χορεύω Chapter 3: Problems Need Solutions, an alexander fanfic

Title: χορεύω

Author: Baliansword

Chapter: 3, "Problems Need Solutions"

Rating: T for Teen

Summary: Divisions are easily made, and hearts are easily changed. In Persia this seems all the more true after Alexander receives Bagoas. Hephaestion carries the burden of knowing that his love has found another, and when they reach Bactra it is no better. Yet in his enemies Hephaestion may find the greatest allies of all.

A/N: In this chapter, Alexander tries to understand why Hephaestion seems angry with him.

It was unusually cool in the room. The walls were still bare, a dull brown color with no decorations of any sort, and the rest of the room was not much better. There were no rugs, no table places of any kind, it was completely dull. He could not help but look around, noticing these things, and wonder why they were still there. Babylon was at least a place to admire. Here there was rain, dirt, and a hundred rooms that looked just like this. This was what he was thinking of while the new Bactrian members of various positions spoke. Each said, remarkably, the same speech. The words varied for a moment here and there, but it was the same. They were grateful, and they would serve him well, and if he needed anything at all he was to tell them.

He wrapped his left hand over his right and pulled, popping four fingers in one simple motion. He switched hands and did this again, then reached up with a hand and pushed his hair behind his shoulders and out of his face. Alexander drew in another short breath and nodded. He said his thanks and then told them that they could leave. As they ushered out of the door he tried to keep his smile taunt. When the door shut he frowned and stood, turning to face Bagoas, and sat on the edge of the table.

"Has he done anything unusual," Alexander mused. Bagoas, hands held behind his back as he stood in the corner, shook his head slowly. Secretly he was wondering what odd behavior for Hephaestion would be. Alexander did not seem to truly be speaking to him though. Instead he seemed to be speaking to himself. Bagoas drew in a short breath as Alexander suddenly pushed away from the table and began to pace. He was restless, and Bagoas felt sorry for him. It must be a burden to be a king. He knew two kings, and already both seemed to be rattled. They could never rest.

"He does this to me more than he needs to," Alexander went on. "I love him, but at times he drives me mad. What is it that he wants from me Bagoas? Tell me, what have I not given him?"

Bagoas jerked back as Alexander kicked a chair, knocking it over. Alexander was slightly red in the face, and he ran his hands through his hair before uttering a soft slur of curses. Nothing was said for some time. Bagoas even felt the time passing. Finally Alexander turned to him again, and Bagoas could see that the anger was gone.

"Keep your eye on him," Alexander whispered. The king then stormed out of the room. Bagoas watched him leave and then slumped slightly. He would have rather pleased Alexander in some way, but knew he would not be able to. It seemed that this was Roxanne's job for the week. So, as he had been doing for three days now, he would have to watch Hephaestion. It was the most boring job he had ever been asked to do, but for Alexander, he would have to suffer through it.

Hephaestion picked up the yellowed, crinkled, decayed piece of parchment and squinted at the blurred letters on the page. He set it down and then quickly penned the names on the new archive list. He leaned over, blowing upon the fresh ink, and admired the last name upon the list. All of Alexander's men were now named on paper. With their name were their rank, commander, and initial homeland. All in all he was proud. However, he now had nothing to do. He glanced around the room to check, but everything was arranged in perfect order. After a moment he rose and went to a trunk at the end of his bed. He opened it and pulled out a brown pair of pants. If there was nothing to do he would have to find something. There had to, or he hoped, be something in Bactra worth visiting. After changing he left the palace and found himself wandering into the center of the town. There was nothing left to do but shop. For what, he was not sure, but something always managed to catch his eye.

He first found a cart of spices, all of which smelled amazing, and spent some time sorting through them. He picked a few in scents out and paid for them, then went on his way. After reaching the third cart he noticed that he was not alone. Silently he glanced over his shoulder and spotted Bagoas again. Sighing he set down a golden cup, entailed with jewels, and crossed his arms. Bagoas glanced up again, this time caught, and began to turn away.

"Come," Hephaestion said loudly. Bagoas stopped in mid-stride and obeyed. As he approached Hephaestion he looked afraid, as if he worried of what the punishment would be for following Hephaestion, but when he stood before him nothing happened. Instead the Athenian stared at him and asked only one question. "What are you doing?"

"I was looking for someone," he lied. "When I saw you, I thought I would watch you."

"Why?"

"Incase you needed help translating."

Hephaestion laughed, and then strode away. Bagoas had already failed, but for the first time he understood what odd was for Hephaestion. Odd was not being at Alexander's side. Odd was his laugh, which was pleasant, but was false. There was something beneath the surface that was completely wrong, but it had not been brought to life yet. Immediately he went to tell Alexander of this.

Hephaestion lit the end of the scented stick and then prostrated himself upon the floor. Idols had never seemed to help him more than any other man, but he decided that praying to the goddess could not harm him. He muttered a few praises, and then stopped. He was not sure what he was going to ask for. In a way, he knew what he wanted, but could not ask for it. Instead, he stood and prepared for dinner. It was going to be another eventful night. Alexander would be required to take his new bride to his bed, which meant he would go to sleep alone once more. Once he was dressed in a more proper fashion he sat down on the edge of the bed, then lay back. He stared up at the ceiling for some time before he heard footsteps in the hallway. There was no knock upon his door, but Alexander entered despite being invited.

"We need to talk," Alexander said as he flung the door shut. Hephaestion sat up, instinctively worried. Once he realized that nothing was wrong, and that Alexander was just upset, he calmed. Adrenaline still ran through his veins though. He would never be able to stop caring for Alexander, or protecting him. Before he was able to speak though Alexander went on. "I do not know what I have done to upset you, but I know that I have. What have I done Hephaestion? What can I do to stop you from sulking?"

