Interesting Times, by GirlX2

Chapter Eight

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He wasn't going to make it. It wasn't self-doubt or a horrible premonition; simple physics told Ted it was impossible. And he knew a lot about physics.

'A human body falling is gonna be way faster than a human body diving.' His thoughts went at lightning speed as time slowed down. 'Never, never, never-'

His astonishment when Barney hit his palm almost made him drop the man. He landed roughly on the floor, but barely noticed.

"But—I—that doesn't—" He spluttered.

'You forgot to factor in Barney's reduced weight, idiot. A fall from that height might not have hurt him that badly.'

Ted was glad they hadn't tested that theory.

"Oh my God!" Robin let out an uncharacteristic shriek, making both men wince. "I'm so sorry!"

Barney wasn't just trembling now, he was full-body shaking. There was a glitter of something that might have been tears in his eyes—Ted wasn't sure if he should act like he saw them or not.

Barney tried to make some sort of witty comeback, something to brush off the experience, but nothing came. What he wanted to do was curl up and weep. But he wouldn't. Not in front of Robin.

"Ted, get rid of her." He begged, hoping his voice was too quiet for Robin to hear.

"Robin, excuse us—" Ted jumped to his feet and hurried to the bedroom. He was beginning to feel the pain from slamming into the ground.

Ted had never really seen Barney cry before, and that was the way Barney wanted to keep it. As Ted sat on the bed, Barney jumped off his hand and buried his face in the massive pillow.

Ted took a minute to catch his breath and get his heart to slow down. "You wanna talk about it?"

"What's there to talk about? My life is over." Barney lifted his head.

"It's not over, just…different."

"Who am I trying to fool? I can't do anything by myself." Barney sniffled. "I want to act like everything's normal, but I can't!"

"Barney, listen: I know when something freaks you out, you try to act like it's no big deal. But this isn't one of those times, bro. You're going to have to deal with it."

"I've almost died twice in a few hours. How exactly do I deal with that?"

"Well, we're talking about it." Ted said gently. "That's something."

Barney thought this over for a few minutes. "I've changed my mind. I don't want to out to the bar tonight."

"No, see, that's a bad idea. The sooner you—"

"I know, the sooner I do it, the sooner it'll be over." Barney snapped. "And the sooner I can find someone else who's like me, and the sooner…I don't want to do it, Ted. Not any of it."

"Why?"

"I'm scared, alright?" He couldn't meet Ted's eyes. "I'm scared of falling off things, I'm scared of getting lost, I'm scared of all of it."

Ted nodded. "That's the first time you've really admitted it."

"Big deal. It doesn't help anything."

"I think it does. Look, I want you to come to the bar, just not tonight. We're gonna take things slow from now on, okay? We'll stay home for a while. If you want, I won't even have the others come over."

"No, I…I want to be around people I trust."

"You trust them?"

"Yeah. I really do." Barney felt a little better, realizing it was true. "None of them meant for bad things to happen. They're trying to figure it all out too."

"Even Marshall?"

"He's gonna beat himself up about it worse than I ever could."

'But I still don't want him touching me.' He added silently.

"Okay. You want to go back out and see Robin? I know she's worried."

"Okay."

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After apologies were made, Robin told them her news.

"The station wants me to have you on for an interview." Her tone was much more reserved. "Would you?"

"Um, I guess so." Barney said. "Not tonight, though."

"Oh, no, no. A few days, maybe." Robin said quickly. "Whenever you're ready."

"I'd like to get a new suit made first." Barney plucked at his jacket. "This is okay, but it doesn't fit right."

"I think Marshall took that off a 'My Littlest Friend' doll." Robin eyed it.

"How do you know that?"

"Lily takes me with her when she gets new toys for the class. There are some pretty wicked things the kids are into these days."

Barney eyed The Transformazoid Tower. "I know."

"Cool. Is that the remote controlled version?"

"I don't know. I haven't looked at it closely." Ted lied. It was not only remote controlled, but shot super-radiation missile darts, and could walk on a level surface. "We can test it out."

"I have an idea…" She smiled wickedly at Barney.

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"Okay, this is awesome. But I wouldn't want to live in it." Barney shifted uncomfortably in the plastic 'driver' seat. The controls didn't really work, but they looked neat.

"I'm gonna try to make it walk. Get ready." Ted began pushing levers on his remote.

The T-Rex took a few ungainly steps forward. It's microchip let out a mild roar.

Barney laughed. "Ted! Try shooting something."

A foam dart flew out and hit Robin in the shin. "Hey!"

"Oh, that is too cool." Barney spun a few dials. He knew it didn't really do anything, but he couldn't resist.

Ted made the dinosaur walk around the apartment a few times before Barney climbed out of the head control room and exited through the tail.

"That was Legendary!" He cupped his hands around his mouth. "We've gotta show Marshall and Lily!"

Robin rolled her eyes, but was smiling. "Boys and their toys."

"Come off it Scherbatsky, I bet you had this kinda stuff when you were little." Barney pointed out as Ted lifted him.

"Yeah, but I don't have it anymore, unlike you, Mr. Stormtrooper owner."

Barney shrugged. "Star Wars nerds have to get laid too."

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A/N You can thank Berserker Nightwitch for this speed of this chapter. Well, that and a slow day at work before the holidays. Take note people: I DO accept bribes. ;)