Hi y'all.

Here's to all meh lovely reviewers! THANK JOO!

Anywho. Back to the craziness.

I suspect Darkeh put the stickers on my chainsaw.

And…. Who thinks Tohru should show up? Anyone? No?

Okay. Gimme your answer and we'll see.

TIME FOR…. The Show: Fruits Basket of Doom!

Presented to you by Emby.

Me: Ummh…. Sasuke?

Hatori: Who's that?

Me: -snarls- BACK OFF!

Hatori: ….Okay.

Akito: Hehe. I bet your hungry…. –holds up breakfast-

Me: NO! Must…. Resist…. Food!

Kyo: Actually, I am. –eats food-

Kureno: Is Arisa gone? Good. I was afraid she was going to bash in my head. It would hurt, considering she used to be gangsta. She also used chatspeak.

Arisa: Yo, what up my homies? Kureno? –staggers- I thought'd yo had eat'n a cow, yo! Bet your butt you did! Yo!

Me: Is she drunk?

Saki: In the highest degree. She drank about seventeen gallons of Dr. Pepper last night.

Me: Woo, she's gonna have one heck of a hangover from that nasty stuff.

Saki: Speaking of hangovers… I seem to remember something pink and evil. Does anyone else remember such a thing? It frightened me.

Me: Nope! –puts hand over Shigure's mouth-

Shigure: Mmmpfmmpf!

Me: HE LICKED ME! –chokes- God help me! We don't know where that tongue has been!

Kazuma: Actually, most dogs have cleaner mouths and tongues that cats or humans.

Saki: Kazuma! My love!

Kazuma: Saki! Will you marry me?

Saki: Always, sweetheart!

Me: Does anyone oppose this joining of these two in holy matrimony?

Kyo: What does "oppose" and "matrimony" mean?

Me: Don't like and marriage.

Kyo: I OPPOSE!

Me: For what reason?

Kyo: I don't want that Hanajima chick tucking me in at night instead of Kazuma, and I don't like people saying I have a dirty mouth! Damnit!

Akito: Don't have a dirty mouth, eh?

Me: CANADIAN!

A/N: No offense meant to you Canadians. I know many Canadians, and they're lovely people.

Akito: Am not!

Me: Am too!

Akito: Am not!

Me: Am not!

Akito: Am too!

Me: HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Arisa: I like liver! And Akito! Yo, yo!

Me: Whaa? How'd you know his name? And what about Yoyos?

Akito: YOU SHALL DIE, AUTHOR! YOU TAKE AWAY ALL AUTHORITY FROM ME! FACE MY WRATH, MINION! –grabs Emby's chainsaw-

Me: GET YOU HANDS OFF MY CHAINSAW! –sends flying off cliff- Don't touch meh chainsaw.

Yuki: …Obviously. FANGIRLS!

Fangirls: L-O-V-E! We love Yuki! LALALALALALALALALA! YUKI!

Me: -hyperventilates-

Yuki: Poke the author until she dies.

Fangirls: POKE POKE POKE!

Me: Huh? How's that supposed to kill me? They're poking midair! Anyways, I am the almighty authoress.

Fangirls: Look! A Tohru dummy pretending to be a purple mutant bunny! KILL THE WITCH!

A/N: No offense meant to you witches, either.

Purple mutant bunny: Bunny bunny? BUNNY! –runs away-

Me: Hahaha. Your mindless mob is a bunch of dorks.

Yuki: I see. –sweatdrop- I'll kill you anyways. Somehow.

Kisa: I'll help you, Yuki! SHE HURT HIRO….. –snort snort-

Me: Scary…. It's supposed to be really hot today, and I live by a lake. Anyone wanna go swimming?

Ayame: Skinny dipping? OF COURSE! C'mmon, Gure-nii! –jumps in lake-

Shigure: Right behind you, Aya! –splash splash-

Me: I'm never, ever going swimming in that lake again. Let's put some sharks in there…. EVERYONE, SHIELD YOUR EYES!

Everyone: -covers eyes-

Shigure: Sharks? –runs out of lake-

Ayame: Ooh, hi sharks! OW! IT BIT ME! –runs out of lakes-

Me: Keep your eyes covered. They're probably naked. Scary thought….

Ayame/Shigure: -yelling fades away- -poof!-

Me: It's safe now. –opens eyes- Thank you, lovely sharks.

Shark: No problem. –poof-

Kyo: Oh, great. NOW YOU TALK TO SHARKS, DAMNIT!

