Disclaimer: I don't own Kakashi. Apparently the consensus of my reviewers thinks Naruto should own him.
A/N: Hello once more, dear readers. Apparently, the Roman arena has decided that the main pairing should be Kaka/Naru, which is absolutely fine with me. As a side pairing, I think I might have Sakura hook up with Tenzou Yamato, just because I can. Nonetheless, there will be no romance for quite a while. I am giving myself the time to change my mind about the parings in case reviewers change theirs, and also focusing on this story's main points; that is, Kakashi's mind, and the actual -plot-.
To PaleWhiteWind: Wow, I am amazed that someone actually recognized me from my novel-length Potterfic. I think I am going to blush now. And yes, this one might become a serious novel-length tale too. Depends on my muse, I suppose.
Warning: There will be some *gasp* plot! Also, past one-sided NaruSasu as a necessary plot device.
Chapter 2
Nobody is surprised when Kakashi turns up at Shikamaru's wedding terribly late; far past what could be considered fashionable, really, considering the actual ritual is already over. The only one that is slightly amused by it is Temari, the bride; and she is more amused by how the other guests are finding the jounin's behaviour absolutely natural, than about the tardiness itself.
"Yo. Congratulations." Kakashi mumbles a little embarrassedly towards the young genius' direstion. He makes a lousy groom, badly shaven and with a cigarette hanging from his lower lip, but he does look quite happy.
Nara finds it endearingly odd that the man, despite his constant lateness, always seems to feel a little guilty about it. He can understand all about leisureliness though, after all Shikamaru himself was more than a few minutes late for the wedding preparations, much to his future wife's affectionate exasperation. Although, sometimes Nara wonders whether Kakashi-sensei is actually a lax and negligent man, or if there is an entirely different reason for his repeated slacking.
After all, the young strategist is an ANBU too, and he knows well that idle shinobi cannot make a career in the corps, let alone become some kind of legend, like the copy-nin had.
He does not think about it too much though, because anything other than staring at his gorgeous bride feels simply too tiresome. "Heh. Thank you Kakashi-sensei." he simply replies, offering a wide, simple and slightly lazy smile. The copy-nin nods.
Kakashi Hatake then spots Naruto and Sai, and, taking the obligatory little orange book out of his pocket, he starts walking towards them, avoiding the people around him without even lifting his eyes off the perverted pages. He absent-mindedly observes that he is also the only one to be wearing his full shinobi outfit and gear; the rest are dressed with the best that is to be found in a closet: nice sweaters, fancy dresses, even a few kimonos. Or, in Hinata's case, a horribly complicated, ornate kimono that must be worth more than half the village.
Oh well, it can't be helped. His jounin uniform is, after all, the best to be found in his closet, he concludes and shrugs the issue off.
"Kakashi-sensei! Over here! There's these little meat buns over there, and here there are some maki with salmon in them, and then there's…" Naruto babbles from a few meters away while waving, seemingly excited to let his teacher know of the culinary opportunities that are presenting themselves. Sai, on the other hand, is quietly glaring at the people around him, who seem to nervously avoid meeting his unnervingly calculative stare.
"How lovely, neeee." the silver-haired shinobi mutters back, barely lifting his visible eye from the porn. He does nonetheless notice that Naruto is wearing a suit, which looks rather strange on him, and vaguely wonders how the blond managed to get himself one.
And even though he lays his eye on the suit for less than a second, the Uzumaki, who has grown to know him eerily well, notices and answers the unsaid question.
"That? Sakura gave it to me. I have no idea where she found it, but she said that if I don't wear it, she'll tell Temari I implied she looks rather... full-figured." the young man explains, and his lips curve into a fond smile. His current serious and gentle expression underlines his rather striking resemblance to the Yondaime, and a small part of Kakashi is grateful for this chance to see, if only because of his own momentarily confused imagination, his teacher's caring smile.
"It looks great on you, Naruto-kun! Sakura sure knows how to construct a convincing argument." the jounin declares, and then all three of them turn around to the sound of a loudly approaching Gai.
