A week after that fateful day, Lisbon turned from the window at the sound of her door opening as though she didn't know who it was without looking. She hadn't confronted Jane that night as she'd planned or on any of the days since. In fact, she hadn't even seen him. Not even once. Oh, he hadn't gone AWOL as he was wont to do or anything she could scold him over. He just hadn't sought her out and she'd returned the favor.
They hadn't had an active case so there wasn't reason. It had been a perfect few days to catch up on paperwork and acclimate to the temporary acting Agent in Charge or whatever title he chose to go by. Right, they'd stayed as much out of his way as possible and he'd done the same. Fortunately, Jane had chosen to be as scarce as possible under the circumstances. Knowing him, he was probably holed up in the attic on that stupid couch pouring over Red John files.
All she knew for sure was he'd been out of sight for the rest of that night. He hadn't been in her office and he wasn't in the attic the one time she'd ventured up there. She was clueless where he'd gone though she'd known he hadn't left because she'd caught a glimpse of his golden hair at the window as she was leaving. Perhaps he'd been in lock up traumatizing Lorelei. She couldn't think of a nicer thing to happen. As for her, she'd gone straight home to a bubble bath and a couple of glasses of wine. She deserved them after the day she'd had.
"Lisbon, I'm sorry." Jane opened the door with the confidence of a man who hadn't just picked her lock like he had the right which he clearly didn't.
"About what?" Turning from the window, Lisbon decided she'd finally gotten her emotions reigned in. Her mad was at a slow simmer instead of a roiling boil. She really didn't care that Jane had just broken into her office while she was still in residence. Or that he'd locked the door behind him like he had her permission to stay which they both knew he didn't.
"You know about what." Jane watched Lisbon turn back to stare out her window.
"It's not important, Jane." Even as she said the words, she knew they weren't true.
"I think it is." Lisbon started slightly at the feel of arms wrapping around her waist and a chin digging into her shoulder as she dismissed her misgivings.
It wasn't like they didn't occasionally hug or share a chaste kiss. Or have dinner together. Or he didn't visit her place as often as she visited his. Or that he'd never slept on her couch though that wasn't common knowledge outside of the team. They were friends for goodness sake. Friends touched each other without romantic intent. Except it was between them and they both knew it. Even if neither of them was ready to admit it.
"I didn't expect you to be that cold blooded." She still hadn't reconciled herself to that as well as she knew Jane. There were times when she thought the man had Cobra blood flowing through his veins.
"You know me, Lisbon; anything for the cause." Hearing him say the words was far more chilling than thinking them.
"I see that now. It's not like I haven't always known how determined you were." She just hadn't thought he'd do that in such a cold blooded way. Then again, Jane's personal code of ethics had quite a few quirks that differed from hers. Truthfully, it left much to be desired at times. And his behavior could be quite mercenary and much too literal on the end justifying the means to be totally acceptable when he felt the need. But, she'd been willing to overlook a lot over the years. The man solved cases and that was enough most days.
"It was a means to a particular end, Teresa, for both of us. It didn't mean a thing." Lisbon closed her eyes in silent contemplation.
Nothing could be farther from the truth where Jane was concerned. The events in that hotel room meant everything to him. Betraying the wife he still loved and layering more guilt where none was needed was a heavy load to bear. As was his tarnishing the last vestiges of his questionable honor. Not to mention potentially hurting friends he didn't want to hurt. None of those were actions he'd lightly take.
Lisbon liked to think he wouldn't casually sucker punch her when she was oblivious though she'd pulled a similar maneuver on him a while back. Mash was water under the bridge. A lot had happened since then to both of them.
"That makes it worse, Jane." Yeah, she believed it did.
"I'm sorry you feel that way." He didn't sound very sorry.
"Are you?" She really wanted to know.
"Yeah, Lisbon, I am. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you first. That was a cowardly way to be. What's done is done. It isn't as though finding the situation distasteful will make it go away." Jane didn't see any upside to mincing words.
"Yeah, Jane, I think it was. It isn't like I wasn't along for the ride on this one almost from the start. It would have been easier to handle coming from you." Lisbon wasn't sure that was true. It might have hurt more in the end.
She would have had time to wonder what the woman was like. What she had enabling Jane to do what he hadn't since his wife died. That thought would have led to rabbit trails Lisbon didn't want to contemplate. As it was, she could see they were two of a kind to the degree they were both willing to do whatever it took to win the game. It didn't hurt she was an attractive woman. Or that Jane was an attractive man. Or that her consultant was beginning to find himself physically attracted to certain women again. Unfortunately, it seemed to be the bad girls piquing his interest. Bad girls similar to her. Lisbon really didn't want to delve into that one and yet, she did.
"I'm not sure I could have told you." Jane admitted.
As blunt as their discussions could be over the years, telling the woman so effectively avoiding his gaze at the moment he'd slept with their latest suspect wasn't something he'd anticipated. He'd been attracted to females in the past and Lisbon knew it. Attracted was the operative word. He'd felt no real compulsion to act on the corresponding impulses. Perhaps because he'd not really liked the women he found arousing.
