Interesting Times, by GirlX2

Chapter Nine

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"…So they agreed to give you as many paid sick days as you need until they can accommodate you at the office. Lawyered!" Marshall grinned.

"Great. That place would fall apart without me." Barney replied.

The five friends were sitting at Ted's dinner table, enjoying a take-out meal. The scale-appropriate dining set Marshall had bought fit nicely on the table. Barney was working on the small piece of burger Ted had cut.

Lily watched him for a few minutes. "I can't get over it."

"What?"

"You're adorable like this."

"The Barnacle is many things, Lil. Adorable is not one of them."

"Oh, sure you are."

"Fine, we're gonna have to do this the hard way. Gee, from this angle I can see right down your top. That's the best thing about being small; all the boobs are enormous." Barney leered.

"Okay, maybe 'adorable' isn't the right word." Lily conceded amid the laughter of her friends. "But I'm not the only one who thinks so, right Robin?"

"You're barking up the wrong tree." Robin smiled. "I don't care if he gets turned into a kitten; he's still Barney, as unadorable as can be."

"Vindication!" Barney held up a tiny fist, which Robin lightly bumped.

Ted shook his head. "And I get to live with him. Lucky me."

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"Okay, this is kinda cute." Robin admitted, trying to hide a smile.

"Why does everyone keep saying that? I'm not cute!" Barney protested. He was wearing pajamas two sizes too big; they were the only ones Marshall had found. What was cute about that?

"You look like a little kid." Robin teased.

"I do not." Barney restrained himself from going into a pout, but just barely. "You're not girling out on me, are you Scherbatsky?"

"Never." She promised.

"I am. Cuuuute!" Lily cooed. She laid a hand in front of him.

"Fine." Barney sighed and stepped onto her palm. "You're such a girl."

Marshall tried not to feel uncomfortable as his wife fawned over Barney. "We should probably get going sweetie. It's late, and you have class tomorrow."

"Oh, fine." Lily set Barney down in Robin's outstretched hand. "We'll come by tomorrow night."

"Sure. Night guys." Marshall ushered her out before she could get a final coo in.

Robin felt a little weird. This was the first time she'd held Barney since his second near death experience. "So…"

"Yeah." Barney swallowed a lump. Robin was touching him…practically engulfing him. Even enormous, her face was still beautiful.

"Are you spending the night or what?" Ted walked back in to the living room, now in his sweats.

"Um…no. I was just waiting for you to get changed." Robin lowered Barney to the coffee table. "I'll be back tomorrow."

"Cool. See you then." Ted saw her out. "You ready to sleep?"

"I guess so." Barney frowned at the gigantic bed. Sadly, it would have been fine if he was still six inches tall. "I'm glad they left. It's bad enough my clothes aren't to scale—if Lily saw me sleeping in that, she'd have a cutegasm."

"True." Ted picked up the bed in one hand and Barney in the other. "We'll get a smaller one when your apartment is done."

Barney felt a little weird about sleeping in Ted's room. The doll bed was on the nightstand occupying the space formerly held by Ted's alarm clock. Close enough so Ted could hear him yell, in other words.

He climbed into the bed, grumbling "This is bad enough without Lily making me feel like a little kid. I'm still me, just miniature."

"Believe me, the rest of us know." Ted flopped into bed. "She'll get over it."

"I hope so." Barney rolled over as Ted shut off the bedside light. " 'Night bro."

"Night." Ted echoed.

Ted lay in bed for what seemed like hours, unable to fall asleep. He could hear Barney breathing softly if he listened hard enough; he was glad, his friend could use the rest. He'd had an insanely frightening day.

His thoughts wandered as time crawled by.

'Tomorrow I've gotta get the foundation completed…see about ordering some fabric and stuffing so I can make him furniture…get some of the fantasy books they talked about on the news…'

A groan interrupted his thoughts. "Barney?"

There was no response. Worried, Ted turned on the light.

Barney was sitting up in bed, hands pressed hard to his stomach, face pale with pain. Ted's heart sped up; he'd seen this before.

"No, no, no…" He chanted urgently, as if that could ward off what was happening.

Barney whimpered. "It hurts."

It looked like agony. Barney clenched his teeth, trying not to scream as he shrank. It wasn't much to Ted, maybe half an inch. But to Barney, it was like losing a foot in height. The pajamas that had merely hung on him moments ago were engulfing him.

Ted's heart jack-hammered, and he made calculations. 'Two and a half inches, give or take a hair. He's not even 1/30th scale now! The news said this wasn't happening, the smallest person was 1/24th scale…'

A memory echoed in his brain. 'If people shrunk to nothing overnight, no one would know.'

"Ted…What's happening to me?" Barney's voice was shaking along with the rest of him.

"Take it easy." Ted swallowed, trying to coax moisture back into his mouth. "The…the worst part is over."

Oh, but that felt like a lie.

"I'm gonna be sick." Barney slipped as he tried to get out of the bed. Ted reached out, snatching him before he could strike the wood.

He was shaking violently. Ted could feel his sides hitch as he tried to catch his breath.

"Barney, you've gotta breath for me. Alright?"

"Trying." Terror spasmed across his face. "No!"

Ted could feel him shrink this time. There was no holding back the scream. The clothes began to fall away. Barney curled up inside the shirt, small enough to slip out of the neck hole if he tried, somewhere around an inch and a half high.

He was sobbing, tiny body wracked with pain. "Ted…help me!"

Ted tried to think. Tried to say some word of comfort. His mind was blank, aside from horror. His voice stuck in his throat.

'No, no, I've gotta do something, I've gotta save him!' He was frozen. He couldn't move, couldn't speak, couldn't think.

And Barney just shook, weeping. "Please…Ted…help me."

Ted felt the form in his palm grow lighter. And still, he couldn't move. He screamed, but the sound couldn't push past his frozen lips.

"Ted!" Barney wailed, his voice getting higher, softer, weaker. "Pleeeeeease…"

Ted lost sight of him as the shirt swallowed him up. There was a soft POP as air rushed in to the space formerly occupied by his body.

Nothing.

Ted could finally scream.

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His eyes flew open in the darkness. His hands were clenched, nails biting in to his palms. He scrabbled for the lamp, unable to form a coherent.

'I've gotta save him!'

The light clicked on, revealing Barney sleeping in his bed.

Ted raked in a shuddery gasp. 'What…what the hell?'

A nightmare. It seemed he had fallen asleep after all.

Salty sweat rolled into the corners of his eyes, making them water and sting. He forced himself to unclench his hands. It'd been so real.

He wouldn't tell anyone. He couldn't tell anyone. Not if there was the slightest chance it'd get back to Barney.

He took a long, lingering look at his friend, and flopped backwards into the bed. There would be no more rest that night.

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Barney slept peacefully, untroubled by dreams.

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A/N If you haven't already, head over to deviantart dot com and check out the fanart drawn by the extremely Legendary Berserker Nightwitch (under the name yoru-magi). She's drawn awesome pics of Barney getting his doll suit and his first encounter with Marshall.

As far as this chapter…heh heh. Scared you, didn't I? Merry Christmas!