Ello, poppit.
It's a nice, piratey, FREAKING COLD day out here in good 'ol ………
I almost said where I lived! –GASP-
Anyways, I had Key Lime Whipped Yogurt (which I don't own, unfortunately. If I did, I'd be freakin' rich. xD) this morning, and it inspired me to do great things.
Are you surprised?
I am.
THE SHOW: FURUBA OF DOOM!
Just in Case…….
Disclaimer: I don't even have a stock in manga companies. I do own John Fear Chainsaws, Inc., and peas. 'Cause they were given to me. But, I DO NOT OWN FURUBA, 'CAUSE I CAN'T DRAW. ;d Also, no sugar cubes were harmed in this chapter.
Me: Peas, peas, the magical fruit….
Kyo: Peas aren't fruit, damnit.
Me: ;d You're stupid, Kyo-chan.
Yuki: Immaturity alert! WEE WOOO WEE WOOO!
Me: -snicker- Don't worry; Yuki, the men in the white jackets will here soon to put you in a nice, padded room.
Yuki: -glares-
Me: Well, I was going to say something witty and ultimately intelligent, but…. I forgot.
Akito: Whaddya mean, forg-
-screen goes fuzzy-
-wild screams and sirens are heard-
-random person yelling to save the sugar cubes-
-person female in gender putting up an excellent fight to save her show getting overwhelmed by Arnold-USE THE FORCE-Negger and getting tied up in a corner with a gag-
-cough cough-
-screen clears to black background-
Microphoney-Young Natural Accenting Motherly Earthly (almost sounds like) Isabella Screechingly Boring Alluring Rant-capable No-good Excellent Yishka man (heretofore known as MYNAMEISBARNEY man): We welcome you back to your amazing stupid program!
-in backround: cough cough-
MYNAMEISBARNEY man: Excuse me, but I must announce that as your new narrator, the show has been totally re-vamped and put in a good, new direction.
-black and white view of set-
MYNAMEISBARNEY man: Now, let me hand it over to COODLES, who shall explain the way our show shall now work! –pleasantly evil venomous smile-
COODLES: Now, Momiji's name is spelled Momiji, not Momoji as incorrectly believed by most people. –glare-
-cough COUGH-
COODLES: Anyways, this is now a reality show! We will be putting the characters of Fruits Basket into a fabulous house, and locking them in it! They must compete to win in various competitions (which shall be picked later), to win the grand prize which shall be picked later!
MYNAMEISBARNEY man: Unbeknownst to them, hidden cameras shall monitor their every move and every word, including for those who are in love, SHOWER CAMERAS!
-random hoots in background-
COODLES: And now, with a magical poof, let's meet our contestants!
-POOFITYDOOLA!-
Kyo: My name is Kyo Sohma. I hate the world, leeks, Yuki, Emby, and you. Mostly Yuki and Emby. I hate them all. I hate this stupid show. I wish I was an emo. Damn you all to hell!
Yuki: My name is Yuki Sohma, and I'm the prettiest, most handsome/popular boy at school. I have a 72-pack on my stomach, and I'm now proud to announce that I'm officially coming out of the closet! Yay! I HATE YOU! OUCH, MY HORMONES!
Kagura: My…. My name is Kagura Sohma…. I love Kyo….. –kisses action figure- I don't even care if in family marriages cause deformities in children…. GET YOUR DIRTY HANDS OFF OF HIM! –snarls at hands- YOU'RE EVIL!
Ayame: I'm Ayame Sohma! I'm Yuki's loving older brother! My favorite pastime is skinny-dipping with Shigure! I like dressing up like a girl!
-cough cough: There's the truth serum working. (smug)-
Shigure: -starts stripping- I'm- Too sexy for my clothes! Too sexy for my clothes! Too- Wait, whaddya mean this isn't American Idol?! I got into this outfit just for Simon! It's a…. Reality show? Even better! –keeps stripping- I'm Shigure Sohma, and don't let Ayame know I cheat on him with Yuki! Simon, if you're watching, I LOVE YOU! –fangirl screech-
A/N: Sorry if you're from somewhere that is socially deprived and has never met Simon. Simon, I'm sorry for you.
