Chapter 6

Change of Order

Under cover of his invisibility cloak, Harry practically skipped to the park where he had spent many days and the night of Dudley's birthday. The park was empty save for a teenage boy, Harry didn't recognise, smoking on a bench and a single swing, which was creaking back and forth. Harry was unsettled because there was no wind and no Remus, ready to take him to his friends. He had barely stepped over the threshold onto the worn painted concrete, before he was grabbed forcefully by the hair with a cold hand clamped over his mouth and dragged backwards into a small cluster of trees. The unknown teen stubbed out his cigarette and stood with a hand inside his jacket. Harry struggled for breath, thinking about how the only Order member who had the ability to see through his invisibility cloak was Madeye Moody. There was little chance of him going unsuspected in a children's park. The only possibility seemed to be that Harry had been apprehended by the Deatheaters who had been slowly, circling all summer and would be thrown before Voldemort in a matter of minutes. Harry stopped struggling against the strong hands binding him as the trees disintegrated around him. He would not defeat Voldemort with a splinched wand arm and doubted he would be shown much mercy. The moment his feet hit solid ground, Harry was released but could do nothing for the overpowering wave of nausea which doubled him over. He had only ever apparated side along with Dumbledore and doing so again brought the cave, the inferi, the potion, the fire and the crippling fear, flooding back to his mind.

His cloak had slipped from around his shoulders and Harry was on his knees, throwing up into the grass. A soft hand patted his back and Harry flinched, his wand thrusting through the air at his kidnapper. Remus Lupin was standing behind him with the offer of a handkerchief. Harry took it and wiped his mouth. "Put the cloak back on before you get up and stay behind me." Harry disappeared again beneath his cloak and got to his feet. They were standing in a seemingly endless expanse of marshland, which Harry vaguely associated with The Burrow but the Weasley's six-story home was not sitting central, glowing and welcoming. Nothing but grass and sunset sky stretched on for miles around. Harry followed, but the man leading him was not the same Remus Lupin who had timidly taught him at Hogwarts or moped about Grimmauld Place, not psychically at least. It had been a muscular man who had pulled Harry out of the park and away from danger. He would not have struggled to hold Harry back from chasing Sirius through the veil now. The Remus who had handed him a handkerchief was broader with longer hair and a beard which almost hid his scars from view. He looked like another person entirely. Harry gripped Tonk's engagement ring where it was hanging around his neck wondering if this was all just a manifestation of his recent marriage. In the wake of leaving everything he knew behind, Harry didn't want any of those things to have changed. He longed for the Remus who had protected him from his greatest fears and offered him chocolate on the train; the one who would always be there standing on the sidelines; the father figure that didn't quite dare.

Harry had been expecting to return to the dank, loveless hallways of his late godfather Sirius's house and Order of the Phoenix headquarters, Grimmauld Place. The marshland made it seem like that would not be the case and Harry was glad. He had had nothing but good times under the Weasley's roof and was looking forward to one more before setting off into the unknown. Dumbledore had also never set foot within The Burrow, so nothing there could remind him of bad things. Of course Harry would have to smell Ginny's perfume, listen to her talking through the walls, see her pink toothbrush in a cup in the bathroom, her clothes hanging on the washing line and perhaps even Ginny herself, sitting awkwardly at the kitchen table but he was secretly thankful for all of that. He hoped that Ginny would allow him a single dance at her brother's wedding too but wouldn't blame her if she refused. Even though Harry couldn't have all of her, he still relished the few opportunities which remained for her to feature briefly in his uncertain and perilous life.

Remus turned swiftly on the spot, his amber eyes glinting dangerously in the darkness. Harry was sure he spotted the wolf which lay dormant within and clutched his wand tighter still, reminded of the night Pettigrew had returned, Remus had transformed and dementors filled the sky. Remus raised his lit want into the air in an attempt to cut through the enveloping darkness. A cloaked figure descended upon him, knocking him to the ground. Harry instantly thought of Greyback's attack upon Mrs Figg. He was knocked back as others rose up, practically out of the ground and remained safely hidden beneath his cloak, wand drawn and breath caught in his throat. Surrounded by unknown attackers, utterly alone in the middle of nowhere Harry suddenly felt foolish for forgetting to ask Remus any security questions. He backed away from the group with his wand held high and his heart racing. The crouched figure standing over Remus was holding him by the shoulder with his wand to his throat. "The last words Sirius Black spoke to you!" When Remus didn't answer, his attacker shook him violently and a cloud of dust rose around them. Remus coughed but did not struggle.

"Never let Harry cross the lines I did. Hold him back. Show him the way," Remus repeated slowly as though those words had taken root in his skin and it hurt to pluck them out. Harry was bombarded with memories of Sirius's final night in the Department of Mysteries and could not stop his eyes from welling up. As Sirius had fallen behind the veil, Remus had held him back and watched as his best friend went to a place neither of them could follow. At the time Harry had hated him but now he understood. Lies had destroyed their friendship and Remus had vowed to do his best to stop history from repeating itself.

