It had stopped raining.
Sakura leant against the wall, feeling every aching wound throb in unison. She needed a good wash, her skin was smeared with dried blood and dirt. She looked down at her feet, both bruised, looking pale under the mud. Her hair was coated in muck, slicked back away from her face.
They were hiding out in an old ruin not far from Konoha, protective wards set up around its boundaries by several ninja. All around her survivors lay, exhausted and wounded. And she couldn't help them. Her chakra was drained. Not only that but…
She fished around in her bag of traps until her hands touched cool metal and cloth. She pulled out her hitae-ate with a smile, rubbing some dirt off her cheek and sliding down to the ground to sit on the grass and stare at her past.
The evidence of her loyalty in the palm of her hand. Her hitae-ate, unmarred metal shining, the Konoha insignia still intact. Even whilst surrounded by the crying voices of the injured, the silent, pale people too far gone to help, she had to remember who she was. She'd never once turned against Konoha. Perhaps her loyalty was blind. She didn't think so. She'd grown up there, made friends, had been popular once. Met a blonde, hyperactive kid and a dark-haired, brooding boy. Made a team with them, a flawed, imperfect team, but her team anyway. Had a sensei, screwed it up.
She looked up at the vague outline of Konoha on the horizon. She didn't care. She couldn't care less that they wanted her dead. Ever since Sasuke had died, she'd had a pretty fragile relationship with life anyway. Seeing the disappointed, horrified faces of everyone… Lee's despair and disbelief… Ino's slow realisation… Tenten's angry words… Kakashi, straightening his hitae-ate, glaring straight at her, gearing himself up to killing her.
The hitae-ate felt slimy in her hands. Moist, unclean. She didn't deserve to hold it.
"Sakura." Itachi stood next to her, holding up a flask of water, looking as tired as she felt.
She gestured for him to sit next to her. He did so primly, spreading his Akatsuki cloak carefully around him.
She gulped down the water greedily, eyes flickering around the camp.
If she was any other ninja, in this position, she would have poisoned half the camp by now. Tiptoed around dripping colourless poison into people's drinks, food… Slit the throats of the injured and the unconscious.
If she was any other ninja.
But she wasn't.
Maybe she would have been, had she not inherited Itachi's pacifist nature. She sat there, hitae-ate in hand, eyes closed, and wondered who she was. She could be cold, but she cared. She cared too much about everything and in this world that made her weak. Even after everything that had happened, she secretly hoped that everything would go back to normal, that she would talk with Tsunade who would completely understand, Itachi would be absolved of all crimes, Kakashi would laugh and say he'd known all along that she was innocent, Naruto would smile, pull back a curtain and Sasuke would be there, alive and well…
"Is it OK to make plans?" Sakura turned her head, still leaning against the wall, to look at Itachi. He frowned at her in mild confusion, "I keep wanting to think about the future. To try to secure something. I catch myself thinking about whether or not I should buy a flat, or if I should go for promotion again," She continued, not noticing Itachi flinch, "And then I remember. I'm either going to die in there or they'll imprison me. And then I'll die."
Her mouth twisted up into a grin, "Do you know the really funny thing? I don't care. The only thing that bothers me is the thought of you getting hurt in there."
Itachi's eyebrows pulled together, his lips tightening into a frown as though her lack of consideration for her own life bothered him.
"So, can you do me a favour? Don't go back in there." She said quietly, gazing at him, "You are a good guy, Itachi. One of the better guys out there. You don't deserve whatever Konoha would do to you."
"Neither do you," Itachi closed his eyes against the violent pain that surged at the thought of Sakura incurring Konoha's wrath. Remember Sasuke, he thought to himself, don't let Sakura go the same way.
"This is tricky," She grinned without humour or cheer, "I want to be selfish. I want to ask you to come with me, to stay by my side and not leave me again. But I've grown up, Itachi. I'm not your student anymore. There were times that I was scared and alone and I needed you, Itachi, like when Zabuza was attacking us, or Orochimaru, or Konoha was being invaded… but now that you're here, I can't help wishing you were locked away somewhere safe."
"I have a mission," Itachi said, mouth pursing in distaste, "Pain wants me to capture Naruto, alive. If I left, he would know and he would wonder… Not only that, but I want you safe too."
