Chapter 5.
A/N This chapter comes to you from Las Vegas (My, oh My... I did go to see Phantom, which was amazing!) and I am heading for LA next...I've never been so I am excited :) Tips or tricks, anyone?
To the lovely, lovely, wonderful people that took a moment to review: THANK YOU! I will respond to your reviews individually, I promise. Once my feet get back on European soil, it should be easier, as my internet connection now depends on visits to roadside diners that offer Wifi...
Lastly, I have noticed mistakes in previous chapters when I was re-reading for this one. This is all unbeta'd and I somehow stop seeing my own mistakes...
I hope it doesn't bother too much and I promise to go back and fix them, at some point!
All of a sudden, it was clear as glass: he was in love with her.
Clear as day.
How had he not seen it?
How?
"You okay?"
Her question shook him out of his reverie. Carefully arranging his face not to show any of the raging emotions he was feeling, he focused his attention back on her. He needed to get them back to where they had been, if only for tonight, before it was all shot to hell.
He needed time. A bit of space. He needed to work through this.
He tensed his shoulders, took a deep breath and looked back up at her with what was, hopefully, a convincing careless smile. But she sat there, her eyes full of concern, without so much as a clue as to his feelings, and he wondered all of a sudden if she was aware that in any book but hers, this would constitute a date.
He was very aware of it now and though he hadn't planned it as a date, the realization that it could be classified as such, made him wonder if that had, subconsciously, been what he was after when he'd gone to drag her off that sofa.
He asked her about a school assignment then, to distract her, to distract him, and tried not to see how ridiculously beautiful she was tonight, and they managed, somehow, to relax and be fine, when the waitress approached the table and asked casually whether or not they would like to share the lover's special, and as he looked up at her he realized it was nearly Valentine's Day and that he was having a late dinner in a nice place with his girlfriend's roommate.
He looked at her, then at himself. Her hair was down and she'd smiled a lot that evening. He looked nice, he always did, no point being coy about it, and they were leaning over the table, towards one another. He looked at them and at the room and knew that, had he been with anyone else, had she not been green, everyone here would assume them to be on a date. The waitress cleared her throat and Elphaba told her quietly that they wouldn't be taking the desert. That woke him up and he glanced at her. She was uncomfortable again. Dammit.
He tried to smile, to clear the air. To cut the tension away with a knife.
"I'm sorry. I forgot that Valentine's Day was coming up."
"It's okay." She smiled back at him, but it was a bit stretched and didn't reach up to her eyes.
She reached for her bag, dumped unceremoniously on the floor.
"We should probably go though. Galinda will be wondering where you are. And you probably shouldn't take her here for Valentine's Day. Just in case."
He couldn't help the grimace that appeared on his face.
"Elphaba..."
But she was gone, had retreated into her shell, where no one could reach her till she let them.
"Shall we? It's getting late, anyway and I have studying to do."
He wasn't ready to give up. He wanted to get her back. He was enamored with who she was when her defenses were down. So much so that it hurt, almost physically hurt, when that Elphaba was replaced with the one who disguised and protected herself from the world so fiercely that there was not getting through, no matter how close they had become.
"Elphaba..."
It was no use. He knew it was too late. She needed time now.
"Fiyero! It's fine. I'm fine. I just ….forgot." About Galinda. About Valentine's Day. About the fact that they were...friends. They were friends.
He looked at her, his face impossible to read.
"Me too."
They were just friends.
She needed to get away from him.
Far away.
He was getting too close. He saw too much.
He'd see, soon. He'd see and he'd know and then it would all be over.
If he knew how she felt...How she truly felt...
If he knew, he'd leave.
And she honestly wasn't sure if she'd survive that.
She would have. She could have. If she hadn't let him get this far. If she hadn't let him in this far.
But she had. She'd forgotten herself. Forgotten who she was and now...
Now she wasn't sure how she'd cope without him as her friend.
She needed time. And space.
She needed some air to breathe and time to distance herself a little bit.
She'd been used to being alone. She needed to get used to it again, She needed to get used to being without him.
She had to get away.
He needed time.
He needed...
Shit.
Oz-dammit.
He didn't need time.
He knew exactly what was going on.
He sighed and shook his head angrily.