"Where's Potter now?" Voices were distorted. Faces were hidden. "What have you done with the boy?" Harry shrank back into the darkness as quietly as possible, sure that they had been intercepted by Deatheaters. "Did you sell him out to that animal Greyback?" He stopped his slow backwards walk as Remus was pushed down into a puddle and pulled out again, dripping.

"I would...never sell Harry out to anyone. He's the only family I have left!" Something wasn't right.

"Then where is he? I knew the wolves had gotten to you! The boy will be in pieces! Kill him-"A parade would have been thrown in honour of a Deatheater who managed to capture or kill Harry.

"Show yourself Harry!" Harry stood still as the attackers swivelled on the spot, staring wildly into the grass. Harry had no desire to show himself to these violent people but he also didn't want Peter to outlive the other Marauders. "You're safe!" Harry would go willingly in exchange for Remus's life. He was married in a way Harry would never be.

Harry drew off his invisibility cloak and Remus's attacker dropped him face first into the dirt. Another took up Remus's lit wand and the smiling face of Order member and highly trained auror Kingsley Shacklebolt was brought forward out of the darkness. Relief swept over Harry as hoods were lowered, their voice distortions lifted and the cheerful faces of what was left of the Order of the Phoenix shook his hand and pulled him into one armed embraces. There were less smiles and hugs than there had been before and Harry found it hard to return them. Many of their number were missing. They had come together as a group of friends and like minded individuals with the aim of fighting against a common cause-to defeat the Dark Lord Voldemort and end his era of oppression under the great leader Albus Dumbledore. With their leader murdered by one of their own, they were hiding behind hoods and fake voices, attacking each other in moonlit fields. When they had rescued him from Privet Drive two summers ago, only Madeye had been so on edge. Now it seemed his paranoia had caught on like cold. It was proof to Harry of how desperate times had become and how desperately he needed to act on them.

Kingsley tried to help Remus up but he stumbled without help, pushing him away and brushing dirt from his knees. He stood glaring at Madeye as he stood with both hands raised, gruffly whispering a series of things in swift succession. As though a huge curtain had been lifted, the modest Weasley home materialized before them. The usually lopsided sign reading 'The Burrow' had been set straight. The front yard was free of chickens, old boots, rusty cauldrons and garden gnomes. Several tall, white gazebos had been erected beside it, making it clear that wedding preparations were now well underway. "We'll get back to our posts. Always good to see you Potter." MadEye clapped Harry on the back and gave Remus an apologetic nod. Harry watched the other Order members walk away and dissolve into the high grass. Remus had carried on towards the house without him and Harry rushed to catch up. As they circled the house two tall figures entered the gazebo, the fabric flap doors fluttering behind them. Harry caught sight of watery blue eyes and a long chalky beard. His heart was beating twice the speed and he poked his head through before he could remind himself that he had watched Dumbledore die. Minerva McGonagall and Aberforth Dumbledore turned to stare at him. Aberforth was like a dirty mirror image of his brother. He had not inherited the same kind eyes and did not seem as happy to see Harry as McGonagall was. "I'll be with you in a moment Potter." Remus pulled Harry back out of the gazebo and stared at him and Harry got the sudden impression that he saw another Potter altogether. He manoeuvred Harry into the back garden where the fence had been half painted, the hedgerows trimmed and weeds removed. Even the back door was a brand new shade of blue. It was torn open, bathing the pair of them in orange light and Remus was yanked in by the arm by Bill Weasley.

"Welcome back." Harry stepped forwards and smiled but Ron's older brother looked so changed from the first time that they had met that he now found it hard to look at him all. The scars werewolf and Deatheater, Fenrir Greyback had inflicted upon his once handsome face were healing but the fact that he had gotten them fighting for a cause Harry was neck deep in was unbearable to him.

Both looked solemnly down the back garden. With their scars, Bill and Remus almost looked like brothers but they lacked the comfortable proximity. Remus let go of Bill's hand and took off his cloak. "No need to look so worried. She's got this and we're all going to be there." It didn't immediately dawn on Harry that Bill was talking about Tonks. The prospect of welcoming arms had almost caused Harry to forget that he had left Remus's new wife to bear the brunt of an attack upon him and his remaining relatives. Harry took Remus's arm and pulled him down off the step, back into the garden. He pulled at the whistle around his neck, releasing the clasp and Tonk's ring and closing it again, almost strangling himself in his urgency.

"Let me go back-"Remus glanced down at the moonstone wedding ring Harry had pressed into his palm, closed his hand and continued on into the house.

"What's done is done." Bill picked Remus's travelling cloak up off the floor, hung it on the back of the door and allowed Harry to pass him into the house. Whilst Remus had become a badly executed caricature-bigger but not yet filled in, Bill was thinner, like a second skin of himself with all of the best parts sucked out. He left the kitchen, slamming the back door behind him. Everyone and everything had changed and Harry felt like he was in an alternate universe, though of course he wasn't because he would have had the good sense to choose one in which his parents, Sirius or at least Dumbledore had not died.