She smiled, a genuine smile now, "Then let's go back in there and fight for real. I can't take it easy on them… I need to be strong."
Itachi closed his eyes and leaned back, sighing, "You learn to pick your battles, but some are picked for you. Pacifists can be practical too, Sakura. This is war. I mistakenly instilled a pacifistic nature within you when it could have been your downfall in the violent career you were already destined to have. But I never meant for you to be reluctant to fight. To kill to defend is not evil. War is regrettable, but your people need you. Our people need us. I have made a decision," His eyes opened, Sharingan as fresh and powerful as the day they were awakened, tomoes spinning furiously, "We will fight to defend Konoha. Let them see our true nature."
Sakura felt a surge of relief, – to fight for her village, to strike back at what was expected – no longer would she have to weakly protest her innocence, no longer would she have only her word to back her up. She could fight to protect everyone.
"We've been martyrs for too long," Sakura extended her hand, palm upright. Itachi slowly took her hand in his, "Accepting our fate has not gone well for us. Those who would have you killed rather than have their little double-agent plot revealed will just have to sit back, gnashing their teeth in fury, as we prove them all wrong."
Itachi gave the quietest of laughs, a short exhalation of breath. Then, he squeezed her hand gently and nodded, "Yes. You sound older than you truly are. I dislike the thought that I had a hand in your premature maturing."
Shoulder blades slipping against the damp wall they leant against for purchase, she moved sideways towards him, upper-body lurching almost drunkenly as she forced her tired muscles into action. Resting herself against his side, she moved her face upwards, noting his surprise with amusement.
The survivors murmured around them, the rain hissing against the half-formed, crumbling roof. Her lips met his in a tender caress, shyness making it gentler than she would have liked, like a trembling butterfly landing softly upon a flower. Her sentimental comparison surprised her – she hadn't given love or other 'girly' emotional subjects a thought since her first crush proved to be a lie, and yet her fingers entwined with his delicately as she pressed her mouth against his briefly.
Premature maturing. She'd grown into a cold young woman with a hot, frightening temper. And yet, she still had enough love for her old sensei to hold his hand and kiss him like she really, really meant it.
Because she did.
She moved back, rain dripping into her eyes, realising that the weather had taken a turn for the worse and she had barely even noticed, so distracted she had been.
Itachi's thickly-lashed eyes had turned black once more through his shock, his mouth slightly open in amazement.
"I said we've been martyrs for too long. That means you have to stop blaming yourself for everything." Sakura said with an almost cheeky smile.
She squeaked in shock when Itachi's arms curled around her, quick as a snake striking its prey, yanking her upwards, mouth angled perfectly to align with his. His kiss was stronger and somehow more urgent.
They broke apart, Itachi's eyes darkened, tinged with red. It was Sakura's turn to be shocked into speechlessness.
"I have been wanting to do that for a while, " He confessed, "Especially after the first time was so…"
Awkward was the word he was grasping for, Sakura thought to herself. Her brain had felt as though someone had cut it out of her head, spun it around a bit and then shoved it back in wrong after Itachi had kissed her for the first time.
But now it felt right, though there was still a touch of awkwardness in their interactions.
Strangers. Sensei and student. Maybe friends. Enemies. Tentative allies. Maybe friends once more. And now, on the cusp of the possible destruction of their home village, maybe something more.
Itachi pulled a blanket from the heap of supplies a hard-faced man had piled up next to them in case they needed anything, and spread it across both of their laps.
The light of day was beginning to fade. The temperature had plummeted as the clouds opened, rain soaking the ruins. They both moved over until they were half-covered by a jutting rock that had once been part of the roof.
They were still holding hands.
"Itachi?" Sakura whispered, huddling under the blanket, large green eyes peeking out from under her mop of blood-soaked hair.
He didn't open his eyes to look at her, but he tilted his head to hear her better, "Yes?"
"I'm scared." She said simply. Her bare words held only a hint of the overwhelming fear that had begun to seep through her like the cold ground beneath her bare legs. Her knees trembled. She was thankful for the blanket and the darkness, hoping Itachi's keen eyes couldn't see just how frightened she was.
He sighed.
One long arm circled her shoulders, pulling her closer to him. "Don't be," He murmured, resting his chin on the top of her head, rubbing her arm comfortingly, "I won't let you get hurt."
