Book 3: Something Wicked This Way Comes

Chapter 4

Haunted.

Severus wasn't the same after the ride in the carriage, he'd forgotten whatever he was going to discuss with Harry and stared ahead with wide empty eyes. But Harry wasn't much better honestly.

Why did Magic have his mother's voice?

The mystery was one that Magic avoided answering when asked. By the time they arrived in Severus' quarters they were both lost in thought, at least until Severus could pour himself a healthy dose of liquor and swallow it quickly enough to wash away the shock. As amusing as it was to watch however, it only made Harry worry more. Severus never turned to alcohol, he had better control over himself then that and truly hated the stuff because of the memories it brought with it.

"Wild magic…has never had a voice before as far as I know Harry." Severus said at last as he sat tiredly in his favored chair. Severus hated talking about wild magic- just as much as he hated talking about Lily Potter.

"I've always felt it." Harry mused softly. "But it didn't talk to me until the Malfoy's gave me my blades." He said subconsciously trailing his fingers across the hilt of one which he'd hidden at his side. Severus followed the movement cautiously.

"In the past there have been incidences where a particularly strong magical object awakens parts of the wizard that they may have never known otherwise."

Harry frowned and looked down at the blade pulling it from its sheath deftly. "Do you think it might have something to do with my blades?" He asked tilting his head to the side. Severus shook his head slowly.

"No, most wizards seek to blame the object, but it is very rare to actually find one with malicious intent mainly because an object is just that- an object." He said moving into lecture mode. "If I were to stub my toe on a table leg I could hardly blame the table for my actions now could I? No, there are very few sentential objects even in the wizarding world and I very much doubt that your blades are the cause." He said narrowing his eyes in thought. Harry nodded slowly and slid the blade away.

"Then…what do you think it is?" He asked frowning. Severus looked into the fireplace thoughtfully for a long while.

"I don't know." He said eventually though Harry got the impression that the man did know.

"Severus…" He said warningly. Severus had never kept information from him before. Severus pursed his lips and let his eyes slip closed.

"Your mother…" He began tightly. "Lily was a wise and exceptionally brilliant witch, but like yourself she too had something about her that wasn't entirely…explainable." He said sighing softly. Harry nodded slowly.

"Did she…practice wild magic?" He asked hesitantly. It was taboo but Harry knew that they had to get through this. Severus' eyes glittered darkly.

"She practiced all kinds of magic Harry, her thirst for knowledge was as great as yours, and she too was incredibly in tune with magic." He said edging around something indefinable.

"Severus just tell me." Harry said panicking a bit; Severus never acted this way, unless something was wrong. Severus sighed heavily.

"I hated your father Harry; I despised him and his friends. I was not handsome or rich like they were, I did not have the same family standing that they did, and yet they picked me out of the crowd time and time again. Later of course I realized that the majority of it was your father's fault. He had been in love with your mother since the day they laid eyes on each other, he was jealous of our friendship. But…one time he did something unforgivable." Severus said anger darkening his expression.

"Remus Lupin." Harry said knowingly. Severus nodded reluctantly.

"I was nearly killed and all they received was a few weeks of detention. I was furious." He said shaking his head. "I cursed your father Harry, I cursed him with the one thing I knew could truly hurt him, I sterilized him. I ensured that he could never create an heir to the Potter line." He said coldly. Harry frowned deeply.

"But I'm-" Severus nodded his head.

"Imagine my surprise when Lily became pregnant. I knew for a fact that there was no way to reverse the curse I'd set on James Potter. That could only mean one thing though I never wanted to think it." He said sighing. Harry frowned.

"She didn't- cheat, I know I'm the heir of the Potter line, they tested me in Gringotts." He said shaking his head, if it were anyone other than Severus he would have them writhing in pain for the insinuation. Severus nodded gravely.

"Lily would never cheat I know that much, but…she could have turned to wild magic." He said quietly. Harry's breath caught in his throat. During his time spent with Tom he'd learned quite a bit about wild magic, he knew the risks and the sacrifices such a feat would need.

"You think…" he trailed off.

You are loved Harry, so loved.

"She made a trade; her soul would belong to magic once she died." Severus said as gently as he could. "It is the only explanation I can think of Harry, but she did it because she loved you." He said tightly. Harry stared at Severus in shock. His mother…she was truly gone, her soul dissolved into the magic and yet she was here! "Giving her soul to magic-"

Hush childe…

Harry felt the tears build behind his eyes and let them fall. Was she there? Was she with him?

No my childe, but she is a part of me and so are you.

Harry let his eyes slip closed.

It was as if he was losing her all over again.

His breath caught in his throat and he slowly opened his eyes to meet Severus' tormented gaze. He knew then that Severus felt that loss as keenly as he did, perhaps more even.

