Disclaimer: I do not own Sai. I do own a kettle that has a similar emotional spectrum, however.

A/N: IMPORTANT! From here and on I will be straying from canon, unfortunately, since I do not yet know of Yamato's canon fate after his having been kidnapped by Kabuto. In my version, he's managed to escape, obviously. Otherwise he wouldn't be in Konoha. So please, bear with my tampering.

To the reviewers: Thank you very, very much for the support. If there is anything you want to ask in a review feel free, I always reply. And don't forget: reviews are to the author as apples are to the Shinigami.

Chapter 5

The door of Naruto's apartment opens with a soft creaking noise, and the young man stumbles in, slightly intoxicated, but with his mind clear and reeling. He does not bother turning the lights on; the pale rays of moonlight creeping into the room are quite enough for his trained eyes, and besides, he's lived here his entire life and could navigate the place blindly if he needed to. He cannot bother undressing either. Still wearing his training gear, he collapses onto the small bed.

He momentarily thinks of Sakura's sweet laughter ringing inside the ramen store, and then of Sai's awkward but endearing jokes. He thinks of Yamato's amusing tales, and of his slowly unravelling personality. Most of all, though, he thinks about his teacher.

I'm really sorry.

That's what Kakashi had told him, at first gently, and then, the second time, with his disharmonised eyes serious and piercing, impassioned even. He'd never seen these eyes in such a state, both revealed and both alight, during anything less than a fight to the death. And although Naruto had often fantasised about Konoha's citizens, remorseful after the blond's inevitable rise to power, muttering humbly that they'd been wrong about him, and asking for his forgiveness, Kakashi-sensei had never been amongst the people he'd wanted to see apologise.

It just feels wrong for this invincible, aloof, blasé shinobi to be speaking to him in such a manner. And then to be eyeing him with tired, pleading eyes, just before they part.

He is simply too used to looking at the silver-haired jounin from below, the jinchuuriki realises; to be looking up to him as a teacher, as a stronger warrior, as a superior in Konoha's power pyramid, as a role-model. This is the role that Naruto had always attributed to his genin instructor, and now that roles are crumbling between them, he cannot help but feel unsettled.

Kakashi had always been the one to catch him when he fell; when he'd exhausted himself after training, when he'd battled Pein, when he'd been poisoned… He'd always been the one saving people, the one coming up with the plan.

How odd it is now to realise that Kakashi is only human, himself.

However, the truth is that Naruto is not entirely sure of why he is so terribly agitated about this little incident. It was more of a... randomly profound talk and less of an incident, anyway. What he does know, is that his heart is still beating quickly inside his chest, as if he'd witnessed a crime, or some other well-hidden secret. And even though he has already eaten an incredible amount of food, he gets up to make himself a cup of instant noodles, if only because he doesn't want to sleep yet.

As he pours the boiling water, the young man's thoughts flicker away to Hatake's childhood, and then to his own. He smiles bittersweetly.

When he first met us, as genin, we were a group of immature, naïve twelve-year olds. How laughable we must have been in his eyes, he who at twelve had already seen so much death, had gone through so many losses, he who already knew so much more about the cruelty of the world we live in. Sakura's little crush, Sasuke's obsessive behaviour, my own desperate attempts to get attention…

What does he think of us now?

Does he still see the… friend he lost, when he looks at me? Does he see my father? And now that he can occasionally see me, Naruto Uzumaki, as my own person, does he see hope for the future there, or does he simply see his own, supposed failure as a genin instructor?

How bad does he hurt, I wonder, when he looks at me?

Does he hurt as bad as I do, when I come across a picture of Sasuke before his eyes were taken over by his hatred of the world? If so, then I cannot blame him for having taken so long to see me for who I am. There's nothing to be sorry about. I understand.

I understand in the same way that I understand Sakura too, that loves me truly, as I know now, but can still not help herself noting the absence of Sasuke every single time she looks at me. I understand all about pain, now.

I am not a child anymore.

Naruto's eyes fall onto the slightly weathered picture of Team Seven, and he inwardly laughs at how people are so weak against the overwhelming power of their own past. His eyes sting a little as he breaks apart a pair of wooden, disposable chopsticks.

The noodles are gone within seconds, and the lights are still off.

