I ran upstairs, shut my door and screamed into my pillow. "Jesus Christ! Why me?" Every feeling I had before all turned into anger. Well, more than that. An uncontrollable rage against myself. Hatred flowed over my body, needing an outlet. I jumped over to my dresser and pulled out a razor I had hidden when they raided my room from my last suicide attempt. "You deserve this!" then that's when it began. I walked into my bathroom, shut the door and faced the mirror and I started slashing long cuts across my arm. Each one deeper than the last. "Your stupid. Gerard will never love you." cut. "Your the reason Mikey is confused." cut. "Your going to hurt Mikey." cut. I screeched when I reached my elbow. I could barely hold back the pain. It was excruciating. So many slits covered my forearm, which was also blood stained. "I should die! If I wasn't here no one would have to go through this!" Pratically sitting in a pile of blood, I was able to get up and collect a en and pencil from my room. Using the hand that wasn't dripping with blood, I wrote, "Dear Mom, Mikey, Gerard and anyone else I have hurt,
I"m sorry.
Your young and screwed up,
Frank."
I reread the paper over and over again, until my eyesight began to fade. Just before everything went black, I heard a blatent scream. "I'm sor-sorry." I must've lost conciousness because when I had awaken I was sitting in a hospital bed, surronded by my mother and a few doctors. "Frankie hunny! I was so worried about you!" my mother had said, while smothering me in kisses. "I know, mom." "What had made you even think of killing yourself?" she looked really worried. "Mom, I don't want to talk about this hear and now, I want to go home. I tried to get up, but I was to weak. I fell back down onto the bed, like a sack of potatoes. "Not so fast, Frank. We'll have to watch you overnight to make sure your healthy with the blood you have now. You lost quite a bit." the male doctor had said checking a meter in the left of the bed. "What joy." The doctor pulled my mom into the hall, I guess to talk to her about my medical issues. I dug around in her purse to find my IPod and blasted some You Me At Six. The music must've been so loud I hadn't realized someone had come in. Feeling a light tap on my shoulder, I opened my eyes and saw Gerard standing over me. "Hey baby." he said, stroking the side of my face. "Hey." I smiled. I hated how I went from cussing himout on the phone and hating his guts to almost melting under his touch. "How are you? Are you okay?" "I'm okay, thanks." I grabbed his hand and he sat in the chair next to the bed. "Good. I was scared for you, baby." He leaned in and kissed me, it actually felt like Heaven. I could smell the coffee on his breath, and his lips were still so warm. It was perfect. Suddenly the door, swung open. Mikey had came in, carrying flowers in one hand, and magazines in the other. "What.. what's going on?" I just laid there, not knowing what to say. When Gerard spoke up and said, "I'm here, with my boyfriend, Michael." Did he say I was his.. boyfriend? This is all so messed up! Mikey's face turned red with anger. "Your what?" he shut the door behind him and threw the flowers and magazines to the floor. "My boyfriend." Gerard stood up, and walked over to Mikey. "He's not your boyfriend, Gerard. He likes me." they both stared at me, before Gerard retaliated. "Oh really now? Because, it doesn't seem like it." He walked over to me and kissed me again, short and sweet but to prove the point. "Frank!" the tears swelled in his eyes. "I honestly never meant to hurt you, Mikey." I had said, the first thing I had said that whole time. He just stood there, looking deep into my eyes. As if he were trying ti find the answer he wanted to hear. Gerard whispered into my ear, "You need to tell him to go, it's only going to make things worse if he stays." Gerard looked from me, to Mikey, and back to me. "I really do love you, little brother. Please remember that. But Frank is mine. I'm going to go get coffee and an overnight bag. I hope there is no hurt feelings." Mikey stared at Gerard, and so did I. What in the hell was going on? As Gerard was leaving the room, I heard Mikey mumble a whisper loud enough to be understood, "I hate you." Then he turned back to me, "Frank, please don't do this." he said pleadingly. "I'm sorry Mikey, but you need to go." He burst out in tears, and left the room. My mom had come in, and asked what had happened, but I didn't want to explain. I just turned on my IPod and drifted away.