The problem wasn't that he didn't know how he felt.
The problem wasn't that he'd forgotten about Valentine's Day.
The problem wasn't that he was out having dinner with his girlfriend's roommate.
The problem was that he was in love with his girlfriend's roommate.
The problem was that he was in love with the most unattainable girl in Oz.
Shit.
Galinda was getting tired. And angry. And sad. But mostly angry.
He'd gone from being the perfect boyfriend to being a terrible one. The worst one.
She'd seen them at the bar. She'd been in the bathroom and when she'd come out, they'd just stepped inside, being led to a table for two, too busy having hushed conversations to notice her. Her boyfriend, because he was still her boyfriend, was having intimate conversations, in a very public place, with her best friend.
She was angry. At Fiyero.
Not at Elphie, though.
She didn't blame Elphie. Not really.
It wasn't Elphie's fault. She probably didn't even know what she was doing.
What it looked like.
Galinda had to assume that. Because if she didn't, if Elpie did know, then that would make her a terrible friend. And Galinda didn't want to think that about her best friend.
A letter from the wizard.
A letter.
From the wizard.
Elphaba had stared at Madame Morrible in wonder. She couldn't remember ever being ecstatic but this...
This was a letter.
From the wizard himself.
Asking to meet with her.
He wanted to meet with her!
She had to go tell Galinda.
She had to go show Fiyero!
She'd tried to keep her distance in the past week, but it had proved much more difficult than it had seemed.
They'd grown into such a routine, such a friendship, and she hadn't realized it until she tried to avoid him. Until she tried to do without.
Every morning, he'd get her a coffee and walk her to class.
They'd meet for lunch, for dinner, for homework. He plucked her out of her dorm, the library, the bookstore. She dragged him out of the sun, out of his bed and to the library. They were always together and in the moments they weren't, he always seemed to know where she was. He could tell how her mood was with just one look, he knew when to leave her alone, to give her some space and when to persist. He knew what to say and when to say it.
He'd become the most important person in her life, more so even than Galinda, and she didn't want that to change. She didn't want them to change.
She didn't want to lose him, especially not over some silly fantasy.
Something that would never happen. Never.
He was never going to love her.
So she simply had to make sure he never found out that she loved him.
How much she loved him.
All she had to do was ignore it, hide it, until it went away.
It would go away, in time. She was sure of it.
In time.
Yes.
She was sure of it.
In time.
And till then, she'd try her hardest. It would work. She'd learned early on to hide emotions. No one wanted to know about them, anyway. It had always worked best for her to keep quiet. So that's what she'd do.
She'd be fine.
But first, she'd go to the Emerald City.
First, she'd go see the Wizard.
Fiyero felt guilty. Quite the sensation.
Elphaba was going to the Emerald city.
Off to meet the Wizard.
Of course, he, of all people, knew exactly how brilliant she was. So he wasn't surprised. Not in the slightest.
He was just...
It was just that...
She was leaving.
And he knew that she was coming back, of course.
Of course, she was coming back.
She'd be gone no more than a few days.
But...
He was going to miss her, that was all.
He was just really going to miss her.
He'd spent all week trying to figure out what to do.
Now that he knew how he felt, how he really felt.
He'd tried to figure out what to do with all these not-so-new but still unfamiliar feelings.
But all that had led to was guilt towards Galinda and fear of what Elphaba would do if he told her.
What would happen if she didn't feel the same.
What would happen if she did.
He honestly wasn't sure which of the two terrified him more.
Either way, everything would change.
And even if she did feel the same. Even she was feeling everything he was feeling...
Even if she was...well...as inexplicably and absolutely in love with him as he was with her, her loyalty to Galinda would never allow her to act on it.
He wondered what it said about him that he was willing to risk it all, to try.
What kind of person that made him.
He needed to talk to his girlfriend. Because she was still his girlfriend.
And he loved her. He adored her. He was so much more fond of her than he'd ever thought he would be. She was bright, she was beautiful, she was cute and a joy to be around.
It was simply that he was, against all odds, in love with her best friend. In love with his best friend.
He supposed he should have seen it coming, a hell of a lot sooner than he had. But he'd let it get this far and there was nothing he could do about it anymore.
Now that he knew, now that he could feel it in every pore, in every fiber of his being, he couldn't ignore it.