"Well, Obito-kun… Since I tell you so much about my students, I thought it was only fair to tell them of you, too, you know. Well, I only told Naruto to be honest, but I think I'll tell Haruno too, one day, about our old Team. But I'll tell her mostly about Rin, I guess, since they are so much alike at times. I'm sure she'll listen carefully; she is a sentimental girl like that." the man mutters quietly, standing tall in front of the memorial stone. His single visible eye is soft as it falls onto the familiar names, and he feels the ghostly warmth of the dead embracing him.

He can't really compare it with the warmth of the living, however; but that's only because it has been entirely too long since the last time he'd let the living come close. And now he might only have two days ahead of him, and, perhaps, he regrets it a little.

"When we meet again, will you be mad at me, Obito-kun, for having lived such a meaningless, grey life? For holding onto you for so long, like a fool, and wasting my shots at happiness? Will you scold me and tell me of all the colourful, noisy, larger-than-life things you would have done in my stead, of how you would have made the most out of the time given to you? Or will you be pleased that I never forgot you, and that I carried you with me for so long?" Kakashi wonders, a dark smile forming behind the fabric as he brings his hand up against the cold, dead stone.

The vision of the Uchiha boy fades, and he starts walking towards the training grounds, his hands tucked into his pockets.

By the time the copy-nin reaches the training grounds, all traces of sadness are gone from his barely visible face, and he eye-smiles cheerily at the familiar little crowd. They are not really smiling back, though; which is understandable, since he has had them waiting for a few hours. He embarassedly awaits the upcoming scolding.

"You are LATE!" he is told, fingers pointed at him accusingly.

This time, however, these same words ring different to him. A bleak vision flashes before his eyes; a vision of the brutal, bloodied showdown against Madara, and of his teammates, falling in front of his eyes while he stands there, paralysed and unable to help. He sees himself kneeling next to their bodies, and telling them that they are his family, and that he loves them; only it is too late now, for they are dead and gone, and he, the undeserving one, has once again outlived them.

You are LATE!

"You are LATE!" he imagines Obito shouting at him, reproachfully. "You never told me that you loved me while I was alive, you idiot. Why tell me now, that I am no longer there to hear you?" He has to put great effort into not flinching visibly in front of his teammates, who are eyeing him with obvious concern.

I am losing control, he curses inwardly. I'm too old for this job.

"Are you alright, Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura questions, frowning, her intelligent green eyes examining him carefully. The rest of them are also sporting rather perturbed expressions, he notes, and he curses himself once more for handling the pressure less well than he would have liked to. It is very unlike him, too. He'd never been one to lose his composure due to an imminent suicide mission, nor was he one to be swayed by the fear of death. He briefly wonders why the hell he's so affected by this particular assignment.

"Oh yes, I'm fine. It's simply that, for a moment, I thought I'd left my... special book at home." he smoothly recovers, and he brings the little orange object out of his vest, eye-smiling brightly. He is relieved to see them roll their eyes, convinced; they are only too ready to believe he'd be devastated at the thought of going through a day without his obligatory porn.

"Mah, sensei, what will do today then?" Naruto asks, excitedly. Even though he's grown a lot during the last few years, his enthusiasm on the subject of training remains uncurbed.

Kakashi takes a deep breath, his tangled thoughts clearing out into a sudden decision. A reversal of his own plan.

They need to know, he tells himself, because I simply can't go on keeping this from them.

And because we need to prepare.

"Today we're going to train something very specific, and relevant to our next mission. We're going to be training on how to deal with an opponent, when that opponent happens to… possess the Sharingan." he states as factually as possible, his voice calm and unwavering.

For a minute or so, there is absolute silence.

Naruto is staring at him with intense, blue eyes, and he notices the young man's jaw clench, his nostrils flare, and his nails digging imperceptibly into his pamls. Sakura's eyes are wide with both shock and pain, and her lips slowly part as she calculates the possible meaning of Kakashi's statement. Sai's already dark eyes darken even further, and he does not try to hide his growing hatred against all surviving Uchihas. As for Yamato, his usually light-hearted and fairly neutral expression turns grave and hard, his lips becoming thin as he waits for an explanation.

"There's only two people with a Sharingan left, except from you! And they are allies with one another! What kind of mission is it that we're talking about, here?" Naruto, who is clearly not willing to wait, shouts at him, fists closing tighter. The jinchuuriki's eyes are glowing with a flame so strong that, even though Kakashi can still look into them and remain as cool as always, he only barely manages to do so.

