Title: χορεύω
Author: Baliansword
Chapter: 2, "Out of Mind, Out of Sight"
Rating: T for Teen
Summary: Divisions are easily made, and hearts are easily changed. In Persia this seems all the more true after Alexander receives Bagoas. Hephaestion carries the burden of knowing that his love has found another, and when they reach Bactra it is no better. Yet in his enemies Hephaestion may find the greatest allies of all.
A/N: No one panic, Hephaestion is going to toughen up –like we are used to. I know that it's hard to see Hephaestion in a weakened state. It's even hard for me to write it. However, I think every now and then he did become a bit depressed. Yet like many of you have said, he does always find a way to manage.
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It was raining once again. The sky was gray and bleak, hardened drops of rain fell from the skies, muddying the earth and drowning newly sprouting vegetation. Today he did not mind though. Instead he picked up the small jar of ink and stepped out onto the terrace. He took the yellowing parchment with him and sat silently. Using extreme caution he unrolled the map and placed rounded onyx stones upon the corners. He surveyed his previous work. Each line had been carefully crafted, and even the curves and bends of rivers seemed to have been drawn with some sort of device. Surprisingly the map even appeared to be in perfect scale, just as he hoped for, even though he'd never been taught how to perfectly create a map. There were plenty of map makers in the trains that followed Alexander's campaigns, but his looked different. He had the major battles, the major places, rivers, mountains, but he had other icons as well. Oracles were mapped out, as were other ancient places of interest. Even Troy found a place upon his map, which when it was fully extended measured about eight feet in length.
For some time he worked, engrossed in his drawing, undistracted. After a good hour he heard the rain slow and children began to emerge from their homes. He glanced up, setting his pen down, and watched as a few of the boys began to play a game. They split into two teams and each tried to capture a red ball, which they would then have to throw through a ring that was nailed sideways into a tree. Hephaestion recognized the ring as a target for bowman. Smiling, he watched for a few moments as the boys played. After a few moments he stepped away from the edge of the terrace and sat back down before his map. Ink was still drying on a few areas, so he decided to roll the ends up. The just finished area he would leave out to dry while he went to find a meal.
When he reached the dining hall only Ptolemy appeared, turning through the pages of a book, lounging calmly on a pile of skins. Hephaestion watched him for a moment as he approached then looked away. He found a pitcher of water sitting out and poured it into a clean, wooden cup. Sighing softly he drank before sitting down on a window ledge. Ptolemy glanced up at him, shutting his book, and hinted a smile. Shaking his head Hephaestion spotted Ptolemy out of the corner of his eye.
"I don't know," Hephaestion whispered shakily after a few moments of silent. Ptolemy pushed himself up, wrapped an arm around his knee, then tossed his book down. The loud thud that it created as it hit the stone floor caused Hephaestion to look over at him. He stared at his friend and general, and did nothing more than summarize him for a moment. Nothing had ever caught up to him, not even age, until they had come here. He remembered the young blue-eyed boy he'd left Pella with, and saw the man that he had become. His cerulean eyes were still the same, more knowledge and wisdom hidden behind them, but they still were the truth of his soul. Yet his hands were calloused, his skin a darker tan from years in the sun, and around the corners of his mouth were thin lines from where he'd frowned or smiled over the years. There were other differences though, some more noticeable. Scars had marked his once untouched skin; a handsome scar covered his thigh, another two thin scars upon his face, and a deep gash had nicked his right hand.
"You know," he said after staring at him in silence for a moment, "what I have realized?" Hephaestion was not going to respond. Whether or not it had been a rhetorical question, he had taken it as one. His friend shrugged, then leaned back against the crook of the window frame. Ptolemy drew in a short breath and then continued. "Do you remember when we entered Darius' palace, it seems like a lifetime ago, but do you remember?"
"How could I forget?"
"She," he went on, referring to Stateira, "thought that you were Alexander, the great conqueror they had heard so much about. Alexander, after hearing this, told her that she was not wrong. 'He too is Alexander' were his words, I believe."
"They were," Hephaestion replied. He smiled, even now, remembering Alexander's words. At the time he had been unsure of the meaning, and even of what it would mean to others. However, as time had passed, nothing terrible had come from it.
