WOOT! 26 REVIEWS!
C'mon, people! Think about it. Kate SmithFat person, yes? Google her! XD
Hint: Philadelphia Flyers (hockey)
Go DesirePassion! She gets a virtual homemade CD.
SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: I know you read this. I KNOW IT. I wouldn't have 466 hits if you didn't (yay!). Review?
Thish is Emby, bringing you The Show: Fruits Basket of Doom! Live from her own little world!
Me: I ate breakfast in bed this morning.
Akito: Really?
Me: No.
Akito: It's hard to know when you're lying and when you're telling the truth, damnit!
Me: I'm telling the truth.
Akito: Really?
Me: No. You're so gullible.
Akito: -grumblemutter-
Me: Where's Kyo?
Hatori: Who cares?
Me: Not me! But some people do…. –sigh- Let's go on a quest to find Kyo!
Hatori: Will Nickelodeon let you?
Me: Nope. History Channel is funding our expedition.
Hatori: ….History Channel?
Me: Yeah. That's where they play Reruns of The Mummy Returns. It's all like, IMHOPTEP! IMHOPTEP!
Yuki: Kyo! My love!
Me: Okay, so who's going?
Kagura: For Kyo, my darling cat, I WILL DO ANYTHING!
Me: Okay, so that's Emby, Kagura, Yuki, Hatori, Akito, and Kureno.
Yuki: I thought Lord of the Rings had a company of nine?
Me: They did. But remember, I can't count to seven, so only six of us can go.
Hatori: -silence-
Me: Okay! Here we go! Um… Who wants to be the "Have You Seen This Cursed Kitty?" poster carrier/distributioner?
Kagura: I get to stare at Kyo's face? YEAYS! –grabs poster-
Akito: Is that even a word, damnit!
Me: …Anyways. I get to be the chainsaw bearer. And…. Um… Kureno has the lightest hair, so he gets to be the stuck up elf who's always being a butthead….
Kureno: Oh. My. God. Are you making fun of my hair? I never agreed to this! Does this outfit make me look fat?
Me: I say you agree. Akito is…. Aragorn, even though we're not sure if Akito's a guy or a girl. So you can be a girly ranger. Hatori's Arwen.
Hatori: …What the hell? Arwen?
Yuki: Arwen didn't even go on the quest!
Me: I know, but Hatori gets to be Arwen. That means, there has to be at least three make-out scenes between Hatori and Akito. –smug-
Yuki: Sometimes, I wonder about your sanity.
Me: I don't. Yuki, you get to be…. Um…. THE DWARF! 'Cept in this, you get to be female.
Yuki: …What the hell? Gimli?
Me: Yeah, whoever he is. 'Cept you're a she. MUAHA! Armed with my chainsaw, we set forth as… THE ORDER OF THE CHAINSAW!
Akito: -using eye pencil- I need a moustache and a beard.
Me: Err… Yeah. Whatever. We need one more person, to be the EVIL EYE!
Saki: -poof- This isn't Kanas…. Where am I?
Me: Hanajima! You get to be the EVIL EYE! Who is always sending the Nazgul after us to stop us from finding Kyo! In this case, the Nazgul are Care Bears. Or Care Bear cosplayers, either way. They ride the Sunshine Rays of Doom.
Hatori: This is one heck of a parody.
Me: Yup! First, we go to the Drunken Giraffe to see Akito get drunk.
Yuki: It's the Prancing Pony, damnit!
Me: If I say it's gonna be the Drunken Giraffe, it's the Drunken Giraffe! Don't undermine my authority!
Yuki: Okay.
Me: Good boy. I'll give you some poisoned cheese afterwards.
Akito: -slurs- Th--- Tat Dr. Pepper ish gud stuf!
Me: He's already drunk. How much did he drink?
Bartender: My name is Ponypoop and he drunk three gallons!
Me: Nasty. Kagura, hand him the poster.
Kagura: KYO! –kisses poster-
Me: Give it to him!
Kagura: Okay, master. –hands-
Me: Time to go to the top of Care Bear Hill to rest for the night!
Yuki: If it's called Care Bear Hill, doesn't that mean we'll get attacked?
Me: Duh, you stupid female dwarf!
A/N: I do not own Care Bear Hill. The Care Bears do. I've never actually seen the Care Bears in action, so don't undermine my authority!
Hatori: That A/N makes no sense.
Me: Shut up, Arwen! We haven't gotten to Dry Riverbed yet, where you come in!
Kagura: I'm thirsty.
Me: Let's just skip the major story plot on Care Bear Hill, and go straight to Dry Riverbed. Akito's too drunk to defend us with fire, anyways. He'd probably set my chainsaw on fire, and that'd be distressing.
Hatori: I am Arwen! –kisses Akito-
Kureno: HEY! THAT'S MY HUSBANDYWIFE THINGYMAJIGGER PERSON!
Me: Haha! Hatori said the lines! Shut up, Kureno, you don't come in until we get to Blonde Witch of Doom's land!
Care Bears: I love you! You love me!
Me: AHH! They have come to retaliate for us skipping the hill! –VROOM!-
Care Bear: We're a happy family!
Me: -stuffing flying- HAHA! SEE MY CHAINSAW AND FEAR IT!