"You are drunk," Hephaestion said with a sigh.

"What can I do to stop you from sulking," he asked again. "You look like an abused child, moping about all the time."

"There is nothing you can do," Hephaestion told him softly. Alexander stared at him for a moment, angrier than he had been even earlier. Pressure changed men, or so he had been told. In his anger he did not know how true the statement was, him being a prime example. Hephaestion looked away, picking up a feathered pen. He placed the pen back on a shelf, eyes still averted, and silence drifted into the room.

"Tell me," Alexander yelled harshly. His voice echoed through the room, and Hephaestion knew well enough that it was an order now. Slowly he shook his head, and Alexander crossed the room. Defiantly he wrapped a hand around Hephaestion's throat and forcefully shoved him against the bookcase. Hephaestion reached up and placed his hand over Alexander's wrist. He then pulled Alexander's hand away, still staring at him as if he did not know him, and shoved Alexander away from him. Alexander did not let him leave though. He placed both hands on the wall, baring Hephaestion's way. Once again he ordered for Hephaestion to tell him.

"Nothing," Hephaestion stated firmly as he brushed past Alexander. He knew him better than he knew himself. He was angry, yes, but he would not hurt him. Alexander could harm many, but Hephaestion knew he would not physically hurt him. Mentally, however, was another situation.

"Here we are at the end of the world, and you will not even speak to me! What is it? Do you hate Bactra so much that you would refuse to even look at me?"

"Damn where we are," Hephaestion shot back, finally losing his composure. "I could care less where we are! What is the end of the world to you if you reach it and those with you don't love you?"

"What are you saying," Alexander asked. "Are you saying that you don't love me?"

"Even I do not know." Hephaestion picked up the pitcher of water on his nightstand and poured himself a drink. He set the pitcher firmly down, swallowed a mouthful of water, and then went on, since Alexander had still not replied. "I cannot believe that you can ask me if I love you. If I didn't love you, do you think I would be here Alexander?"

"Where else would you be?"

"By Zeus," Hephaestion muttered. "So this is what you truly think, yet only say under the protection of wine."

"I want to know what I have done to upset you."

"How about sending Bagoas to spy on me," Hephaestion answered. Alexander seemed confused for a moment, and he went on. "Did you think that I would not notice him following me around Alexander? I may be a fool because I cannot drink myself into your state, and I cannot throw myself into the arms of whomever beckons, but I notice him. I note each move he makes, each time he looks at you and you gaze back at him, yes I know things Alexander."

"Bagoas," Alexander said with a laugh as he slumped down in a chair. "You are still angry about Bagoas?"

"You don't need him," Hephaestion said boldly. "But that is you Alexander. You can never stop when things are well enough. You never have enough. Instead, you have to keep going and going."

"Why don't you tell me what to do then. Do you want me to stop now, to lock myself away in a room with only you? Is that what you are asking of me?"

"You know its not," Hephaestion screamed, but there was a knock on the door. This stopped him from going on. Hephaestion strode to the door, pulling it open with an urgency that could not be matched. Ptolemy stood there, unaware of anything that had been going on.

"Is it a bad time," Ptolemy asked.

"No," Hephaestion assured him. "Take him, please. He won't be of much use to you though."

A few moments later the door shut. Hephaestion sunk down on his bed. He could not tell if he wanted to scream, or if he wanted to cry. Did Alexander truly not know him after all these years?

Ptolemy could not help but glance over at Alexander as they sat in the dining hall. He had betrayed Hephaestion, in a way, and for the first time was wondering if it were for the better. Alexander seemed lost in thought and turned his attention to Ptolemy.

"Was it worth it," Ptolemy asked.

"You did nothing wrong," Alexander told him as he stripped himself of his shirt. He threw on another clean garment and sighed, placing his head in his hands. In truth, they had done nothing completely wrong. Pretending to be drunk was not a terrible idea, but one could consider it unfair to Hephaestion. He had said things he hoped Alexander would forget.

"What did he say?"

"He is still angry about Bagoas, along with other things."

"Can you blame him," Ptolemy asked. Alexander gave no answer.

Hephaestion's PoV

It is not that I do not try to understand him, or his needs. In fact, it is the opposite. Every word he says, every move he makes, I think of over and over again so that I may better understand him. I have tried to understand his need for Bagoas, and still I can see his reasoning. He does not love him, and I know this. I keep it in the back of my mind. He does not need him, for I know that he could go on without him. The more I think of it, perhaps he could go on without me as his lover.

Roxanne I understand. Alexander needs an heir, and Roxanne can give him this. She can help him unite the old world with this new world. I still worry for him, for myself, and even for her. I worry that he thinks too much, and has not chosen a wife that will suit his heart. In this reasoning I fear for her, because she is fragile no matter what others think of her, and he could break her so easily. When I worry for myself I know that I am selfish, but cannot stop myself. I worry that she'll replace me in his heart. His companionship is all that I have, all that I have ever wanted, and I would not be able to bear losing it.

'Which am I Hephaestion; weak, or divine," he asked me so long ago. Perhaps I should have asked him what he thought of me. I feel divine when I am with him, when I can wrap my arms around him and take his pain away from him, but in times like these I am so weak.

Bagoas, I think as I stare up at the ceiling. We are not so different, he and I. In fact, we may be more alike than I would like to admit. Perhaps I should go and speak to him…

A/N: This may seem like a bit of a filling chapter, but it sets the premise. Hephaestion and Alexander are both confused, angry with one another, and must struggle through their emotions. However, it will be hard to do it apart.

As always, thanks to all of my readers and reviewers, especially:

Vania Hepskins

MLygia

Queendel

Sunny-seid-up

Angstman

Purple Lolly

Karone Evertree

Serena

Manidefronsac

The next chapter should be up in a few days. Please review.