Akito: My name is Akito Sohma. I am GO!D! It's like Panic! At the Disco except with the ! between the g and d. Yep. Special. My gender has not been confirmed. Fire hydrant.
Momiji: I'm a rabbit! WOOT! Kiss meh, camera! –smooch-
Rin: I hate you all. I love Haru. I'm so depressed. Nobody loves me! I ruin lives! MAMA!
Haru: My name is Hatsuharu Sohma. It's a mouthful, yeah, but who cares? Before Rin hurts me, I'd like to say that I've been her puppet for years, and- WHADDYA MEAN, I LOVE HER?! WHAT THE HELL?! DIE, CAMERA!
Hatori: My name is Hatori Sohma. I have no interests. I used to love Kana, but then she called me a pirate. After that, my life was over. –pulls out needle- I don't deserve to live! –sticks needle in neck- OoOpS! tHaT wAs ThE lIqUiD dRuGs! Yo, MeH hOmIeS! dRuGs FoR aLl!
Kisa: I'm Kisa Sohma, and I want to win! MUAHAHHA! Hiro and me are romantically involved, and I want to kill Emby for shaving his head!
Hiro: I want my hair…. What? I'm on camera? WTF?!
Ritsu: I'm SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SORRRRRRYYYY! FORGIVE ME! I'M NOT WORTHY!
Kureno: I'm Kureno…..
Ghost: I'm Ghostie. I hang around so Kureno can feel alone.
-cough cough: Emo Kureno….-
COODLES: And those are our contestants! We'll have other characters popping in and out as they please, but for now, we're just going to keep it at that. The Thirtee Forswarn (as we call them) have now been comfortably moved into their new home, where Chaos reins supreme!
-FUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ-
-screen poofs to a big house-
Kyo: WTF?!
Yuki: This is not cool. I mean, how am I supposed to shave my armpits with no razor?!
Akito: I call the top bunk! HAHA!
Everyone: Dot dot dot…
-3 minutes later-
COODLES: Now we return with the roommates together and talking about overthrowing the others! The pairs are so:
Akito and Momiji
Rin and Ritsu
Haru and Ayame
Hatori and Kyo
Shigure and Kisa
Yuki and Kagura
Hiro and Ghostie
(Emo) Kureno
COODLES: Let's have the camera scroll through!
Akito: Okay, I figure that if we just lay out a few traps, we can-
Momiji: I've got a magical pony, I've got a magical pony-
Akito: Um, yeah. But everyone will bow to meh superiority! MUAHAHAHA!
…
Rin: Damn you, Ritsu. Damn you, world. DAMN YOU, STUPID EMBY!
Ritsu: I don't wanna hurt anyone! –sobs-
Rin: Shut up, you weakling!
…
Ayame: Oooh, that dress is so flattering, Haru! I always knew there was an innocent goth lolita in you! Now just fold your hands behind your back like that…. Yes…. Frown for the camera!
Audience: -horror-
…
Hatori: I bElIeVe I cAn GeT hIgH! gOt CaUgHt By ThE FbI! AlL i WaNtEd WaS sOmE dRuGs! DuDe!
Kyo: -calling Kagura's cell- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'll pay the 5 mil as soon as I win. Deal. –hangs up- Hatori, shut up! Making fun of weird songs isn't cool! DAMN YOU!
…
Shigure: Yes, yes! YES! LIKE THAT! HARDER!
Kisa: Um, Unk-san, the Spiderman doll can only swing webs so fast.
Shigure: I know…. –sad- Do you know where Yuki's room is? I want to go make some uncomfortable threats to him.
Kisa: A Spiderman doll can't bite Yuki's ear, Unk-san.
Shigure: I know, again…. –sad- BUT I CAN THREATEN!
A/N: If you thought that Shigure was doing something sick and wrong, then you have a deeeerty mind. –frowns-
…
Kagura: -kisses Yuki-
(Fangirls: UH!)
Yuki: I love you, Kagura!
Kagura: Do you have… A weakness?
Yuki: -kisses-
Kagura: -kisses-
Yuki: CHEESE!
Kagura: -calls Kyo- Yep. Yep. Cheese. Deliver the money to Penguins. Yep. Yep. Over. –hangs up-
Yuki: Kagura, kiss me!
Kagura: PERV! –slaps-
…
Hiro: Don't look at me like that! I'll sue you!
