Hello again. This chapter jumps between perspectives, but I think it is easy to follow, as the sections are divided. The next chapter will do the same, representing the thoughts and feelings of both characters.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, they're not mine-never have been, never will be.

I won't do what you told me, I wont do what you said. No.

I'm not gonna stop feeling, I'm not gonna forget it.

I don't want to start over, I don't want to pretend

That you are not my lover, that you're only my friend.

'Cause when you took my heart, you took it all.

When you gave it back, it fell apart.

-Colbie Calliat, I Won't

Time continued to pass and Castle continued to heal. He grew stronger with each passing day, and small things started to come back to him. When he disclosed some of his flashes to his doctor and his psychologist, they encouraged him to talk about it.

Further, they encouraged his family to help him put the pieces together. The doctor explained that as long as he was taking the lead on recovering his memories, others could help him with context and minor details.

Everyone was relieved to know that the period of absolute non-disclosure was starting to pass. As memories resurfaced, he began to ask questions. The most recent discussion occurred over breakfast.

"Um, Alexis?" He asked her somewhat uncertainly.

"Yeah dad?"

"Ok… I know this is weird, but did you dangle from the ceiling?" He looked at her with a puzzled look on his face. "I keep getting this flash of you suspended in the air, hanging from the ceiling. You're dressed in black, like you're a jewel thief or something."

She smiled brightly at him, "Yeah I did. We were playing-"

"Laser tag." He inserted for her and laughed triumphantly. "I thought I lost my mind."

Alexis wrapped her arms around his neck and laughed.

"Do you remember anything else?" Martha questioned him.

"Flashes of dinners together, I saw you singing something mother. I can hear it too, I've got you under my skin. I don't know where we were, or what we were doing, but I see that. You were in a red dress and you were singing." He spoke.

"Oh darling, that is wonderful. I was singing at a charity ball, you remember!" She kissed his cheek while both Kate and his daughter smiled.

"I also see random activities, like Alexis and I riding scooters, Alexis and I playing guitar hero." He spoke, while thinking but not adding Kate, Kate smiling at me, Kate touching my face, Kate's soft lips, caressing her skin. The fact was that he was seeing more and more, impressions, flashes of things that had no context and made no sense to him.

His dreams of her were almost nightly, involving different scenarios, but the same theme-them, curled up together in bed, their love-making passionate and consuming. He swore he could map her body out just by his dreams, they were overwhelming at times.

Given the nature of some of the more recent images, he knew he had to be having a lot of trouble distinguishing fantasies form reality. It was the only explanation to him that made sense, especially considering his knowledge of Beckett's feelings for him-or lack thereof.

"In my dreams I see things." He spoke vaguely, turning to Beckett, "but some are just dreams, I'm sure."

She looked at him meaningfully, pushing him a bit, "What makes you so sure that they're just dreams, Castle?" Her heart sped up as she asked the question.

"Well, I don't think we were chased by zombies, Kate." He chose one of the less risqué dreams as an example, not wanting to offend her or get himself injured.

All three women looked up at him meaningfully, with serious expressions on their faces. He took them in and simply gaped,

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me!" He exclaimed.

Castle's mind wasn't the only thing that was recovering, his body was getting stronger as well. When the physical therapist said it was time for him to try to start walking again, Kate was right beside him. He tried several times, but failed, having to return to his chair soon out of pure exhaustion. The therapist continued to encourage him, telling Castle that it would take time and to not lose heart.

Kate continued to attend every session with him, and working toward the common goal of his walking again seemed to bring them closer together again. It felt a bit like a true partnership again, and was something that Castle had been missing.

When he finally did walk, both Kate and his therapist cheered him on. Completely swept up in the moment, in the joy of seeing him succeed, Kate ran to where he was at the support bars. With a wide smile, she cupped his face with her hands and before she could think twice, her lips were on his.

