OMG! I am sorry -I haven't updated in ages! *giggles nervously* Mind putting the sub-machine guns away? Heh... Heh... Heh. On with the story –True Rider style! Also, could someone clue me in on the slang? E.g. Mary Sues, Garys, flames, fluff, ficlets, memes, SYOCs, crack, etc.

It was 1:30AM, and the Sergeant at Brecon Beacons was wandering around the woods; he couldn't sleep, just having had a bad dream. It had been about the first time he'd been to war, killed people, seen people die. Even wandering round the woods in an SAS camp, he was still on edge from the adrenalin still pumping round his veins. Then he heard some shifting coming from a tree and stepped forward into the moonlight.

Alex Rider was more tired than he'd ever been in his life. He'd tried to keep himself entertained by playing games on the internet, his favourites 'Chaos Faction' and 'Territory War'. Surprisingly, he still enjoyed games that involved guns, even after all he'd been through. Dammit, he just loved 'Armor Games'. Eventually, the glare of the screen against his eyes in the dark had put him off.

Alex felt really warm... He'd been trying to fend off sleep for the past half hour. His hands were going a strange shade and he was getting worried. Maybe Tom was right- Maybe getting his head flushed down the loo wasn't such a harsh price to pay. He really didn't think he could hold out much longer...

Then there was a rustling to his right, and Alex found himself staring into the Sergeant's bewildered eyes. There was a long silence, then the Sarge stalked up to Alex.

"Cub! What are you doing out here? It's freezing!" Screamed the frantic man, throwing his arms up.

"Uh, um, uh huh, huh, huh...-"

"You need to go to the infirmary right now! Your whole bloody face is blue!" Alex tried to raise an eyebrow, but was so numb he found he couldn't.

"Uh, uh, Okay!" Alex got up, wrapping his blanket tightly around him, clutching his precious iPhone. The Sarge grabbed the back of his T-shirt and practically dragged the teen behind him, despite protests, to which he responded with,

"You're lucky I'm not carrying you!" The young spy quickly shut up and increased his pace as they walked, slivers of moonlight passing over their faces, breath misting in the cold air.

Although Alex was being quiet, and half running to keep up with the Sarge, the soldier still ranted about 'irresponsibility' and 'idiocy', maybe even more than Jack would have.

"What the hell were you thinking? ... Bloody idiot! ... Need to see a psych ... Freezing! ... Minus zero bloody degrees!" And so it went on, for a whole five freaking minutes until he eventually reached the infirmary and got rushed into a bed. God, they were the SAS, weren't they? They'd seen worse! Or was he just underestimating his condition?

Nah, Alex dismissed, It's just 'cuz you're a kid.

The Sergeant was absolutely livid. He had expected better of K-Unit! Sure, SCORPIA was an edgy topic, but just how dumb were they? The meatheads. Why, just why would the SAS willingly let a SCORPIA member into camp? K had probably waved it off, or assumed that he didn't know. Well, wouldn't it have been a good idea to bloody tell him, then? For the love of God.

K-Unit were in for a long night.

Alex was sitting on a comfy bed with big puffy sheets, and the radiator turned up full blast. He could feel a cold sensation coming back to him, almost as if he were thawing out or defrosting. Despite the circumstances, he flopped back on the pillow and felt a smirk tugging at his lips. He bet this was way better than what the others got when they were sick or injured. Sometimes being a kid really had its benefits.

Just then, there was a nervous knock on the door and a sunny blonde head peeped round the door. The head happened to belong to... A woman? But what would a woman be doing in an SAS camp?

The lady gave a bright smile and strolled into the room, holding a bowl piled high with chips, which happened to be exactly the sort of big chunky ones Alex liked- Spindly fries were just... Urgh. She also seemed to be struggling to hold a hot drink and another plate with a large burger on it as well.

Wow. Just how did she do that? Alex almost winced as he remembered the last time he had attempted to carry too many plates at once... It had ended up with Jack forcing him to go out and buy new plates for her. Girly ones. And they just had to be selling in the department store everyone went into to gape at the new consoles and angst about lack of money.

