Death Club:Booty call!

"Thank you so much for babysitting!" Vietnam said again as she cuddled Jayden.

"Oh, it was no problem. They were great!" Antarctica forced a smile. That dream had thoroughly unnerved her.

But, she wasn't going to let it show. She had to pretend for their sake.

She was getting good at that.

Pretending.

"Oh, hey guys... Hold up a sec. I need to answer this." Antarctica smiled at them and stepped to the side as her phone blared out "Scotty doesn't know!".

"Hello?"

"Hey Antarctica~"

"Who is this?"

"This is Scotland."

"Really? Are you sure? Because I know Scotland and he's a he, and you sound like a she."

"Norway got pissed at me when I beat his little boy-toy in a drinking fight. So, he cast a little whoo-de-whoo magic on me and I now have long hair, breasts, and a vagina."

"Hm... as much as I can see that happening, tell me something that only Scotty would know."

Antarctica nearly giggled from the irony of that. This week's ring-tone was "Scotty doesn't know" and she'd just asked this chick to tell her something that Scotty would know. Pure comedy!

"Me and you are fuck buddies. And you are at my little bro's house, in London, babysitting America and that asian chicks' babies along with Artie's new boyfriends' kid."

"Alright. I haven't told anybody about us being 'special friends' so I'll believe you. What did you need?"

"I really need a good fuck, and I heard that chick's can have sex too. Sex that is sexier than hetero. What do you say?"

"Sure! I mean, I wouldn't pass up this chance! Who would? This might be the only time in your life when you sport womanly qualities, and you call me? I'm flattered Scotty!"

"Good. I'm gonna take a quick train over there. Can you book a night somewhere?"

"Uh... Hold on a sec. I'll ask Iggy if I can use the house in Liverpool."

"YO IGGY!" she yelled at the door.

"What? And didn't I ask you to not call me that?"

"Scotland turned into a chick and wants to have a sleepover with me! And since I'm sure you don't want to deal with that, pretty please?"

"What the bloody hell are you talking about?"

Antarctica turned back to the phone. "Hey ima give him the phone. You explain how you got turned into a sexy lady." She handed it to the confused Brit and watched his face as he found out that Antarctica had been completely serious.

"So can I?" Antarctica asked as she pried the phone from his hands, resisting the urge to snicker at the horrified look on his face.

England nodded dumbly and walked away slowly.

"Well, he took that well."

"Yes he did." Antarctica agreed sarcastically. "And he said yes. Well, ima go get my crap together and take a train to Liverpool. You'll probably get there before me. Just research what kind of position you want to do and stuff. I don't want to teach you everything."

Scotty snickered. " 'Kay. See you when you get there."

The phone-call ended and Antarctica gave a few quick goodbyes. She left, headed towards the nearest train-station, boarded a train, and sat there.

She looked around the Harry Potter-esque compartments with interest. They reminded her very much of the movie set inspired by J. K. Rowling's book series.

"Hey, can I sit here? As long as it's not too much of a bother, of course. All the other compartments are full."

Antarctica looked up to a red-headed boy who looked about her age and felt a sense of extreme deja-vu.

"Sure."

He did, and settled down in front of her.

Antarctica studied him.

Orange hoodie, black jacket, black jeans, orange jean shoulder-bag. He had chin-length emo-styled red hair, and a black clip holding back the right side of his bangs.

Cute.

Antarctica also felt his eyes roll over her, checking her out.

Big red eyes, eyeglasses (the lenses were clear and looked really cute with her outfit) short white hair in two little pigtails, 2 large curls protruding from each side of her head, baby blue girls sweatshirt, light jean booty-shorts, baby blue converse, brown domo backpack.

Adorable.

Antarctica smiled and leaned forward. "Hi cutie. My name is Pandora Kirkland. What's yours?" She extended her left hand in an invitation to shake it.

The guy leaned froward and shook her hand. "M' name is Seamus Brown. Where are you heading?"

"Oh, I don't know, wherever this train is headed. You know, it's not like I checked the ticket I bought or anythin'!" Antarctica felt her voice start to slip out of her 'neutral' accent and into the 'English' accent that she normally had in her older brother's country.

Seamus laughed at her cute, sarcastic joke. "I should 'ave seen that one coming."

Suddenly, "Mr. Right" by White Tie Affair, her current ringtone, blared out.

"Oh hey, Seamus? One sec, I have to take this."

"Hello?" Antarctica answered her phone.

" 'Ello there. I was just wondering, did you get your scythe when you left?"

Antarctica face-palmed and groaned. "Ah crap I forgot it. What happened?"

"Well, Alfred's bloody kid found it and picked it up. She started swinging it around. Lucky thing, the others weren't close by, but my couch cushions didn't survive the ordeal."