"My esteemed rival! Do not be a wallflower! Come shake your body to the passionate rhythm of this music while you are still young!" the Green Beast proposes, beaming an unnaturally sparkly grin towards the slightly cringing group. Sai is staring at the taijutsu specialist with both fear and wonder, as if he were some kind of dangerous, mythical creature. He looks ready to start taking down scientific notes.
"Mah, mah… My dancing days are over, I'm afraid." states the copy-nin, turning a new page on his naughty book.
"Ahhh! You have come here in your jounin uniform, and carrying your book. What a carefree, hip attitude you have, my rival! I am simply amazed! May the flames of youth burn brightly in you!" comes Gai's enthusiastic reply, and he seems ready to add something additional when Lee appears and, nodding in greeting, drags him away to the other side of the large room.
The three of them stay silent for a few moments, and then Naruto, grabbing a new meat bun, pulls Sai's sleeve. "We're going to go find Sakura-chan and Yamato-taichou. You comin', sensei?" he asks.
"I'll just hide here for now." Kakashi replies matter-of-factly, and he offers Naruto one of his stereotypical grin-and-closed-eye faces. The two boys go away then, and the jounin can just about hear Sai wondering what a "wallflower" is, and the jinchuuriki hissing something about him being a social retard. How adorable, he thinks before diving back into his familiar book.
Genma walks over and greets him at some point, and so do Hayate and Aoba. Then also Raidou, Inoichi, Tsume, and a bunch of other people; he could not possibly recall exactly who, but they are all people he knows well, and even cares about. Nonetheless, Kakashi is not really enjoying himself as much as he should be; he was never much of a party animal, despite what rumours say about working hard and playing hard in ANBU. It is pleasant, however, to be surrounded by all these people; it feels like a great big happy camping group.
Albeit an irritating one, at times.
But one he is fond of nevertheless.
With the corner of his single naked eye, he spots Ibiki over at the opposite corner, dressed in black from head to toes and looking as unarguably frightening as he always does. He is not alone however; Mitarashi Anko is standing next to him, a cheerful grin on her face and a rather impressive pile of meat buns on her paper plate. Oddly enough, her expression is not one of mania, nor are her eyes gleaming in their usual dangerous manner. The one that speaks of death, blood, sadomasochism and other such pleasantries.
Furthermore, and heaven forbid, Ibiki's lips are a slight bit curved. Upwards. He is smiling, Kakashi realises in shock. He has known the man for over two decades and yet he's never, ever seen him smile for any purpose other than scaring his prisoners with the threat of a deeply sadistic treatment. And there he is now, an eerie softness spread on his face, watching over that psychotic lady while she is clomping down the free food.
They are lovers now, he deduces immediately, and it does make sense for them to be, he guesses. He'd be one to truly be able to understand what she's been through, and she'd be one to be able to hear all about his working day without flinching. Underneath his mask, Kakashi Hatake smiles for them.
"Hey 'Kashi-sensei. We found them." States a voice from behind his back, and he turns around to find a fairly cheerful Naruto dragging with him a rather confused Tenzou, with a smiling Sakura and an impassive Sai following.
"Yo" he greets calmly and amicably, thinking to himself that they really make a rather odd team, the five of them. Sakura is wearing a lovely pale pink dress, and she is looking more elegant than he'd ever thought she could be, as mean as that may sound. Yamato, on the other hand, has removed his facial protectors, and is looking profoundly nervous about the way everyone is staring at his face with evident curiosity.
"Put that goddamn book down for a second won't you, sensei? We're at a wedding. I'm pretty sure it's bad etiquette to read porn during a wedding." Sakura points out rather accusingly, but he can tell she is not actually annoyed; rather than that, she seems amused.
"It is bad etiquette. It says so in that book about…" Sai begins to add, obviously in a well-intentioned effort to be helpful, but he is violently interrupted by a desperate-looking Naruto, who is is hissing something about Sai "not being allowed to read books anymore". The socially awkward boy thus decides to change the subject of the conversation in order to avoid all the embarrassment.
"So, Kakashi-sensei, when are you getting married?" he asks cheerfully, his face contorting into that mask of forced friendliness. Kami, he is really incorrigible, Kakashi inwardly moans; Yamato and Sakura wince at the horribly indiscreet and vexing question, but Naruto just smirks in a seemingly oblivious manner.
