A couple of nights later, after John exhausted both he and AJ, his phone started to ring - the familiar tone of Gordon's call and for once John debated whether he wanted to answer it. In the end he hit the 'talk' button and said, "Hey G. Where ya at?"
Bad question to ask. "I'm where you should be. Where are you my love?"
"I can be there in about forty five minutes. I've been checking out the other side of town."
"Okay love. I'll be waiting."
"Kay baby. See you soon."
"I love you John."
"Love you too G." Then he hung his phone up.
AJ looked at John and asked, "Gordon back?"
"Yeah he's back."
"So this over now?" AJ asked as he nuzzled his chin against John's shoulder.
"Yeah. We both knew it wouldn't be anything serious. I'm with G and you should be trying to get Jake's attention."
"What if I want you?" AJ asked kissing along John's jaw.
John jerked away and said, "You had me, now put me out of your mind. I need to get cleaned up before I leave." Seeing AJ's puppy eyes John said, "You'll be fine."
"Kay Johnny." Then AJ chased John's mouth one last time before John could get out of bed and get a quick shower.
John got back to his and Gordon's penthouse apartment almost an hour later hard as a rock - he thought mostly out of guilt. He wanted Gordon to fuck him senseless like he did AJ the last few days that Gordon was out of town. When John opened the door he saw Gordon with two tumblers of Scotch and he handed one to John. "What's so interesting across town?" Gordon started.
"I was looking at a house near the beach."
Gordon walked around the counter and wrapped an arm around John's waist. As he kissed the back of John's neck he said, "You haven't been near the beach in days. Who's body wash did you use this time? You know I would've taken you with me if I could have."
"I know G."
"Who's bed did you keep warm this time? Lilly's? Jake's? Dare I say - Jesse's?"
John shivered feeling Gordon's warm breath on his neck and replied, "None of theirs."
"So you finally fucked AJ then?"
"He was asking for it." John said as Gordon bit his shoulder. He hissed in pain and Gordon ran his tongue over the bruised skin.
"This is the first time you've picked one of the team - why did you?"
"He's in love with Jake..."
Gordon swung John around so they faced each other and he said, "And you thought that by fucking him it would make him go, 'Oh my gods Jake, I love you.' You obviously don't know either of them." Gordon sat their glasses on the counter and continued his thought, "But then again maybe they don't know you. I know we come across as good but why do you feel the need to fuck someone else while I'm away? It happens every trip I can't take you on."
John couldn't come up with an adequate reply so he bit his lip.
"Why Johnny? Do you not find us satisfying, maybe even complete like those old romantic tales?"
"I do but it's like I automatically submit to you and with the others I get to be the dominant one in bed."
Gordon took a step back and growled as he poked John in the chest with his finger, "You cheat on me because you get to be top dog in bed with others? That's a sad excuse. All you have to do is ask and you know it."
John kept his arms at his sides and chewed on his lip. "I'm sorry Gordon. It'll never happen again."
"One day I'll believe that statement. Let's go to bed, we've got a long day tomorrow."
"What's happening tomorrow?"
"Just know that you're going to be a busy boy tomorrow." G left John in the kitchen while he went to their room, John following uneasily.
In the bedroom, Gordon slipped out of his clothes and got into bed. John followed quickly and Gordon laid his head on John's shoulder. John ran his fingers over Gordon's back and Gordon said, "Don't John."
"Why not?"
"Because we have a lot to think about."
"Come on G."
Gordon propped himself up on his elbow and looked at John. "Tomorrow I want you to move your things back to your house in the hills."
"G nothing else will ever happen." John pleaded seeing Gordon close himself off like he normally reserved for jobs and dealing with their business deals.
"You need to learn Johnny. I love you but I feel like I'm second best most of the time."
John frowned and ran his fingers over Gordon's jaw. "I really am very sorry Gordon." John swallowed back a sob and continued chewing his bottom lip nervously.
Gordon ran his fingers along John's lip pulling it free and said, "We'll work it out but you need to move back into your house while we work on our problems."
"I'll sleep on the couch baby. Please let me stay?"
"No." Gordon said as he laid on his side of the bed.
John turned to his side so he couldn't see Gordon and curled into himself. Gordon looked at John and sighed - he wanted to hold John but he was the one that needed the comfort this time. He turned over and worked on falling asleep.
The next day around lunch John had his clothes and few knickknacks packed and in the trunk of his car. He sat in the driver's seat and Gordon walked over and said, "See you tonight at the club."
"Maybe." John replied. When Gordon frowned and stepped away from the car John sped off.
