I was sitting in a restaurant one day when an aardvark walked in. That is an animal, for those of you who do not know, and one that has a prodigy appetite. And it is tall. So, this anteater walks up to me, its blonde hair flowing, and it asks me if I have a hat.
"No," I say, "I do not."
"That is a pity," it says, and walks away. Then it brings everyone I killed back to life.
"Hello, all," I say. "Welcome back."
"We are back, Amanda, we are back." They say, and run to me with open arms. "We love you, Amanda. We do. We do."
"Why thank you."
"We will never be so mean to you again so as to die."
"Why thank you."
Then we ask the aardvark to die because he is ugly and an aardvark so he does not count. Well he does but only up to five. I can speak Latin. He dies.
And then I get adopted by a family of elf-zombies, one of who is Eddard Cullen. We then discover that I am half-elf, half-vampire, a child born of Eddard's father Jacob and the elf Legolas. Turns out that half-elf, half-vampires are always perfect. It is in they're jeans code.
Anyways, me and Eddard get married and half babies that ride aardvarks and poke spoons and eat each other. They are so kawaii.
And then I wake up and it was all a dream. Only it wasn't. But it turns out it was but only the part about spoons. It's really forks.
Then myself splits of into another dimension called Forks, Washington. (If you want to continue that plotline check out my new storybook, The Amazing Adventures of Amanda in the Forks, coming soon!) But part of me stays here in the FAYZ. I go shoot a piglet. But I do not eat it because meat is mean to animals.
Then I buy a boat and Caine Drake Diana and me go to an island and meat Sanjit and Virtue. We have a group date and all have sex. Then we go back to Perdido Beech, which I love, and eat a cheese, tomato, and ham omelet, then hike to a mountain and drink in the soda pop sky.