The first little bit is in Amy's P.O.V just to give you an idea about her views on the situation so far. I might do that at the start of every chapter from here on out. Enjoy.
"Okay guys, that'll do it for today! We appreciate all of your help," Sally announces, "We'll meet up tomorrow; same time," Everyone acknowledges this and smile at how the party preparations were almost finished. "Remember, only three more days!" She opens the castle doors, concluding the meeting; I'm the first one out the door. My feet are practically running, but I'm still feeling as if I'm not going anywhere.
I can't believe he talked to me. I knew I shouldn't have come to the meeting. I thought that partnering him up with Mina would keep him away, but we always seem to run into each other; this time literally.
I can still remember everything that happened in full detail. The feeling of his aura; the way he made me laugh…how he said I looked great.
I haven't been that close to him in so long… and there are obvious reasons for that.
All the memories that I tried so hard to lock away started to resurface again. How could this happen? I even had a set plan for how I was going to get over him! I stopped talking to him; I stopped seeing him; I stopped thinking about him. I locked, burn, and tore every single memory of him, practically throwing my feelings for him into a safe and swallowing the key. This took me four months to complete! Yet, in just a couple of minutes, he broke that safe so effortlessly, almost naturally. That smile; those eyes…his weapons were so superior over mine.
When we were talking for those few minutes I remember thinking, 'what was I even mad at him for anyway?'. Yes, for that instant of talking to him I was actually beginning to doubt my overall judgment of leaving him. The thought of leaving him truly seemed insane and idiotic to me at that moment. And when he smiled, laughing at my joke about Mina, I thought 'surely I must have been stupid…'.
It was then that Mighty had called me, and it felt like I had been broken free from a spell.
Mighty reminded me as to why I wasn't with Sonic. BecauseSonic is callous.
He's self-centered; impulsive; rude. And he is totally reckless.
I mean, those are more than enough reasons to never be with a guy, so me never wanting to see him again was totally logical, right?
Then why am I really disappointed that I couldn't have talked to him longer?
No. I wasn't going to let him get to me again. I couldn't, I just couldn't.
And the worst part about it…? Sonic has practically had a romantic relationship with every girl in the freedom fighters, so there was no one I could truly open up to about this. The closest person I could talk to would be Mina, but even she was infatuated with Sonic at one point; it would be too awkward.
For the first time, in a long time, I felt very alone, and I was in desperate need to vent.
I reach into my shoulder bag and pull out my phone. I stare at it for a while, wondering if I should really make the move. Every time I'm about to press the first digit, I hesitate and go back to staring at the screen; My fingers circle the keypad for a while.
I know that if I don't make this call, I'm going to be driving myself insane tonight…along with many more nights. I've been through this stage before. Now that Sonic was back in my mind, he wasn't going to go away. The last thing I needed was to keep everything inside.
With a new sense of determination, and fear of solitude, my fingers slowly type in the number. The phone rings for a while, and my hope is starting to dwindle.
The phone rings for the fifth time before the answering machine clicks on, and Mina's cheery voice fills the silence.
"Hey, hey! This is Mina Mongoose! Can't come to the phone right now because I'm probably at a music gig, but I'll hit you up when I get the chance! See ya!"
There's a beep, signaling to leave a message, but I just hung up. I can practically feel my hope dying with the closing of my phone. My only chance for comfort has been shattered.
I stop walking and lean against the wall of a nearby cloths shop, letting droplets of an upcoming rain shower fall onto my face. People are running past me, trying to look for shelter before the rain starts, but after a while they all seem to fade away…
And I'm back to feeling the way I did four months ago.
It's 8:00 p.m and I'm hooking up my electric guitar to The Tune's stage amplifier. We had gotten here at 7:00, but there were a few bands ahead of us that were playing first. The last band to have played was called The Last Word, and they did a song called 'What Should've Happened'; you can imagine what mood that put me in. I take a glance at Mina, who is not too far from me. She's doing a quick practice run with the bass, sucking her teeth in anger at the fact that she couldn't sing instead.
I turn the volume up a little on my guitar, positioning my fingers on the fretboard to see if it works. I strum, and the clear, melodic sound of a G major chord fills the practice room. I smile in approval, but also at Mina's frustration.
There's this sick, twisted feeling doing loops within my stomach though, and I'm about to yell. I knew that something was wrong, but I try to convince myself that maybe it's just an adrenaline rush. The Forget Me Knots and I are now entering backstage, literally packed like sardines next to this other band that's going on stage for first time. The new band is totally geeking out and making these weird breathing noises like they're about to have an asthma attack or something. Mina, Sharps, Max, and Mach are going over last minute rhythm issues while my eyes are still glued to the crowd. The curtains are right in front of us, making it easy for us to see crowd but practically impossible for the crowd to see us.