The shock of her lips on his stunned him momentarily, but he soon responded, wrapping one hand around her waist and pulling her closer. She let out a moan as her lips parted and her tongue sought his out. Both were completely lost in the moment, caught up in the taste of one another, in the feel of their lips as they softly connected and caressed.

She pulled back suddenly, finally getting a grip on herself and realizing what she was doing. Her face was flushed and she couldn't look at him, instead she spun and retreated from the room. Castle stood there, shocked as he stood in her wake.

He raised his hand to his lips, running his fingers across where hers had just been. The feeling was remarkable. She felt so right, tasted so amazing, and it all felt so familiar. She apologized later, telling him that she'd gotten caught up in the moment and in her happiness over his achievement. He wasn't sure if he believed her, but let it go for the time being.

Neither of them brought it up after her apology, Castle afraid to push her away and confused by her actions, and Beckett concerned that she would mess up again. However, soon Kate had bigger problems to contend with. On a rainy Sunday afternoon, she found herself in the bathroom, filled with uncertainty and panic.

Oh God, no. Kate thought to herself, please no. Not now. She was trembling, slightly nauseous at the thought. What am I going to do if I am? How am I going to explain this? For what seemed like the thousandth time that day, these thoughts raced through Kate's brain.

She'd been so caught up in helping Castle, in returning him to health and helping him in whatever way she could while he recovered his memories, that she'd completely missed the signs at first. It was nearly three months before the realization that she was incredibly late even occurred to her.

Panic filled her as she considered the possibility that she might be pregnant. Under normal circumstances she would be able to handle it, hell…she might have even been happy about it. However, this was not a normal circumstance and she was filled with panic.

She berated herself as she sat in the bathroom, waiting for the stick to turn blue, or form lines, or do something. She held the directions in her shaking hands again, reading over the results.

One blue line indicates a negative, two indicates a positive, the directions read.

So she waited, a tear escaping down her cheek as she was hit with a feeling of hopelessness. She missed him so very much, wanted to feel his touch and his kiss. Hell, she just wanted him to hold her and tell her everything was going to be just fine. She needed to know that it would all be ok, no matter what.

She looked down at her watch, noting the time that had passed and bracing herself as she moved to pick up the stick that was resting on the bathroom counter. She squeezed her eyes shut and took a breath, letting it out as she finally allowed herself to look.

One line. Negative.

Her breath left her body in a rush, she trembled with relief as she grabbed the box, the kit and threw the whole thing into the trash. She avoided everyone as she made her way down the hall and into her room, needing to lie down as her heartbeat returned to normal.

Kate awoke sometime later, listening to the loudness of the voices down the hall. She left her room and padded quietly towards where the commotion was coming from.

"I lost my memory, I'm not stupid Alexis!"

"Dad, I told you the truth. If you don't believe me than that's your problem!"

Kate could tell that they were extremely upset and wondered how long their argument had been going on.

"You've been in college for weeks! Just WEEKS, Alexis, and already? Who is the guy?" He yelled.

"There is no guy, damn it! I'm not going to keep talking to you if you don't calm down." Alexis screamed back, just as upset as he was.

Martha interjected, "Richard, your anger isn't going to solve anything. Besides, you said yourself that it was negative. We're getting riled up over nothing."

"What about next time? It might not be negative next time. Alexis, I thought you would be smarter than this." The girl finally turned and left him there, "Yeah, well I thought you knew me better, dad."

Once they were alone, Martha spoke again, "you know, she isn't the only woman who lives here anymore Richard."

"What, you think it was Kate's?" He questioned incredulously.

"It was a pregnancy test, Richard. You found it in a wastebasket. Wouldn't you rather it belonged to Kate than to your daughter?" He looked down at his feet.

"Of course I don't want it to belong to Alexis." He agreed, defeat in his voice.

Feeling guilty for not having come forward sooner in the conversation, Kate stepped forward and made her presence known. "It was mine." Martha took her in, unsurprised and giving her a look of sympathy.

