A/N: Thinking through this chapter took a bit of effort on my part. I wasn't sure if I wanted to write as the pre-Tokyo Fai, or the aloof person who revealed himself after. Though both versions have their share of dark inner thoughts, I opted to go post-Tokyo and explore the dynamics of KuroFai's fracturing relationship and how that would play out alongside Fai meeting a Kurogane from another world. I hope you enjoy reading what I came up with!

Spoilers/Timeline: Spoilers for Tokyo and somewhat for Celes. Timeline is after Tokyo, but before Infinity... but the emo-ness of Infinity is openly embraced!

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Fai

Fai was well familiar with what it felt like to be trapped. So much of his life had been spent stuck and unchanging, waiting passively for things to get better and then getting caught in the flow of other people's whims, drifting along with no control or thought of acting on his own behalf and altering the course he'd been set upon. His life had been mapped out by other hands, and the route he would take could not be changed, even if his heart fought against the stagnation that he had imposed on it. His fate was his fate, and there was no way around it.

Half asleep, his hand sought the patch over the eye the child he could not protect had taken from him. That, too, had been an inevitable step, as had the pain the princess had suffered, as had the cruelty he had used to keep the one he could not let himself love from coming closer. They were all moving neatly along the path Fei Wang Reed had drawn, and there was nothing that could be done to stop. There was no point in fighting, or feeling anything other than resignation for what was meant to come.

It doesn't matter, he coached himself. If we keep moving forward, my brother will be safe. What happens to me isn't important. The only thing I've done with this life is make the people I care about most suffer. I'm not the kind of person who deserves to live, and the world will be better for my absence.

With a yawn, he surrendered himself to the new day and opened his good eye, reorienting himself. It was early morning, and they were no longer in Tokyo. This new world they had found themselves in was on the countryside, a long stretch of rice fields where farmers lived and worked off of the land. One of the workers had put Syaoran, Kurogane, and Fai up in his shed for a small fee, and allowed Sakura to live in the main house and be tended to by his wife. It was a good arrangement, for the most part. Sakura was still in pain from her recent awareness of her true identity and the loss of the Syaoran-kun she had loved, and it was best for her to be on her own for awhile, as well as for the Syaoran who had been left to deal with the damage his other self had left behind. For Kurogane and Fai, it had been difficult to be in such close quarters, but they had been able to keep their bitterness to themselves for once, so the kid would not have to see.

Fai stumbled to his feet, fumbling into the clothes their host had given them to wear. The workers preferred a loose and baggy style paired with triangular shaped sun hats to keep their skin from being burned as they labored, which Fai thought looked a bit silly on him. He remembered the times in the other worlds when he and Kurogane had teased one another about their clothes, or Kurogane had grumbled over how Fai always managed to find a way to show his stomach even more often than Sakura did. He wanted to smile at these memories, but they had become painful now, a reminder of how he had taken a wrong turn on his path and almost fooled himself into happiness. He couldn't go back to how he had been; the choice had already been made in Tokyo, when he'd redrawn the line between himself and Kurogane. Reliving those times would only hurt him, and lead him to further question the wish he would not abandon, the path that could not be changed.

"Oi," Kurogane murmured as Fai's hand grappled in the dim light for the door. "Going somewhere?"

"Walk," Fai answered shortly. "It's still early. Go back to sleep."

"Wait." Fai heard Kurogane pull off his covers and rise to his feet. "How are you feeling?"

The hair on the back of Fai's neck stood up. This was Kurogane's method of asking if he was hungry, or more accurately, his fallback method when the situation wasn't ideal for him to go ahead and cut his wrist and stick it in front of Fai without preamble. Kurogane didn't trust Fai to alert him to his hungers on his own, which was wise of him. Fai had only fed on one occasion, but the act had been so hard on him that he hadn't made any effort to willingly enter into it again. Before Kurogane had committed the unforgivable act of saving his life that had pushed their tenuous relationship to a point too far for Fai, the mage had always secretly hungered for a deeper connection with the ninja, even in spite of his better judgment. Drinking of Kurogane's blood had brought him that connection, but in a form so twisted and one sided that he couldn't bear to torture himself with it any more than he had to. It would almost be easier to starve himself than it would to continue on in this way, teasing himself with an intimate act that had absolutely nothing to do with love.

"I'm feeling wonderful, Kurogane," he said flatly, opening the door. "Go back to sleep."