The feeling starts to worsen, and I cringe. You know that feeling that you get when you know you've forgotten something, but for the life of you, you can't remember what it was? It kind of feels like a part of you is missing, doesn't it? Well, imagine that, but mixed in with a bit of apprehension and low breathing room. I mentally do a check list of any needed items, and come to the conclusion that I hadn't forgotten anything.
Then why does it feel like a big part of me isn't present right now?
Mina taps my shoulder and motions for me to get ready. I strap on my guitar and give her a thumps up but inside I'm troubled.
"Are you ready for this?" she asks.
I stare at the wall for a while before answering.
"Yeah…"
"Remember, just be cool." she smiles, and this snaps something within me similar to how I felt at lunch with Tails and the others. A somewhat irritation starts to formulate within me, and my confident side starts to rise. Just be cool. Being cool and positive was pretty much all I was about! Where did this feeble, wimp side come from and when did I decide to let it in? I suck my teeth in aggravation at my sudden demise.
"Please, being cool is my lifestyle," I retaliate, totally impelled by my sudden change in zeal. "The Forget Me Knots are going to rock this thing."
"Sonic, its okay to be a little worried…" she reaches out to comfort me, but I back up in protest; I was practically shutting down any form of weakness that I could find.
"Worried?" The word disgusted me, "I'm sorry, have we met before? I'm Sonic the Hedgehog, remember?"
Mina recoils, seeming astounded, but relieved all the same. Suddenly the announcer introduces us onto the stage, and a thunder storm of applause resounds throughout the club. Mina turns back to me and laughs, saying "How could I expect anything less?", before walking off to take center stage. I follow her, driven by my rekindled sense of confidence.
"Be sure to keep up. I'm practically a celebrity here!" I manage to mention as we all begin to take the stage. "Wouldn't want anyone cramping my style."
Mina rolls her eyes, but there's a trace of a smirk on her lips. As we walk, there's enormous clapping for us, and a few cheers to the Freedom Fighters. The light above us is so blinding I can barely see the faces of the crowd, and the radiating heat is so intense that I'm practically sweating. The stage is so much higher than the ground; everyone and everything suddenly feel so insignificant compared to me. I can feel my fingers start to tremble a bit, but this time from exhilaration.
Mina then finds the mic, and she grabs it with such force and speed that I'm afraid she's going to bash me with it.
"HELLO MOBIANS! WE ARE 'THE FORGET ME KNOTS', AND WE ARE READY TO ROCK!"
Oh yes, how could I forget Mina's trademark, ear-shattering,presentation? No wonder her voice is messed up.
"ARE YOU?!" her voice was cracking, but everyone carried on like it was just another one of her performances.
She points the mic to the crowd; it was pretty much a routine now.
"YEAH!" they reply predictably.
Like anyone would say no…
"Awesome! Now give a warm welcome to our guest singer, the one and only…SONIC THE HEDGEHOG!" she turns to me, her arm outstretched, making the scene way more dramatic than it needed to be. I mean, everyone already knew who I was. But hey, whatever gets the show going, right?
This time, the clasps are almost ear-deafening, which is a drastic surprise considering Mina's volume just a second ago. I admit, I wasn't actually anticipating this type of response. I smile in gratitude, because no matter how expected it was, I was always a sucker for appreciation. People even begin to stand andwhistle, and the lights above were starting to glare off the windows, creating a bunch of sparkle-like particles in the air. It was a total mixture of adrenaline and buoyancy that I hadn't felt in a while; it was almost whimsical actually.
Mina smiles in triumph as she heads to the bass, and I can't help but mentally laugh at how enthusiastic she is when she wasn't even singing.
Before I know it, it's time to play.
The music from our instruments inhabits the whole room and the crowd goes quiet. I start to sway with the melody, and the song becomes one with me. From everything that has been happening, music seems to have been my only true escape. All the anxiety; all the worry about confidence; all of my thoughts have left me. It's just me right now… no one else.
And then I start to sing.
"Dude, you did a killer job up there!"
Mina shakes my shoulder vigorously, going on and on about how hyped the crowd was and how 'killer', 'awesome', or 'dynamic' my singing was. None of this is new to me, because she's been doing it every 5 minutes; literally still bouncing and squealing like we never left the stage.
"I still can't get over it!" Obviously…, "I mean, Sonic was all like, "Oooh", and the crowd was all like, "Aaah!", and—andeverything was so ecstatic, man!"