Mr and Mrs Weasley, Ron and Hermione were sitting around the scrubbed, wooden kitchen table staring at him. The tense atmosphere that had existed between Harry, Remus and Bill dissipated at the sight of them. Ron broke into a grin and in his haste to get up and hug his best friend, knocked a drink all over Hermione. Harry smiled ruefully at her over Ron's shoulder as Mr Weasley jumped to her aid with a drying spell. Mrs Weasley was the second to get to him, drawing him in to a fierce bear hug and kissing his forehead with a fond smile. Harry had not had so much human contact all summer. "Oh Harry! I'm so glad to see you," Mrs Weasley said and then began padding at his loose clothing disapprovingly. "You're thinner every time. Did those muggles not feed you properly?" Harry dimmed at mention of the Dursleys.

"Nothing quite like your cooking, Mrs Weasley." Mrs Weasley smiled widely, her cheeks turning a rosy red. Mr Weasley was much less inviting, merely nodding at him and ushering his wife out of the kitchen and up the stairs, well aware of where he was not wanted. Hermione beamed when Harry finally got the chance to draw her into a tight hug. From her phone calls it was obvious that she had feared that his isolation would have caused him to regress further into the closed, quiet boy she had shared the train home with. Harry remembered just how she had sat opposite him too afraid to say anything and held him as he cried over Dumbledore's chocolate frog card. She knew that Harry was taking Dumbledore's death particularly hard and by the look of her had been worrying herself sick all summer about the Deatheater attacks. She was thinner and taller too. Her skin was tanned and her brown hair highlighted with strips of caramel from the heat of wherever she had been on holiday with her parents. "You look amazing Hermione." Ron was taller and broader too and even more than the Order, the Burrow, Remus or Bill the minor alterations in his friends made Harry the most uncomfortable. They were the only two people in the world he had been sure he could depend on never to change and always be at his side. Their being together was simply a natural state of being and even amongst so much ambiguity Harry finally felt at home.

Hermione went to the stove where a pot of stew and dumplings had been left on the hob. She filled a bowl, took a bottle of chilled pumpkin juice from the cupboard and cutlery from the drawer and returned to the table, placing everything before Harry but he couldn't eat. Sitting there in the Weasley kitchen, as they had done at Christmas, suddenly brought Ginny's absence to the front of his mind. It wafted in like a bad smell and when Ron asked how Harry's summer had been, he instantly thought of Dudley's friend Rachel and felt horribly guilty. "It wasn't fantastic," was all he could say in reply. "I'm sure yours was better-"

"Don't be like that Harry," Hermione interrupted his abrupt stream of bitterness, "You know we would have written to you if we could. Everything has become so uncertain without..." Hermione uncharacteristically stopped mid sentence, unable to bring herself to say Dumbledore's name. "I was more than a little surprised when Tonks told me that I best come early for security reasons if I wanted to see you before term resumed."

"Did you not think of tell her that we won't be going back to school?" Hermione looked imploringly down at her hands.

"I thought perhaps you might have changed your mind." Harry shook his head. Ron sighed and stared at his mother's clock which bore a likeness of each of her children's faces, none of which were pointed anywhere near 'mortal danger'. Harry lowered his spoon and drained his pumpkin juice.

"Hermione, I know how important school is to you and I don't want to be the one to ruin that but...after Bill's wedding I'm leaving this place with or without you two. Voldemort and his Deatheaters are going to be after me." In an attempt to distance himself from them, Harry crossed to the kitchen sink to look out of the window and down the garden. "If you wanted to go back to Hogwarts, I wouldn't blame either of you. You've got so much more to lose than I have." Hermione pushed out her chair and came to join Harry at the sink. Bill was pacing past the frog pond and the orchard, wand out and clearly on guard duty.

"I've got the rest of my life for learning Harry. You need me now." Ron stayed at the table.

"As if I need a reason to skip school," he said light heartedly. "I don't care about Voldemort or his Deatheaters. Nobody comes between you and me. We've already told you that we're going with you and Gryffindors don't go back on their promises."

Hermione took Harry by the hand and led him back to his seat. "I've been doing my best to prepare but there are only so many books I can take in at once-"

"Hermione-"Harry remembered Hermione's promise at King's Cross to 'burn the books'.

"I went on holiday Harry and it was a wonderful experience in a beautiful country and I wouldn't trade it for anything but I just felt as though I was biding time and losing sleep," Hermione explained.

"What about you Ron? I'd have to start checking for signs of polyjuice or imperius if you said you'd spent the summer reading and researching." Hermione and Ron smiled.

"I've been kept busy with wedding stuff and helping out the Order." Harry looked up irritated. "No secret missions mate. I feel like a bloody house elf-making tea and picking up laundry all the time. Don't get me wrong, the house felt a little empty when it was just me, mum and dad and Ginny but bumping into Madeye in the bathroom isn't something I'd wish on anyone." Hermione giggled and Harry tried to fight that particular mental image.