Alex heard a clatter as the Nurse set down the food and drink- which he could now see was hot chocolate, with a heap of whipped cream and marshmallows too- and looked up, awkward at having drifted off onto an almost random train of thought.

"Hiya!" Sang the nurse. Alex immediately took a liking, pleased that she wasn't one of those women who tried to gush like some of the pop stars on TV.

"Hey."

"You're that school kid who came here early because you got suspended, aren't you?" She wagged a finger jokingly and teased, "Naughty, naughty, what did you do? Throw your creamed potatoes at the canteen lady?"

A mental image of the canteen lady gasping in shock with creamed potato dripping off her face sprung into Alex's mind, and he couldn't stop himself from laughing. He tucked that idea away for later. Tom would have great fun imagining that; in fact, his friend might even draw a bizarre picture of it. Maybe with fangirls bowing at Alex's feet, despite protests.

The woman laughed with him.

"I'm Felicity Crimsonrock, and I love my name, thank you. I'm here because the Government think the soldiers might go too hard on the kids. They don't want to get sued by prissy parents! Anyway, why did you get suspended? And no smart talking, Mister! I know what you kids can be like these days..." She gave a mock accusatory glare. "Well? On with the story!"

Alex sighed and decided it would simply be better to comply.

"Well, there was this kid in my class who was being a total arse," Felicity tutted at his language good-naturedly, "And he, uh, ripped up this photo of my parents, so I, uh, punched him. It doesn't seem like such a big deal, but... My parents died when I was one, so... Yeah." He finished lamely.

"Oh. Well. I'm sorry. Eat up and get your rest! Everyone complained I was babying you when I got this stuff!" Felicity smiled reassuringly, maybe even slightly pitying, and exited, just as Alex stuffed a chip in his mouth and stared at the daunting burger, onions and ketchup peeking out from under the bun.

Just how was he meant to open his mouth so wide as to bite that... Monstrosity?

A loud pounding on the door woke Wolf from his deep sleep. He cracked open his eyes and proceeded to stumble out of bed, noticing the others were doing the same. He thought he heard Fox mutter something along the lines of:

"1:46AM in the bloody morning...!" Wolf was certain it was that SCORPIA brat, Cub. He probably wouldn't have followed up with the 'flushing-his-head-down-the-toilet' promise if the kid came back quietly; that was so old. But now that Cub was banging on the door at this hour? He was sure as hell not getting away with it.

Eagle moodily yanked open the door; though the man was usually far too loud and hyper, interrupt his sleep unnecessarily and he could be a real grouch.

Just like a big baby, actually. Wolf promptly shook that extremely disturbing thought out of his head as the door swung open.

The Sergeant had been the last person any of them had been expecting to see.

The Sarge stormed into the hut and slammed the door, his expression dark, taking in the shocked expressions of K-Unit.

"What were you thinking?" He growled, "Leaving a fifteen year old outside in the middle of January? He could have frozen to death!"

There was immediately an outburst.

"But he's SCORPIA!..."

"Why are you defending him?..."

"He deserved it!..."

And so on. But Ben only protested half-heartedly. He had a horrible feeling deep in his gut- A feeling that said they'd been wrong about Alex...

The Sergeant finally snapped.

"SHUT UP, YOU IMBECILES!" There was an immediate, stunned hush in the room. "HOW COULD YOU BE SUCH IDIOTS? HE'S NOT WITH SCORPIA, HE FREAKING TOOK THEM DOWN, FOR GOD'S SAKE!"

"Wh-Wh- What the hell?" Stammered Tiger, "B-B-But he was talking about bombs and stuff! And his shooting is SCORPIA standard!"

"You bloody eejits," muttered the Sarge, shaking his head. "You bloody eejits! HE TOOK DOWN SCORPIA FROM THE INSIDE, YOU FREAKS!"

They all stared in silence for a moment, completely shaken. Alex had actually been... With MI6? He'd really saved their lives and fought for the greater good? And they'd repaid him by making his life hell and betraying his trust? God, they really were true bastards. Everyone in the Unit felt sick to their stomachs.

"He's in the Infirmary now," snarled the Sarge, completely hostile, "Being treated for possible pneumonia." With that, the man slammed the door behind him and trudged off.

