I love Heroman. I love Psy, I love Holly (and Psy's rivalry with Holly), I love Psy/Joey and I love episode 12. So I hope you love this fic~
"You and Joey are going on a date?"
"No! Joey and Lina," I snap. Then I catch myself because oh God, the jealousy in my voice was so obvious, wasn't it?
Then I remember I'm talking to the Professor, who wouldn't know obvious if it blasted him in the face with a Skrugg weapon.
"Joey and Lina are going on a date?" he explodes suddenly. "Are you sure?"
I roll my eyes.
"I just told you like three times."
"Are you sure this isn't an invasion of privacy, Psy?" Denton hisses.
"Of course not," I answer. (Even though it is, it totally is.)
I put on a good show of explaining how I'm just worried about my friend and want to look out for him. And it's true, mostly.
Of course I want this first date to go well for Joey. (I'm not at all bitter that I don't get to be his first.) But I'm also watching because I want to know. I want to know what she can give him that I can't. I want to know why he chose her over me. (I want to know why I didn't have the balls to ask him out first. I want to know if he'd have said yes.)
Suddenly Holly's in my line of sight and I'm on my board and swooping in to save Joey's date before I know what I'm doing.
"Psy? What are you doing here?" she asks, popping her gum and giving me that patented bored, haughty Holly-look.
"What are you doing here?" I counter.
She proceeds to describe how she's going to destroy her little bro's date, and the way she's looking at me as she says it…
She knows. Oh God, I know she knows.
I catch her by the arm and sway a little, trying to stay balanced on my good leg. (She looks down at my brace and I think she's starting to suspect that it's more than a temporary injury. Dammit, how is she so perceptive? Has a man no secrets when Holly Jones, the holy terror, is around?)
"You can't ruin Joey's date," I growl, because I'll at least have this victory over her.
She's snapping back at me when Denton interrupts.
"Um… we're going to lose Joey and Lina!"
They look so damn happy at the beach it's sickening. (I haven't gone swimming since the accident. Maybe Joey would have wanted me to take him to the beach?)
Holly thinks the whole thing is hilarious, and I get that creepy-chilly feeling that she knows exactly what I'm thinking and is laughing at my thoughts, too.
God, I hate Holly Jones.
She starts doing a voice-over for Joey and Lina's conversation, and after a while I join in and, okay, it's pretty funny. (There's like 1% of the time when Holly's bearable, I'll give her that.) Denton keeps giving us nervous looks and it just makes the whole thing funnier.
I only feel a little guilty when Miss Collins shows up to chastise us. Only a little.
By the time we get to the restaurant, I'm starting to forget that the point of this stalking was to gather information for my (totally-not-creepy) arsenal of how-to-win-Joey's-heart.
Okay, when I say it like that it totally does sound creepy.
But now I'm rooting for Joey alongside Holly and our nutty teachers. Because when do I ever not root for Joey?
Damn that heroic kid, who can get thrown into stone walls by invincible alien overlords and come out unscathed (while I came out of a stupid football game with a leg that'll never work right again, with crutches like shackles I'll never be able to get rid of). I should be bitter (I almost wish I was) but instead it's just one more thing that makes me think Joey's a kid worth rooting for (worth loving).
Of course, Joey's also a stupid kid, because he walks into the fanciest restaurant around here, after I so kindly gave him the sound advice to do anything but.
We (painstakingly) convince Miss Collins to go help Joey out.
(Turns out the little bugger didn't even need the advice. How does everything always turn out fine for him?)
He gets away from us at the mall.
Holly also gets one up on me. Damn stairs.
We wander around for a while, but Lina and Joey are gone. Miss Collins leaves first, mumbling about how she shouldn't have done any of what she did today. (I'm kind of worried she's going to be pissed at me in math class on Monday.)
Professor Denton stops to watch a news report through the window of a TV store we pass by, and then he dashes off before we can ask him what's up. Nutty old man.
That just leaves me alone with Holly, which is my cue to leave. She grabs me by the arm before I can slip away, though.
"Psy~" she says, clutching my arm to her chest. (Were her boobs always this big?) "We haven't seen each other in four years! Don't you want to catch up?"
She gives me a (totally fake) pouty look.
"Not really," I grumble truthfully.
She laughs and doesn't let go of my arm, which is throwing me off balance and making it pretty hard to skate alongside her.