He didn't turn around to catch a glimpse of Kurogane's face before walking out onto the dirt road and heading past the fields. I never wanted you to get involved, he cursed to himself, ignoring the guilty feeling in his heart. You were the one I most wanted to keep away, and now because you won't stop caring for me, you're the one who will end up the most hurt.

But it couldn't be helped. Like this countryside, his future had only one road, and led to only one place. All he could do was follow it, and hope that saving his brother would bring enough happiness to give him rest at the end of the journey.

The farmers were already out in the fields as Fai made his way down the road, their feet ankle deep in water and their bodies bending and stooping as they picked their crop. Fai was envious of them. Their lives were quiet and would not lead them the places his had led him. They worked hard and strained themselves in their labors, but they had been spared the Tower, the land that had turned to hell solely because of him.

One of the farmers, a big, burly middle aged man, looked up at Fai as he passed. Fai returned his gaze for a moment, feeling something familiar about his presence. Perhaps it was someone he had met before on his journeys, yet another manifestation of someone familiar. He nodded his head politely, just in case, and kept walking on.

"OI!" the man suddenly yelled, chucking the basket he was holding at Fai's head. "What the hell do you think you're doing? Do you think this is a funny idea for a joke?"

The basket hit Fai's sun hat, which went flying off upon impact. He stared at the man, bewildered. There was no mistaking that voice, even though the man it belonged to was a good deal older than the one he knew, his hair graying in places and his face weathered by years in the sun. "K-Kurogane?"

"So you do know who I am." The man stomped out of the fields and balled his muddy fist into the front of Fai's shirt to threateningly pull him close. "Was it the witch? Thought she'd have a little laugh, did she?"

"Witch?" Fai said blankly, his body not sure which shock to respond to first. "Do you mean Yuuko-san?"

"So it was her. That bitch." He ripped off his hat and spat on the ground. "I'm going to beat some sense into her. And you, too, if you don't give me a good explanation as to why you did this."

"Excuse me," Fai said, trying to catch his bearings. "I'm not here because of Yuuko-san. I've never met the one who lives here, and she definitely didn't ask me to speak with you. And I'm sorry if I offended you somehow, but it wasn't intentional."

"Hmph." Kurogane rubbed his chin, studying him critically. "Well, you're not a ghost, that's for sure. You look like he did, but you're acting much too polite, and there's no explaining that eye patch. You're either a really bad actor sent to imitate him, or else a relative. But then again, your presence is too similar. I felt it immediately when you walked by. It's not exactly like his, but it's too close to be ignored..."

"I'm probably not who you think I am," Fai interrupted him, deciding it would be best to get out of the situation before it went any further. "It would be good for you to forget about this."

"Not a chance." Kurogane snatched his arm and started dragging him down the road. "You and I are going to have a nice long chat, and I'm not going to let you go until I'm satisfied with your explanation."

"Hey, you can't just leave!" one of the workers yelled out to Kurogane as Fai attempted to free himself from his grip. "There's no one here to cover for you."

"And you expect me to just ignore this idiot?" He whirled Fai around so the other workers could see his face.

Each of them dropped their baskets and went slack jawed. "F-Fai-sama? How can that be?"

"That's exactly what I'm going to figure out."

Kurogane dragged Fai to a small house much like the one their group was staying in. He kicked off his shoes and threw open the door with a loud, "Oi, I'm back," before plopping down onto a cushion on the floor. Fai glanced around, wondering who else shared the home with him, but there was no one there that he could see, and no sign of any belongings other than Kurogane's own. The house itself was sparse and had only the most basic of furniture. The one area that seemed cleanly kept was the small shrine Kurogane had sat down in front of. Fai leaned forward to get a better look. Behind the flowers and candles collected on the table was a framed ink painting of a young man dressed in flowing robes, glancing forward with a mischievous smile in his pale blue eyes.

Fai clapped his hand over his mouth. "Oh," he whispered. "Oh..."

Kurogane looked over at him with a frown. "Sit down. And give me a moment."

As Fai took the cushion beside him, Kurogane lit the stick of incense in front of the painting and clapped his hands together. "Hey you," he began unceremoniously, "if you had anything to do with this, I'm going to hunt you down and smack you. If I ever said something about wanting to see you again, I didn't mean a younger version of you with an eye patch and depressed expression. So if this is your doing, please send him back from wherever he came from and rest peacefully."

"Um," Fai said softly. "That's not quite how it is."