For a few minutes, the Unit stared at the door, before Ben started to pace.

"Oh my God... Oh my God... How could I do that to him? After he trusted me...?" None of the Unit answered, all wallowing in misery and disbelief.

"How could I have believed he was SCORPIA? I betrayed him! I should have known better..." I determined look crossed Ben's features. "I have to go and see him!"

"No!" Shouted Wolf, almost involuntarily. Then his stance became weary and he explained, "Look, before you go barging in yelling that you're sorry, just let him cool down, Okay? Work off some of his anger and prepare for it, yeah?"

Ben sighed and reluctantly turned away from the door, running a hand through his hair.

"Yeah, yeah. And I sort of need to think about what I'm gonna say. Anyway, better rest up in preparation for the arrival of the school brats tomorrow..."

Everyone clambered back into their bunks, even though it was perfectly clear that they were not going to be able to sleep.

"I'm gonna be better than the SAS guys!"

"...But my make-up..."

"Druggie Rider is finished..."

"OMG! I chipped a nail..."

"We can take them down when they're all high..."

"And, like, what about my hair?"

Tom Harris was not having a good day. He was about to get shipped off to Brecon Beacons, and it was likely that his best friend was lying in that thing... What did the soldiers call it?... The infirmary. And on top of that, he was squished in the queue leading to the coach between:... Ryan and Sienna. So until the teachers managed to sort everything out and get a move on, one of his ears was going to be ringing with Ryan's constant boasting and criticism of Alex, the other with Sienna's make-up, hair, and nail worries for a very long time.

The teachers accompanying them were:

Mr. Bray (Headmaster)

Mr Wiseman (P.E)

Mr Gilbert (Geography)

Mr Shermann (History)

Mrs Bedfordshire (Secretary)

Mr Grey (Supply teacher/Tutor)

Mr Donovan (Maths)

Mr Crotchet (English)

Tom had decided that his school was seriously sexist. They seemed to have hardly any female teachers... And that wasn't counting Mrs Bedfordshire, as secretaries were often stereotyped as female. Tom sighed inwardly. He knew he was only trying to distract himself from the thought of Alex. Alex had just seemed so tired in their conversation over the phone-

That was it! The phone! How could he have been so stupid! All he had to do was call! Tom slipped his black Samsung-who was quite obviously called... Well, Sam.- out of his pocket. Tom had set the ringtone to:

Hey Tom! You gotta caller! Then Alex had walked into the room. Tom, what are you doing? And where is that chocolate bar I left in the fridge? Umm... I'm setting Sam's ringtone! Hey Tom! This is Sam! Sam. For a SAMsung. SO imaginative! Whatever. Everything you just said is part of my new ringtone. What? No! Gimme the phone! HE'S CALLED SAAAM! Come back here, Thomas Harris! You sound like Jack! Then there was a lot of buzzing and the sound stopped.

Once Tom had purposefully put an alarm on his phone that would set off the phone halfway through a lesson. And Tom had pretended he didn't know where it was and 'searched' for it until the ringtone ended. Alex's face had been awesome!

He put the phone to his ear with a chuckle.

Alex groaned. There was some stupid music playing into his ears. He just wanted to sleep! God! Then his ears finally cleared enough for him to hear the lyrics of the music:
"You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere…"

Alex's eyes snapped open and he scrambled for his mobile.
"Imagination, life is your creation…"

He finally managed to grab his phone, and promptly started unlocking it as fast as was humanly possible.
"I'm a blond bimbo girl, in the fantasy worl-"

A huge sigh of relief escaped Alex's lips as he looked around quickly to see if anyone had overheard the awful ringtone, and found nobody. He settled back in his bed, and was about to put the phone back on the side table when a voice startled him.

"Alex, dude? Are you there?" Alex lifted the phone to his ear.

"What, Tom? I'm tired!"

"… Did you just seriously admit you were tired?"

"Yes! And I still am!" The spy whinged uncharacteristically.

"Aw, dude, please chat with me!" Then Tom dropped his voice, and, in horror, whispered, "I'm waiting to get on the coach and I'm squished in the line between Ryan and Sienna." Sure enough, Alex could hear snatches of Ryan's extremely loud boasting and Sienna's high-pitched squeals, or rather shrieks.