"What happened to Grimmauld being Order Headquarters?" The small Weasley home had been transformed but it was also stretched beyond capacity. Mrs Weasley must have been running herself ragged cooking and looking after so many people in such a small place on top of the many wedding preparations. Harry would do his utmost to help in whatever time remained.

"Kingsley said it had been compromised because...the secret keeper had died." Hermione seemed incapable of saying Dumbledore's name. "When a secret keeper dies, their secret dies with them. Everybody whom they confided in continues to know the secret but can't tell anybody else," Hermione explained, "With the secret keeper's death all of those people become the new secret keepers." Harry struggled to wrap his head around what she was trying to get across.

"So...all of the Order, who have sworn allegiance to Dumbledore, suddenly can't be trusted?"

"It's not that Harry," Hermione objected softly, "It's just that one person he trusted that matters..." Harry realised that she meant Snape and attempted to discuss him.

"Did you read about Malfoy? I was thinking that because of the Unbreakable Vow Snape made he'd be dead too-"

"Only if that vow involved protecting Malfoy and he never struck me as the protective type," Ron said resentfully.

"He'd never be foolish enough to tie his life to another's. It's much more likely that the vow was simply to kill..." Hermione paused again and Harry wondered just how long she could keep up such selective muteness. "In which case Snape's still out there-"

"Not for too much longer though if I bump into him..." For all of Harry's verbal spite, a part of him dared to hope that Snape was still on their side so that Grimmauld could return to being Order headquarters and everybody could get out from under each other's feet at the Burrow. Believing in the best of a bad man so that things could return to normal, if only a little bit, seemed like a worthy exchange.

"I'm looking forward to getting out of here," Ron broke an uncomfortable silence. "I practically ran out of the door when Dean wrote to Ginny telling her that a bunch of people were getting together to rebuild Hagrid's place for him." Harry looked away clenching his jaw, sure he might hit someone. Saying goodbye to Hagrid on the platform had been harder than he liked to admit. He wondered if Ginny and Dean meant to get back together but didn't have the heart to ask. "He loved it-started crying and mopping his face with his beard." Harry kept staring away and Hermione elbowed Ron.

"Hagrid said it didn't really feel right without you there."

"I guess my invite got lost in the post..." Harry sighed coldly and Hermione shifted back in her seat. Harry wanted to be happy to have been finally reunited with his friends but they had done as they pleased all summer whilst he had not been allowed; to fix Hagrid's hut or attend Order meetings or stay behind at Privet Drive waiting for the Deatheaters.

"Harry, don't be unreasonable. It's even easier for Voldemort to get to you now that..." Hermione stumbled over Dumbledore's name again and Harry felt guilty for snapping at her. He kept forgetting that he was not the only one in mourning. "We all read about Arabella Figg in the Prophet. He's been closing in on you all summer. Tonks was lucky to get you out of Privet Drive undetected-"

"And she'll be even luckier to get out herself! I don't need a lecture alright, Hermione. I saw Mrs Figg go up in flames. I saw Greyback. I threw my cousin back inside that house and I tried to make my aunt and uncle stay in it. Now I've gone and left them there to rot!" Ron and Hermione stared across the table at him. Harry sat with his head in his arms, assaulted by images of that night and ideas of what the Deatheaters waiting at the corner of Privet Drive meant to do to Tonks and the Dursleys. He was sure that they would be stopped from leaving for their cruise.

"They're usually pretty glad to be shot of you mate," Ron offered in an attempt to ease the tension.

Harry had never shown any kind of emotion towards the Dursleys but contempt. His sudden concern must have seemed out of character to his friends.

"Mrs. Figg wasn't of any threat to them. She's a squib..." Harry said at a loss.

"Deatheaters aren't discriminating when it comes to people they view as inferior to themselves Harry," Hermione explained and Harry was reminded again of the attack on the tube station and his muggle relatives and the mercy they would not receive.

"Tonks has been trained for this kind of thing," Ron said, seeing straight through Harry's pathetically veiled distress. "I know she's just clumsy, funny Tonks to us but she is an Auror and a damn good one. She trained under Madeye remember. I'm sure she's seen some things. Your relatives will live to ignore you some more."

Harry told them about the 'welcome home' cake, the 'welcome home' argument with his aunt Petunia and the cardboard box. He showed them the fraying photo album and the ornate whistle. Hermione stared at the young Snape in the photograph as Harry spoke about taking in strays and being invited to Dudley's birthday party. "Do you think I'm an idiot Hermione?" Her silence was always the most off-putting and Harry wanted to be reprimanded for his slip in will power.

"Of course not. I think you're right and it was better late than never," she said reassuringly.

"It was easier when they meant nothing to me," Harry explained running his hands through his hair.

"You know you don't believe that," Hermione cut across him curtly, folding her arms.