"Mah, mah… No hurries! I am still an active jounin. Maybe one day…" the silver-haired man replies vaguely and waves Sai off with a laid-back movement.
"But I once read that 30 is the age when…" Sai is about to protest, when the pink-haired girl's self-control finally breaks, and her composure starts crumbling down.
"Sai-kun. Be quiet please." she mutters in a rather hostile manner, and she cracks her knuckles in a fashion reminiscent of Tsunade, eyes sparkling with murderous intentions. Kakashi smiles at the question, though, and that seems to hold the girl back from proceeding with the obligatory beating.
"Thirty huh..? Well, I was never good with deadlines, you know." he factually replies, and dives back into his little orange book, while Naruto smiles over him endearingly.
Within his mind, Kakashi thinks that Sai has a point of course; when he was younger, Kakashi himself had often thought about eventually settling down with a kind, caring woman and having a family. The only problem with that was the fact he did not actually like kind, caring women, and that although he was already in his thirties, his village needed him to be as active a shinobi as ever.
Furthermore, he already has a family, he adds to his inner monologue, resting his eye on Naruto's gentle smile, Sakura's rosy cheeks, Yamato's avoiding gaze, and Sai's awkward, chilling grin. A slightly strange family, but a family nonetheless, he concludes.
"Sakura-chan, you look great in that dress." he randomly comments, breaking the slightly icy atmosphere with admirable ease. That seems to really confuse her, for she is not certain if she should thank him and be flattered, or punch him about being a perverted jerk. In fact, she takes so long with that decision, that in the end she does nothing, and simply scratches her head a little nervously. Naruto chuckles.
"Yeah, you look great. You look like the wedding cake." the blond adds in a conspiratory whisper, and, seeing as Sakura has no qualms about punching this guy, he is sent flying off almost immediately by her womanly rage. Sai finds all this very amusing, while the Wood Release specialist seems to be pretending not to know them.
Yup. They make a great family.
When the party's over, Sakura, Tenzou, Sai and a bunch of other chuunin and jounin decide to go over for a beer at the Drunken Fist Pub, and although Kakashi is actually both tempted and invited to tag along, he ends up refusing. Having been with such a loud crowd for so long has rendered him thoroughly exhausted; he has spent a very large portion if his life alone by choice, and he is having a bit of a hard time getting used to all this commotion. Adjusting, is the right word, he reminds himself.
He churns up an excuse about having a date with an old lady in order to help her carry some shopping bags, and despite the fact that it is past midnight, the others seem to accept his ridiculous excuse smoothly.
Deep inside, the jounin does feel a little bad about not going along, however. He generally never shows up during Poker Fridays, he almost never goes out with the chuunin and jounin gang, and even when he occasionally does, he somehow fails to participate in the whole singing karaoke, dancing on tables and playing strip shogi routine. There was a particular period in his life though, that lasted no more that a couple of months, when he did go out all the time, and slept around quite a bit, and drank bad tequilas.
It was a couple of years after Minato's death, and he had tried to convince himself to stop living in the past and start having a little more fun; his ANBU teammates had been pushing him, too, and he thought he'd give it a chance.
It'd been a complete failure. He still felt as detached as ever, and as cold, only this time there was a crowd around him, or at times a person beneath him. He decided to focus on his shinobi career instead; after all, there was something profoundly wrong about murdering women and children during the day, and then partying cheerfully at night.
"Kakashiiii. Wait. I'm going home too." a voice comes from behind him at some point. Right. As much as he'd been lost in thought, he did hear someone following him, he realised; he just didn't even process that particular piece of information. He spins his upper body around, and comes face to face with Naruto.
It's not the usual Naruto though: there's no overly cheery smile or tangible aura of optimism. There's just a young man with serious, tired eyes and a handsome, slightly hardened face; and even though his lips are still shaped into a smile, it's a slightly weary one.
Kakashi is concerned. He does of course know that Naruto is no longer a kid, and that even when he still was one, he still carried great burdens of guilt and pain inside his little body. Nevertheless, it is so rare for him to let his hidden stash of bitterness show, that his teacher cannot help but feel worried; especially since Naruto could have chosen to be with a gorgeous Sakura instead of walking aimlessly in the streets.