"Fine!"

"Is poor lickle Alex all grumpy today?"

"Shut up!"

"Okay, Okay, keep your hair on! What's it like up at that camp?"

"Hell."

"Aw, c'mon dude, say something encouraging! I'm scared for my life the way you're advertising the place!"

"You should be."

"Wow, you really are in a bad mood. … YES! We can finally get on the coach!"

"Right. Who you sitting with?"

"Uhhh…" Alex could then hear lots of chatter and shrieking before Tom answered, "James!"

"Cool." Then Felicity Crimsonrock waltzed into the room and said brightly,

"I see you're awa-" Then she saw the phone and cut herself off, with a soft "Oh."

"I'll see you in Wales, 'Kay, Al?"

"Sure. See ya. Bye."

"Very enthusiastic! Bye!"Alex hung up with a slight smile, and turned towards Felicity.

"Hey." He greeted, then decided to just cut to the chase and blurted out: "Am I allowed out of this bed yet?" Felicity chuckled gently, almost disbelievingly.

"I'd have thought you'd have wanted to stayin bed, not be dragged back out into the Welsh rain for more training in the middle of January! It's absurd! You need to rest up and regain your strength!"

"But I hate hospitals!" Wow, Alex, whining? You're definitely not yourself today… Alex sighed. "I just- I mean… It's kinda… Boring, yeah?"

"You didn't exactly look in the best of health when you got dragged in by the Sergeant last night! What was that all about? Some ridiculous sort of RTI? " Felicity's eyes widened and she stared at Alex. "Water torture…?" She whispered hoarsely, looking like she was about to pass out.

"No!" Yapped Alex, panicked, "No, no, no! That did not happen!" Felicity opened her mouth once again to grill him, but she was interrupted by an awkward enquiry of:

"Alex?" Fox appeared at the door, shifting uncomfortably. Neither man nor boy said anything, Alex's face simply blank. Felicity looked swiftly between the two, clearly agitated.

"I-I… guess I'd better be on my way?" Without waiting for an affirmative, she quickly darted out of the room, clearly quite rattled, probably by his blank face, Alex presumed.

"Ben." Said Alex simply, as the man closed the door behind the agitated nurse and stood still for a while, seemingly at a loss. Then without warning, the MI6 agent suddenly started pacing and gabbled out,

"Oh my God, Alex, I'm so sorry! I should have just stopped and thought! I didn't realize,I- I just thought it was all a cover but I was wrong and you're actually good and now you're in the infirmary and you could have pneumonia and I was so bad to you and and and and…" Ben trailed off and flapped his hands around, clearly in distress, a guilty expression etched into his features.

"Ben. It's fine," replied Alex indifferently. The spy looked up,

"Wh-wh-wha? I mean, what? Aren't you even gonna shout at me or anything for being such a… such a… You know what,I can't even find a bad enough insult! Not suitable for your ears, anyway…"

"Do you want me to shout at you? Because, to get to the point, I can't be arsed." Ben blinked at Alex's straightforward reply, and also his language. But, seriously, the kid was fifteen. Did he really expect him not to use such a low-strength word as arsed? Ben shook his head and sighed- He must be getting pretty old, but only in mentality! Then he remembered he had yet to answer the kid.

"I don't know. The point is, you should be totally biting my head off about this! I was meant to protect you!"

"I can look after myself, Ben," Alex shot back. He really hated being seen as some wimpy little weakling who would crack at the slightest thing. Hell, Ben had seen him on the Snakehead mission! Alex wasn't too affected by the whole ordeal; he'd still work and be civil with the Unit, but he wouldn't trust them with his secrets, nor would he mess around with them like they were old friends. He hadn't been planning to do any of that anyway. There was an awkward silence, and then:

"Uh, hey, Cub, can I, uh, do anything for you?" Ben asked hesitantly, switching to Alex's code name after hearing the Sarge's faint shouting echoing down the hallway.

"Get me my SAS clothes." Was Alex's almost immediate reply; he had been thinking of getting out of the bed for bloody ages! Anyway, he needed to be there to protect his class from the notorious K-Unit. They would rip the kids to shreds if he wasn't there! They didn't understand just how inexperienced, slow and weak those children really were.