"Everyone needs their family, especially the people that say they don't need anyone." Harry lowered his head down onto the table but was reminded of a hung over Dudley and lifted it again.

"Ron's right. You gave your aunt something nobody else could: another chance. You did a selfless thing. You should feel good about that," Hermione said, gripping Harry's hand as he stared into the fireplace. She kicked Ron under the table and he joined in on her efforts to cheer Harry up.

"Yeah, now she won't feel like she did your mum wrong anymore...even though she made you live in a cupboard and put bars on your-"Hermione kicked him again.

"She told me that when I was left on her doorstep I only knew a few words and she had to train me to stop saying one-"

"What was it? 'Magic'? 'Quidditch'? 'Wands'? 'Werewolf'? 'Muggles suck'?" Ron asked, smirking light heartedly.

"It was 'papa'. That was what I called my dad..."

Ron's smirk disappeared and an awkward silence fell. The Weasley's kitchen had always been such a warm, happy, relaxed place and now at the end of July it felt cold and empty. The unhappiness which weighed down upon Harry followed him, infecting everything which was good. He knew that he should have left straight after Dumbledore's funeral and saved himself from all of this. "Oh Harry..." Hermione gripped Harry's hand and he burst. He muttered 'muffliato' and told them about his nightmare set in Godric's Hollow. They both listened intently in an even more awkward silence than before. "You can't allow Voldemort to keep doing this. That walkway has to be sealed. Promise that you'll start practicing Occlumency again."

"I don't exactly have anybody to teach me-"

"What was Snape doing there?" Ron asked, swiping the old photograph from under Hermione's arm and glaring at the little boy standing at the sink.

"It doesn't make any sense. Apparently my grandfather made him promise to take care of mum before they got onto the Hogwarts Express but I guess he's broken a lot of promises now," Harry said, "I can't figure him out anymore." Ron slammed the photograph down and Harry pulled it back and tucked it inside the album.

"Hermione's got some theories. Spit them out? I'm sure Harry would love to hear them," Ron asked, absentmindedly stabbing the tabletop with the end of Harry's unused spoon.

"I do and theory is all they happen to be," Hermione replied smartly, taking back her hand and crossing her arms. Clearly they had argued about this before Harry's arrival. He wondered if Hermione had stumbled across the same conclusions he had about Snape and Dumbledore and Ron had refused to believe them. "Besides, I don't think that now is the right time to discuss them."

"Why not?" Ron crossed his arms too.

"Because we're all too angry," she declared and Harry nodded in agreement. Ron snorted disbelievingly and threw the spoon onto the floor. "What I told you doesn't mean that I've forgiven either of them for what they did!" Hermione spat. The glare she shot Ron was returned with equal force.

Mrs Weasley came down the stairs into an icy kitchen. She glanced out of the window into the garden and turned to stare at her son. "Ron! I asked you to bring in the laundry. Won't you go and get it down so you can make up Harry's bed?"

"Why do I have to do it?" Ron snapped and his mother put an authoritative hand on her hip. Harry knew that he was angry at Snape and not his mother but didn't want to get in the middle of another fight. "Fine! I have to do everything in this damn house. Ginny gets away with murder just because she's a girl. When are we leaving again Harry?" Mrs Weasley's smile was already strained and when she looked at Harry he dropped his gaze. She disappeared into the scullery wiping her eyes. Hermione picked up the fallen spoon, Harry's uneaten bowl of stew and empty bottle of pumpkin juice. She quickly washed the dish and spoon and binned the bottle with a sigh.

"What's wrong?" Harry asked. He was almost glad to be alone with her so that he could try to get to the bottom of her short phone calls.

"I just...wish that Ron knew how lucky he is to have to have both of his parents by his side," she said sadly and quietly so that his mother wouldn't overhear.

"If Ron knew anything worth knowing he wouldn't be Ron," Harry said, touching her hand with a smile, she returned weakly. "And what do you mean? Your parents love you. They're just a letter away." Hermione coughed and straightened up and rushed to the table, pushing in the chairs.

"That's right...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"Her voice sounded like it was about to break but her face was hidden behind her highlighted hair.

"You didn't." Harry had grown accustomed to being an orphan and mentions of it rarely upset him anymore. "Did you tell your parents you'd be going back to school?" Hermione shook her head sadly. "And they were alright with that?" When Hermione simply shrugged and didn't say anything, Harry wondered just which parts of the wizarding world Hermione had chosen to expose her parents to. They knew about Diagon Alley and Hogwarts but did they know about Voldemort? Did they know that they were wanted dead simply for being themselves? Did they know that Hermione's best friend was Voldemort's number one target? Did they know that if he had to Voldemort would go through Hermione to get to Harry? They couldn't have. If they'd known Harry was the one keeping their daughter from school and a bright future, they would hate him. "Are you sure you're alright?" Harry grabbed Hermione by the arm to stop her from cleaning up and allow him to get a proper look at her.