"There's been an Akatsuki assault against the Rain. Our intelligence claims that their target is a young prophet. Hokage-sama has decided that we cannot allow Madara to get hold of a source of information on the future, and is sending us to intervene. The involvement of either Madara himself or his direct subordinates is very likely." the jounin states in a rather mechanical voice, staring at each member of his team consecutively, examining their reactions.

"Eh! Don't go on talking to us in your formal-shinobi-voice! Is Madara really going to be there? The guy we don't even manage to touch?" the young blond questions, his tone forceful and demanding. Yamato cringes a bit at the reminder of just how badly they'd failed last time they'd faced that man; they'd been lucky he had other business to attend to.

"It's likely." Hatake replies, sighing loudly.

"And when you say direct subordinates do you mean… Could Sasuke also…" Sakura stammers, her brows knit and her eyes still wide, but not as watery as they would have been had she still been a little girl. Despite her feelings, her gaze is resolute and powerful.

"That is also likely." he says, and he lifts his forehead-protector, revealing a blood-red Mangekyou Sharingan. "Shall we begin?"

Yamato hasn't felt so nervous for quite a long time. He isn't a coward, of course; he went up against Ororchimaru by himself once, and he even managed to escape from Kabuto's clutch just a few months ago. It had been a fierce duel, that one, and it had left him with a long and deep scar running skewed from his neck all the way down to his thigh which was not painful anymore only thanks to Sakura's extraordinary medical skill, for Kabuto had been a surprisingly strong foe. The sneaky bastard had been hiding his true strength for a very long time.

What Yamato also knows though, is that he would have never managed to escape had Madara not been missing at the time.

Uchiha Madara… Damn.

He's never been a coward, it's true, and he's always willingly risked his life for the Hidden village of the Leaf, but that cursed man is, quite simply, the stuff nightmares are made out of. Amazing time-space manipulation techniques, a fully mastered Sharingan, and now a fucking Rinnengan, as well. Generally, the young jounin isn't really a pessimist; you can't survive in ANBU by being anything else except from a realist, anyway. But this is simply ridiculous.

The training, too, has been discouraging. Even against Kakashi's less well-developed Mangekyou, he'd felt pretty much powerless; Doujutsu was never his battleground of choice.

Damnit.

Next to him, Naruto, Sakura and Sai are digging into a light lunch. Their faces are rather grim, he notes, and they barely exchange a word. The jinchuuriki's chakra is flaring quite badly around him, and his eyes are nearly frightening, shining with such sharp and deadly determination. The young woman seems to be taking it quite badly, too, but in an antirely different way; her face is hollow and plain, her eyes empty and passive. The Mokuton specialist is pained to see her in such a state, she who is generally such a beautiful, kind presence.

He knows, of course, that it is not fear that is causing Sakura to react thus; her having been enamoured with Sasuke is so well-known that it has even been written in her file. And yet, he clearly remembers their talk on her feelings for Naruto, back when he'd started transforming into Kyuubi, after meeting Orochimaru at the famed Bridge. He'd known, just by the look in her eyes, that she dearly loved her blond comrade, too. Once again, the young woman reminds him of Tsunade: despite her bouts of ire, she can't help herself loving people uncontrollably.

Like Tsunade, she'd been in love with the one that deflected. Like Tsunade, she'd realised how much she loved the other, too, only when they'd already given up, only after it was too late to even try.

Will she, like Tsunade, find love somewhere else entirely, only to lose it again?

It is the fate of the strong kunoichi to forever carry wounded hearts?

The most surprising reaction, however, is Sai's reaction, for the pale ROOT member never displays emotions strongly. And yet, there he is, his face clearly overwhelmed with anger, his eyes contaminated with hate. It is actually only on the subject of Sasuke that he's ever seen Sai show anything akin to rage. Yamato is still not certain why the young man displays such a passionate dislike against Sasuke Uchiha, but he can guess.

He can guess how Sai must feel, being the replacement (replacement, a word Tenzou knows well) of a man that both his teammates still love so faithfully, although he clearly does not deserve it. Ah, envy is known to be a strong driving force, Yamato muses, his eyes wandering into the sky idly.

"Yamato-taichou… Aren't you going to eat something? It's too much for us." Sakura suddenly offers, and picks up a nori-wrapped rice-call, holding it out for him. Touching, he mutters to himself. It is not the actual offer that moves him though; it is how she is still doing her best to smile at him, even though her lips are quivering a little.

"Ah! Thank you. I guess I got lost in thought." the brunette jounin answers, smiling back at the young woman and swiftly munching the gifted goods. Her eyes do not leave him even after he is done eating however, and Yamato wonders whether there is something she trying to ask for. Support, perhaps, since Naruto and Sai are both too drawn into their own emotional turmoils.

