Chicken to China, the Chinese Chicken!
Did that make no sense?
Good.
Wasn't supposed to.
Anyways, if you're confused about this fic… Don't worry. I'll be posting sane stories later, and then you can go, "Oh! She's on crack!"
Yeppity.
Do you know what crack tastes like?
'Cause I don't, and I think they've been slipping it into my food.
You ask who they are?
That's a good question.
Me: -yawns- I'm tireeedd….
Akito: -poof- Stop complaining.
Me: No. I refuse. I will make everyone miserable! Hahahah!
Akito.: Okay….?
Kyo: Ah, forget it. This is stupid. –walks away-
Me: He just realized that? O.O He's stupider than I thought….
Director: -walks on set- Holy crap, you suck at this.
Me: What?! Start directing and stop talking!
Director: We've decided to fire you.
Me: -blink blink-
-mob comes on set-
Mob: Yeah! You're terrible! Boo! –waves pitchforks-
Me: -tear-
Director: We've hired a new Emby.
Me: What? There's only one me! And you're all fictional characters! I can just stop typing any time!
Director: Get her!
Mob: BOOO! –ties up, throws into small dark cell-
Me: Mmmmmph!
Director: Take that. Leave meh vodka alone.
Mob: You need us any longer? The throwing part cost extra.
Director: Naw, you're good. We'll wire you some money.
Mob: Alright. –The mob has left the building!-
Director: You can come out now. –motions off set-
Akito: What the hell is going on?! Sure, Emby was evil, had mood swings, flung people off cliffs, turned us into unicorns, shaved heads, made us go on stupid quests, and blew popcorn up, but- What the hell am I saying?! HELL YEAH! SHE'S GONE! WOOT!
Director: Eh em. That was quite the speech. –clears throat- Now, can we get on with this?
Akito: Oh. Yep. Where's Hatori? I WANT MY PILLS!
-GASP-
IT'S EMBY'S ALTER EGO!
THE GOOD ONE!
HOLY CARRIE UNDERWOOD!
Akito: You mean holy Akito.
THAT TOO!
Emby's Alter Ego (To be known as EAE): Hello! Now, let's make this into a good, pleasant fiction, yes? –smile- Now, in good fics, there's no scripting, so….
EAE'S EVIL VERSION OF FURUBA OF DOOM: THE SHOW:
Fourteen comfortable, soft cream looking chairs sat in a pleasingly warm and cozy open room on top of a high, rocky cliff, the two brothers living in the canyon arguing in the backround. China bowls, a microwave, a huge fridge, and a few other random assorted items were scattered around the carpeted area. A person strode onto the set, before looking around with a slight distaste and putting on rubber gloves. She picked up a chainsaw, chopsticks, and rubberbands before throwing all of it off the cliff.
"Now, that's so much better," She said with a pleasant smile, before sitting down. "Now, we have a few guests today- The members of the Fruits Basket zodiac! I'm Emby v. 2.0, and I'm your host today!" There was polite clapping from the audience as the camera turned to show twelve people being led in, a few singing, one with a shaved head, and another orange-headed one being led in in handcuffs.
"They never would've caught me if that undercover cop disguised as an old lady hadn't have beat me with her purse…." He was muttering with a scowl as the cop beside him handcuffed him to the chair with a pat and a, "There there, kitty," before leaving.
"Ahh, before we start our show today, why don't we open a few fanmails?" EAE said with a gentle smile. She pulled some blue cards from a coffee table and read one aloud to the audience.
"We have four questions from a excited person named DesirePassion, the first being- Um, I mean… Well…." EAE stuttered flusteredly, and Shigure let out a short giggle.
"If the real host was here, we wouldn't have this problem!" The white haired man beside him nodded in agreement before giggling with Shigure.
"Shut up!" EAE hissed, before reading the question. "To Hatori: U cAiNt SpEhlL wurth A sHeT!" She cleared her throat. "Spelled capital U, lower case c, uppercase A, lowe-"
"Geeze, we get the picture, lady." Hiro, his shaved head red with anger, said. "If you weren't such a s-"
"Now, no swearing." EAE chided. "Hatori, do you have anything to say to this?"