"Uh, um, are you sure you should be coming out of the infirmary yet? I mean..." Ben trailed off as Alex directed a particularly mean glare at him. "Uh, well, Okay then! I'll get the clothes!" The SAS soldier turned spy turned, flustered, to the door just as the Sarge barged in, narrowly missing Ben. The Sergeant ignored Ben-or Fox- and strode up to Alex's bed, uniform in hand.

"I can finally get out of this stupid bed!" Grinned Alex as the Sarge set the uniform down on a chair, and then looked up, surprised,

"What, you mean you're getting out of bed now? You only just got into the infirmary!"

"Aw, c'mon. I only have a little sniffle, for God's sake! And I wanna be there when my class arrives…" The Sergeant frowned slightly, then decided it would be pointless to try and dissuade the boy; he did have extremely valid points.

"Fine. But the school won't be here for three and a half hours."

"It's Okay. I can do some warm up and try and predict the average times of the kids on the assault course."

"About that," the Sarge beamed demonically, flaunting sharp canines, "You're going to be organizing the activities."

"What? No way!" screeched a gobsmacked Alex, "They'll hate me!"

"We don't have to tell them you organized it. The soldiers will be more than happy to take credit."

"Okay. So how is this going to work? A unit assigned to each year group?"

"Huh? What are you talking about? K-Unit's in charge of everyone!" Alex stared at the Sarge for a few seconds before promptly bursting out into disbelieving laughter. One unit for a whole school! Yeah, right. That was a good one!

"What?" Asked the Sarge, in a rather childish and confused voice, looking completely baffled. Alex outright gaped at him. The man was serious?

"You're assigning four men and one boy to train a whole school?"

"Yes…?"

"A school with approximately a thousand pupils?" Said Alex smirking slightly, "I'm sure it would be easier just to pull out 6 more units. If you gave each year a unit, there would be approximately 144 pupils for them to train. And if you get each person of the Unit a group from the class they're training, each person would be responsible for approximately 36 pupils.

"H-How did you work that out so quickly? It actually sounds rehearsed…"

"Let's just say I have a lot of time on my hands."

The Sergeant dumped the uniform on top of Alex's bed, then walked off, shaking his head slightly, presumably (and hopefully!) off to find six more units.

Alex, however, was pulling on some clothes, wondering how he and K-Unit were going to sort out their groups. The kids would never listen to him!

He then quickly tied up his laces and fiddled with his collar, and stepped out into the cold Welsh air, setting off at a jog for the assault course, only then realizing he had missed breakfast.

The coach was pulling into the camp, and all seven units were standing together, waiting to be assigned a class. Alex had filled out some timetables and given two to each unit; contrary to belief, it wasn't easy to get four soldiers to share a timetable between them and also not to lose it.

All the school kids came streaming into a space in front of all the units, where everyone was standing to attention, even him. Some of his classmates were pointing and snickering, primarily at him. Little did they know that this was highly offensive to the soldiers and that it would come back to bite them in the butt.

The Sergeant stalked up in front of all the kids and roared at them:

"BE QUIET!" Some of the wiser kids and most of the Year 7s fell silent almost immediately, but the vast majority were still gabbling like mad. Alex almost winced. Things were going to get bad. Very bad…

He was broken out of his thoughts of impending doom by a wave from Tom, who was, rather intelligently, for once, staying quiet. Alex tried to signal with his eyes that he wasn't supposed to move and that he was meant to keep a straight face, and Tom nodded and seemed to understand, because he turned his attention to the Sergeant. The explosion was coming…

"WILL YOU KIDS SHUT THE BLOODY HELL UP?" The silence immediately spread through the crowd like a shockwave. The Sarge seemed satisfied with the results and quietly turned to all the units.

"At ease, men." Finally! Alex let his back muscles and abs rest from holding him up so straight for such a long time. A relaxed stance was heaven after all that time… Then he tuned into what the Sergeant was saying,

"We'll assign a teacher to every unit and give them a codename," some soldiers' eyes narrowed or they made similar expressions of displeasure at this new development. "Could all the teachers step up here?" It was an order in the guise of a question.

