"-and then he texted me, asking to come over! Can you believe that? As if I was going to let Rory come over at 11pm last night. Not after he pulled that stunt at the movie theater last week. Not happening. Are you even listening? Santana? Hello?"
"Oh what? Oh, yea. Sorry. What happened after that?" I wasn't listening. Well, I was; I had my mind in several different places, but I was picking up bits and pieces of her issue. It was something about Rory again, I think…
"You seem out of it today, are you okay?" she said, pushing the thick macaroni around on her plate around with her fork. We always ate together at lunch, which I was happy about. I'm not really sure who else I'd sit with if she chose to sit with her more popular friends. I really am lucky to have her.
"Yea I'm fine, I'm just wondering how I did on my history test last period." I wasn't lying, but that's not all I was thinking about. I only got to study about half of what I wanted with all of Brittany's questions. Brittany. She was what was occupying most of my thoughts.
"Oh quit worrying Santana, you're a braniac and you know it. If anything went wrong, your answers were probably too in depth in the multiple choice section," she joked while peeling the skin off an orange.
"Whatever. So go on about Rory. Did he end up coming over anyway?"
She goes on to explain how he came over and was acting all cliché and romantic by throwing rocks at her window. She acts as if she finds it childish and dumb, but I can tell she loves it.
I however, lose my interest as I watch a group of Cheerios walk into the lunchroom. Of course, none of them get anything to eat, scared to lose their figures. Except for Brittany. She's in the center of the pack, biting down on a green apple. Hmpf, lucky apple. Wait, did I really just think that? No, of course not. But she does look really cute, especially the way she chew-
"Who on earth are you undressing with your eyes?" Sugar exclaims, cranking her head around to get a glance at who I was looking at.
"No one," I blurt. "Really Sugar, it's no one." Damn it, I sound nervous.
"Don't try and hide it from me Santana. Who is he? Eww, is it Finn?" She practically yells, turning back around, mouth open with a huge smile.
"God no!"
"Well then who?"
"No one Sugar, I was just thinking."
"I know when you're in thought. And that wasn't your thinking face." She smirks, leaning back in her chair and folding her arms across her chest. "So, spill."
I knew she wasn't going to let me out of this. And I can't lie to her. But I'm not sure what to say.
"Well, we got new lab partners today, and that's about it." I say, looking down at my tray.
"That's not it. Who is it?" She's practically gushing with excitement. Probably because I'm never interested in anyone. Not that I'm interested in Brittany. That's just what she thinks.
"I got paired with, Brittany." I stutter on her name. Damn it.
"Brittany? Pierce? No" Her mouth drops open.
"Yea, see? I told you, it's no one. So drop it, okay?" I try to sound calm, but I feel my cheeks burning up.
"All right, all right," she says, throwing her hands up defensively.
Neither of us says anything for a while, and I try to not look the direction of the Cheerios. I don't want to appear creepy or anything. Or give Sugar a reason to bombard me with a million questions. It's better to just keep quiet and look down at my plate. Sugar thinks otherwise.
"You know, Santana, it's okay if you like girls." She trails off at the end, looking me straight in the eyes.
I'm not even sure I like girls. I'm not sure what I like.
"I don't know who I like." I sound bitchy, but I'm not trying to. I just don't like talking about this kind of stuff. I'm surprised I didn't lash out on her.
"That's fine to. But if you ever feel like you want help figuring it out, I'm here to help." I raise my eyebrow. "Not like that, you know what I mean." She playfully shoves my shoulder. "Anyway, I'm out of here, you coming?" She stands up grabbing her trash from the table.
"Nah," I sigh, "I'm just going to sit here for a little bit. I glance over and see Brittany laughing with her friends. I wish I were there.
"Well okay, do you want the binoculars from my locker? You might get a better view of her from here."
"Shut up Sugar. See you after school." I take a drink from my water bottle.
Ugh, I'm so creepy. But I don't need binoculars to see how pretty she is.
After I finish my lunch, I turn on my phone to see what time it is. Damn, fifteen minutes left. I don't really want to stay in the lunchroom alone; I don't want to appear a total loser. I guess I could go to the library.
Yea, that's where all the popular kids hang out.
Whatever, doesn't matter to me. I pick up my backpack and walk out of the lunchroom. The library is never terribly full during lunch, so it's a good chance recharge my introverted battery.
I start down the nonfiction aisle, looking for something to keep me occupied. That's when I hear her voice.
"Santana?" I shut my eyes before turning around. I know that voice, but I never expected her to be in here. I exhale and turn.
"Hey Quinn. What are you doing here?" I ask, trying to sound friendly but I'm also curious as to why someone like her would be in the library during her lunch hour.
"I was just looking for an autobiography on Winston Churchill. I need it for a project. But I have no idea how to fins anything in here." She sounds embarrassed.
"I'll help you." I start off down the aisle and she follows me close behind. I know exactly where it is. The hours that I've spent in here are finally coming in handy.
Quinn and I used to be close. I mean really close. We grew up together, but during our freshman year, we stopped talking. It was during homecoming, her date ended up dancing with a shit ton of other girls and she was sobbing outside of the school gym. A little over dramatic, yes. But when you're 14 and somebody hurts you, it's a big deal.
Anyway, I was her shoulder to cry on. I held her while she sobbed into my shoulder about everything that was going on in her life. Long story short, she kissed me. Not a friendly kiss on the cheek to thank me for listening. But a real kiss. After that, she started crying even more and left the dance. I didn't know what to do, but I knew that what I felt in that kiss, it was the way it was supposed to be. It didn't give me that sick empty feeling I got every time I boy kissed me. It gave me the butterflies that people described in books and poetry.
I tried calling her after that, but she never answered. All I got from her was a text.
That was a mistake. I'm sorry.
And that was that. We were done. Eleven years of friendship gone after a single bit of affection. I missed her, but I had to move on. She already had, and to try to pursue anything with her would have been stupid. Still, I miss talking to her.
"Found it." I pull out a thick book with red binding and hand it to her. "Need anything else?" She frowns, probably because she hoped for a little lighter reading.
"No this should be enough. I hope. Thanks though." Her tone shifts. "How are things with you?" I move to sit down at a table, she remains standing but leans against a bookshelf.
"I'm fine. Nothing new. You?" I ask, flipping through a magazine that someone had left behind. Ew, Seventeen. I close it and put it back.
"Same. You know, I really miss being your friend." She says hesitantly. This makes me angry.
She's the one who cut me off. She's the one who caused me to spiral into a depression that lasted for months. She's the one who toyed with my heart. But for some reason, I can't be mad at her. Well, I can't let her see it.
"Me too."
She smiles, and pulls out her phone.
"We should catch up sometime, what's your number?"
I hesitate before giving her my number. I'm not sure if I want to "catch up" with her. I had taken me so much to get over the shitty feelings she left me with, and I don't want to rekindle those two years later. I give it to her anyway. I can always think of an excuse.
The bell rings and she adjusts the book in her arms.
"Thanks for the help Santana. I'll text you sometime." She smiles, but she looks sad. Her smile used to be happy.
"Yea no problem. See you around."
She walks out with a wave, leaving me at the table with the shitty teen magazine. Today's been exhausting.