The rest of the band members and I are exchanging humorous smirks, while she continues to reminisce the event like it didn't just happen one hour ago. After the mini concert, we decided to book it after the third band. I couldn't take any more half-baked love songs talking about how they love the girl they hate or their love is with another man (yeah, that one sent an invisible arrow through my heart), so I told them that I needed some air; which for god's sake I did, because the air was so stuffy in there that I couldn't tell musk from perfume. Fortunately, Mina and the rest agreed, and now we're at the only café in Knothole that stays open later than midnight.
I recline in the red booth I was sitting in, starting to enjoy the moment. My thoughts didn't feel as weighted as they had this morning, and even though I knew that I was going to have to deal with the dread of tomorrow, I didn't care. I just wanted to take in the scene of having fun with friends and live in the moment. After all I've been through, I could at least get a little bit of leisure time, right?
A sudden flash outside catches my eye and I turn to look out the window to my right. It wasn't anything serious though, just a couple of street lights starting to come on.
It must be getting late.
My attention is driven back to Mina and the others as each of them are beginning to have a 'who can blow the most bubbles in their milkshake' competition. Yeah, you read that correctly;remember, these are not five year olds.
"You guys can't be serious…" my tone is disapproving, by my smile couldn't be any bigger.
"Oh come on Sonic, when did you get so mature?" Mina mumbles, not letting go of the straw in her mouth for even a second.
"Where are your manners? I mean, look at you guys!" I try to imitate a know-it-all mother that just saw her children doing something dastardly, like burping in public or not saying thank you, "You're not even doing it right."
Mina seems to catch on to the joke, and instantly stops her blowing to laugh. "Oh, we are so sorry, Mom! Please, show us what not to do! We need to be enlightened this second!"
"Well, first off, you guys didn't invite me. And second," I grasp the straw of my chocolate milkshake with my mouth, leaving just enough room for me to still talk, "Your blowing sucks."
"Hmph," Mina gives me determined grin, "So, it begins."
That was pretty much the signal to start, and we all began to blow into our drinks simultaneously. The competition overall didn't last long, but the judging on who's bubble tower was bigger was probably the most serious debate I've ever experienced. We each claimed our towers to be the tallest and even Mach, whose tower was clearly the smallest, tried to get in on the action. Sometimes we'd even pop the other person's bubbles, as if it was going to change anything. It was a very strange experience, but it was actually nice to act so immature.
"What are you talking about? Mine is clearly the winner!" Mach retaliates.
"I could make more bubbles in a bathtub, dude." Max takes his straw and decides to slurp some of Mach's milkshake, decreasing the already low bubble size to a mere zero. The whole scene was hilarious, but Mach's 'what the heck' face was what got to me.
I'm laughing so hard that my milkshake just might make a reappearance from my nose. Mina takes this chance to do the exact same thing to my milkshake and without hesitation I gulp down the rest of hers. Mach, Max, Mina, and I are all laughing up a storm, while Sharps just stares at us like we're high. Heh, we might as well be, considering the amount of sugar we've all just had.
"Oh gosh, brain freeze!" Mina whines; practically hiccupping from the little giggle spree she just had.
After we had all started to calm down, the mess of spilled milkshakes all over the table starts to dawn on us. We even got some complaints from the people around us that we were 'way too loud' and that we 'needed to leave', which was fine since we were about to anyway. As we clean up our mess, pay for our drinks and head outside, I thank them for the great time and we go our separate ways. But, of course, they don't understand how truly thankful I am for a great—actually, wonderful—time. I've been feeling so exhausted lately by the amount of things on my mind, that's it was nice to just forget about it for a while. I continue to walk in the direction of my house, but I have no plan on going there. Home just didn't feel like the place that I needed to be right now, and all that sugar was beginning to make me consider going nocturnal, so sleep was defiantly out of the question. It's so dark that it's becoming a struggle to see even ten feet in front of me, so I just follow the incandescent row of street lights. There's not a single soul lingering on the streets tonight, which is a little strange to me because I'm not use to being completely alone like this. It made me feel a little at ease, yet a little edgy all the same. Just the thought that anything could happen right now with no one knowing until morning was intriguing.
I subconsciously begin to replay the song that I sang at the concert in my head; counting my footsteps in a rhythm to match the beat.
