A/N Okay before you get confused if you aren't already I'll warn you that you will most likely get confused for (hopefully) small bursts of time, though please believe me that everything will explain itself and unravel. What you are confused over is most likely purposely setup, for future plot twists and developments. On a somewhat brighter note this chapter should be an exception, call it the eye of the storm if you will but after the last chapter here's a breather. Albeit a miniscule chapter… sorry?
I couldn't sleep again. I could never sleep; if my dreams weren't laced with my father's limp body falling to the floor they were drenched in images of the blood, of the loss, of my baby. I'd slipped out of Kurt's embrace and lain on the grass star-gazing, it was only when I heard her sweet voice float towards me that I realized I wasn't the only one who couldn't sleep. Tip-toeing over I watched her, she was singing a soft song that I didn't recognize but it was beautiful none the less.
I had been torturing myself with Rachel in a somewhat sadistic manner throughout the duration of our camping, watching her secretly and letting my gaze lap up her beauty. You see as beautiful as she was, as warm as she made me feel there was still something holding me back. Still a part of myself that couldn't bear the thought of me becoming so vulnerable to someone, a part of me that knew I'd hurt her, who knew she would never love me back. A part of me so confused that it forced me to act fickle around her, letting her in one moment but then slamming the door to my heart the next.
"Quinn?"
Rachel turned to see me standing behind her; I hoped she hadn't noticed quite how long I had been watching her, the arch of her back, the ripple of her hair. Cursing myself silently for doing this to myself again.
It was only then that I noticed the tears on her cheeks. I took my opportunity and wrapped my arms around her slight body.
"Don't worry." I said trying to focus on her instead of the feel of her arms holding me back.
"Well that's not exactly easy these days is it? Besides I just can't. My father's aren't here to hold me. I only hope that Egypt is safer than here. The sun will make the fallen slower right? At least that's what I keep telling myself. But really, no one cares do they? They all have their own difficulties, losses, worries. It's hard living in a world with no compassion. Where everyone is too hurt to share comfort, at least not to me. I don't have anyone like the others, everyone but me seems to have someone."
Her voice sounded choked, her sadness echoing in her heart.
"You have me"
I whispered it so quietly that I was surprised she heard me.
"Not really though Q, I'm no one's one and only."
"No."
"Pardon?"
"No. You are my one and only."
"But… I thought… Finn."
She finished lamely.
"I don't love him Rachel."
I took everything I had to say those words, because what I was implying was so very precious, the secret in my heart.
"I'm in love with you Quinn."
Her words hurtled out and the intense shock of them ricocheted through my very being.
Without letting a moment pass, without letting myself think I crushed my lips against hers, feeling her lips part against mine, moulding themselves together I felt my stomach twist and felt myself prickle right down to my toes.
I let myself love her with my fingertips and my uneven knees, with my collarbone and my elbows, with my knuckles and the thousand tiny freckles speckling my body, my wrinkles and my storybook of scars.
And I let myself love her with all the spaces in-between. How very irrational it is to think that you love only with your heart. The heart is merely an organ with a job to do, a quota to fill. Loving her I didn't love with a blood-pumping machine. I loved with every inch of my body.
She lifted her hand up cupping my jaw; I held my hand against the small of her back, pushing her into me, wanting to feel every line of her body. As I did so I felt her begin to walk against me, advancing me back against a tree, I felt her breath run down my throat as we deepened the kiss.
After an countless amount of time she broke away, I watched the shock register on her face; I couldn't just let her go.
I slowly and gently brushed my swollen lips against hers, keeping our hands by our sides this time. I pulled back after a moment and watched her lean towards me, hesitate and then through herself back into the kiss, that signature smile being the last thing I saw before I closed my eyes and lost myself in our kiss again.
The amount of times I'd whispered to myself in bed at night, "Look, Quinn I love you." Along to some daydream is innumerable, I'd always wanted to love and be loved in return. I had just been scared of the fall.
Well now I'd fallen.
A/N continuation of beginning authors note: Think of my story as a French braid, I'm giving you all these little strands that are intricately winding and twisting together until the end where I will tie them all up and It will look beautiful. Okay so maybe that's an exaggeration of my abilities but it is my intention and once I thought of that metaphor I couldn't get it out of my head. Say, something that confuses you in chapter 9 makes you go "oooooh" in chapter 20.
Also just so you know in a couple of chapters time some big stuffs going down, (I tell you now instead of overloading you with information at the time) some things that you might not completely understand, to help you with this I will be compiling a guide that I will give a link to for you to refer to.
Finally I just wanted to thank all of my readers in this rather cheesy fashion because really it means the world to have you.