He couldn't not act on it.
But he couldn't figure out a way to do it without hurting anyone.
Without scaring off Elphaba, who scared so easily.
Without hurting Galinda, who deserved so much better.
A fresh wave of guilt washed over him at the thought.
He really needed to talk to her.
But first, he'd say goodbye to Elphaba.
He'd get her poppies, their very own recurrent theme, and wish her luck.
And then he'd talk to Galinda.
And then...then he'd figure out a way to tell Elphaba...everything.
They were at the trainstation.
Nessa, Boq and Galinda.
All three of them, some in better moods than others, to say goodbye to Elphie.
Galinda was sad to see her friend leave. The dorm would be so quiet without her, which Galinda knew was ironic because for all her opinions, Elphie never did say much when it was the two of them, together, in their room. Galinda would chatter and flutter about and Elphie would sit in the windowsill, and make sarcastic remarks.
Galinda had never thought she'd grow so fond of sarcasm.
Oh, she was going to miss her so!
But, stronger, much stronger, than the sadness, was the happiness she felt at her best friend's good fortune.
Galinda couldn't think of anyone who was more entitled to a a stroke of good luck and success than her wonderfully strange roommate.
But...
Where was Fiyero?
He'd told her he'd be there, when she'd swallowed her pride last night and gone off to find him. She'd wanted to ask him to meet her somewhere, in the time Elphie was gone, to confront him, but she'd chickened out at his warm smile and had only asked him if he was going to be at the train
station.
As if she'd thought for a second that he wouldn't be.
He'd been so nice. And so charming. So absolutely the Fiyero she adored.
But she was able to see past the facade know. She'd seen it was a show he put on for her.
Which she supposed was the bitter truth of it all.
But he'd kissed her cheek and told her that he'd meet her there and then asked her if maybe they could go for lunch after.
And in spite of it all, in spite of herself, a small part of her hoped, prayed, wished, that he'd be able to explain it all away.
That they'd still get their happy-ever-after.
And now...he wasn't here.
What did that mean?
Galinda wasn't sure whether to be angry at him for not keeping his word, for not even saying goodbye to their friend.
Or relieved, the tiniest bit relieved, that he wasn't.
That maybe, just maybe, she'd read too much into it.
That maybe he did still belong to her.
But then he came running, nearly tripping over himself to get there faster, to be on time, and he ran right past her. And although he turned back to grab her hand, take her with him, his heart wasn't in it and his eyes were trained on Elphaba the entire time.
She watched as the two of them shared a moment, a something she wasn't part of and never would be, something quiet and deep and meaningful, and she knew that he had never been hers to begin with.
He took off without so much as another glance at her and because she wasn't ready, still wasn't ready, for what was coming, what that lunch would bring, she said yes when Elphaba suggested she come with her.
She jumped at the chance.
She'd deal with everything else later.
For now, she'd go to the Emerald city.
Fiyero couldn't deal with it.
He couldn't deal with it all.
Not with the guilt he felt every time he looked at Galinda.
Not with the way his heart nearly beat out of his chest whenever he looked at, thought of, or even heard Elphaba.
Not with the way his whole body was on edge and his mind ran in every direction.
So when he watched Galinda get on the train with her room mate, from a safe place in the crowd, he felt relief and frustration fight an equal battle inside him.
Relief that he wouldn't have to deal with the inevitable just yet.
Relief that he could put it off a little longer.
But he felt frustration and trepidation too. At not dealing with what needed to be dealt with.
At seeing Elphaba board that train without him.
He'd considered for a moment buying a ticket and going with her.
But he'd seen Galinda head for the ticket booth, watched Elphaba wait for her with a broad smile on her face and he knew it wasn't his place.
This was their moment. Elphaba and Galinda.
They needed to do this together. The two of them.
Two best friends.
So he stood at the sideline and watched the train pull away.
And he stayed there for a long time, staring at an empty platform, knowing that his whole life was about to change.
I am torn. I could end it here. We all know what happens next.
However, I had originally planned a much longer story, which would go AU as of now...
I'm very unsure about it, because AU means all-new and scary territory for me.
So...I am asking you to make the choice :)
Is this the end?
Also: Thank you for reading :)
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