Care Bears: Who d'ya think I am? Care Bears? I'm Barney, damnit!
Me: -gaspeh- Kyo was here! But…. We're in the Mines of Barney, that means! Wow, we travel fast.
Barney: Are you just gonna ignore me, damnit!
Me: -gaspehs!- Wait… Barney! –throws flaming torch- Watch out! Barney's on fire! This is, a secret desire!
Yuki: You can't copy Weird Al! Those lines are copyrighted!
Me: But I can set him on fire. Hey look! We're at Blonde Witch of Doom's land! Sweetness.
Arisa: I am the Blonde Witch of Doom, and I have come to bewitch Yuki the Dwarf!
Me: But Yuki's a female.
Arisa: Oh. Well then, take Kureno. He's a lying, backstabbing –BLEEP!- anways.
Me: That was a weird swear.
Arisa: Feel free to steal it. G'bye now! Have a good journey!
Kureno: She's so evvvviilll.
Akito: -snoring-
Me: Hey look. A giant spider.
Hatori: Looks more like a giant piece of crud to me.
Me: Oh, wait. You're right. That's a giant hairball. KYO WAS HERE!
Hatori: I didn't know Kyo was…. Um….
Me: He is now referred to in this quest as KYO OF THE HAIRBALLS. Got it?
Kagura: Kyo! WE NEAR YOU!
Me: That makes no sense. We're now at Gooshig. Shigure rules this place with an evil fist with Ayame.
Yuki: You mean…. Gondor?
Me: No, Gooshig. We skipped Horsey Paradise, also known as Rohan.
Hatori: …I see.
Me: No you don't. Kagura?
Kagura: YES MASTER! –gives poster-
Shigure: A POSTER!
Ayame: Kitty's dressed. –sad-
Me: Scary. Anywho, now we go to Mount Kazuma!
Yuki: MOUNT DOOM, DAMNIT!
Kureno: Yeah, yeah. OH NO! MY HAIR IS MUSSED!
Me: Heh heh. EVIL EYE! lives here. Wicked awesome, I must say. Kazuma's face is carved into the mountain.
Yuki: Kyo, my love!
Me: It's KYO OF THE HAIRBALLS!
Yuki: Okay. KYO OF THE HAIRBALLS, my love!
Me: Yeah. Like I said, you're a female dwarf, Yuki.
Hatori: I'm shaking in my booties.
Me: Shut up, Arwen
Hatori: Are you gonna call me that for the rest of my life?
Me: Most likely.
Hatori: Damn.
Me: EVIL EYE! HAND OVER KYO OF THE HAIR BALLS!
Saki: No.
Me: Oh. Why?
Saki: I don't have him
Me: Whaddya mean, you don't have him?
Saki: Exactly that. I don't have him.
Me: Oh. Are you saying this whole quest was a fraud?
Saki: No. I'm saying that it should be Qwest of the Phonebook to find Kyo of the Hairballs.
Me: Rawk on.
Hatori: So… Where is Kyo?
Me: KYO OF THE HAIRBALLS!
Hatori: Kyo of the Hairballs.
Saki: I dunno.
Me: Oh well. Let's chop this plastic mountain. –vroom!- Bye bye mountain!
Saki: NOO! IT TOOK ME HOURS TO CARVEN BELOVED KAZUMA'S FACE INTO THE PLASTIC!
Me: Huh? Oh. Sorry. –Not!-
Saki: I'M MEEELLLLTTING!
Me: Bye! Seeya next melt! Speaking of melts… I want a cheesy bacon melt from some fast food place.
Hatori: Like…. McDonalds?
Me: NOOO! NOT MCDONALDS! SCARRRRYYYYY!
Akito: -snore- -wake up- Huh? Wha' happ'd?
Me: Time to go.
Akito: Where?
Me: Back to the cliff. –poofs back to cliff-
Hatori: Are you saying that we all could've poofed to the mountain in the first place?
Me: Yep. It was more fun to travel there with my chainsaw. For your info, I am still the chainsaw bearer. No one can undermine my authority.
Hatori: I see.
Me: Shut up Arwen.
Hatori: MY NAME ISN'T ARWEN, DAMNIT!
Me: But it isn't Hatori either. So, I choose the lesser evil: Arwen.
Akito: Dr. Pepper….. Am I your sunshine?
Me: You Aren't My Sunshine. Stupid sun-san.
Hatori: So, the quest for Kyo was a dud?
Me: The Qwest of the Phonebook to find Kyo of the Hairballs. Can't you listen?
Hatori: Whatever. So we lost?
Me: THE ORDER OF THE CHAINSAW NEVER LOSES! Oh. There you are, Kyo. The microwave is old.
Kyo: Damn.
Me: Dirty mouth.
Kyo: No, I do not have a damn dirty mouth, damnit!
Me: It rubs off on everyone 'cept me.
Kyo: Does not!
Me: Dirty mouth.
Kyo: NOT HUH! #(#!
Me: Wow.
Kyo: See?
Me: THE ORDER OF THE CHAINSAW SHALL ALWAYS PREVAIL!
Chappie done!
Happy now? Thank you for being my inspiration!
Go Teh Future Mrs. Kyo Sohma! Look her up.
♥♥♥- Emby!