A/N: REBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS also today my tooter taught me that I need to give people distinctive speech patters so I did this time see if you can guess it...
So, anyways. Hi. Hello. こんにちは、ペンギン(lolol Chinese from my Chinese friend Kagura) My name is Amynda and I live in the FAYZ. I'm a libertarian gerantocracist who is so smart and pretty or that's what people say but it's not true I'm kind of so pretty it's intimating? So it makes me ugly. It's like some horrible curse put on me by a Gryffindor.
So, anyways. I'm walking through the fZY when a sexy man walks up and says " Howdy" (they do that in Germany) "I'm a vampire?"
"And I say "cool I'm na elf" and wiggle my pointy ears.
"Wow you're one thexy elf" he says.
"That's really shallow"
"I'm thorry you're right you're tho deep and inthipid," he says tractfully. "What ith your name?"
"Amynda" I say blushin like a ハエジゴク (that's Chinese for schoolgirl cording to Kagura) "You're very hot like robin pattyson playin eddard culen."
"Aw thankth," he says.
"what is youre name?
"It is ….." he faces the camera, puts on a hat and takes out a cane, and does a tap dance sooooooooooo ….. sexily. "EDDARD CULEN..."
"Woah cool,," I sez. Really I'm getting all excited but I keep my cold. "What about Bella?
He shoots her.
"What bella?"
"Wow," I say with a blush. "You're kawaii."
He smiles, then screams, drops the the floor and writhes in agony and pain. "AAAAAAAGHHHHHH I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE... FAWWWWWWWW AMYNDA I WANT OO THO BAAAAAD..."
I giggligle "Wow I've been planning on waitin till mirage."
He sobs. "... PLLEAAATHE..."
"Well okay kawaii"
I step towards him. We are standing on the street in the town square. The ground is rough pavement. He looks up at me. We make eye contact. His eyes are like liquid slivers. Mine are deep atheist. He waggles his eyebrowns. I waggle mine. We begin to feel a connection.
He reaches up his hand. I reach down mine. Then I hesitate. I pull back. Then I put my hand out again, tently. Then I pull it back.
"Pleathe Amynda" he says. "Pretty pleathe."
I reach out my hand again. It is shaking. He grasps it. My heartbeat goes up. His does as well. He pulls me to the ground. I say "oof."
"I'm thorry," he blurbles. "Did I hurt you?"
"Oh, no," I say. "Not at all."
"Good," he says. "Thall we protheed?"
"Yes," I say.
He puts his hands on my shoulders. I put mine around his waist. He pulls me closer. I pull him closer as well. He puts his lips against mine. They are not chapped. He puts his tongue in my mouth. It is long and forked, like a frog's tongue. It is slimy, like a rock at the bottom of a pond. It is made of seaweed.
He puts his hands under my shirt. I say, " Should we really be doing this?"
He says. " Yeth."
I say, " Oh, good."
He puts his hands farther under my shirt. He takes it off. Then I take off his shirt. Then he takes off my bra. Then I take off his pants. Then he takes off my pants. Then I take off his underpants. Then he takes off my underpants. Then we have sex. the we take of our shoes and have sex again. This is the way of things.
A/N: .