Interesting Times, by GirlX2

Chapter Five

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"What were you thinking? I asked you both to do one thing, and Barney almost got killed because you didn't do it!"

"Ted, Robin's the one who saved me." Barney pointed out. He was still sitting in her hand. After nearly dying, embarrassment didn't really figure into Barney's top awful things about being shrunk.

Plus, Ted was still yelling, and Barney had no desire to get any closer to him than necessary.

"You wouldn't have needed to be saved if these two hadn't…hadn't…"

Ted trailed off. Lilly was crying.

"Don't you think we know that, Ted?" She didn't sound shaky, but she looked ready to crack. "Don't you think I know that Barney nearly died because I did something stupid?"

"Lilly, don't." Barney hated when women cried over him, especially when it wasn't over his made-up stories about heading to the moon, or on a deep-sea mission.

"Ted, it's not like someone can be with Barney every minute." Robin pointed out.

"Why not?"

"Uh, because I'm a grown man." Barney refrained from adding 'duh', but only just.

"Barney, you barely qualified as a grown man before you shrunk, let alone now." Ted snapped. "Why aren't you more pissed about this?"

"Because Robin's right!" Barney snapped back. "Someone can't be with me every minute of the day."

"Oh yeah? Well I'm a self-employed architect, with no girlfriend, working from my apartment. So I guess I can be with you." Ted looked a little surprised after he finished shouting, as if he hadn't meant to say that.

"You…really plan on staying with me all the time?"

"Well…kinda. Until I can trust the rest of these guys, at least." Ted stopped screaming.

"Hey, I'm the one who saved Barney and killed the roach!" Robin protested. Lilly let out a watery laugh.

Barney looked troubled. "Ted…that'd just make me a burden."

"Hey, considering all the time I'm saving by not being your wingman, it'll work out even."

"Woah, woah, who said you weren't my wingman any more?"

Ted laughed. "Barney, they're saying less than 20,000 people in New York have Lilliputian Syndrome. Figure out the odds on pick-upable tiny women."

The slight feeling of joviality that had made its way into the room evaporated.

"Ted…no." Robin sounded horrified.

"Challenge accepted! I, Barney Stinson, will find another woman with Lilliputian's and pick her up!"

"Oh, thank God, I though he was gonna try to kill himself." Lilly muttered.

"Fine. But wait a week or so, okay?" Ted tried to switch topics.

"Well, obviously, Ted." Barney sounded exasperated. "I've got a bunch of things to do before I bring a girl back here. Like get a suit made."

"Glad you've got your priorities straight." Ted found himself smiling. "Look, I'm gonna make that call, finally. But I'm not leaving the room."

"Fine. I'll just have Robin and Lilly help me make a list of things to bring over from my apartment."

"Things you're too small to use." Lilly pointed out.

"Well…it'll make this place look cooler anyway."

As the three began arguing about weather or not Barney's stormtrooper could be moved, Ted made the call. It rang for what seemed like an overly long time.

"Lilliputian Syndrome hotline, state the name and height of the affected." An utterly bored woman came on the line.

"Uh, Barney Stinson, a little over three inches."

"Is Mr. Stinson injured?"

"Uh, no. But he almost-"

"Is there a number you can be reached at, Mr.?"

"Mosby, Ted Mosby." Ted gave her his number.

"Thank you. We'll be calling in the event that any progress is-"

"Wait! That's…that's all? There's not a doctor to go see?"

"Mr. Mosby, let me tell you what I've told everyone. Despite what the general population thinks, the American government is not equipped to deal with every single thing that comes up—especially this."

"So…there's nothing more you can tell me?"

There was a slight pause. "I'd recommend some reading is in order, Mr. Mosby. Start with The Indian in the Cupboard. It'll have some useful tips."

"What if my friend gets hurt? Where should I take him?"

"Find a good vet. They're the only ones equipped to deal with that scale.

Ted swallowed hard. "There's…they're working on a cure, right?"

"Goodbye, Mr. Mosby. Someone will be in touch…eventually."

The line went dead.

Ted was shocked. He'd expected a demand to visit some facility, the promise that CDC agents would descend on his apartment…something.

Anything.

It was only one in the afternoon, and Ted was already bewildered about how to proceed. He needed guidance.

The door swung open. Marshall came in, a bunch of packages in his hands. The two women and Barney froze.

"I wasn't sure what…I just got anything I could find. There was a run on doll-sized furniture at the toy stores, but some stuff in Barney's scale was left." Marshall mumbled, eyes downcast.

"Thanks, Marshall." Barney managed a small smile.

"Yeah, no problem." He seemed to perk up a little. "How's everything going here?"

The four full-sized friends shared looks.

"Baby, I'll explain while we see what you bought." Lilly sighed.

As they explained what happened in his absense, Marshall presented Barney with a small package, set apart from the others.

"Maybe this will make you feel a little better." Marshall tried not to look horrifed over the story he'd just been told.

"You found me a suit!" Barney was practically squealing with delight as he opened the package.

"It's just a doll suit, but-"

"It's better than no suit at all. Marshal, you're officially forgiven." Barney held the garment to his chest like a child with a teddy bear. "I can get more made later."

Everyone averted their eyes while Barney changed.

"He seems to have gotten over almost dying pretty quickly." Marshall whispered.

"Yeah, seems." Lilly sighed. "Barney always seems to be fine when bad stuff happens."

Ted shook his head. "What do we do about it?"

"We let him deal with it in his own way. He'll talk about it when he's ready." 'And to who he feels comfortable with.' Robin added silently.

"It fits! I mean, it's not perfect, but it's better than the dishtowel." Barney squeaked happily.

This brought a smile to his friend's faces.

"I'm glad." Marshall said. "It was the last one in the store."

"Well, let's see what else you got!" Barney said impatiently, and began pawing at the other packages.

Ted smiled. 'I'll let him have his fun. He'll deal with it when he's ready.'

'I hope.'

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A/N NOT HIMYM, but still NPH related. I'm gonna be singing NPH's part of 'My Eyes' from Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog (I'm a female Tenor [well, soprano, alto, tenor]) in a few months for my theater's group's Valentine's day review. :D So excited!