"Naruto-kun, why aren't you at the Drunken Fist Pub? You should be having all the fun you can get; when I was your age I…" the jounin begins, ready to weave a web of hopefully convining lies, but his student, without meeting his gaze, interrupts him.
"Sasuke does not party, and he does not flirt with girls and drink beer. Right now, he is training. He is training his newly acquired Eternal Mangekyo with the sole purpose of destroying this village, you know. I cannot slack behind; Konoha's fate depends on this." he whispers hoarsely, with troubled eyes still lost in the dark horizon of the night.
"I am sure you can feel it too, Kakashi-sensei. It's the calm before the storm, neh? They don't see it, but I am sure you can; and I can too. So it's up to us to be prepared, because soon enough, we will have to be strong enough to protect them, isn't that right?" the boy concludes, his voice low and distant, and then he finally turns his gaze towards Kakashi, and the jounin finds it familiar. Just like Minato's eyes during the Kyuubi attack, it occurs to him. He looks less like Obito and more like his father by the day.
Kakashi kicks himself at that thought. He must finally stop comparing the boy to the dead; Naruto is a person of his own. He is an entirely unique individual, and one the jounin really cares about, he reminds himself.
"Naruto… You should not be thinking like that. This war that's coming will not rest on your shoulders alone. Do not believe yourself the sole responsible for…" Kakashi starts, putting a hand on the young man's shoulder, but once again he is not given the opportunity to complete his sentence.
"But they need me to take this on my shoulders! After the Pain invasion… Everyone believes in me now, and they put their trust in me. I hated it a bit at first, I thought they were sucking up to me now that I'm getting stronger, but that's not how it is. They need a hero, Kakashi-sensei. The Sannin, your father… This village can't survive without its heroes, so I must be good enough." Naruto states, and there is a gravity, a quiet conviction in his voice and a maturity that finds Kakashi unprepared. Naruto is becoming wise.
"I am sure you will be strong enough. The only question you need to bring yourself to answer is, could you kill Sasuke if Konoha's fate depended on it?" the copy-nin asks him. He knows that it is a question that has silenly, wordlessly hovered above their heads for a long time, and that they had forbidden themselves from wording it out loud. A taboo. But the shinobi life is hard, as they both know, and they do not have the luxury to avoid talking about the subjects that hurt them.
Naruto seems to be a little taken aback by his teacher cruelly blunt question, and he throws his eyes to the floor for a few minutes, uncertainly and painfully.
Silent reigns between them.
"If it's Konoha or Sasuke-kun… It will have to be Konoha." The boy finally states, but the tone of his voice is breaking a little, and he doesn't quite meet the jounin's eye. This will not do, Kakashi thinks to himself worriedly; this indecisiveness, this doubt… it can kill during an actual battle.
"It will have to be. But will it be?" he persists, and he does feel a stab of guilt as he watches the unmistakable pain filling the young man's eyes; and yet, he has to push him, he has to ready him. Naruto nearly flinches at his teaher's calm but forceful persistence, and says nothing. This is very hard on him. He needs my help, the jounin realises, and his expression softens.
"Naruto-kun… I know how you feel about Sasuke." he whispers almost tenderly at the troubled man that stands before him, and he lifts his forehead protector, revealing his Sharingan. Or rather, his Mangekyo Sharingan. Naruto stares back at his teacher's mismatched eyes, and he looks nervous, confused and even a little frightened.
"Do you know how I got this eye, Naruto-kun? You must have heard some pieces of the story; Konoha is a gossipy town. I had an Uchiha in my genin team as well, you know. His name was Obito Uchiha, and I never realised how much I cared about him, until I lost him, and there was nothing left of him but this eye. Believe me... I know just how you feel. But life goes on." he explains to the young man so softly and so gently that he barely recognises his own voice.
Naruto stares at him blankly for a second, and then his eyes widen in realisation; something clicks inside him, and he meets the mismatched eyes with a newfound intensity, a deep understanding.