$%^$%^$%^$%^$%^$%^

Severus stared into the dieing flames for a long while after Harry had left, his minds eye lost in memories. Red hair and vibrant green eyes had stayed with him even after all these years distracting him, holding him in their grasp though he knew they would never be his.

Lily.

His chest ached and he struggled against the limp forming in his throat failing miserably. Trembling at the onslaught he gasped out the first helpless sob as tears spilled from his eyes. It was always a bitter hopeless thing, this sorrow. Lily was never his, she never would have been and yet his heart had been hers entirely.

Yet he betrayed her.

He pressed his knuckles to his mouth and bit down on to them until they bled but was unable to stave off the wounded sound that escaped him.

Severus…

He sobbed and clutched at the sides of his head. There she was again, that still gentle voice, cajoling, kind, but never ever his.

Severus, don't suffer this way…

"Leave me alone!" He cried out his voice echoing in the stillness of his chamber.

Severus?

"Be gone!" He cried out his nails digging into the sides of his head.

"Severus!" He lifted his head in fury and nearly broke at the shade he saw before him. Green eyes…Lily.

"Lily!" He gasped stumbling forward to grasp her, to hold her to him. "Forgive me! Forgive me!" And she was there, smaller than he remembered- slimmer…her hair darker. But it was her face that looked up at him in question, and those were her lips that he'd once, only once tasted-

"Severus?" And then the image he'd conjured was destroyed, and he was looking down into the face of Harry Potter. Harry Potter, whose eyes were jaded and filled with darkened energy- wild endless energy. This was Harry, the broken bird that refused to give in and stood strong against the world, whose ambitions were awe inspiring. Harry who stood before him, looking so lost and worried for him- for him. Slowly he released the frail yet capable shoulders and took a step back.

"Harry…" He said softly but not without the fondness the boy inspired in him still. Green eyes watered suspiciously before Harry could look to the side and blink them away.

"You- you loved her didn't you?" He whispered gently. "My mother…that's why you help me, why you do these things for me- no for Lily-" Oh Merlin no! Severus captured the small hands in his own and made certain that green eyes were looking into his own.

"No Harry, I do these things because you are precious to me." He choked slightly before he could swallow past the lump in his throat and speak. "I loved your mother; she was the first true friend I had in the world. But she was never mine." He whispered. "She loved your father in a way that she could never love me." He managed despite the agony those words still carried with them. Green eyes searched him for some time before softening, the defensive light fading from them.

"You still love her." Harry whispered in understanding. Severus chuckled bitterly.

"Yes." He gasped brokenly. "But do not waste your pity on a broken man Harry, even I find myself pathetic." He said with a wane smile. Harry's eyes became sad…so sad. No child had the right to bear such sadness.

"I'm sorry Severus; if she did not love you then she was a fool." A hand slipped from his and reached up to stroke his hair. "You are the most beautiful person I know." Harry said earnestly. Severus felt his chest constrict.

Severus…

Don't listen to them Severus Snape, I know you and you are beautiful.

In a moment of weakness Severus could see Lily and her son blend into one. "You are so much like her at times Harry." He said softly. "Never ever let that light die." He begged softly. Harry smiled slightly and a bit of that light dimmed before him.

"Lily is dead Severus." Harry said sadly unknowingly shooting an arrow through his heart causing it to tear and bleed a little bit more. "I can only be what I am." He said solidly. Severus swallowed reflexively against the tears and nodded jerkily.

"You are right Harry. She is dead, Lily is dead." He said this time to himself.

Severus…

He only wished that he would stop hearing her voice.

"You should get some sleep Severus." Harry said quietly before stepping away. Severus felt like the sunshine had been torn away from him and stumbled at the strength of the loss. Harry was quick to catch him though green eyes darting towards his side table where he knew a large bottle of strong liquor sat half empty.

"I'm sorry." Severus said looking away. Harry sighed softly.

"You are not your father Severus." Harry said knowingly. Severus scowled and looked away. "Let's get you to bed." Harry said guiding him through the sitting room and towards his bedroom. Severus frowned thoughtfully after a moment as they stumbled through the door to his chambers.

"How did you know-"

"Magic." Harry said cutting him off. "She was worried for you." Harry said guiding him to the bed. Severus felt his eyes slip closed.

Lily.

She worried about him even now didn't she?

"Go to sleep Severus." Harry said lifting his heavy legs onto the bed. Severus mumbled softly as his mind became fuzzy and thoughts grew hard to string together. "Good night Severus." Harry said quietly though all Severus could see was a shape from long ago.

Green eyes.

The color of death.

The absinthe that confused and corrupted him even now.

"Good night Lily." He whispered dazedly as his eyes slipped closed. Laughter, old and familiar rang in his mind as consciousness slipped away.

Lily…

My precious Lily.

Oh Severus…