I wasn't even going to originally write this part but whenever I tried to figure out what Kate was thinking and feeling in that last Caskett scene in 'Always' I kept having to go back to the rooftop scene. Because that was where it went from being all about her mother's case to being about just wanting Castle. I really wrestled with this one, trying to keep in mind the tips I've been given. But it got to the point where I was so concerned with implementing those things that it got in the way of writing the scene at all. This is the only scene where I've had that issue. So I decided to just write it and see what you guys think. Maybe I ended up implementing the suggestions, anyway...

Disclaimer: Oh, if only...

"Help!"

The cry was little more than a reflex. Not for one second had Kate believed that Maddox would help her and she had cried out then, too. Now there was no one. Esposito was lying unconscious several stories below. Ryan was back at the station, covering for them. Gates didn't even know where she was. And Castle-

Was done.

Done being her partner.

Done following her into reckless situations in a blind attempt to find justice for her mother who wasn't alive to care.

Done with her.

Kate turned her head and looked down at the street far below her. "Oh god," she groaned, realizing there was no possible way for her to survive such a fall.

"No…" The word was filled with despair. But then her natural instinct to fight kicked back in. "Not like this!" She had survived so many near death experiences and she would survive this one. She would find a way.

Kate attempted to pull herself up, but with her fingers being the only part of her that remained on the ledge she couldn't get a grip. Frantically she tried to get a foothold but accomplished nothing more than lightly scrapping her shoes along the side of the building.

She let out a frustrated groan, wracking her brain for something, anything, to get herself out of this.

She had nothing.

Nothing except the realization that fourteen years of hunting for the ones behind her mother's murder had culminated in this: alone, dangling from a ten story building, minutes if not seconds away from falling to her death.

It wasn't worth it.

Why hadn't she figured that out before it was too late? She had been just as close to death when she got shot. Death had seemed more certain then than it did now.

So why?

What had made the difference?

"Castle," she whispered as realization hit.

Every other time she'd looked down the jaws of death-locked in a freezer, standing in front of a bomb, trapped in a car submerged in the Hudson River, being shot by a sniper's bullet-Castle had been there.

With Castle by her side, she could deal with anything life threw at her.

Without him…

Oh god, without him…

Suddenly the fingers of her right hand slipped.

"No!"

She wasn't ready for this. She would never be ready for this.

She grunted as the fingers of her other hand slightly trembled.

Death was closing in and there was nothing she could do about it.

In that moment, there was only one thing Kate wanted.

Castle.

The depth of her blindness staggered her. Solving her mother's case wasn't the most important thing in her life.

He was.

And she would never get the chance to tell him.

The agony sliced through her, piercing her heart in a way the sniper's bullet never had. Longing for Castle swept through her, flowing through her veins, becoming the force that kept her heart beating in the midst of unbearable loss.

"Beckett!"

Her head shot up. That was Castle's voice!

"Castle!"

"Beckett!"

It was him!

"Castle, I'm here!"

For four years I've been right here, waiting for you to open your eyes and see that I'm right here!

Castle's words from what had seemed like a lifetime ago raced through her mind.

Her eyes were certainly open now.

Then her fingers slowly started to drag towards the edge. "No…." she moaned. But her fingers continued to slide. "Castle!"

"Beckett, hang on!"

He was so close and her fingers were almost to the edge. She pressed them down as hard as she could.

It wasn't enough.

"No," she whispered as her fingers finally slipped. "CASTLE!" she screamed.

She had just barely felt the air rush over her as she started to fall.

"Beckett!"

For some reason it was Ryan's voice she heard this time. And it was Ryan's hand that grabbed her wrist and halted her descent. Then his other hand wrapped around her wrist and she was held in an iron grip and pulled back up.

Kate looked into the concerned eyes of Kevin Ryan, relief flooding her, more thankful than she could ever express. Still all she could get out was a whispered, "Castle."

She had been wrong. Castle wasn't there.

But Captain Gates was.

This wasn't going to be good.

And she didn't care.

The ride back to the precinct was made in absolute silence. Kate had been tempted to ignore her captain and head immediately over to Castle. Only fourteen years of putting the job ahead of everything else kept her from doing just that. Well and remembering that Castle would be at Alexis's graduation.

"….What you did dishonors this city and dishonors the badge," Gates thundered, close to shaking in her fury. "Not only are you both off this investigation, I'm putting you both on administrative leave, effective immediately."

"Sir-" Kate started.

"Don't you 'Sir' me," Gates snapped. "Now hand over your badges and guns."

Kate could understand her captain's anger. But she was going too far. All of the things her supervising officer mentioned were things Kate had done; Esposito had merely backed her up. He shouldn't be punished for her mistakes.

She had already decided to let go of her mom's case, so being forced off the case didn't much matter. Except for this being the worst professional trouble she'd ever been in, which wounded her pride.

But Gates had made a tactical error. Suspending Kate from the job just made it easier to stick by the decision she had made as soon as her feet had touched solid ground: to leave the force and never look back.

At the captain's prompting Kate tossed her gun and holster on the desk. She slowly removed her badge and simply looked at it for one last time. The peace she felt at finally letting go told her she was doing the right thing.

"Keep it," she said. "I resign."

Putting the job ahead of your heart is a mistake.

Kate had read those words from her training officer for the first time over a year ago but it wasn't until now that she knew what he meant. Kate had put her job ahead of her feelings for Castle so many times she had lost count.

Never again.

It took her less than a minute to pack up her things. Looking over at Castle's chair was the only thing that caused her to falter. Quitting meant that they would never again solve murders together, never have the thrill of being in sync while they built theory. Her decision didn't just affect her; it affected him, too.

But she couldn't stay. Too much of her job was wrapped up in finding her mother's killer. Risking her heart was something she could do.

Risking her relationship with Castle wasn't.

The rain had been falling steadily for almost a half hour by the time Kate reached the swings. Her hair hung in clumped strands plastered to her head and her clothes were completely soaked through.

The wall is gone, she thought as she sat in the same swing from almost a year ago. She turned her gaze to the empty swing where Castle had sat. He had understood the subtext of what she said. And he had waited. Waited, waited and waited some more.

The time for waiting was finally over.

For both of them.