She breathed out shakily, managing a smile, "And you won't let yourself get hurt either, right?"
He laughed shortly, "No, don't worry. I'll make sure everything works out."
Relieved, Sakura let her head drop onto his shoulder, shutting her eyes with a tired sigh. Itachi felt the weight of his promises and her reliance upon him as heavily as a physical burden. He settled down for a quiet sleepless night with the girl he was quite sure he loved beside him, the stars visible in the night's sky, and the smoke rising in the distance from where his beloved village was burning.
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The survivors, all tired and ragged, rubbing eyes with fists and grabbing any weapon they could find, tried to gather themselves into something resembling a formation. Sakura now understood that this army she had stood with was nothing but a diversion, fodder for the Konoha nin to make quick work of whilst the true invading force snuck past their defences.
Looking around at the injured, tired and frightened people, Sakura felt anger deep in her gut. This Pain guy, her apparent leader, deserved some of his namesake dealt tenfold back on him. She would fight for Konoha, yes, but no way in hell would she attack these defenceless people. They hadn't been chosen for their skills or power. They'd been chosen because they wouldn't be missed.
Teeth deserved better.
There were a few self-appointed leaders, who split the remaining force into three sections based on skill. The hard-faced man in charge of supplies raised an eyebrow at Sakura as he passed, about to place her with the low-skilled force, when Itachi had narrowed his eyes slightly at him, scaring him out of his wits. She'd ended up with the highly-skilled fighters, the actual shinobi, with Itachi, to her relief.
It was time to head back to Konoha.
Sakura gripped Itachi's hand furtively, seeking comfort. He seemed cool and unaffected by it all, but squeezed her hand back.
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Konoha was on fire. The rain did nothing. This was conjured fire, a jutsu meant to last hours, long enough to reduce many buildings to nothing but smouldering embers. Whole streets had been obliterated.
It was a ghost town, the civilians had long since been evacuated and the remaining shinobi were holed up somewhere. The silence was back, crushingly empty and vast.
Sakura ran through the wet streets of Konoha once again, feeling frustrated, as though she was being forced to start a race again from the start.
Itachi wasn't there. They'd been separated a while back to her horror, fearing he'd been caught or hurt or worse, but then she'd spotted black and red dancing in the distance, his cloak flapping in the wind as he ran along the rooftops that still remained, extinguishing the fires with his own techniques.
Her fellows, Pain's forces, spread out awkwardly as their unofficial leaders had decreed, each heading to their own destination. She felt no animosity towards them. She only wanted to warn Tsunade and Naruto of the danger, to re-join Konoha's side and have them accept Itachi too (they'd have to, the Council knew exactly who's side Itachi was on and they'd need him in this war).
Her ears caught the sound of a distant scuffle and she changed direction, hoping Itachi wasn't being forced to fight anyone.
A glimpse of platinum strands around a wall – that image stuck in her mind more than anything, the strangled cry, the blood, the shock. Just the sight of Ino's hair flying up as she hit the ground gracelessly like a marionette with cut strings.
"No!" Her voice ripped itself out of her throat unbidden, hoarse and shocked. Her body moved without her consent, dropping to Ino's side.
She was already gone.
Her blue eyes had clouded over.
"Ino!" Shikamaru screamed at his teammate, gripping her shoulders, seeming completely unaware of Sakura's presence, "Ino! For fuck's sake!"
He whirled around to defend himself when Ino's murderer came out of the shadows again, the hard-faced man, knife out again, Shikamaru to slow to react, eyes filled with tears, vision blurred –
Sakura broke the man's neck cleanly in one snap.
Shikamaru, holding Ino up to his chest, stared at her, suspicion and grief in his eyes.
Sakura felt cold all over. Her thoughts were disconnected. She sank to the ground, staring at the cloudy sky, eyes filling up with tears. She didn't feel grief. She just felt aching numbness, as though she was made of ice.
Ino.
"Where's Chouji? Asuma?" Sakura heard her voice speak and dimly wondered who had bid the words to come.
"Asuma died." Shikamaru's hand was shaking as he struggled to undo his chuunin jacket pocket, retrieving a cigarette one-handed. He looked at it for one long, silent moment before tucking it back carefully, "Chouji's back at base."