"Huh. It was worth a try. It seemed like something he would have done." Kurogane sighed and bowed to the shrine before turning back to Fai. "Are you going to explain yourself, in that case?"

"The truth is something very hard to believe... it would be best for you not to know."

"Oh? So someone who looks nearly exactly like my deceased companion wanders by on the anniversary of his death, and I'm not supposed to ask any questions? Excuse me for calling you a bad actor earlier. You're as much of an idiot as that guy was."

"I apologize for bringing up any bad memories, Kurogane, but—"

Kurogane bristled. "Why are you calling me like that? It's weird."

"That's your name."

"Yeah, but that never stopped you from calling me strange things before. Or him, I should say." His eyes narrowed. "I can't decide whether you are him or not. In some ways it seems like you are, but there's too many things that are different."

Fai bit his lip, finally deciding it would be best to give up the information and get it over with rather than be kept hostage and have Syaoran and the other Kurogane show up and give him even more reasons to be riled up. "I am not him, or at least not the particular person you knew. It's more like I'm who he would have been if he had lived somewhere else and had another life."

Fai carefully explained the rules of the dimensions Yuuko had given them, describing how the same soul could live under different conditions in numerous worlds, different, but yet in many ways the same.

Kurogane massaged his forehead, looking very much as if he was on the verge of a headache. "So you have his soul, huh? And you've met people who also live in this world, like me and the witch. And you've traveled here because...?"

"Personal reasons."

"Personal reasons," Kurogane echoed, looking doubtful. "You mean for the kind of reasons that would put that frown on your face and make you call me 'Kurogane' in such a mopey voice. Don't think you can fool me. I lived with that idiot for too long to forget about the reasons why he got into those moods of his."

He reached towards the shrine and lifted another, smaller portrait that had been covered by the flowers to place in Fai's hand. The picture was of a young boy with long blonde hair sitting in the sunlight, his eyes closed and his lips smiling in contentment.

"My twin," Fai whispered, bowing his head.

"Ah, so I was right." Kurogane clucked his tongue. "You and he grew up in this village and were a few years older than me. The two of you used to drive me crazy. First I had you poking and chasing me around, and then I had your brother trying to keep up and getting himself hurt." He shook his head. "You never forgave yourself when he died. The look on your face now is just the same as his was."

"How did my brother die?" Fai asked, struggling to keep his voice steady. Was it my fault again? Am I yet again the one standing in the way of my brother's happiness?

Kurogane shrugged. "There was a flood. It killed a lot of people here. Your brother, my mother and father, the man with the glasses who lived together with the witch. You had gotten yourself stuck up in a tree when it started, and I had just gone up to get you, so we managed to make it out alive, the two of us. You tried to jump down a few times to look for your brother while the water was still coming, but I wouldn't let you. It took you a long time to forgive me for that one, too. You kept calling me 'Kurogane' when you bothered to talk to me at all."

"It works," Fai said tightly. "It gets you to back off."

"Maybe at first. But I wasn't about to sit back and watch you mourn yourself to death either. If you wouldn't forgive me for not saving your brother, there's no chance your brother would let it go quietly if I didn't manage to save you. So I did."

"You did. Just like that?" Fai grit his teeth, and he felt something in his body shift to the new, predatory being existing within him. "Are you telling me I abandoned my brother and let it go? I don't know who I was in this world, but in every place and time there is, I am certain that my brother's soul is more pure and worthy of life than mine."

Kurogane stared at him, his jaw clenching. "The only way you can abandon the dead is by forgetting them. And you never did that, not even for a moment. Just as I haven't abandoned that guy, even though I don't spend the time I have left here without him trying to find ways to bring him back."

Fai stared at Kurogane, open mouthed.

"Look, I had a good life with that guy. It was shorter than I thought it would be, but it was good. I was lucky to survive that flood, and I was lucky that he survived it, too, and I'm not about to demand the universe give me more time than I was lucky enough to get. Sure, I was upset you fell ill. I did everything I could to keep you alive, but in the end, there was nothing I could do other than see you off. The day after, I even attacked the witch's house with an ax to make myself feel better, but I had to know when to stop. I had to learn what you learned when your twin died: there's nothing kind about burdening the dead with our guilt. What's important is living, and living well enough to feel the smiles of those who are gone shining down from wherever they are. But something tells me that you have yet to learn."