1 and 2 and 3 and 4…
The concert itself was really good, but I was still dissatisfied with the overall outcome. Throughout the whole thing, I felt like I was missing something, and after doing a mental checklist for the about the tenth time, I realized that it wasn't an item; it was aperson. I wanted more than anything to see Amy's smiling face in the crowd, cheering me on the way she always did. Her zeal and optimism constantly gave me a much needed psychological advance no matter what it came to, and I missed that at the concert. It was just like how Mina's enthusiasm pumped up the crowd, but Amy managed to do that without the microphone. No matter the circumstances, Amy would also look on the bright side, and she wasn't afraid to give me a reality check when my heart wasn't in it to win it. But it's undoubtedly strange, though…
…somehow, Amy had gone from being my number one fan, to being my number one.
I can't help but laugh sometimes at the amount of confidence she has in me. She was the cheerleader at the football game that would scream the loudest and put her all into her performance to keep everyone else motivated; the extra little bit of chili that made the difference between a good and a great chilidog. Her constant worrying attention towards me might have gotten me irritated on many occasions, but I secretly began to long for it. A small smile begins to form on my lips as I begin to remember the day that she almost came close to crying just because I had tripped over a rock and twisted my ankle. She kept constantly nagging me that I needed to stay still, but of course I just considered her to be over-reacting like she always did. Boy, it's almost comical on how life can change so suddenly, isn't it? Back then, I couldn't stand the way she would baby me sometimes. Now, I wouldn't mind breaking both of my arms if it meant that I could see her care for me again. Even a glimpse of worry in her eyes would make me through the day, because as long as she cared, there was still hope for me. But…
If I continue to avoid her…then, her smile; her optimism; herlove…they wouldn't be for me anymore.
A sudden emotion fills my heart that stops me dead in my tracks: Jealousy—deep, angering, jealousy. My mind begins to make up scenes without warning, each of them containing Amy caring for Mighty; Amy laughing with Mighty; Amy cheering for Mighty, which would eventually lead up to Amy kissing Mi—.
I shake my head furiously, as if just by doing so the images would knock out of my head somehow. This is why I never walked. There were too many things to think about because of the lack of speed that I just wasn't into. I was so use to relying on Sally or Tails to do the thinking side of things that I just didn't find the point to it anymore…Which is exactly the reason why I'm in this mess in the first place. Because I didn't think.
There's an abandoned metal bench next to me, and I turn my head towards it like it was going to give me some sort of advice. Of course it doesn't, but its designed comfort and solitary location was more than enough. I knew that I had to actually think about my situation for once, and the bench just seemed to confirm this notion. I sit down and the coldness of the nightthat's been absorbed into the metal sends a small chill up my spine. Maybe it's the sugar talking, but it was almost like the bench was giving me a little reassurance. I breathe in the crisp night air and begin to wonder the many other souls that maybe contemplated their life issues on this very bench. Weird on how a bench was designed for rest and relaxation, but its sturdy framework could support even the depths of our problems and frustrations. The very emotions that others would crumple under, the bench never did. I smile; a little envious at its easy life. It never had to do anything, it was never overshadowed with the fate of the world, and it never had to face the problems of emotional stress. Heh, such the simple concept of something like bench could be taken for granted in a heartbeat.
Like love.
I cringe while the full power of the word finally starts to dawn on me. Love: it was just one syllable, but it was a syllable too soon or too late in many cases. It was the very thing that could make, or break, a relationship. That word has caused death and life all at the same time, and yet, it was nothing but just a four letter word. That word means a lot; it means a lot to Amy. But I left her without saying it back. Why? Why did the intensity of its meaning not present itself to me until now? Amy had probably put her whole energy—practically her whole being—into that one word. Was I scared? Of course you were. You still are. Could one word really do that to someone? You'd think that after all the relationships you'd been through you'd know that by now. I rest my head in the palms of my hands. They're freezing but I barely noticed it until now. Even if I did say it back, could I truly amount up to the expectations of it? This time my mind was silent, and I sigh in defeat. I didn't know the answers to the unknown, and normally that would excite me, but not this time. This type of unknown worried me, because all ofit's unfamiliar territory could cascade and envelope me any second…if it wasn't already.
All this thinking is driving me to the point of near exhaustion, and I'm unavoidably reminded as to why I never did it.
I need to fix this— but what if I wasn't ready?
I need to find her— but rejection…rejection was always an option. I don't think I could handle it if…
I…I need to—do what I do best.
I…need…to—run.
Before I even have time to contemplate on the idea, my legs are up and running. I keep telling myself that it was too late to talk to her anyway, and that I'll do it tomorrow.
But then again, I told myself this exact thing four months ago.
Wow, this was full of insane thoughts,huh? Sorry if it confused you, but I love things that involve fighting with your inner-self. Which is exactly what Sonic was doing near the end. Hope you're looking forward to the next chapter. I'll try to make it quicker than this one, haha.