Me: Not only sharks. There's trees, rocks, windows, and most inanimate objects, not to mention figments of my imagination such as you guys. –nods-

Kyo: -stunned silence-

Hatori: Have you learned to count to seven yet?

Me: Nope. –runs into wall-

Kyo: Damnit, your clumsy!

Me: Yup. I run into walls, door, I fall down stairs, I fall up stairs, I run into ceilings… And that's only a few.

Kisa: Um, scary? Who wants to kill her now?

Me: I never got revenge. –pushes off cliff- Ha! Try to kill me now, huh?

Hatori: You're quite violent.

Me: Off you go! –pushes off cliff- Anywho… FOR THE CONTINUING MYSTERY OF: WHERE DID TOHRU- Wait, wait…. Script change! – OF: WHO PUT THE STICKERS ON MY BELOVED CHAINSAW!

Haru: I did! Your mama's so fat, she turned into a cow!

Haru: I'm a cow!

Haru: I like burgers and milkshakes!

Me: -gaspeh- He's still infected! EVERYONE, BACK AWAY!... By the way, did you actually put the stickers on my chainsaw….?

Haru: Yes!

Me: Hmph. –uses beef jerky to push off cliff- I didn't want to touch him. TAKE THAT, YOU STUPID COW!

Yuki: That's insulting.

Me: Well, you kissed him in the first place, MAD COW DISEASE CARRIER!

Yuki: What the hell are you talking about?

Me: Nothing. Just rambling, as usual.

Kureno: I see…. Anywho, I gotta go. Akito, honey, come back soon, okay? The new doctor, Kana, will get worries soon.

Kana: WHERE'S HATORI? I GOTTA POKE OUT HIS OTHER EYE!

Me: I get the feeling she recovered all of her memories….

Kureno: Yup. Including the ones about her and Hatori's terrible relationship. Oh yes, script change! She's the one who poked out his left eye. It was quite painful for Hatori.

Kyo: Is that why he's the angry, sadistic man who kisses Akito today?

Kureno: OH. MEH. AKITO. Akito, you kissed Hatori!

Yuki: And me.

Akito: Nope. They kissed me. It was entirely un-consensual on my part.

Kureno: Which means….?

Akito: I didn't want to be kissed.

Kureno: Good. 'Cause I'm a jealous lover.

Me: -twitch twitch- Which begs the question…. Akito, are you a man or a woman?

Akito: Ooh! Fire station! –poof-

Me: Why does Akito always poof whenever I'm asking questions?

Arisa: Dr. Pepper, yo! It's nasty!

Kana: WHERE IS HATORI?

Kyo: …Where's Tohru, damnit?

Yuki: I will kill you!

Kureno: Akito, my love!

Kazuma: We will get married, Saki, honeycakes!

Saki: I know, flower!

Me: …Uh, none of those answer my questions. Do you guys all belong in the loony box?

-silence-

Me: Uh huh. I thought so.

Kana: HAND OVER HATORI!

Me: Shut up, Kana. I pushed him off a cliff.

Kana: I'LL KILL YOU!

Me: Why does everyone want to kill me? I mean, it's not my fault you're all deranged, loony mad people!

Kyo: You're the one typing, idiot.

Yuki: What'd you say?

Kyo: You're the on-

Yuki: No, the author.

Me: I said, it's not my fault you're all deranged, raving mad peo-!

Yuki: -chokes-

Me: -is choked-

Yuki: -pop!-

Me: -massages wrist- I wonder why he disappeared with a pop. I also wonder why he was choking my wrist. Oh well.

Haru: My milkshake!

Me: Didn't I push him off a cliff?

Kyo: Yes, you did, damnit!

Kana: Maybe he has insane regeneration powers.

Me: Woah. Kana's acting like she's not drunk and raving.

Kana: THAT MEANS HATORI CAN DO IT TOO! DAMNIT, HATORI, GET YOUR SORRY BUTT UP HERE BEFORE I DECIDE TO AMPUTATE YOUR LEG!

Me: And we thought Kureno was a jealous lover.

Kana: HAND OVER HATORI!

Me: Here. –hands Hatori's cell-

Hatori's cell: Hatori's not here at the moment. Please leave a message after the seahorse neigh. –SEA HORSE NEIGH-

Me: Come back next episode. I'll reincarnate him.

Thish is like… MY LONGEST CHAPTER EVER.

Seven freakin' pages.

Wow.

♥♥♥- Emby!