CHAPTER 6- A GLIMMER OF HOPE

When Ryan next opened his eyes it was clear that a changing of the guard had occurred because on his side was no longer Sandy, but a quiet Kristen reading a book. A second look revealed the book to be a Bible. This surprised Ryan some. He knew Kristen was a Christian, but the family never went to church or anything and he had not thought they even owned a Bible.

Kristen must have sensed his eyes on her because soon she was returning his graze with a loving smile.

"Oh Ryan, we were so worried. I am so glad to see your eyes again." She said even as she gave him a light hug mindful of the tubes and wires still attached to him. Wiping tears off her cheek as she sat back down, she suddenly changed her tone to that of a scolding mother and began shaking a finger at him. "Young man, don't you ever pull that nonsense of not breathing on me again."

Ryan's eyes grew frightened for a second wondering how in the world he could promise such a thing until suddenly he noticed her slight grin and realized she was teasing him. The scene, humorous as it was in retrospect, had startled him a little too much and caused him to increase his respirations which in turn caused pain in his chest and set some alarms off.

"Oh Ryan, I 'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. Just breathe." Kristen quickly uttered realizing the error of her ways as she gently stroked his back to urge him into slowing his breathing.

Ryan closed his eyes in order to comply and focus on the task at hand. The sound of a door sliding alerted him to the fact that a nurse had noticed his distress and come in to check on him. He heard a whoosh of air from behind him signaling the turning of one of the valves on the wall and guessed she had just adjusted his oxygen flow. The heavier flow of air across his face confirmed his guess. The adjustment seemed to help though and soon Ryan reopened his eyes and gave a shaky thumb's up in Kristen's direction to assure her that he was okay.

"I'm sorry" Kristen repeated to the nurse. "I was teasing him and didn't consider it might startle him." She said her voice full of guilt.

"Oh sweetheart don't worry yourself one bit over it. You did nothing wrong a bit of laughter is medicine for the soul. This youngins just ready for his next breathing treatment so his lungs were a bit more tired. You're a right fine mom so don't go second guessing yourself."

Ryan smiled appreciatively at the nurse for her remarks. He couldn't have put it better. She was a grandmotherly African American lady probably from somewhere in the south if her accent was anything to go by. Her gentle nature radiated peace. She actually reminded him a bit of a foster mom he had stayed with once – one of the only good homes he recalled ever being in. One he had not wanted to leave. He hadn't had a choice though as the court for some unknown reason had decided his mom deserved yet another chance to regain her parental rights. Sure he loved his mom- she was his mom he would always love her, but that didn't mean he wanted to live with her.

"You with me son?" The gentle voice of the nurse interrupted Ryan's musings and he realized he had momentarily been lost in his own thoughts.

"Yeah, just remembering." He managed to croak out- his voice hoarse from lack of use and the lingering effect of the tube that had been down his throat.

"Ahh I know how that is getting caught up in a memory. Hopefully it was a good one."

Ryan nodded slowly and returned her gentle smile. It had been a good memory- one of the few from his childhood.

"Well, I'm glad. Now that you're back in the present though I was just telling your momma that it's time for your next breathing treatment. Might be a bit painful it's liable to make you cough but we want to keep those lungs of yours working now. They had their rest and now it's time to get back in the game."

Ryan nodded and weakly pushed himself up a little straighter in his bed, the kind hands of the nurse adjusting him as well. To anyone who knew him well they would say that his game face was on. Seems like the nurse's choice in sports analogies for a pep talk was taken to heart and Ryan was ready to get well.

"Were gonna use the mask this time instead of the tube you hold since I know your still pretty tired from everything you've been through and we want you to get the full effect of these meds, okay hun?"

Ryan nodded secretly relieved that he didn't have to try and hold anything up as the mere act of adjusting his position had left him feeling drained. Soon the nurse had measured the liquid meds into the mask and hooked it to the oxygen tube and switched out his old mask for the new medicated one. Ryan concentrated on simply breathing in and out as slowly and as deeply as he could. The room was quiet except for the occasional cough from Ryan and the whoosh of the medicated oxygen. Kristen's eyes were glued to Ryan. After Ryan found his rhythm he looked to Kristen and gestured weakly towards the Bible she had laid aside on the table.

"Oh this, it's just well… I felt that maybe since God answered our prayers and kept you with us I should give Him a little more time. I mean I know that's not how He works- it's not like He only does good things for us if we do them in return, but I guess all this made me realize maybe I should take Him a little more seriously." Kristen said nervously. Faith was never something they had really talked about with Ryan. Well at least not apart from the fact that they let him know they were a family of mixed beliefs. Kristen wasn't even sure if Ryan believed in anything.

Ryan suddenly pulled his mask back a bit to talk. Kristen went to stop him but he pushed her away. "Will you read some …" He paused momentarily to breathe in from the mask again before continuing "it will give me something else to focus on."

"Of course." Kristen replied jumping on the opportunity to do something productive.

"Well I was reading from the Psalms because they are like prayers and well honestly because they are easier for me to understand. They are sort of like poetry or music and a lot of them aren't that long." Kristen remarked with a grin that looked slightly guilty at the admission.

"Let's see I had just gotten to Psalm 121 it was my mom's favorite…"

I lift my eyes up to the hills where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord the maker of heaven and earth….

For the next few minutes Ryan let the soft voice and peaceful words of the psalms flow over him. He couldn't remember ever being read to before. It was a wonderful feeling. The words of the psalms were perfect too in that they spoke of hope and security and love things he had given up on until meeting the Cohen's. In honesty even with them he was often too scared to hope in them afraid that at the last minute they would be dashed away like always, but here in this solemn hospital room Ryan felt perhaps it was okay to hope. Perhaps there was someone watching out for him and maybe just maybe there always had been.