Chapter 6: The Nameless Desert

Minor dreams came and left, though none left a mark on my mind upon my waking-- how I hated unconsciousness; it seemed that although I had experienced it about a million times in the past several years, each time it came to me, it was a surprising and unwanted shock.

When I at last woke up the following morning, I felt both confused and nauseous-- quite a displeasing combination of feelings if you've never experience it. I felt completely worn out; as if someone had wrung me out like a dry sponge. I rolled over onto my back, as I had slept on my stomach, and blinked white spots out from in front of my eyes; all the while groggily wondering where I was-- remembering from the moment my eyes fluttered open that I was dead, but momentarily forgetting that I did not have a clue to where I was; morning thoughts. It was strange, for even though I was dead, I felt strangely alive. It was almost as if I had simply awoken, and the previous day's occurrences were nonexistent-- not even a dream. After all, this had happened to me upon numerous occasions in the years before. I was used to strange occurrences like this-- but out of all of them, this had to be the strangest. I closed my eyes once again, as my morning thoughts became more focused and clear, just as something round and quite heavy hit me on the back of the head.

My eyes snapped open upon impact, "Ow," I murmured, picking up the object, and looking into its dark, blood-red flesh; it was an apple. I looked above my head, and found myself staring into a leafy-green canopy of leaves dotted with small orbs of red. I had slept the night beneath a gigantic apple tree. I stretched long and hard, wondering if this place could possibly be heaven. I frowned, remembering that blinding white light which had knocked me unconscious hours before. As a bruise steadily formed on the back of my head from the apple, I looked around me; slowly realizing that I was actually surrounded by a cluster of large apple trees. Everything here was way too surreal; I could not believe any of it-- I gasped, for encircling the small cluster of apple trees were bushes-- and not just any bushes. The bushes were also dotted with small orbs of red, but when my eyes focused more intently, I realized that these orbs were delicate and eerily beautiful; roses. The combination of the fruits and flowers made me feel extremely uneasy; I could not stay here a moment longer if I could help it. It made me sick to my stomach-- and I hadn't eaten a thing since that popcorn-- did the deceased actually maintain such living happenings like hunger and thirst? I glanced around the strange garden to find that several of the ripe apples had fallen from their branches; dotting the beautiful too-green grass with red as well.

I looked down at my body, surprisingly finding that I was no longer naked-- a minute relief. I was now wearing my old street clothes, although the minor rips/tears had been magically sewn up, and they looked pretty damn good, Maybe this means that Elaine has been watching over me, I thought, standing up, and tearing a small piece of cloth from off of the shirt I was wearing. I gathered about twenty of the apples that lay scattered on the ground, and hastily placed them into the cloth which I then tied into a knapsack, knowing that whatever I did-- and wherever I went, I simply could not stay in this place. I just couldn't; I walked over to the nearest rosebush, and jumped over it with ease.

To my surprise, my bare feet landed directly in burning-hot sand. I let out a scream of bewildered anger and annoyance as I realized what kind of setting I had found myself in.

The strange garden was in the middle of a vast desert-- it had been an oasis. And that could only mean that there was nothing else around for miles on end in any direction from it.

I shuddered, vividly remembering the place that had twice driven me insane back in D'Nalge; and here was another. Just like it, and yet so vastly different. This was frightening. Absolutely frightening. I frowned; this place could not be heaven-- nor could it be hell, although it was extremely hot, for a strange white sun hung in the sky, and yet…

If this was some form of an afterlife, where were all the things that all those priests and the Pope had promised? None of it made sense-- could any of it make sense? I was unsure… The godforsaken desert I now found myself trapped within held much mystery, and was full to the brim with the unknown.

And in my afterlife-- if this was it, I was all alone. That was the most frightening notion of the entire situation; my parents and my friends were nowhere to be found-- there was no one here to help me, and though I had felt alone for so very long, the deprivation of any human company was quite an alarming thought. Once again, I would be forced to fend for myself in a strange new world-- alone.