That night Gordon paced the second floor when neither John or AJ showed up. He would have thought that making John move out, John would make an effort. He sighed and took a glass of liquor from Lilly thanking her with a wan smile.
At John's house on the outskirts of LA, he was curled up in his bed in a t-shirt and jeans. He heard the lock on his door getting dismantled and actually hoped that it was Gordon but he had his gun ready for when they came around the corner into the hall. The shadow preceded the person and he saw AJ's hat. He cocked the gun and AJ leaned against the door frame.
"I'm unarmed Johnny." AJ said as he raised his hands showing no weapons.
"Why are you here AJ?" John said as he reset the safety on the gun and put it on the night table.
"Gordon..."
"Don't you even start in on him AJ." John growled.
"All I'm saying is, is that he doesn't know how much you really do love him. Every number you use correlates to him in some way. If I didn't know you two were together I wouldn't have been able to figure out your alarm code."
"Get out AJ before I use my gun for real." John said.
"Fine I'll go to the club and talk to Gordon. See you later."
"You say one word to Gordon and I'll beat the shit out of you."
"I'd figure you would want to fuck me until I couldn't remember my own name. You came close yesterday."
"Get out AJ." John said as picked his gun.
"Okay I'm going. By the way you can totally pull of the jeans and t-shirt style." Then AJ left John alone.
At the club AJ found Gordon sitting in a corner looking over the club with a bottle of scotch that normally John would be helping him drink. He approached carefully and rubbing the back of his neck like he did when he was nervous. He stopped a few feet from Gordon and before he could speak Gordon said, "Get out of my face."
"Gordon I'm sorry about what happened. John misses you."
"AJ if you don't go away I may do something I regret and I don't want that to happen."
"He's moping at his house..."
To everyone's surprise John appeared a moment later and he turned AJ around. "What the hell did I tell you?" John punched AJ after that and he said, "Go while you can still move."
AJ held his jaw and said, "I was only trying to help."
"You're not." John said.
AJ grabbed one of the bottles from the table and left for the bottom floor. John sat down across from Gordon and drank a little from Gordon's glass. Gordon looked at John and said, "Leather works for you."
"Thanks."
"You didn't have to punch AJ."
"He broke into my house two hours ago. He'd been warned against trying to talk to you. It's not his mess to fix."
"You're right. Have you been thinking today?"
"I always think but yeah I have been and I'm sorry. I should talk to you more. We've been through too much for me to keep doing what I'm doing."
"You know that won't fix everything don't you."
"I know."
"Let's go to your place."
The pair left the hotel club, Gordon wrapping his arm around John's waist. Outside, John paused for a moment and Gordon pushed him in the direction of the Land Rover and John got in the driver's seat. He drove them to his house and let Gordon watch him punch in his security code.
"Your code is our anniversary?"
John looked at Gordon and said, "Yeah. All my codes have to deal with us." John pushed his door open and motioned for Gordon to go in before him and then he locked the door back. "I picked up some fresh groceries if you're hungry."
"Dinner sounds good love. Shall we cook together?"
"Sure."
They went into John's kitchen and he pulled out a few bags of fresh vegetables and some beef strips for a stir fry. Gordon brushed against John's back and took the vegetables to cut them and let John work on the meat. As the two were getting dinner ready Gordon found John's good whiskey and poured them a couple of glasses. He passed John his glass after he took a sip - he grinned and said, "Checking to make sure it's alright."
"Uh-huh." John laughed. He took a sip and set his glass on the counter as he seasoned the skillet he was using for the dish. When it was hot enough he poured some seasoned oil into the bottom and picked up the chopped vegetables to dump over the beef already cooking on the bottom.
Gordon leaned against the opposite counter and watched John as he worked. He knew that since they took those steps passed their initial friendship, almost five years ago, that he didn't want to be with another man. He had known that John had a similar personality to himself on liking to be dominant but he saw how John naturally fell into the submissive partner role when they were together. Gordon knew it took a lot of strength to do that and was having to find his strength. Out of the entire team, John Rahway was his most important friend and his life partner, he didn't want it to be any other way.
John glanced back at Gordon as he was mixing the stir fry up and saw his serious look. "Everything okay G?"
"Everything is just how it should be love." Gordon winked and raised his glass to take a sip.
John smirked and said, "Remember when we almost burned the kitchen down a couple of years ago?"
Gordon set his glass on the counter beside him and swallowed. "Gods yes! We were trying to cook dinner and you were stripping off your clothing as I added ingredients! Glad you had a fire extinguisher in the kitchen!" He pulled his tie off and he tossed his jacket over the bar.
