Author's Note: I sincerely apologize if any of my "regular" reviewers came into this expecting the real Chapter 2, but certain matters have gotten out of hand, and I wished to address them in a more noticeable fashion. Regardless, in order to not have this be an entirely fruitless placeholder, I will be showing a small preview of Chapter 2 (Complete with the Working Title, by the way), which I will hopefully have completed by Friday. In any case, it is time to move on to the business at hand -
My response to some reviewers:
First of all, I wish to apologize for the tone of my review for the work I am currently beta-ing, DoorToThe's Zero summons a Zero. I am relatively certain, based on the backlash of that review, that it came across as harsh, unkind, or otherwise unpleasant. For that, I am sorry; I did not mean to sound like I was disparaging the author or his hard work.
However, as his beta reader, and as someone who was requested by him to review the finished product, I did not wish to sugarcoat my observations. As a matter of fact, DoorToThe's own Author's Note at the beginning of Chapter 1 requested all of us, not just myself, to give him constructive criticism. Being his beta reader specifically, I felt that it was my duty in particular to point out his mistakes. It is for that reason that I wrote such a review, and no matter what others may think of me, I will not rescind any of the statements made within the aforementioned critique.
In addition, I would also like to point out that I never actually stated that, "the story wasn't good," or that, "the story was stupid." I called a certain line in the first chapter awful, I stated that I felt that DoorToThe could've done better, and I said that I couldn't in good conscience favorite or follow the story just yet. But I did not, repeat, did NOT at any point call the story itself bad or stupid.
And for the people who said that authors have their own writing styles? I will concede that they have a valid point. People do indeed have distinct writing styles, and not everyone will find the particulars of someone's style agreeable. But just because people happen to have different writing styles, doesn't mean that similar mistakes won't occur across multiple styles. Every writer makes mistakes and has room to grow, regardless of their style. Helping other writers to improve is the overarching goal of a beta reader like myself; simply editing someone else's rough drafts is only a small piece of the bigger picture.
That's another thing I wanted to point out, too; for all the people saying that the story is "absolutely perfect," and that DoorToThe, "shouldn't listen to that douche of a beta of his," do they not realize that at least part of the work that they happen to be complimenting is my own? The first chapter was not the first draft; I was sent a copy of the first draft by DoorToThe himself to look it over and edit it. I significantly cleaned up the chapter, and even heavily altered some of the paragraphs, although some of the lines I added got changed for the final product. For all the fuss on writing styles, at least part of my own writing style is present in the finished chapter.
That's all I wanted to say on the topic of that story. In spite of that nasty backlash, I will still continue to support my fellow author's work; to all those who haven't checked it out yet, search for the story in the Persona series/Familiar of Zero crossover section! And, to all those who still have qualms with my remarks or anything else, please try to PM me, so that we may discuss such issues in a polite and orderly manner.
Moving on, there is also another thing I wanted to talk about, this time pertaining to my story specifically. The issue of Elizabeth being chosen as Louise's familiar, to be precise. At least two people - there are probably more, but only two complained about this in the reviews section - complained about this aspect of my story. It generally makes sense, too; after all, Elizabeth is trying to take out Erebus for good, and free Minato from the Seal, right? Why would she be dicking around as Louise's familiar, then?
It may be annoying, but I will need to answer this question with another question: Did you, the ones who addressed this apparent plot hole, play through or otherwise view Elizabeth's Story in Persona 4: Arena? Let me elaborate.
In P4A, Elizabeth, in her quest to free Minato and kill Erebus, was looking into the power of the Wild Card, thinking that at least part of the answer to her conundrum was there. By the end of her route, she discovers the true strength behind the Wild Card, and as a result, awakens her own true Arcana (The Fool), an Arcana which has previously been one of the things Wild Cards are known to possess, at least in the more recent entries of the Persona series. This heavily implies that Elizabeth has become a Wild Card in her own right.
If she was still looking into and attempting to understand the Wild Card by the time my story began, she would have broken free and teleported away from Halkeginia, without any problems whatsoever. She's Elizabeth, after all; "Such parlor tricks can get stuffed!" However, she was already a Fool by the time of my story, since it starts up not even a minute after the ending of her Story in P4A.
As a newly-instated Wild Card, and having directly interacted with at least two other Wild Cards, Attendant's version of Elizabeth knows about the strength of bonds, and needing to develop Social Links in order to increase the effectiveness of the Wild Card. Since making and strengthening bonds with others is a crucial part of being a Wild Card, and, by extension, a crucial part of her quest to free Minato, Attendant!Elizabeth made Social Linking her new objective. However, she didn't know exactly where to start, since the residents of the Velvet Room are divorced from most human affairs, and thus rarely interact with people other than the guests who have contracted with the Room.