Sakura was crying but couldn't think of a single reason why. Her shoulders shook, "You smoke?" She asked, her voice a weak, pathetic little thing, a candle's flame so easily snuffed out.
"Asuma smoked. Guess I'll have to try my hand at flower-arranging –" His stupid, desperate attempt at humour broke off as he swiped at his eyes with his wrist, sobbing brokenly. He covered his face with his arm, muffling the little gasping sounds he was making. His other hand was supporting Ino's head, her upper-body resting on his knee –
No.
She wasn't thinking about that.
She couldn't think about that.
"I'm not Akatsuki." Sakura said, trying to stop the odd, convulsive little shudders shaking her frame without drawing Shikamaru's attention. It was better for both of them if they didn't look at each other, if they didn't acknowledge –
"That makes sense. You would have killed me by now if you were. I-I- … I-Ino was right. She was right." Shikamaru swallowed back a growing sob and hid his face once more, hands shaking with the desire to smoke or the loss of something.
Stop crying.
You're making me cry, she thought uncharitably. I don't want to cry anymore.
But she had to look. She couldn't let those platinum strands of hair be the last – last memory of Ino – last –
Ino's eyes were still open, wide and staring. Her mouth was closed, her face pale save for the streaks of red on her cheek. There was no life in it. No breath, no flush of colour, no sweat, no tears. Just blood and white.
Ino.
Sakura was clinging to the vague detachment, some primal part of her recognising that losing this would bring pain, when she reached over and gently, like a butterfly's caress once more, closed Ino's eyes for her.
Who knew she could be so gentle?
Shikamaru watched her do it, wiping his eyes repeatedly as the tears kept flowing.
"Staying here will get us killed." He said, dark eyes flashing around the alley they were in.
"No." Sakura said with total certainty, "I said, 'not today, Ino.' I said it. I should have been here. I could have stopped. Stopped this. I would have," Her eyes fell on the fallen man sprawled opposite them, "I will stop this invasion."
Shikamaru gazed at her with confusion, a rare expression to be displayed on the genius' face.
"Take Ino back to your base. Tell Tsunade-sama that Pain, the Akatsuki leader, wants her dead. Tell Naruto he wants him alive. Tell them." Sakura stood up, eyes examining all around her, looking for a flash of black and red.
"What about you?" Shikamaru asked, his words falling heavily between them. What about you?
What would she do? She had no plan. But, instead of pain, like she had feared, anger was what was thawing her icy numbness. Anger boiled inside her. That anger would keep her going long enough to defend her village.
"Keep yourself safe. Take Ino back," She moved to the mouth of the alley, pausing to look back at him, "I'm sorry about Asuma. And… and Ino."
"Sakura." His voice halted her, "You stay safe too. I'm sorry about not trusting you."
And Ino. The words lay unsaid between them.
"I'll be fine." Sakura said calmly, feeling the rage inch its way upwards, eating away her self-control.
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She came across a battlefield next.
Konoha nin fighting against a larger crowd of Pain's people. Sakura stood in front of the crowd, ignoring an errant kunai that flew past her, opening her cheek on its way. She didn't bother to wipe away the blood.
She closed her eyes.
Chakra made it obvious who was friend and who was foe. She opened her eyes, noting that she'd been spotted by several Konoha nin, who had drawn kunai and were inching closer to her.
She'd never practised it on large numbers of people before, but her demonstration with Kurenai helped her sculpt it.
Crows cawed, their distinct kraa kraa kraa filling the air. Purple and black shadows swept over the ground towards the fighters. Men and women fell back as feathers exploded in their faces, beaks and claws and caws all combining into one hellish, terrifying noise and feel –
Pain's men and women fell one by one, clawing at their heads to bat away the illusory crows, screaming.
The Konoha nin looked at the only plausible source of the jutsu, the pale-faced pink-haired traitor with a blooded face. She hadn't moved an inch, and yet Pain's forces were currently frothing at the mouth, rolling on the ground and crying out sporadically because of her.
Sakura looked up at the cloudy sky. Alright, Pain, she thought coldly, let's see how far I will go when pushed.
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The Konoha forces had just let her go without a word.