John finished the stir fry before he turned the burners off and setting the skillet on the back burner. He turned around and saw his lover with his just his dress shirt and slacks on, his eyes travelled farther over the bar area and he saw the jacket hanging off the side. John stepped into Gordon's space and rested his hands on Gordon's hips. John bit his bottom lip and asked, "Do you want a repeat of that memory or a new one?"
Gordon ran one of his hands over John's jaw and said, "The counter has my name on it..."
"We'll get there but let's eat while it's still hot." John stepped away and pulled dishes out of the cupboard and made them two plates even though he knew they would end of sharing a plate. He carried them to the coffee table in his living room and Gordon followed with their drinks refilled.
Gordon watched as John sat on the floor with his plate and he sat next to him where he could stretch out a bit. John tossed a couple of pillows on the floor so they were comfortable and they looked over the hills and scenery while they ate. Gordon picked at a piece of meat on John's plate and took it for his own. John laughed and stole a few greens off Gordon's plate. With the sun setting and dinner done John set their plates on the coffee table to be gotten eventually.
He wanted them to have a go right where they were but knew it wouldn't do either of them any good so he stood and held his hand out for G to grab. He helped Gordon off the floor and Gordon asked, "So what would you like to do darling?"
John slipped his hand out of Gordon's and rested them on G's shoulders gently. He moved them down to the buttons on G's shirt and while he worked the buttons apart he kept up a gentle caress. Gordon held John's hips until it was time to unbutton his shirt cuffs so the shirt could fall to the floor. John was going slow and careful as he didn't know how Gordon would react and was afraid that G would pull away and go back to the apartment. Gordon must have sensed this and sighed in exasperation and solved the problem in his own way. He wrapped his arms around John's back and pulled him into a kiss.
When Gordon let them come up for air he asked, "What do you want darling?"
John took a deep breath and replied, "I want you."
"Then take me darling, I'm giving myself to you." Gordon said as he helped John take off his t-shirt.
Both men were down to their pants and John laced his fingers with Gordon's and pulled him to his room. Gordon pushed his shoes off and John did the same before stripping out of the rest of their clothes. Gordon stayed still as he watched John pull his covers to the bottom of the bed and get the lube and condoms from his night table. John came back to Gordon and pulled him into a kiss. After a moment he nudged him back on the bed and they tumbled onto the mattress because G wouldn't let go of John. The two chuckled as John got his weight situated on his knees and elbows before Gordon kissed along his throat.
"This how you want us?" John gasped as Gordon bit his earlobe.
"I want you to make love to me." Gordon said as he arched into John's body.
John shivered and found the bottle he was looking for and slicked two of his fingers. He pulled Gordon into a kiss and pressed his fingers in gently. While he prepared his lover he thought about the other times when he cheated on Gordon just so he could be the dominant partner in bed and while it was fun, he didn't get the emotional fulfillment like he was experiencing with Gordon. He, himself, knew that he'd been a fool. It didn't matter who topped and it was fucking stupid that it had taken him nearly pushing G away to realise it. Yet he'd cherish the gift G gave him not that he'd say any of this aloud mind you.
Gordon stretched himself out for John and when John added a third slick finger he arched his back and moaned loudly. "Fuck John. Right there. Hurry."
John moved his kisses down Gordon's chest and chuckled as he stretched G a little more. Their legs were tangled and Gordon moaned again as John teased him. "Almost baby." John said as he kissed along his collarbone.
When he was sure Gordon was ready he pulled his fingers free and opened one of the condoms up, Gordon asked, "When you were with AJ did you use condoms?"
"Yes. I made sure every time to use one."
"Still good?"
"Still good baby." John grinned as he kissed Gordon.
Gordon tossed the condom off the bed and said, "We're good." He lifted his hips and John worked himself slowly until he was all the way in. He was much more gentle with Gordon than he had been with any of the others, even AJ. Gordon pulled John into a kiss and countered John's thrusts. John worked himself onto his knees and he changed the angle of the thrusts. Gordon gripped his back and moaned, "Right there darling. Faster."
John panted against Gordon's neck and said, "I love you baby." His fingers were twisted in the sheets as they got closer. Gordon's fingers brushed over John's hair and one hand gripped his hip as he tried to pull John closer and he nipped at his bottom lip. John feeling his orgasm start slammed into Gordon's body a few more times as he worked through the haze.
Gordon let John ride his out before he let go and came all over their stomachs. He pulled John into a kiss and said, "I love you too darling." They had a long way too go but John was no longer terrified that he'd completely fucked up the best thing that had happened to him. Not perfect but a start and he could work with that.