"You look worried. You shouldn't. I have a super technique that can break through any genjutsu, I should let you know." he observes humorously, causing her to raise her right eyebrow warily. His little conspiratory smirk is rather amusing, she then realises, and although she is still terribly worried, she can't help the edges of her lips twitching into a genuine, this time, smile.

"Really now… I wonder what it is." she asks, playing along, despite the obvious shakiness of her voice, and the slight wetness of her eyes.

Yamato beams a scary face at her.
The one with the light coming inexplicably from below his face, even though there is no light source around that area.

She buries her face into her hands, chuckling. He feels like a damn idiot for still using this same old face on them after so long, but at least it can still make Sakura laugh.

Or is she crying?

Naruto does no feel particularly hungry anymore. Inside his mind, there is a raging hurricane of thoughts and emotions, and he really cannot concentrate even on the simple action of chewing. He gets up, and walks into the woods, where he knows he'll find Kakashi. Indeed, he soon traces the familiar chakra, and follows it until he comes face to face with the silver-haired jounin.

"Yo." The copy-nin greets him lazily. Naruto squints his eyes a little, and bites his lip.

"You did not find out about that mission today. You already knew! That's why you took us out for ramen, and that's why you decided to tell me all that stuff you've never told me before. Am I right?" he says, and despite his generally hot-blooded temperament, his voice is calm and serious.

"I was only told yesterday myself, actually. But yes, you are right, I guess. " Kakashi admits matter-of-factly, and he sighs; something which really seems to exasperate the young man even further. Naruto clenches his fists, and takes a few steps towards the older man, suppressing his ire. He should not be angry with his sensei before hearing his reasoning, he commands himself inwardly; the man has always done his best to protect them, after all.

"Why didn't you tell us right away?" he asks, and Kakashi is surprised to hear the boy's voice, because even though it is somewhat reproachful, it is still oddly soft. He lets his uncovered eye wander around Naruto's features, and even though he delays his reply, the young man does not repeat himself. Instead, he simply waits, even though he is far from known for his patience.

"Because I thought you guys might react in ways that would reduce our chances to make it out alive. I was afraid Sakura might have trouble sleeping, and than you would probably exhaust yourself training obsessively." the older man confesses, and Naruto is taken aback by his blunt honesty; he does not usually explain his thoughts so openly. And reluctantly, the jinchuuriki admits that Kakashi does have a point. On the other hand though…

"Yeah, but that's a bit hyper… hypa… hypocritical. Because obviously you have being acting strange yourself. Trying to keep this a secret and acting as if nothing were and worrying all by yourself seems to be tiring you out. So you are reducing your chances this way." Naruto observes, frowning, and even though he is not expressing himself very masterfully, the jounin knows that he is quite right.

"Also, that conversation about you being a bad teacher, it was you tying your loose ends, right? Don't you think that we have the right to tie our loose ends, too? Maybe we also have stuff to do before we go around dying!" he continues, pointing his finger at the older man. Naruto does not expect to be taken seriously, however; he expects the man to eye-smile apologetically, scratch the back of his head and shrug the issue off. He doesn't.

"I might have been wrong. In fact, please do prove me wrong by not acting self-destructively, and by helping Sakura not to do so, either. We need to be at top form, as you understand. It's a matter of life and death." his teacher tells him; only he is not speaking like a teacher, but as teammate to teammate. The gravity, perhaps even urgency in Kakashi's eye makes Naruto feel a little uneasy.

"As far as tying loose ends goes, you are absolutely right. You have two days, Naruto, today, and tomorrow. So you might want to start right now." Kakashi mutters matter-of-factly, and he squints his eye in his usual, cheery way, encouraging the jinchuuriki to vent a little. He must be keeping quite a few grudges against the jounin, if only for the times he'd been tricked into paying for ramen.

The young man blinks at Kakashi, astounded at the manner in which he instantly transformed from serious shinobi into aloof ero-sensei, and then smiles. At least it's good to know that no matter what, Kakashi is still Kakashi.

The boy turns around, and starts running back to the training grounds. He needs to apologise to Sakura, for not bringing Sasuke back, he thinks to himself, and he needs to tell her that he did love her, both her and Sasuke, in the best way he could. He wants to let Sai know that he is a great person, and that, despite everything, he is a good friend. He wants to tell Yamato that even though he has no name and no parents, he is still a person, and he is an awesome person, too, for saving their asses so often and for subtly strengthening their teamwork with his little tricks.