I cried out in pain at the burning sand, and then began to walk through the desert for hours until the burning white sun had at last sunk beneath the sky, and the sand cooled. When this had finally happened, I lie down, and fell asleep in less than an instant.
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My eyes snap open, and I find that I am no longer trapped within the nameless desert. After a few moments of looking around the large room in which I now find myself instead (all the while praising God), I realize where I am. This is no reality; it is the evening of Travis's double murder of both Carla and me. My eyes still adjusting to the semi-darkness of the room (for the glow of the television provides some light), I realize that I am standing in front of the refrigerator of the kitchen, and I look outwards into the living room-- I spot myself easily. There I am, I realize, with a shudder. The second Beatrice is lying on her stomach on the couch, tossing and turning; I realize here that I did not sleep as peacefully as I had believed. Carla is screaming from upstairs, but the second Beatrice cannot hear her, as she is trying to blot out all sound-- or perhaps, subconsciously, she is trying to hear her friend. My stomach sinks. It's almost as if she had been put under a spell to prevent Carla's rescue. Carla is screaming my name from upstairs, but Beatrice cannot hear her, as her waking is unsuccessful. Carla's screams of protest and fright are thereafter cut off. She is dead.

Why have I been brought here? I wonder, "Wake up, Beatrice!" I scream, in a final desperate attempt to save Carla. She can't hear you, a cruel voice suddenly whispers in my head, and I nod with sudden understanding.

I hold my breath, waiting for the sound; the bath is soon turned on upstairs, and then it comes…

Drip… Drip… Drip…

Drip… Drip… Drip…

I watch myself with wide eyes as I get up from the couch some minutes later.

"STOP, BEATRICE!" I scream, but it is too late. She-- the other me begins walking up the stairs to investigate the noise.

"It's useless trying to change the past," I hear a voice whisper behind me, all-knowingly.

"Who's there?" I call out into the darkness; failing to place the voice, although it is almost familiar.

I turn around, and my stomach drops as she speaks again; "You betrayed me..." Carla whispers, her voice dry, as if someone had stuffed hundreds of crackling leaves down her throat.

"No!" I insist, backing away from her, "No!" I repeat, feeling my shirt sticking to my sweating back.

"You've let their kind take away everyone and everything you ever cared about," she tells me, bloody tears falling from her grotesque dead eyes, "You need to stop them, Beatrice. Don't you get it? You're the last ha--"

"What do you mean?" I scream, as she comes nearer and nearer with each step, "I don't understand! Why have you brought me here?"

"You can't let yourself become weak, Beatrice… You can't harp on what happened here tonight. That's one of the reasons I brought you here. You need to let go of it. You can't do this to yourself. Promise me that, Beatrice… Promise!" I obliged by nodding, "It's what they want, Beatrice, and if you don't return to--"

Suddenly, the room disappears, and I am trapped within total darkness, alone. Carla is gone, "What's happening. Where's--"
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"CARLA?" I finished the sentence, waking, and drenched in my own sweat. Screaming my dear friend's name-- hoping that I would find her there, alive and well; all the while knowing that I would not. The dream had been rather troubling and strange-- it was almost as if someone had interfered near the end to make sure Carla could not tell me anything else. Her words repeated in my brain: 'Beatrice, if you don't return to--' Where? What had she been trying to tell me? Less than ten fucking syllables and they were driving me crazy. I would keep my promise however: I would cease dwelling on Carla's death-- the moment I saw the life flee from Travis's eyes-- the moment I, but my heart sank as I remembered. I could not kill Travis. It was impossible now: She's dead, and you're dead, a bitter voice whispered in the back of my mind, And she's right; there's nothing you can do to change the past. I felt my eyes growing hot with all the pain of the truth, and I cried.
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 At the crack of dawn, I resumed my searching for something-- anything that would provide safety and comfort within the nameless desert.

My feet had already become red and blistered; the sand burned me more and more with each step. I was constantly sweating, and the glare of the sun was beginning to make me blind... I could not go on any longer. The searching was enough to drive me crazy, and I wanted to find something. I wanted to find something in the desert that I could hold onto-- something that would finally give me peace. My stomach growled and ached, but there was hardly anything to eat. Only apples, and nutrient-wise, I knew I was fucked.

I wanted to find a source of water for myself, as I was nearly out of apples, and there were no plants whatsoever for millions of miles around-- not even cacti, which goes to show you what a hellhole the desert was; my stomach was empty, while my throat was cracked and dry with thirst. I knew that I could not go on for more than three days without liquid-- and two had already passed.

It was absolutely frightening. I needed refuge from the desert-- I almost wished that I could return to the oasis where I had awoken days ago, but the desert was endless. I had lost my way; I did not know left from right-- north from south. And if I did not find something in the desert to save me, I would surely perish-- although I was already dead.