Knowing that at least one person was calling out to her, Attendant!Elizabeth just went with the flow, and thought that it would be a good opportunity to try Social Linking. As a matter of fact, it worked out in her favor, seeing as contracting with Louise already unlocked the Hierophant Arcana.
I know that there are most likely gaping holes in my logic, and that you may still most definitely prefer people like Yu or Aigis getting summoned, but I would ask that you at least acknowledge that some thought went into my decision to have Elizabeth be the familiar, as well as PM-ing me if you wish to discuss the matter further.
Now then, with all that out of the way, on to the preview!
Count Mott's Estate, Siesta
[PRECEDING PARAGRAPHS HAVE BEEN REDACTED]
The sound of the slap echoed throughout the room, its noise seemingly stunning everyone within, even the perpetrator herself. Count Mott especially said nothing, gingerly holding a hand to his cheek, with his head still turned to the side. When he withdrew that hand from his face, turned said face back to its original position, and examined its palm, he found it stained with the deep crimson of his own blood; one of her nails must have accidentally scratched through the surface.
"What is the meaning of this!?," the furious Count yelled, finally breaking the agonizingly long silence. His face had reddened in anger; the blood that was now flowing freely down his cheek only made his visage more frightening to the distressed commoner.
"I-I... I didn't mean to-"
"GUARDS! SEIZE HER!," Mott ordered, immediately cutting off Siesta's futile attempts at explaining herself. She was thankfully closer to the door than Mott's flunkies were to her, so she rushed over to the door, before something caught on the hem of her dress. She tripped and fell, her smooth, tantalizing thighs briefly being exposed by the sudden movement of her dangerously short skirt. Turning around, Siesta noticed that the edge of her uniform had not caught on anything, but was instead pinned by an icicle, her eyes widening in terror.
"Did you think that you, a mere commoner, can defy the orders of a high ranking officer of the Palace? Did you think you could get away with leaving A SCAR ON MY FACE!?," the furious nobleman exclaimed, his staff still pointed in her direction. "I was going to be gentle, since this is our first night together, but it seems you need to be broken in first. Guards? Prepare her for me," he stated in the coldest tone Siesta had heard from him, before the guards slowly made their way towards the trapped maid.
She could feel the guards' wandering eyes, observing her body like it was a piece of meat, their lustful gazes seemingly undressing her before the true act had even begun. Count Mott, in the corner, had let go of his staff and turned around, slowly and carefully removing his top. Siesta knew what was going to happen next. In a few moments, she would be violated by these men, and there was no way out. All because she just couldn't accept her fate and become the Count's new plaything, like a good little commoner...
Was this really it? Would she just lie down and die, under the foot of this cruel, unfair system of oppression? This was a torture beyond anything she could imagine. It wasn't just the fact that she was about to get screwed over, in more ways than one. It was being dealt this hand, not even two days after everything Miss Elizabeth had told her! Every wondrous thing that she and Miss Valliere were shown! Every little bedtime story about her Great-Grandfather being vindicated by Miss Valliere's enigmatic new familiar, and her already-infamous battle with Mr. Gramont! And every little hope and dream she carried as a little girl, suddenly being rekindled by the sight of that strange new world! All of that was about to become naught but a commoner's tears, unnoticed and uncared for.
Those little glimpses of happiness, being dangled in front of Siesta before being mercilessly torn away just because she happened to be a young and pretty commoner? That was a pain far worse than what she was about to physically experience. Siesta could truly say, without exaggeration, that she was in Hell right now, and being left to the "tender mercies" of these three was just the gates slamming shut in front of her eyes.
The two guards were so close right now, she could almost feel their haggard breaths as their hands reached toward her chest. She was nearly hyperventilating herself, her eyes misting up from a fresh, warm batch of tears just about to fall. As a final plea, the desperate plebeian prayed for something, anything, to save her from this cruel reality. As if a higher power was mocking her, she could think of nothing that could possibly reach her on time, except for one, but that in itself seemed the least possible. She grasped the idea firmly in her mind, nonetheless; she didn't want to give up. Not this time.
"...Per...so...na...," Siesta whispered to herself just before the guard on her left was about to seal her lips with a kiss. A strange sound, akin to the shattering of glass, reverberated throughout the room.
Author's Note 2: This is from a chapter still in progress. The final version of this scene could be drastically changed from what you have just read now, although the general series of events will most likely stay the same.