"I've just missed you Harry." She quickly threw her arms around him and Harry hugged back clumsily.

"Honestly, I thought you'd be sick of me by now. My face has been staring at you out of the Prophet all summer."

"I know," she said pulling away as Ron came through the back door with armfuls of bed sheets and blankets, "Ginny has them piled in her room."

"McGonagall wants to talk to you in the tent." Hermione helped Ron with the laundry and Harry stepped out of the back door. Bill watched him from the orchard as he entered the gazebos. They were much larger on the inside just like the tent Mr Weasley had erected at the Quidditch World Cup. The ceilings were strung with lights and the floor was dotted with camp beds and chairs overflowing with blankets, cushions and cloaks. It was clearly being used as a place for the Order members who lived elsewhere to come and go. McGonagall was sitting in the biggest armchair in a sleek black ensemble, holding a feathered pointed hat in her lap. She was still wearing her travelling cloak and a heavy leather doctor's bag was sitting at her side in the grass.

"Good to see you Potter. How are you?" Harry was unconvinced by her expression and could only shrug. He wanted to congratulate her on being named Headmistress but it didn't seem appropriate. He was glad that she had not changed but he knew that she was not here for small talk. This was not going to be an easy conversation. "Sit down." Harry did as he was told because she had never been the kind of woman you ought to cross. He sat down in the seat beside hers which must have been previously occupied by Aberforth because it was still warm. "Albus left these in my possession and asked that I deliver them to you." She picked up the doctor's bag and thrust it towards Harry. He took it only because it seemed heavy and sat with the cumbersome bag in his lap.

"What is it?" he asked struggling with the clasp. McGonagall re-crossed her legs and sat up straighter in her chair as the bag popped open with a click.

"I don't know Potter. It appears only you can open it." McGonagall was undoubtedly bothered by the fact that the man she had worked for and beside for decades continued to keep things from her whilst sharing them with a child. The bags contents glowed blue with memories. Harry recognised the single vials filled with swirling white threads and felt suddenly confronted by what he had been trying to put out of his mind all summer. Everything he knew about Voldemort was sitting in the doctor's bag in his lap in a wedding gazebo and it wasn't nearly enough.

"What are you planning to do this September Potter?" Harry snapped the bag shut. No matter how much his friends longed for familiar surroundings, he could not go back to Hogwarts. He did have much left to learn but none of it involved advanced charms, quidditch strategies or potions finals.

"I don't know-"

"And your schooling?" It would have been selfish of Harry to return. With Dumbledore gone less remained between him and Voldemort than ever. When Voldemort came for him, Harry did not want it to be at Hogwarts. He refused to taint the school grounds with battle. None of Harry's friends would get the chance to stand in the way of the inevitable fight.

"I didn't think it would be in the school's best interests for me-"She laughed but Harry could tell she was anything but amused and became uncomfortable. He was going to get a lecture and felt he'd give in.

"The school already has a board of governors in charge of determining its best interests Potter. As a child you're a much better suited candidate for a student-"

"I come of age in three days," Harry pointed out offended and McGonagall's stern face softened.

"You must return to Hogwarts," she carried on, sitting forwards in her chair with hands clasped together. "You would be insulting Albus's memory if you didn't." Harry kept his eyes on the doctor's bag. As far as he was concerned, he would be insulting Dumbledore's memory if he brought war to his beloved school. He refused to allow anything to jeopardize Hogwart's status as a safe haven. If anything, he wanted to lead the threat away from Hogwarts.

"I'm just doing as I was told," Harry lied thinking that she might accept the idea if she though it had come from Dumbledore himself, "Every time I don't something bad happens. Sirius can vouch for that-"

"Potter, please. Dumbledore never requested that you leave Hogwarts. Without the solace and security the school had to offer none of us would have made it this far. I know that you require closure but when this war is over you are going to need a job and you will not get it without qualifications, famous or-"Harry switched strategies.

"Dumbledore told me to accept every possibility and there is the possibility that I...that I won't survive." Harry had been struggling to come to terms with this realization all summer but somehow the idea that Ron and Hermione would have each other because of him had softened the blow. "I won't need a job professor."

Their conversation was over. Harry had stunned McGonagall into silence. Satisfied, he got up to leave with the clinking doctor's bag in hand. Bill passed the flapping doorway with half of a dark expression. "Do you think that your parents died fighting so that you could give up, lie down and die at seventeen?" Harry now knew for a fact that they had done no such thing and he would not be won over by mentions of them.

"No... I think they'd realise that after all of this time, all this fighting, all of this death that I had the right to make my own decisions about where my life is going." Harry was not going to waste his only opportunity to be outspoken with McGonagall. She was not his Headmistress, professor or Head of House anymore; no codes of conduct bound them now. "I have no intention of taking this war lying down, believe me. I am going to Kill Voldemort but that doesn't mean that I'll be coming out of this-"The prophecy had said 'neither can live whilst the other survives'-they both had to go to finish the war.