"Well, that's my cue." The older woman said, leaving Rick and Kate to face one another alone in the kitchen.

"I…I jumped to conclusions and blamed Alexis." Rick spoke softly. He was filled with relief that it wasn't Alexis, but profound sadness and jealousy upon learning that it might be Kate.

He refused to make eye contact with her as he passed her, making his way down the hall and to Alexis' room. She could no longer control her trembling, covering her mouth as she wept. She was never one to dwell, but never in a million years did Kate ever think that Rick would be so devastated over the prospect of her being pregnant.

It wasn't the pregnancy, but the fact that he thinks it was someone else's if I was, she reminded herself. Afraid that she would be spotted, Kate quickly retreated back to her room, stopping briefly to find Rick and Alexis embracing in the hall. He is a great father, she thought sadly to herself.

Nearly two hours passed before she heard the soft knocking at her door. She moved from the bed and crossed the room to open the door. She was met with his sad expression, an emptiness that nearly reflected her own.

"Mother and Alexis went out for dinner." He spoke, somewhat unsure of what to say next, "I didn't feel like going with them."

She didn't respond, just nodded and let him do the talking. She didn't know what she was supposed to say anyhow.

They stood in awkward silence for a few minutes, Castle finally speaking, "Would it have been a good thing?" He couldn't look at her.

"I don't know. The timing would have been horrible, but I would never have regretted it." She spoke truthfully, she would never regret having his child.

Castle didn't respond for a minute, inhaling sharply and starting several times, but always stopping himself before words came out. When he did, his words were short and somewhat bitter, "yeah, well do me a favor and keep your activities, whomever they may be with, out of my house please."

Kate stared at him in disbelief, was he honestly insinuating, did he just say what I think he did?" "My activities? If I didn't know you any better, Rick, it would sound like you were insinuating that I was sleeping around." She said in shock.

"Yeah, well if the shoe fits." He said bitterly.

Before she could think any better of it, she slapped him hard across the face.

"Don't you dare. You don't get to call me a whore Castle. You don't get to make rude insinuations because of jealousy, especially when you don't know a damn thing about me anymore."

Her words were more broken than angry, and she couldn't stop the tears from slipping down her face. Castle's heart broke as he took her in, regretting what he said immediately.

"I'm sorry Kate. I'm so sorry." He pulled her to him and held her. He didn't know what was going on between them, but was certain that she didn't deserve his anger; Especially after everything she'd done for him.

Kate sat on the couch, her legs curled under her as she watched him write. Recently, especially since flashes of his memory were returning, Castle had taken to writing in a journal. She knew he'd been speaking with his doctor, as well as the hospital psychologist, and had been told that writing things down couldn't hurt.

As a peace offering, or more accurately, a sign of forgiveness to help alleviate the tension between them, Kate found a very nice navy blue leather-bound journal and gave it to him.

"Think of it as a late welcome home gift, I thought it would be nice to have something new to write things down in." He smiled at her and thanked her, truly touched by her gesture.

So, Kate found herself watching him as he wrote, wondering what he was thinking, what he was writing. He must have sensed her looking at him, as he raised his head to meet her gaze and smiled softly at her. She couldn't have suppressed a smile in return, even if she'd wanted to, as the elation that filled her was too overwhelming.

She interpreted his smile as an invitation to speak, and took it. "How are you doing? Is writing helping?"

"Yeah, I think it is." He smiled politely again.

"My therapist told me to write things down too, after I was shot." Kate offered, hoping he would take the bait and ask her further about her experiences with PTSD. He did.

"You were in therapy?" She went on to tell him that she'd been seeing a therapist for a year, telling him once again that she was working to accepting everything that happened that day, insinuating that it included his confession of love. She also told him that she'd been working to bring down her wall.

Kate swallowed nervously, meeting his gaze again and waiting for him to respond. He simply looked at her again, considering her words before speaking softly and somewhat uncertainly.

