3

What Place in Nothingness

The silence covers us once again in like a sheet.

It's not until a few minutes or so until the sheet if finally pulled away.

"Not going to bask in your victory?" L questions, his eyebrows furrowing slightly.

At first, I shake my head, but then I begin to think.

This is L.

I am me.

I am Light.

I am Kira.

Why wasn't I acting like it?

Pulling up a chair, and sitting on it, I glance at L.

'Remember. He's the one who threatened my world. He's the one who endangered my position. He's the one who dared a challenge. He's the one who lost. I am the winner! Therefore, I have to feel proud. After all. I…won!'

But.

instantaneously, an ache of emptiness overcomes, and pokes at me. Reminding me. In technical terms, what really happened. Of how much of a winner I truly am.

Trying to swat the feeling away, it begins to announce itself more.

My shoulders drop, and my frown deepens.

'Near. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't be feeling this. I would've….'

I struggle.

'…I would've become…God.'

The last word sends a sharp ache through me, and the emptiness increases in size. I choke. It felt worse, like being inflicted with physical pain. But as soon as it started, it stopped.

Only leaving a hollow numbness left in its wake.

The fact flies around my face like a gnat and I finally respond to L.

"No. I lost."

My down-casted eyes widen a bit at my own admitted truth.

L observes me. "Didn't quite hear that."

My jaw clenches. "I lost." I try to say aloud. It comes out more of mumble though.

"Hmm?" L puts his hand to his ear.

At the similar antic, I try to smile, but my conflicting emotions result with a semi-twisted grin.

"I. lost." I try to say once more.

Pushing it, L bobs his head forth, while cupping his ear. "What did you say? Sorry."

"I SAID..." I get up. "I LOST!" My hands clench into furious balls, and I'm tempted to punch something. Sudden feelings rush into me. Anger. Annoyance. Loathing. Hate. Revulsion. Confusion. Dislike. Resentment. Fury. Misery. Gloom. Stupidity.

I was stupid. I was…idiotically naïve.

I blow up.

"I LOST TO YOUR IDIOTIC SUCCESORS! I LOST! I LOST THE BATTLE! I LOST THE CHALLENGE! I. I LOST TO NEAR! MELLO! MATT! I WAS WRECKLESS. I KILLED. AND KILLED. AND I WANTED TO BE GOD! BUT. I LOST!"

All pent-up emotion stays in my system, as I stand there with my locked shoulders, and my furious expression. My lips down-curved and mouth opened from breathing angrily. I'm sure I looked murderous, because I was. I wish I had my Death Note. I wished I could write everyone's name in it. But it was only wishful thinking. It would never happen again.

+++a

A/N: ...Anywho… The chapters before this one? I lied. I loved all those previous chapters.

This one? Not. So. Much. I basically needed to update, and I had….a semi-writer's block? I knew exactly what to write, just not… how to write it. It seems my writing mojo has been stolen. I'll give a second strawberry if somebody can find it. ;P

Chapter Preview:

"I was biased. I am like those criminals I'd loathed. No. I was exactly like them."