"My history is different," Fai said, his shoulders shaking. "I let my brother die. It was a choice between my life and his, and I chose myself. I did something unforgivable, and I intend to make sure he doesn't continue to suffer for it."

"The only time I ever knew your brother to suffer was when you were unhappy, so the way you are now must be what's making him miserable, if anything. And like I said, you can't fool me." He grabbed Fai's chin and squeezed it. "I know your soul inside and out, and you would never choose yourself when it comes to your brother. I don't know what that head of yours tells you to believe, but never doubt that."

He let Fai go and rose to his feet. "Go back," he advised. "As I said, I don't need you to be here when all I wish is for you to rest peacefully. And I am sure the me at your side needs you more than I do."

"You don't know that," Fai said. "All I do is cause you pain. It would be better for you if our paths had never crossed."

"Hmph. You caused plenty of trouble in life, but you caused even more by dying. Don't you dare say the me now is happier than I was when you were here. You're the one who doesn't know."

He opened the door and gestured to Fai to make his way back outside. Fai crossed over the threshold, turning back to look at Kurogane one last time. He was still handsome, even though he was older and had lived through so much, and Fai realized it must have been a happy life for him to live with this man who cared for him so dearly. The same soul... had things been different, this could have been my fate, as well.

"You know," Fai said, meeting Kurogane's eyes. "Towards you, I—"

"I know," Kurogane cut him off. "I always did. But if you don't trust in it, it doesn't do you or me any good. So get your head on straight and figure out what it is you want before you end up losing your only chance to have it."

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Syaoran was awake and working beside their host in the fields when Fai returned. "Fai-san," he said, wiping his brow, "Mokona and Sakura-hime have gone to ask the locals about legends that might have to do with a feather here. They left breakfast for you in the main house for when you came back."

"Where's Kurogane?"

"Waiting for you." He paused for a moment. "Um, Fai-san?"

"Yes?"

"What happened to you was my fault, so please... don't make Kurogane-san the one who is punished for it. When I watched your journey, I could tell that you really enjoyed the time you two spent together, so please don't take that away now that he needs that time more than ever."

Fai smiled sadly and ruffled Syaoran's hair. "I don't blame you for what happened, Syaoran-kun. There's nothing left to blame but fate."

There is only one road, he thought to himself. Kurogane is the one who is wrong. Destiny cannot be defied. People who were born to be trapped can never be free.

Kurogane was waiting for him at the table, and quietly passed him his plate and tea. Fai stumbled through the use of the chopsticks, as always, but the other man didn't bother laughing at him as he usually did. Too much had changed to go back, and the only place to go was forwards, towards the unavoidable end. Perhaps even Kurogane was realizing that now. He had said it himself: You would never choose yourself when it comes to your brother. And even when the matter came to his own happiness, he truly never would.

"Oi," Kurogane said suddenly, taking a sip of his own tea, "I'm not giving up, you hear? I won't believe Tomoyo-hime sent me on this journey just to have everything fall apart, and even the witch must have some faith in the future. So do your worst, mage. As long as my sword is sharp, I'm not going to let either of us die."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Kurogane," Fai answered, staring without expression down into his lap.

"Yes you do. And I know that things are going to keep getting harder before they get any easier, so it's not like I think you're going to stop messing around anytime soon. It's the way of the world. But it changes nothing. If you think your destiny is to die, I'll point you down a different path."

"The universe doesn't let people change its plans, Kurogane."

"It's about to. If you don't believe there's a way out, there isn't going to be one. But the moment you can see one, that's when you know you can take it, because it's there. And I intend to, even if you don't."

Fai looked at him in surprise. I think Ashura said that once, he remembered. 'If you see a path, then it can be taken. Only people who close their minds to choice are truly trapped'. But is that right? There is only one future, and it is Fate that carves the path, and it lays down only one.

But in a way, he had seen that second path. He had seen a life with Kurogane, a place where he had not sacrificed himself for his brother, a painting of himself where his smile had been real, one of pure and contented happiness. A way out, he realized. Not one I am strong enough to take, but one that I can see and must have the potential to be taken.

And maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing, if he managed to find his feet straying from their path once again. This Kurogane was not the one who had lived at his side and mourned his death, but this one still had love enough to keep him safe, to want to spend the time they still had together. How happy it would be, he could not keep from thinking again, even though his heart still had little trust in the idea of happiness for himself, how happy I must have been to live a full life at the side of that man. How happy it would make me now if my soul could find its way to that ending once again.

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Next Up: Fuuma