Before any of the other teachers made their way to the front, Snake did. He quickly saluted and went on to ask, respectfully,

"May I join K-Unit, Sir?" The Sergeant nodded.

"Go ahead, Snake," he replied, projecting his voice on the 'Snake' so that everyone would hear the codename.

The remaining units were:

L-Unit (Buffalo and Leopard's unit.)

X-Unit

D-Unit

N-Unit

A-Unit (Often jokingly called 'The A Team' even though none of the soldiers had actually watched that movie.)

B-Unit

When the teachers had all lined up, awaiting a code name and a unit, the Sergeant had an evil little smile on his face.

"Now Cub will assign you all code names and a unit." What?

"But Sir-!"

"Are you asking me for kitchen duty?"

"No…"

"Then just do it." Alex scowled but complied. He guessed the trick would be to make it look like it wasn't such a big deal, although in reality he felt really uncomfortable doing this. Mr. Bray was first.

"Donkey, K-Unit."

"Why Donkey?" Protested Mr. Bray feebly, and rather childishly.

"The surname says it all," replied Alex. Mr. Bray frowned for a bit, perplexed as to what Alex meant, and then realized how the name 'Bray' could relate to a donkey.

Mr. Wiseman next… Alex was quickly trying to think up a name when Eagle blurted out,

"Sir! Can I help Cub with the names?" When he got a positive reply, he went on to say, "You should be called Owl! Because your name is Mr. Wiseman! Is that Okay, Cub?" Owl got lumped with X-Unit.

"Sure," nodded Alex, although he knew his sports teacher would absolutely despise the name.

Then Mr. Gilbert with his curly hair and funny tie. It had a Pokémon that Alex identified as Treecko on it, which was known as a 'gecko pokémon'. So the young teacher got the coolest codename so far, Gecko, and joined D-Unit

Mr. Shermann was donned Robin, as he was one of Alex's favourite teachers, so he was thinking of Robin in Batman. No one else seemed to come to that conclusion, thinking it was because the man had very rosy cheeks, as he got cold easily in their current environment. N-Unit had to integrate him into their team.

Mrs Bedfordshire was originally given the codename Rabbit, as she was a nice, cuddly sort of woman, but she surprised everyone by saying she wanted a fiercer name; one that was actually cool. Rabbit morphed into Shark. The 'A-Team' were quite insulted to have a woman in their unit.

Mr Grey was called Armadillo because Alex was thinking of grey armadillos. Because he just was. B-Unit got the pleasure of welcoming Armadillo to the camp.

Mr Donovan was given the title of Pika, an animal that only Alex had heard of, it seemed. He thought it would be funny to give Donovan the codename of a fluffy mouse animal thing. The man had no idea what a pika was, as he was grinning broadly. He got dumped with L-Unit.

L-Unit- Yr 7, Pika Donovan

X-Unit- Yr 8, Owl Wiseman

D-Unit- Yr 9, Gecko Gilbert

N-Unit- Yr 10, Robin Shermann

K-Unit- Yr 11, Snake, Donkey Crotchet, Bray

A-Unit- Yr 12, Shark Bedfordshire

B-Unit- Yr 13, Armadillo Grey

Alex nearly groaned as he took in his situation. Just why had he put the Headmaster, or Donkey, into his unit? And what bright spark had put him in charge of his loud, obnoxious classmates? The Yr 7s or Yr 13s would have been better. The Yr 7s because they were still wary of the older kids, and the Yr 13s because they had enough sense to know, that, although younger, Alex knew better than them. Well, apart from some of the arrogant dicks.

Alex mentally sighed, looking at his classmates who were completely disregarding him and the rest of K-Unit. Just how was he going to survive the next two weeks?

When I put the breakfast thing down, it was 'cuz I'd only just realized! ROFLMAO. (I'm obsessed with that abbreviation now…) It means Rolling On Floor Laughing My Ass Off

When I made the Sarge say 'just do it' I was reminded of the sort of motto of this sports company… Adidas or Nike?

So, I'm REALLY sorry this took so long to churn out, but… Distractions! PLEASE FORGIVE ME! …And maybe review?