"Yes, I do. I can spell like everyone els-" He started before Shigure jumped up and put his hands around Hatori's neck. "Admit the truth, Ha'ri! You're a druggie and a useless person!" He shouted.
"Yes, yes! I am!" Hatori popped a whole bottle of pills that he extracted from his white coat. EAE's eyes were wide in horror as Hatori lapsed into his natural state. "nO i CaInT sPeHl WuRtH a ShEt!" He shouted happily.
"Hatori!" EAE gasped. The people in white jackets came, and put him in a straight jacket, with Hatori rocking back and forth like a madman. "IlL bE bAcK! wItH dRuGs FuH mEh HoMiEs!" He screamed as they put him in the white truck.
EAE was pale as a sheet. "Moving on," She managed, reading the little blue card. "To Kyo: Murderer! Censors R Us will avenge my death! You're gonna pay for every crime you've commited since the day you were born!"
Kyo strained against his handcuffs. "DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU TO HELL, YOU-"
Three women in blue jackets marched into the door. "Kyon-Kyon, I'm afraid you've gone too far," One said sternly, another one sawing through the handcuffs with a saw.
"We're going to make you pay for every crime you committed since the day you were born! HAHAHAHAHHAA!" She turned her back to laugh evilly, showing a Censors R Us logo as one tied up Kyo and tried to sling him over her shoulder. With a pink poof of smoke, the little orange cat had hissed, bitten, and clawed his way to freedom.
"Damn! Now we have to catch him," One grumbled, and they sprinted out the door in fast pursuit.
"Last fanmail," EAE gasped out with barely concealed anger. "To Shigure: I'm afraid your rabies has spread to Yuki, Kyo, Ayame, Hatsuharu, and Emby. The people I have just mentioned shall have a heartattack in 5 seconds. What the hell is that?!" EAE said. "This is stupid and you should all go to hell! YOU EVIL, S-" EAE fell over dead with the other four people.
A/N: Kinda weird, huh? I get the feeling this is a very OOC'ish fic. But, I put spaces inbetween the paragraphs for you there illiterates. Thanks to DesirePassion for saving us from the infidel!
P.S. The infidel was EAE, for those who don't know what an infidel is. xD
Me: I'm back.
Akito: I thought script format was illegal, damnit!
Me: I think it is.
Akito: Why aren't you rotting in a cell, anyways?
Kisa: Hell yeah.
Me: 'Cause I am teh all powerful. Duh. I thought we already went over this.
Akito/Kisa: O.O'
Me: Where's everyone?
Yuki: -gets up off the ground- Drinking booze, and trying to lynch Kyo. I'm off to join them. Damn you.
Me: If it's vodka, I'll kill someone.
Shigure: Nope! It's spiked punch, rum, and crack.
Me: Oh. Have a nice time. Be back for the show.
Akito: HOW THE HELL DID YOU ESCAPE?! –rage-
Me: Oh, well, since my evil alter ego-
Kisa: You are evil, damnit!
Me: Don't interrupt. Anyways, DesirePassion's description of Shigure's rabies only affected those on set, so… EAE's dead. –kicks body off cliff-
Akito: Stupid.
Me: And proud. xD
Silence: This is so stupid.
Me: Eat a parrot.
A/N: If you'll remember… In an earlier chapter…. Chapter 7, to be exact…
Hatori's cell: Hatori's not here at the moment. Please leave a message after the seahorse neigh. –SEAHORSE NEIGH-
A/N: This is the message Kana left.
Kana's voice: Holy crap, Hatori! You are so evil! A PIRATE! YES, A PIRATE! I will kill you. And your other eye. DIE! I LOVE YOU! DIE!
Beeeeeeep.
That's the end of that chapter.
It was, like, Scary.
I know.
'Cause I wrote it.
Anywho, love to DesirePasison, who saved my life.
And kudos to Chi, who's weapons of mass destruction shalt be used in the next episode! WOOT!
Also, important message:
IF YOU WANT MY SONGFIC FOR THE DEVIL WENT DOWN TO GEORGIA, GIMME A HOLLAR!
Thank you!
Do you want fries wit' that, homie?
♥- Emby
P.S. Kicks and giggles!