Ghostie: Shaved head! HAHA!
…
Kureno: I'm so lonely…. Mr. Lonely… I'm so lonely… All here on my own!
…
COODLES: And now, the first challenge! You must… Stick your finger up your nose! The one to do it longest shall eliminate one person. Anyone wanna quit?
Ritsu: -sobbing- NUUU! I CANNOT! –poofs-
COODLES: -mutter- I never liked him anyways. 3…2…1…. STICK!
Everyone: -finger up nose-
-3 hours later-
Shigure: I WON! HAHAHAHAHAHHA!
COODLES: Who shall be leaving, Shigure?
Shigure: Um… Um! Rin!
Rin: -glares- You'll pay. Yo. –poofs-
Uo: -poof- WHAT AM I DOING HERE, DAMNIT?!
COODLES: You are our guest for the next round!
Uo: Emo!
Kuremo: Uo!
-beautiful run-towards music-
-record squeak-
Uo: Wait, I hate you, don't I?
Kureno: …
Uo: Bye bye! –flips the bird- -poof-
COODLES: The nest challenge is crossing your eyes. Whoever can do it the longest without physical injury wins!
Hiro: Forget this B.S. C'mmon, Kisa.
Kisa: I'm in love with Shigure! DAMN YOU, HIRO! –waves Spiderman-
Hiro: -gasp- -poof-
COODLES: Begin!
-5 minutes later-
Shigure: Damn, I'm good at this stuff!
COODLES: Who shall leave?
Shigure: Ghostie, 'cause Kureno needs to be alone.
Ghost: -sob- Off to the afterlife! –drifts away-
COODLES: Uh… Okay. Let's move on to the next-
MYNAMEISBARNEY man: Wait, COODLES! There's fanmail.
COODLES: WTF?
MYNAMEISBARNEY man: First question. To Kyo: You damn BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP piece of crap! My language is tainted and it's all because of you. I hope you're happy!
A/N: Well, Kyo's got an admirer. xD
Kyo: … DAMN YOU TO HELL! HAHAHA! I AM HAPPY, DAMN IT!
MYNAMEISBARNEY man: Um, yeah. Anyways, next question, To Shigure: I have pictures of you with another man. If you don't want your precious Ayame to find out then do ten pushups and jumping-jacks while drinking beer upside down!
Shigure: I've always wanted to try this! –does pushups and jumping jacks while drinking beer-
-cough cough: HAHAHAH! Arnold-USE THE FORCE-neggar, why did you make that move?! You're letting me win! Checkers doesn't require that much brain over brawn!-
MYNAMEISBARNEY man: USE THE FORCE-neggar, she's supposed to be gagged!
Arnold: -heavy accent- Oh. Yeah. –knocks out-
MYNAMEISBARNEY man: To Akito: Emby is the new god of Sohmas. Your title and position has been taken from you.
Akito: NUUUU!
-silence-
A/N: I ♥ joo, DesirePassion! –huggles- In a good way, of course. xD
MYNAMEISBARNEY man: Okay. That's 'bout it. Continue.
COODLES: Our next challenge is the back-stabber! You must backstab your roommate in some way! The contestants shall all now by transported into a large room with their roommate and find a way to back stab them, thus eliminating them! Just for refreshers, here's who's left:
Akito and Momiji
Haru and Ayame
Hatori and Kyo
Shigure and Kisa
Yuki and Kagura
(Emo) Kureno
COODLES: LET THE CAMERA'S ROLL!
-shower cam: Yuki: WTF?! I'm in the shower! –gets poofed with a towel- Nuu!-
-Poofity-
And on that note, let me end.
The next chapter is my last! Oh nuu!
I know, everyone's like sobbing for the loss of brain cells, and rejoicing for the end, but it's gonna be weird for me because I started in summer and we've come all this way. ;D
But, I have a sane one coming, so we're all gonna live! wOOt!
---
Also, lemme have some votes as who you guys want to win. I kind of modeled the "Superior" –cough cough: Yeah, right!- show after Big Brother, so I want votes! Heck yes!
And maybe whoever gets the most votes shalt win!
So tell your friends, family, and the local drunkard to vote!
♥- Emby
P.S. Thanks to DesirePassion, who hasn't missed a chapter yet!