At that precise second, a new bond is formed between them. Naruto's blue eyes mellow down knowingly, and whole new realisation sinks in. The silent, distant, detached copy-nin is not a cool, invincible force of nature; he is a man just like him, vulnerable to pain, and to loss, and to love. It occurs to Naruto that despite how much affection he's always had for Kakashi, he'd never really thought of that before.
But when he said he knew exactly how Naruto feelt about Sasuke could he possibly mean… He couldn't, the jinchuuriki decides, and he gives his teacher a bittersweet, pained smile.
"Look, Naruto… The reason I am saying this is… No matter how well, how obsessively well you prepare your body, it will not make up for a doubtful heart. It is your heart you have to train. You have to accept, truly accept, that Sasuke is beyond redemption. That the Sasuke you knew is dead. Other than that, you are ready. As ready as you'll ever be, and I believe in you, I really do." the teacher adds, and he thinks it's strange that when he places his hand on Naruto's shoulder, he is not placing it downwards anymore, but straight ahead.
The blond nods.
They part ways.
The next day, Naruto is sparring with Sakura in the woods; and they are both being quite serious about it. Sparring for them is no longer a game because, to some extent, Sakura also realises that she will need to be strong, for this war is far from being over; in fact, it's only just begun. The gap between their skills is becoming wider now, even though Sakura is indeed turning into an exceptional kunoichi. Her strength is impressive and highly destructive, the precision of her hits is astounding and her chakra control is better than the blond could ever hope to achieve.
And yet, Naruto is on an entirely different level compared to her, she realises bitterly but also proudly as he moulds his demonic chakra with ease to split it into dozens of fox-like clones. She is truly happy for him, for the recognition he has attained, the admiration he has earned, and she loves him deeply, this stupid, brave boy; more than her mother or her father, her family is Naruto.
She knows, objectively speaking, that he is growing into an attractive man as well, and that the young women of Konoha have been noticing him; and yet, in her eyes, he is still the adorable idiot he has always been, despite his broad shoulders and his serious eyes. He is her brother in pain, her brother in memory, and her brother in loss.
The two of them, she knows, could never be a couple. The two of them alone will never be anything more than two thirds of team 7, yearning secretly to be completed. And Sakura knows that he knows that as well; despite the fact he still compliments her quite often, and even flirts with her occasionally, she can tell that he knows it just as clearly as she does. He, too, has come to accept that the two of them could not possibly function as a couple, and that the deep, beautiful bond they already share could never morph into something more.
The ghost of Sasuke-kun and the echoes of their childhood will always keep them apart.
And they will always bring them together, too, but in an entirely different way. As a family that has gone through a common loss, and as comrades that have gained an silent understanding of one another that no one else could achieve. Except, perhaps, Kakashi.
"Naruto…! You are becoming too strong for me, mah!" she declares loudly as a two-tailed clone throws her a few feet away with some wind ninjutsu she does not recognise, and she lifts her hand up in admitted defeat. Ever since two months ago, when the blond the jinchuuriki managed to achieve something thus far thought absolutely impossible, create shadow clones imbued with the Kyuubi's chakra shroud, she has barely managed to a land a proper hit on him, she realises miserably. The clones are immediately dispelled, and Naruto rushes to her side, looking very concerned.
"Are you okay Sakura-chan? I'm sorry I didn't mean to…" he mumbles guiltily and helps her up. She chuckles tiredly at him (her bones are aching), and ruffles his hair affectionately.
"You moron, I'm fine." she tells him, and she offers him one of these wide, shiny smiles that make him feel like everything is going to be alright, forever. He loves her more now then when he used to have a crush on her; and he knows her more, too. There are no secrets between them anymore, really.
This is why when they sit under that large tree munching their rice-balls, the young man decides to ask her about their teacher. "Sakura-chan… How exactly did Kakashi-sensei get his Sharingan? I know that a dying Uchiha gave it to him or something of that sort, but that is simply not a complete explanation, you know." he mutters a little hesitantly, his voice low and serious. Sakura turns her head around and studies his face for a moment; he is troubled, she concludes, and concerned. She wonders why.