"Potter..." McGonagall raised a shaking hand towards him. There were tears in her eyes but Harry would not fall for them.

"No! You're not going to lie to me! Lie to the rest of them. It's what will get them through the day but don't lie to me," Harry pleaded. She sniffed loudly into a plaid handkerchief and wiped away her tears. "People have been dying for me left, right and centre since the minute I was born. It's about time I had a turn." McGonagall crossed the tent and Harry stood frozen, unsure of her intentions. She drew him into a warm hug before he could refuse. He surrendered himself to the strange, motherly sensation. When she let him go it was with tears rolling down her cheeks. "Don't cry."

"I do not cry out of sorrow Potter but pride. Gryffindor shall certainly feel empty without you."

Harry thought of house pride, his sorting coming slowly back to him, specifically the way the Weasley twins had chanted 'We got Potter! We got Potter!' before they had even met him. They had taught him to play Quidditch and lifted him above the crowd when he had won their house the first match of the season. Few of them had actually feared him when the Chamber of Secrets was opened in second year. In third year they had gathered around his bed after dementors caused his worst quidditch injury. Despite the Ministry's attempts to smear his name post fourth year, most of his own house had stood by him and many of them had jumped at the chance to be taught by him in his fifth year. How many of them had cried at the foot of the Astronomy Tower not because their Headmaster was dead but because Harry was sobbing? How many of them would decline their parent's wishes for them to stay home in place of house pride influenced desire to be at his side at Hogwarts this year? Harry could not betray his own like that. "Know that we're here should you need us. Stay strong out there." Harry choked up reminded of his mother's last words, his father's battle cry and the fact that Hogwarts was where they had fallen in love and found a place to belong.

"I'll go," Harry said and McGonagall smiled. "Hogwarts is my home. All of my memories are there-the good and the bad...so should my last. But if there's any danger, any at all-"

"Of course, Harry."

McGonagall kissed his forehead and left the tent. Harry sank into a chair, unsure whether he had done the right thing. "Is that what you really think?" Ron was now standing in the doorway with a dark expression which matched his brother's. Harry quickly got to his feet and made to leave. Ron stood firm, never breaking his gaze, the tops of his ears burning red. "I can't believe you-"

"I thought you'd be happy that we're going back-"

"You're only doing it so you can push us away. I know you. You don't even think you're going to come out of this... If you're going running into battle we want to co-"Ron knew him too well now and pre-empted what was about to come out of his mouth. "You're going to try and stop us though aren't you?" Harry shook his head. "It's not up to you-"

"Who lives and dies? Voldemort's made that obvious Ron but I'm not letting him get to you!" Harry protested loudly, trying to pass Ron and carry on in to the house as the night grew colder still. "I only want to protect you-all of you. You won't end up like Cedric or Sirius or Dumbledore or my parents...I'd died before I let that happen!" Cedric had died because Harry was a fool and Sirius had died because Harry was still a fool. Dumbledore had died because Harry was too busy being a fool to notice that anything was wrong. Harry did not think he could bear to lose another person that he loved. "None of them wanted to die for me either...and I'll be damned if I let any of you..." Ron placed a hand on his shoulder but Harry shrugged him off. Remus charged past them and into the house as if Harry didn't exist. Harry stormed off into the field with Ron shouting after him. He had done too much talking tonight. He needed to be alone.

"Harry, you shouldn't be out here by yourself." Harry had been sitting, hidden by high grass for less than half an hour when Bill Weasley sat down beside him. He no longer wore his hair in a ponytail but loose, long and messy. Harry suspected it was an attempt to conceal his scars. He had sat down on Harry's right meaning that he could only see the uninjured side of Bill's face and he almost looked normal again. The air was thick with tension and fireflies. Harry was soothed by the silence which was only broken by the sounds of wildlife around them; the frogs in the garden pond, Pidwigeon hooting in the orchard and the occasional bat flapping above. "I find the fireflies help my thoughts take flight too."

"Like what?" Harry asked, not wanting to seem inconsiderate.

"Why some have been too badly burnt to believe in the best in others?" Harry wondered what he meant. Had someone within the Order had the same thoughts as Harry about Snape? Had Dumbledore revealed some truth to them to which he was barred? "I try to believe that there are two sides to every story-every man and that all are innocent until proven guilty."

"Then I don't think there can be many innocent people left," Harry quipped, clutching the doctor's bag to his side. Bill did not smile.

"Perhaps not...but even the guilty can be redeemed." He quickly changed the subject like quilt was something of a sore spot for him. "I overheard some of your conversation you decide to return to Hogwarts?" Harry nodded. "Good-"

"But what if Voldemort comes after me? What if people get hurt?" Harry could not stop himself from blurting out his fears. There was something about the natural silence and the comforting tones of Bill's voice which put him at ease.