"I think we are all Alexander."
"Don't tell him," Hephaestion teased. "With you I am sure he would not mind, but others he would not want so closely related to him."
"I mean it," Ptolemy laughed, taking a sip of his watered wine. "I think each of us has a bit of Alexander coursing through our veins. We are all a different piece of him, as if he were a puzzle. You are his heart and soul, I his mind, Cassander is his sword."
"Cassander is his sword?"
"You know what I mean."
"Yes," he answered in a serious tone. "I know what you mean Ptolemy. I may even agree with you."
There was silence after these words. Ptolemy watched Hephaestion as he gazed out of the window at the sunlight. He wondered what the other was thinking, but like always one could not be sure. Hephaestion was too complex for even his peering eyes. At times he appeared to be angry, but would merely be in thought. At other times he looked as he did now, solemn and worn, but perhaps he was simply revisiting old memories. Ptolemy raised his cup to his lips and drank once more. He then pushed himself up and strode across the room. Without a moment's hesitation he glanced out the window, where they could still see the boys playing their game.
"It was not that long ago that we were their age," Ptolemy said. "We were playing war though, the Macedonians versus the Persians. Is it not amazing that we have lived out a childhood game?"
"What do you mean lived it out? We still have plenty left to do if you ask Alexander. He wants to keep going until we reach another ocean. These mountains will only hold him for a short period of time."
"Until an heir is conceived, you think?"
"Yes," Hephaestion agreed. "Perhaps once an heir is conceived we will march on. There are plenty of men that will be joining us, I can tell. When you ride in you can see those that will end up in a legion."
"Can you?"
"Yes. They look at you differently. There are those that are afraid or unsure. They are the ones that will be in the legions. Those that stare at you as if you are a false idol, or a false regiment, they are the ones that must have eyes kept upon them."
"Ah," Ptolemy said as he sat down across from Hephaestion on the windows edge. "I finally see what has you so downtrodden. You are questioning him again."
"No," he disagreed. "You know that I never question him. Alexander knows what he is doing. His dream is to unite the world, and look how far we have come. I just at times wish that I could see the end before we reach it. In twenty years where will we be Ptolemy? We will be what, in our forties, and still I do not know where we will be. Do you not ever wonder what is going to become of us?"
"In twenty years you will still be the pretty one, I the wise one, and Alexander the king of the world. The location may change, but character does not, so we shall not. Each day is different Hephaestion. We must live each day as if it is our last."
"I just wonder."
"Would you like a job to keep your mind from wandering then?"
"Did Alexander assign you something that you just do not wish to do?"
"Something like that," laughed Ptolemy. He sipped from his cup once more, draining its contents, then glanced out again at the boys. He next turned his attention back to Hephaestion. "The legion assignments are old and worn, separated, that sort of thing. Alexander wanted another master list to be created, and I admit that I have not started it yet. I have all of the lists that I could find, along with general names, etcetera, but they need to be rewritten. Alexander did not wish for a scribe to do it because we only have two kinds. Those that spell Greek names perfectly, and butcher the Persian –or those that butcher the Greek and make the Persian names immaculate. Truly, you are the only one that can perfect both languages."
"I perfect neither, but I will do it."
"Are you sure it will not be too much trouble?"
"Of course not."
An hour later Hephaestion had ninety scrolls sitting on his desk. Some may have considered them to be clutter, but he found them to be a nice personal touch. Hephaestion stepped out onto the terrace and glanced at his map. The rivers he had created earlier were now dry and he unrolled the entire map, just to roll it perfectly. As he was finishing he heard his door creek open. Glancing over his shoulder he saw Alexander entering the room. Alexander's eyes drifted to the pile of scrolls, and immediately a smile crossed his lips. Hephaestion smiled, but for different reasons. Alexander was beautiful, perhaps even more beautiful than he had been so many years ago. Age did not hurt him, like a fine book or drink it bettered him.