"You and Joey have both gotten so big. I remember when you were little pipsqueaks who barely came up to my waist." She sighs happily. "Good times…"
"Maybe for you."
She laughs like I'm joking, then stops walking abruptly, still clutching my arm. My board nearly slides out from under me before I get my footing.
"I'm crippled here, stop yanking me around," I complain. (I hate using the word crippled. I blame Holly's evil presence.)
She looks down at my leg brace again, but doesn't say anything (thank God).
Instead, she says, "You like Joey, don't you?"
(I knew she knew.)
I sputter a bit, try to channel the cool, strong dude Joey mistakenly thinks I am.
"Of course I like Joey," I say calmly, not meeting her eyes. "Who doesn't? He's a likeable kid."
"Don't play dumb with me," she says, and pokes me in the ribs. "I've always known you were gay."
I was not expecting that.
I pull my arm away from her, stutter, scowl.
"I… I'm not," I say. (I don't think I am. It's not like I've found other guys hot. Not like I've wanted to make out with… Will or someone. That thought actually makes me puke a little in the back of my mouth.)
Holly laughs again. Devilish laugh. The witch.
"Four years in New York clubs does wonders for your gaydar," she tells me, all smiles. "You're so hot for Joey."
I have nothing left to say to her. Her words are making me feel sick.
This whole day is starting to make me feel sick.
I zoom off, as fast as I can, letting the salty oceanside wind bit into my face. (At times like this I freaking miss being able to run.)
I ignore Holly calling after me.
When I see Joey walking towards the skate shop through the front window the next day, I get the irrational urge to hide. (Coward. Why the hell does Joey think I'm cool?)
I stay where I am, flip through a magazine. Act like I didn't see him coming.
"Oh, hey, Joey!"
He's all smiles. He's so cute.
"How'd the date go?" I ask him. Casual, cool, uncaring. Everything he thinks I am.
"Why don't you tell me?" he says, with a mischievous glint in his eye that reminds me too much of Holly.
"What?"
"Lina and I had an audience yesterday," he says.
Oh wow. He knew? He really is Holly's brother. Dammit.
"Oh." I laugh sheepishly. "Sorry."
He laughs, too. He's not mad. I lean back in my chair, relax.
"We missed the grand finale, though," I say, grinning. I feel like this should be awkward, but it's not. It's never awkward with Joey. "Did you guys kiss?"
I lean forwards, the good best friend, the totally-heterosexual-best-bro who wants all the juicy details.
Joey frowns, looks away, plays with his sleeves nervously.
"What's wrong?"
It's his turn to give me a sheepish look. "I don't know. It all went so well. We had a really good time! And at the end, after we got off the Ferris Wheel…" He looks away again. "She tried to kiss me. And I chickened out. It just felt… too weird."
He leans back on the balls of his feet, bites his lip.
"Is that normal?" he asks me, like I know anything about this. "To really like a girl but not want to kiss her?"
He looks so broken up, so nervous.
I grin.
"Awww, dude, maybe you just need some practice." I pucker my lips jokingly, close my eyes and pretend to make out with some invisible person in front of me.
And then there are real lips on mine. My eyes snap open.
I must be freaking dreaming.
Joey's leaning over me, eyes squeezed shut, pressing his mouth sloppily against mine. He's standing kind of rigid, kind of awkward, but he's kissing me.
Joey Jones is kissing me.
Damn.
I close my eyes again and carefully put my hands on his shoulders.
We're both terrible at this. Our teeth clack together painfully and there's drool dribbling down my chin and it's not at all how I imagined it.
It's better. It's real.
Joey pulls away finally, and he's smiling. He wipes his mouth with the back of his sleeve and looks down at me.
"Uh… that was good practice," he says, a little breathless.
"Yeah."
He backs out of the store a little awkwardly, waves as he steps out the door.
"See ya!"
"Yeah."
He's probably going to go kiss Lina now. He's probably going to have a thousand dates with her and I probably don't stand a chance.
But I was his first kiss. His first. And he was mine.
And that's good enough for me.
For the record, I wrote this before I read Akaitsuru's fabulous fic "The Best Laid Plans". I guess Psy laying the moves on Joey by "teaching" him how to kiss Lina was too good an idea for me to be the first to come up with it.