If she had felt any ill-will to Konoha due to Sasuke's death, the gaping chasm that Ino's murder had caused evened the playing field. She was now fighting with her one goal in mind, no softness or reluctance holding her back.
She reached the hospital, aiming to get to the Hokage tower, pleased she knew where she was going now that she was in a more familiar area.
Base.
Shikamaru had referred to a base.
Sakura knew she had found it when she could no longer move. Caught in a chakra trap, her arms glued to her sides, fingers welded together to prevent her from forming seals, Sakura waited.
She didn't have to wait long.
What had appeared to be the hospital gradually melted away to reveal a smoking crater in the ground. Hundreds of shinobi sheltered within the chakra-sustained walls, about ten placed in various areas to keep up the shields, the rest hunkered in the middle.
Tsunade strode towards the chakra wall Sakura had blindly walked into whilst trapped in her all-consuming rage.
Her mouth was forming words Sakura couldn't hear. Her expression was pained.
She placed her head in her hands.
Sakura felt the realisation of everything that had happened sink in when she spotted Ino with a sheet thrown over her face, Shikamaru sitting next to her with his arm around Chouji.
Please… she thought, beginning to cry, please let me in.
Kakashi approached, the chakra flashing over Sakura's eyes making him appear blurred.
He stared at her as though he could see her intentions and loyalties with just his eyes. If only he could. If only.
He started to argue with Tsunade, gesturing furiously towards Sakura. She figured he was either pleading her case or pointing out how foolish it would be to allow her to enter.
Tsunade snapped something back and threw up her hands in frustration.
She stalked over to the nearest shinobi maintaining the walls and tapped her on the shoulder, pointing at Sakura and saying something. The woman cast Sakura a sharp, hard glare, but suddenly the chakra clenched around her and she was being forced through violently.
She fell to her knees, the rough, rocky ground scraping her skin. Noise exploded all around her as she had passed through the muffling wall of chakra.
In a fraction of an instant, a kunai was at her throat.
Kakashi.
He still didn't trust her.
"Sakura," He said, but his voice was soft and kind, "Shikamaru told me. You killed the man who killed Ino. You didn't kill Shikamaru when you had the chance. A scout team of Konoha nin came back half an hour ago and reported that you had defended them. I am so, so sorry I ever believed you had turned."
He moved the kunai away with a scornful glance at Tsunade, who shook her head incredulously.
Sakura gazed up at her sensei, "You believe me?" She asked, hardly daring to hope.
He pulled her into a hug, "Haven't you gone through enough, Sakura, without doubting who your allies are too? I believe you."
And with those simple words, the floodgates were released and she began to cry for real this time, with the knowledge that Ino was gone in her head and the realisation that Kakashi believed her set in.
It was time to start healing. She could start it now in her sensei's arms, thawing away the ice lodged in her heart.
Few more chapters left, I think. Oho, Sakura's not fixed yet. Not even close.
I don't think many readers picked up on Sakura's main issue – her mental instability. After years of being mistrusted and hated for something she didn't do, the injustice and the loneliness ate away at her. Itachi's betrayal impacted her ability to trust. Her memories of her life became nothing but lies. Then Sasuke died. Now, Ino.
I don't believe you can magically get over those things. When the prose becomes odd and stilted, like when Sakura is trying to avoid thinking about Ino, it is highlighting Sakura's unstable mental health. I apologise if what came after Ino's death was difficult to understand because of the prose, but I'd be happy to explain if you had any questions.
The only reason Sakura was allowed into the chakra safe haven was because, frankly, had she attempted to attack anyone there were enough ninja there to rip her apart in seconds.
Ah, difficult chapter to write. I made light of the issue of killing someone here but in truth, I didn't find it easy! Poor Ino.
I know this story is like angst angst angst, but consider this: it's not finished yet. I would not recommend reading it in one sitting, I reckon you'd be forced to watch Disney movies for hours in order to recuperate from your horrible experience XD It will get better. I am not a total angst-bucket, after all.
But, aha! Romance! Cringe at my appalling attempts at writing romance. Honestly, it's one of the hardest things for me to write…
Goodnight, my dears :)
Quick poll take: Any of you read graphic novels? I've seen one advertised, Anya's Ghost, it looks awesome. I know Blankets is supposed to be great but it looks too sad to me!