"Hermione please, I don't care about Malfoy!" I grunted as she followed me down the long corridor. I just wanted to be alone; I didn't need to hear about her concerns. "The war is over; we don't need to bother ourselves with him"

"But Harry, you don't understand, I'm not trying to tell you I think he's up to something. I want to tell you that something's wrong!" She called from behind me, trailing after me even though it was clear that I didn't want to listen to her.

"Well it may have something to do with losing the war, or his father being in prison or I don't know being a disgrace to the entire wizarding world!" I grumbled at her. I was tired of babysitting him, tired of never getting away from his silvery eyes, exhausted from the burdens his memory brought me. I never should have come back; I shouldn't have entertained the idea that I would be perfectly fine around him.

"Harry, what is going on with you lately? You can't just shut down like this Harry! It's not who you are, your caring and kind hearted, not cold and unforgiving." I stopped dead in my tracks as her words found my ears. The worst part of this was, she had no idea, she was my best friend, but I couldn't tell her. I knew what she would say but there wasn't a chance in the world that anything she would tell me would help. I would have to fake it, for both our sakes.

"I'm sorry Mione; I'm just having trouble being back here." I wasn't lying, but I wasn't telling the whole truth. I looked over my shoulder at her. "I'm sure it's the same for Malfoy, likely its worse. He just needs some time. Then I'm sure he will be back to commenting on your blood, Ron's wealth and my fame with the same intensity as before."

Her eyes, they had always opened her like a book. If it wasn't for those eyes, she would have believed me, she would have listened. But instead, she saw through me, just like I saw through her. She just shook her head at me, and simply walked away. I almost called after her, but, I couldn't bring myself to, so I just started walking.

I can't stand this. I'm supposed to be the chosen one, but now I've served my purpose, and I don't know where I go from here. I spent so many years of my life alone and lost, I wasn't even living, just surviving. Then Hagrid showed up and I thought I finally had something, but then everything became what seemed like an endless fight. Now that it has ended, Now that I've lost so much, now that I've gave my life to the war that took my family, what do I do? My whole life, I have fought, but now, there's nothing to fight for. I'm just a chess piece put away as the game ends.

Hermione and Ron, they have always had a life, family even. They weren't brought up for the soul purpose of fighting this war, I drug them down with me, and I couldn't have done it without them. But no matter how much they mean to me, they can never understand just how confused I am.

Malfoy on the other hand, he understands. I could see it in his eyes; they were cold and distant, confused and afraid. He has always been so similar, yet so different, compared to me. We were both raised to fight a war that truly was not our own, both over looked time and time again, both so inwardly isolated. But, we have always been separated by a world of differences that have always run our lives.

He's always been my enemy, the forbidden friend that I crave. He is and forever will be the scared death eater that owns a part of me. He is my obsession, whether I cared to admit it in the past or not. I remember watching him, both in person and as I lie in bed and stare at the map. I could tell you how many times I've relived are worst moments together only to be filled with regrets, regrets that torment me. Im infatuated with Draco Malfoy.

I don't know if I'm truly gay, because really I've never been attracted to another guy other than him. But I haven't been attracted to many women earthier.

No matter what question you ask me, I will never know who I am. I don't know why I came back to school, I can't figure out why I was chosen to do what I've done, and most of all I can't explain why I feel the things I do.

I'm lost and alone in the world after the war. I'm not sure who or what I'm supposed to be.

People have given me many names throughout my life. Names like, the Triwizard Champion, the Boy Who Lived, the Chosen One and the Golden Boy. I looked to them for guidance, but none of them could show me the way, none of my many names, tell me who I am. At least, they don't show ME anything.

"Harry!" I heard her call from beside me. Her familiar tone bringing me away from my thoughts. I looked up at her freckled face, as she approached me with curiosity in her eye. Things had been awkward between us since I'd told her that I couldn't see her anymore. "Why aren't you in the common room with everyone else?"

"I could ask you the same thing, Ginny."

"I'm looking for Luna" She answered looking at me with a guarded glint in her eye. She had never accepted my reasoning for dumping her, mostly because I lied and said that I wasn't interested in dating anyone, when it was just her I didn't want.

"I lost track of time, you know me." I shrugged stuffing my hands in my pockets.

"No Harry, I don't think I do" She sighed walking past me at a calm pace. She knew I wouldn't object, or even question her. Even Ginny Weasley couldn't figure me out, after all these years, after everything we've went through together.

If she couldn't, how could anyone. How could I.

I probably never will understand.