He'd certainly found Erica Flynn, and a couple of others, more than appealing over the years. The woman had all the makings of a black widow or praying mantis. He'd found her a fascinating study and dangerously alluring as only a truly evil woman could be. Yes, he'd been attracted, though he'd never seriously considered acting on his feelings no matter the temptation she'd offered. A stroll through the darkness wasn't worth the guilt. Or the betrayal to Lisbon or Angela. Jane didn't stop to think about the revealing nature of that blip of consciousness.
Besides, somewhere in the recesses of his mind he'd always believed if such a day ever came, his first foray back into the world of carnal delights would be with Lisbon. With the only woman other than his wife he'd ever loved. Yes, loved. Somewhere along the way he'd admitted the truth to himself though certainly never to her. Not yet, and maybe he never would.
And, yes, loved as 'in love' in a manner quite similar, though totally different, than he'd loved Angela. And, yes, he'd meant the "Good luck, Teresa. Love you." He truly had. He just hadn't meant to say it aloud and certainly not to her face. Hence he'd blown the whole thing off when she'd pulled that, "So that thing you said before you shot me. What did you mean?" situation. He'd pretended not to hear her query and prayed it would all go away.
Ignoring the whole disturbing conversation going on his head, Jane admitted Lisbon had believed the same though he doubted she knew the depths of his feelings towards her. He'd done a pretty darn good job of denying them to himself, much less her, for a number of years. He did know she was subconsciously waiting for him discounting the diversion or two along the way. Jane smirked at the thought tolerating those hadn't always been easy; but, he'd done it somehow. He'd simply reminded himself the guy would never stick as he wasn't him.
That calmed his concerns most of the time.
If it didn't, he reminded himself a woman had needs. Needs he wasn't exactly capable, or interested, in fulfilling at that moment in time. Especially a woman as vibrant and attractive as Teresa Lisbon was. Now that he could, he'd shot a memorable moment straight to hell. In hindsight, given how things had played out, Jane wasn't sure it was worth the sacrifice. Not that is really mattered. It wasn't like they'd get a do-over in this lifetime. He'd have to accept he'd made a big mistake and live with it.
"So you let her spring it on me?" Lisbon's tone poked at the guilty part of him.
"You're a big girl, Lisbon." Well, she was.
"Yeah, I am; but, I'd have rather heard that from you." No she wouldn't have.
"I suppose you would have; but, I didn't want to tell you that any more than you wanted to hear it." Jane admitted.
"I don't suppose you did." She left the taunt she was thinking unsaid.
"Lisbon, I hoped she wouldn't do it though I should have known better. Lorelei has a nasty streak. Though I doubt it makes it any better, I am sorry you found out that way." He would undo the interview if he could; but, he couldn't.
"You should have and apology accepted. Now, you can get your chin off my shoulder. It's starting to get uncomfortable." Lisbon resisted the urge to jerk her shoulder away.
"I'm forgiven?" Lisbon rolled her eyes in that silent 'aren't you always' gesture.
"Yeah, Jane, you're forgiven." She'd give him that much.
"We're okay?" He wanted to hear her say it.
"Yeah, Jane, I think we are. If I don't kill her for that mouth before we're done." She'd interviewed the woman a couple of times since that afternoon and found her no pleasant than she was before.
"I may do it for you." He'd interviewed Lorelei a few times himself and found her totally repulsive. Not at all the woman who'd brought him chicken soup and reminded him more than a little of Lisbon.
"Don't. I'd rather not have you in jail again." Not unless she put him there herself.
"Then I won't." Jane watched Lisbon moving the files around on her desk and knew he was being dismissed.
"I think I'll go since it appears we both have work to do." Lisbon opened the new file mysteriously appearing on her desk this morning while she was down in lock up as she watched Jane turn on his heel to walk out her door.
"Later." She smirked at the hand fluttering in the air as he pulled the door closed behind him.
Turning to the file in hand, Lisbon decided she liked the interim ghoul taking Wainwright's place even less than she'd initially liked LaRoche. At least she'd developed a grudging respect for him by the end which wasn't happening here. She clicked her tongue at the thought their new boss had the personal appeal of a dead rat. And he didn't get along with Jane as well as Luther had. She'd already figured that out even with them avoiding each other as much as possible. That didn't make for a pleasant situation around the home front. From the looks of the crime scene photos this case wasn't going to be any better.
Why couldn't people simply get a divorce without killing each other? Oh, yeah, because it would cost them millions. She knew the husband had something to do with killing his faithless wife. They always did. They just couldn't prove it until Jane got involved and pulled the magic bunny from his hat which he hadn't done yet. Hence she'd had Bertram personally breathing down her neck all day and shoulder kinks from hell to go with it. All in all, another perfect end to a perfect day at the CBI…Including the requisite Jane pain.