers. "Get up." She told the younger woman.

"What?" Kate asked, clearly confused.

"Get up, get back in there." She clarified.

"Martha, he said he didn't-" She tried to justify herself, but Castle's mother cut her off.

"No. He needs you. You need him." Martha leveled her with a simple stare, and then started to speak again.

"He's got a lot of painful recovery ahead of him, months of physical therapy, holes in his memory, pain over lost time. I will not allow Alexis to delay starting college, so I'm going to need all the help I can get with him." Kate nodded, her heart breaking as she thought of every hurdle he had ahead of him to overcome this.

"...and if I'm not mistaken, you're jobless and homeless." Crap, Kate remembered, despite having shared the details with Martha, Kate had still managed to forget again that she was supposed to be staying at the loft.

"Now," The older woman continued, "I told him about the flooding, about your staying with us, and he has accepted that, can you?" Kate nodded, looking down at her feet somewhat hopelessly.

"Kate, he's not in his right mind, and you know that. Do not let him push you away Kate Beckett. Do not use this as an excuse to run. We're all going to need you to get through this, and you owe it to yourself, and to my son, to stand by him."

Kate nodded, Martha was absolutely right. Castle had cared for her through thick and thin. He had been her rock. Now it was her time to return the favor. She wasn't going to run away, she wasn't going to leave. She loved him and would remain at his side, whether she was wanted or not.

Until he remembered that he loved her too, she would love him enough for the both of them.