"I…I already knew this, didn't I Kate?" He asked her softly.

She let out a sigh and smiled, refusing to meet his gaze at the moment, "Yes, you did."

He nodded and returned his attention to his journal, writing again. He paused momentarily and looked up at her once more,

"There's still a lot more that has changed with you that I don't remember, isn't there?" Again, she shook her head in agreement, eyeing him seriously as she chewed on her thumbnail absentmindedly.

"I wish I could remember it all, Kate." He admitted softly.

"So do I." She replied meaningfully.

He became more and more comfortable with letting her help him, especially as he considered that the true nature of their relationship may have been more than what he knew, the images were intense, the dreams consuming. Still, he was afraid to hope that they were more than a product of his brain, of his subconscious wishing for more with her; and he really didn't know what to think about her pregnancy scare.

Still, there was a softness between them. It was a growing tenderness in the way they touched, how they spoke, in the glances they gave one another. If he hadn't been in love with her for years, he'd swear he was falling hard. Perhaps I'm falling in love with her all over again, he suggested to himself, adding hopefully to his thought, only this time it feels like she's falling too.

When he was finally strong enough to stand for long periods of time unassisted, she attempted to help him in the shower. He kept his boxers on, allowing them to get wet and then washing himself intimately when alone. As for Kate, she wore a bathing suit.

She covered herself in a short, silk robe as she helped him to stand in the shower, urging him to hold onto the railing that had been installed for his support while she removed the garment to step in behind him.

She grabbed a wash cloth, added soap, and began to wash his back, massaging smooth circles into his skin and then rinsing him off. She moved to his hair next, stepping closer to him to gain better access. His scent surrounded her as she stepped closer, her face close enough to his neck for her to brush her nose and lips against. She inhaled sharply, and let out a shaking breath as the desire to taste him overwhelmed her.

Castle could feel the tension building between them. He couldn't see what she was wearing, as his back was turned towards her. However, he could feel that she had on a two piece, as he could feel her body press against his as she reached around to wash his chest.

He couldn't control the reaction of his body as arousal overtook him, his heart beating rapidly at the feel of her hardened nipples against his back. Bathing suit or not, he could tell that they were both struggling with their current proximity.

Surrounded by her and feeling her arms around him, he leaned back into her, feeling her chin rest against the crook of his neck. He swore he could feel her lips grazing his skin there, but it could have been just his imagination.

She finally pulled back from him and he turned to face her. When he took her appearance in, his breath left his body. She was standing there looking at him, eyes wide and lips tremoring slightly. Her hair was soaked by the shower and was hanging limply around her face.

In that moment, he was filled with a certainty that he'd seen this before. He'd lived this before, and he saw it, the way she was looking at him, the way she bit the corner of her bottom lip as she slightly parted them.

He saw another vision of her, standing at his door on a rainy night.

"Beckett, what do you want?"

"You."

He saw her grabbing for his chin and pulling him in for a kiss, tears on her face as she apologized again and again. He saw another vision of the small circular scar on her chest, their fingers laced and her gentle kisses as he touched the spot that represented so much to the both of them.

As if needing the confirmation that moment in the shower, he looked down to her chest, taking in the scar that he knew would be there, and the one lower on her side as well. She took his hand as she did that night, leading his fingers to the puckered skin between her breasts once again.

"Castle." She whispered, yearning for evidence that what she suspected was true, that he was finally remembering.

"I dreamed about it." He stated, not taking his eyes from the spot where their hands were joined at her chest.

"Yeah?" She spoke, her voice high and shaking with emotion as she listened to his words.

He continued to concentrate on their hands, "I've been seeing us, dreaming of us, together. I see it everywhere, Kate. I see your face, your lips, your skin, I smell you and I hear your moans, your cries. They're not just dreams, are they?"

She looked him in the eyes, bringing his fingers to her lips, kissing the tips softly and then moving to kiss his palm. She slowly shook her head.

"No" she whispered, "they're not."