And also…

Kakashi, he needs to tell Kakashi that he was a great teacher, and that… In fact, there's simply too many things he wants to tell him, and suddenly he realises that when the older man told him to "start right now", he probably implied that he wants to know what Naruto has to say to him.

Naruto turns around again, and runs back to the silver-haired jounin, who is still standing there, reading his Icha Icha peacefully.

Kakashi lifts one lazy eye from his book, and sees the boy turning back, with an odd expression on his face.

"Kakashi-sensei… I think you are a brilliant teacher. It is you who taught me the most crucial stuff bout life, you know. Like how teamwork is the most important thing, and how we must always look out for one another. And you also taught me to insist and not give up, and to never be afraid. And I don't care if at first you didn't see me for who I am, or if I reminded you of things you didn't want to be reminded of. It's okay that you weren't the first one to see me, because when you did, you saw me better that the rest, you were the first one to really believe in me."

The copy-nin slides the book back into his vest. An impassionate, heart-breaking speech, ridden with emotion and idealism, he notes; how typically Naruto. Beneath his mask, his smile is warm with fondness. He tries to ignore how deeply touching the boys word's really are.

"Also, I know I might be rude and prying into other people's businesses and whatnot, but I want to tell you that all these people that died and that you mourn for, I am sure they did so willingly. I don't mean that they wanted to die, rather that being a shinobi is a conscious decision of this danger. It's not right to feel guilty for them. I mean, during Pein's invasion, you also died protecting someone. Would it be right for Chouji to blame himself for it?"

Kakashi stands perfectly still. He'd not been expecting Naruto to go that far into his personal matters; he was expecting at most a bit of blame for pawning him off to Ebisu and for not being as kind and caring as Kurenai-sensei. But this…

"I was thinking about you last night. I get that you probably feel really bad outliving all these people you liked. I'd feel terrible, too, if I buried you and Sakura and Yamato and Sai and… Anyway, that doesn't mean that you should have died instead or something. I don't know if you actually think like that, but the way you just fight so recklessly during missions, as if you don't value your own life, it's pretty scary to me."

"Furthermore, I'm truly sorry for having been like a bad imitator of your Uchiha friend. And… I'm really glad you told me about it, because it explains some things, and also because it's important for me to know how the people I love feel. I know you are a very mysterious and private and perverted shinobi and everything, so it must have been difficult to tell me. But in the end… I remember how you always caught me when I got chakra-exhausted and all. And I wanted to let you know that you can tell me anything, so that I can know when you are falling, too, and catch you in return."

Kakashi just stares.

His lips part a little, but no sound escapes.

"Lastly, if I die, make sure everyone is alright and look after Sakura-chan, but most of all, make sure you are alright, too. Don't go on being sad for years or something. I mean, jinchuuriki literally means "human sacrifice", doesn't it? I'm okay with that, if it for the sake of my precious people. And if I die, I'll also get to tell that Obito kid how much you loved him, alright?"

"Oh, and when we eventually fight Madara and Sasuke, don't go saying something stupid like "stay behind". We're not kids anymore."

The young man concludes, a bittersweet, radiant smile on his face, and then he moves in and hugs the jounin, who lets himself be passively embraced, his eyes widening at the force with which the other body is wrapping around his. For a moment he toys with the thought of hugging the boy back, but even though he lifts his arms, he ends up dropping them back down.

His head is a mess. Naruto...

"Mah... It was still silly not to tell me about the mission, 'Kashi-sensei. I wouldn't do anything stupid. You should trust me by now, I've grown." the jinchuuriki states with a soft, amicable whisper, and the warm air brushes against Kakashi's skin.

Then Naruto leaves.

The older man stares at the whirlpool on his disappearing back, still a bit dazed by the small, sharp speech and the physical embrace.

Yes, you've grown.

Slowly, like a budding flower, a strange, unfamiliar feeling awakens inside the former ANBU, the ruthless shinobi, the distant instructor. Something a tad more tender, something forgotten, like a memory from his childhood. Is it the feeling of having a real family? Kakashi wonders.

Is it the feeling of caring for someone not because they are a teammate, a Konohan citizen, a comrade, but because you simply can't stop yourself from caring?

Ah, damn. Now he's all distracted again, just as he was meant to be coming up with a team formation to use against Madara.

Damn.