"I don't know the exact story either, to be honest. But from what I've seen in Tsunade-sama's files, there was a young Uchiha in his genin team. In the picture he did not really look like an Uchiha though, to be honest. A very cheery kid, with goggles, of all things. He reminded me of you much more than he reminded me of… you know, Sasuke-kun." she starts, trying her best to remember exactly what she'd read about Kakashi's early days as a shinobi; it was a few years ago, and being the silly girl she was, she hadn't given the information much thought.
She regrets it now, she realizes; she'd like to be able to understand the quiet jounin a little better. She'd pay to get her hands on his files.
And she also regrets still being unable to say the name of her own former Uchiha comrade without feeling a weakness in her stomach.
"Anyways, the young Uchiha died during a mission, and the girl in their team, who was training to become medic-nin, transplanted a Sharingan eye in accordance to the dying boy's wishes, I think. This is what the report said, if I remember right." she continues, trying to sound as factual as possible, but finding it difficult. Her eyes widening a little, she hurriedly adds some more information.
"I just remembered... the report was filed by your father, you know! I'm sure you've heard of this before, but he was their genin teacher. As for the girl… I think she is probably gone as well. I know the list of kunoichi that have had medical training quite well, and there hasn't been a 'Rin' amongst them for years… All in all, it's a sad story, I guess." the pink-haired girl concludes. In fact, it all sounds so disturbingly tragic that she does even want to think about it anymore.
She'd rather still believe her teacher to be an almost supernatural figure; an invulnerable constant. It makes her feel safer.
"So Kakashi-sensei lost his father, his teacher and all of his comrades, and he is still as strong as ever, while we still go all teary-eyed over Sasuke-kun's name, even though he's still alive, neh? We are real wimps, you know that, Sakura-chan?" Naruto says, and his voice, hoarse and low, is trembling a little; also, ironically enough, his eyes seem somewhat moist. Sakura's too, as she nods to his conlcusion.
They hug one another then, because they only very rarely dare say out loud that Sasuke is lost now, and when they do, it's hard to cope with it.
"Yeah, I guess we're wimps." she whispers in his ear, and he smiles.
And while two comrades hug caringly under a tree, a heavily wounded shinobi from Rain is allowed into the Godaime's office. Since the defeat of Pain and his acceptance of the young Uzumaki's vision, the Rain have allied themselves to Konoha, rendering this ominous visit rather worrisome to the female Sannin.
"You've got to help us, Godaime-sama. We are being attacked… We think it's merceneries hired by the Akatsuki. We've pushed them back so far, but if the Akatsuki members themselves show up…" the man cries in desperation, his voice cracking under the effects of fear and grief. There is a large wound on his stomach, and it doesn't look too good. Tsunade will have to take care of it personally for the man to have a chance.
The Slug Princess' eyes harden at the mention of the Akatsuki, but she knows that it would be simply unacceptable not to send any help. Help is what allies are for, after all.
"Do you have any idea of the motives behind their attack? Are there any intelligence reports concerning their possible target?" she asks, trying to tone down the blunt harshness of her voice. The man before her is tired, frightened and wounded, she reminds herself sternly, and her features immediately soften. "It would really help us decide on the selection of shinobi we'll be sending" she adds gently.
The man's eyes brighten with hope at her last statement. Thank Kami, they will be sending help, he thinks weakly.
"We have no certainty, but we think they are targeting a pre-adolescent girl from the Midorikawa clan. She is rumoured to have… accurate vision of the future." The man spits out between heavy, nasty coughs. Tsunade's glare darkens. That's just what we need, she thinks to herself grimly, Madara with knowledge of the future; this cannot possibly be allowed to happen.
And yet, who could she possibly send? Anyone not powerful enough would be a lamb to slaughter; and she is not the kind of Hokage that could possibly treat her shinobi like meat for the cannons. And yet, if she sends out her best, would the village be able to survive the possibility of their loss, or even their short-term absence?
Sooner or later, she knows that Konoha will have to face the full fury of this war, and that there is no point in keeping Naruto and Kakashi inside the village in order to protect them. They will, inevitably, have to face Madara, because she knows that Madara is after them, and that he will stop at nothing.
And yet, are they ready to be sent out when the possibility of meeting that damned Uchiha is so very real? They need more time, she tells herself; Naruto needs more time…
The Hokage collapses exhausted onto her chair.