"Voldemort is coming after us all and hurt heals..." Bill informed him wisely, reaching an arm around his shoulder. "Even after you have left Hogwarts, it will not leave you. You shouldn't be so willing to trade in your time there, especially if you doubt your chances." Bill turned his whole face towards him and Harry shuffled away, wishing that he had cast 'muffliato' before speaking so openly with McGonagall. "Make the best of it." Bill stood up, looking up at the moon with a frown.

"Before I get thrown into the adult world of guilty men and redemption?" Harry retorted and Bill looked down at him nodding. "I'm already in it."

"Then Hogwarts is an escape," Bill suggested, "Take it."

"When you were at Hogwarts, did you ever think that it would be like this when you left?" Harry doubted that anybody he knew had gotten the life they had envisioned at school; not his parents or Ron's, not Snape, Sirius, Remus or even Pettigrew.

"No. I never thought I'd fall in love. Don't trade that in either. Time is all we have Harry and broken hearts take the longest to heal."

Bill offered Harry a hand and they went their separate ways. Bill disappeared beyond the area's protections and Harry went back into the warmth of the house. Harry took a left into the scullery and placed the doctor's bag only he could open behind the unused mangle, covering it with an old blanket. He did not want to be questioned about its contents. He just wanted to go to bed. Ron and Hermione had left the kitchen but the tension associated with the last conversation remained. Remus was tucked into the corner of the sofa in the sitting room, fiddling with Tonk's ring. There was a large glass of brandy on the coffee table. He did not turn to look at Harry. He had no desire to speak to Remus or anyone, quietly picked up his backpack and made his way up the stairwell as quickly and noiselessly as possible. The sound of Ginny's laugh assaulted him on the first floor like a rugby tackle. He had to pass her room to get to the staircase which led to the upper floors of the house. She wasn't doing anything particularly special but seeing her for the first time since Dumbledore's funeral he was terrified that she too would have changed in some way. She hadn't. She was the same beautiful, smiling Ginny, sitting with Fleur and Hermione flicking through fabric swatches and bridal magazines as Fleur braided her hair. Harry wondered just when she had fallen for 'Phlegm's' charms. He also wondered why Fleur was not on guard somewhere. Perhaps Bill felt so badly about what Greyback had done to him that he wished to save his fiancé from the same fate. Keeping her out of the fray was probably an act of love. After competing against her in the Triwizard Cup, Harry knew that even despite her beauty she was a more than capable with but he still found it hard to imagine anyone so feminine and delicate at the centre of any kind of violence.

The floorboards creaked below him and all three girls looked up. Fleur was quick to leave Ginny's hair, jumping up to grab Harry by the hand and throw her arms around him. She had not changed either. She was still an effervescent blonde ball of passionate French joy. "Arry! You are safe! 'Ow wonderful it is to see you! I worried you would not make our wedding." Harry could not tear his eyes away from the small bruise on Fleur's cheek. It was like a mark on the Mona Lisa.

"What happened to your-"

"Oh I am too tall 'Arry: always knocking into kitchen cupboards and 'anging pots. I am a clutz! Is that right, 'clutz'?" Harry stared over Fleur's shoulder at Ginny nodding as she smiled awkwardly up at him. She did not jump to her feet and hug him as Fleur had done but stayed sitting, surrounded by magazines. Their breakup played on repeat in Harry's head. Having to listen to Fleur talk happily about marriage must have felt like torture. "'Ave you seen that man of mine?" Fleur tried to break the silence.

"He was out on guard. I thought you would be too-"

"No...Bill would not allow eet. I 'elp 'ow I can. I make ze tea an' I talk to Molly-learn things wives an' mama's 'ave to know." Harry smiled. Being around the Weasley's would make anybody long for a family of their own. Fleur would make a loving and attentive mother some day. Hermione got up and stepped out into the hallway. Her hair had been plaited in places too. Harry reached for one smirking and stroking a hand through her hair.

"You spoke with Professor McGonagall-Headmistress McGonagall?" Harry nodded. His brain felt tired and fuzzy. "Where does she stand?" Hermione's brow furrowed anxiously

"Under the same castle roof we will all year." Hermione squealed and wrapped her arms around his neck. Harry knew very little about Hermione's life before Hogwarts but most people found sanctuary within its walls and Harry had never considered that he would be taking that away from her. Surely there were books in the library she had yet to check out...twice. Harry avoided Ginny's gaze and unravelled himself from Hermione.

"I really need to go to sleep." His foot hit the first step of the second staircase when Ginny's voice reached him.

"Don't I get a hug now?" Harry was sure he felt his heart break and turned to find Ginny standing behind him. He did not want to get close enough to smell her citrus shampoo or feel her soft skin against his. He practically fell into her arms. It had only been a month since they had seen one another but it felt like a lifetime and Harry never wanted to let her go. "I'm still your friend." Harry opened his eyes and drew away from her. A friend was all Ginny could be now. If Voldemort sought him out at Hogwarts, he would find no loving girlfriend there as an easy target to attack. Harry had saved her from Voldemort once before and would continue to do so by pushing her away.