"So I see that Ptolemy has stuck you with his job," Alexander chuckled as he placed a soft kiss against Hephaestion's brow. He ran a hand over his cheek, the simplest of gestures, but one that made Hephaestion glow inside. It made him young again, as if he were the only one Alexander had ever seen in his life, as if there were no other world outside of the room. Alexander then turned and sat down upon the couch, picking up the book he found there. It was a worn copy of the Iliad, which had been written years ago in Babylon, transcribed by the best Persian linguists.
"Do you mind," asked Hephaestion.
"In a way," he replied. Hephaestion raised an eyebrow. "I know that you will complete the lists, and they will be meticulously perfect. But at the same time I told Ptolemy to do it because I did not want you busying yourself too much."
"I can do it."
"I know you can," Alexander assured him as he stood. Once again he was walking around the room, surveying each and every corner. He then stepped out onto the terrace, where the map was rolled up on the table. Alexander picked the scroll up, curious, and twirled it in his hand for a moment. "What is this?"
"Don't," Hephaestion said, pulling the map away before Alexander could untie it. Alexander watched, still rather curious, as Hephaestion put the map into a chest in his room. When he felt Alexander's eyes upon him Hephaestion glanced back over at him. "It is a surprise. You cannot see it yet."
"Let me see," Alexander mused playfully. "What could you possibly put on a giant roll of parchment? A letter, a drawing, a map… Ah, it must be a map. Your lip twitched."
"It did not."
"Yes it did, just a bit at the corner. You bought me a map somewhere didn't you?"
"No," Hephaestion said firmly. "It may not even be for you. I said it was a surprise, I did not say it was for you. You're just going to have to accept that I, like you, keep a few secrets."
"Liar," Alexander smirked. "You don't keep secrets from me."
"I may," Hephaestion said as Alexander wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling him close. Alexander silenced him with a sudden kiss, one that was both demanding and sensual. Hephaestion kissed back, wanting more than anything to be in Alexander's arms, but slowly turned his head away as the kiss began to end. "You know that there are things you have to attend to today. We don't have time."
"I can make time."
"Alexander, you know that there is nothing I want more in the world than you. But you have duties now, duties that surpass me. Go speak with your new Bactrian officers, and I shall see you at dinner. I will wish you a goodnight, and you can go seduce your wife and produce an heir. Perhaps tomorrow."
"Phae," Alexander asked as Hephaestion stepped back out onto the terrace. The king followed him out, then sat down across from him, using the table as a chair. "Have I done something to anger you?"
"It is not you Alexander."
"Is it someone else," he questioned. "You know that you can tell me these things Hephaestion. Tell me, who was it? What did he do? Tell me and I swear it Hephaestion…"
"No one has done anything," Hephaestion interjected before Alexander could go on. He knew that if he let Alexander go on they could be there for hours. "If anyone had, as always, I can take care of myself."
"You seem…defensive…today. Did you sleep well last night? I told you that I did not like this room. The sun comes in too early; the drapes are too thin and you are in the worst positioned room. Are you sure you do not want another? Across from my room is still vacant."
"Alexander, please stop fussing over me. I am not a child. I like the room well enough. I enjoy waking up early. I am not angry with anyone."
"Alexander," a voice said, interrupting them. As both men glanced behind them they saw Bagoas. He'd stuck his head in the door; he was looking for his king. "The new members want to speak with you."
"I am coming," Alexander told him. He then met Hephaestion's eyes once more. "We will finish this later."
With that Alexander left the room, angry. Hephaestion watched him go, then placed his palm against his forehead. After a moment he noticed that he'd not heard the door shut. He peered over his shoulder and spotted Bagoas. Bagoas said nothing, and quickly he shut the door. When the door shut he sunk back in his chair. After a few moments he stood, went to the pile of scrolls, and began his new mission.
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A/N: Thank you to everyone that reviewed! Wow, I got a bunch. Just to address the main issue, Hephaestion is going to toughen up. He indefinitely went through moments when he was slightly pained at some of Alexander's decisions, but you're all right. He was always strong for Alexander. So don't worry, he'll be strong. He just needs to find his center.
Special thanks to the following reviewers:
Vania
MLygia
Sunny-seid-up
Queendel
Euripides
Norrsken
Phai688
Serena
Arlad
Thanks you guys for reading, reviewing, and always giving me up-front and honest reviews. I appreciate it more than you can ever know.
Baliansword