"Aww I'm sorry Artie. Well, I'll come get that the day after tomorrow. Just try to keep it away from the kids. It is sharp, ya'know?" (authoress seriously can't write a British accent worth a crap...)

"Wait- Did you slip into tha' accent again dearie?"

"Yeah. It's 'ard not to, when I'm surrounded by it. Well, Artie, I'm going to go."

"Alright. G'bye!"

"Goodbye Artie."

Antarctica pressed the 'end' button and turned to Seamus.

"Sorry 'bout that. My older brother is babysitting some kids, and I accidentally left somethin' at the house."

"It's okay."

They spent the rest of the train ride talking about anything and everything. They got along really well, and Antarctica liked the way that she hadn't had to deal with any nation problems when she was talking to him. They ended up swapping numbers. After getting into a taxi and giving the man England's address, she texted England.

'Hey~ I got here safe. XD And I met a cute guy on the train'

A few minutes later, Antarctica got the reply.

'A nice British boy I hope?'

Antarctica rolled her eyes at him.

'He's a British/Welsh who grew up in LP. He's really nice and he can cook!'

'Alright... But if he breaks your heart I'll break his legs'

Antarctica rolled her eyes at her big brother's words again.

'We both know you wouldn't Artie'

'Dammit... I'll cast a spell on him!'

'Whatever'

Antarctica turned her phone off, paid the taxi, and stood in front of England's Liverpool house. It wasn't too big, with one story, four bedrooms, two washrooms, and a nice kitchen.

Antarctica went in and locked the door behind her.

She set her duffel-bag down and shed her shoes off next to it.

"Hello?" she called out.

"In here~" a voice called out from the master bedroom.

~x~X~At Greece's house~X~x~

(In this I am going to embrace my fave crack pairing~)

Today was a strange day.

Why, you ask?

Because Greece was awake.

He'd been awake a lot more than normal recently.

So everything was strange.

"I miss Lovi so much! I mean, thanks to that nation-killer going around, I'll never get to see his cute face flare up like a tomato again!"

And today was even stranger, because Spain was here.

Greece and Spain were friends.

Sometimes they'd get together just to take naps.

But this time, while their bosses were working together, Spain needed a good shoulder to cry on.

And Greece needed someone to tell about what was happening.

"Can I tell you something Tony?"

Spain looked up at Greece and nodded.

"It's about Japan. He's just been so distant lately... He's been that way since his older brother died. I can't even get him to answer his phone half the time. I'm not sure that I care about him the way I used to anymore..."

Spain hugged Greece's waist and nuzzled his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry mi amigo! If you ever need anything, just let me know! And what are you going to do?"

"I... I'm not sure that I like Japan anymore." he admitted.

"Is there someone you like more than Japón?"

Greece nodded.

"Well then, tell me!"

"I..." Greece didn't know how to phrase it, so he leaned forward and pressed his lips to Spain's.

Spain made a little noise of surprise before giving in to the kiss.

When Greece pulled away, he saw that Spain was blushing.

"Well, that was an inopinado (unexpected in spanish) turn of events..."

Greece looked down nervously.

Spain saw and pulled away from him slowly.

"I... I need a moment. Heracles?"

Greece looked up.

"I need a moment to think over my feelings... I need to figure out how I feel. You will wait for me, sí?"

Greece nodded again and stared at one of his cats while Spain walked away.

"Atleast you love me, right?"

The cat meowed at him and he sighed.

"This is going to be hard..."

(That might have something to do with the plot. Might.)

~x~X~Back at Britain's Liverpool house~X~x~

Antarctica walked down the hallway to the master bedroom.

"Hello?" she called out again, knocking on the door.

"Come in~"

Antarctica opened the door.

And whistled.

"Damn Scotty. Is that you?"

"Yeah, it's me."

The girl laying in the bed was naked under the thin white bed-sheet.

She had long red hair tied in a messy bun at the top of her head and bright green eyes. She also seemed to be... 'gifted' in the breast department. She was smoking a cigarette and had a glass of whiskey next to her on the bedside table.

Antarctica pulled her baby blue sweatshirt off and walked towards Scotland.

"So, you're a pretty attractive woman." Antarctica snickered as she talked.

Scotland took a puff of her cigarette and blew a ring of smoke at the advancing younger nation. "Yeah."

"Did you figure out how you wanted to do it?"

"Mhmm."

"Care to elaborate?"

Scotland pulled a pair of handcuffs out from under her pillow and swung them around her finger.

"Oh really? Nice choice. But what are we gonna do with them?"

Antarctica stopped and pulled her shorts down.

"I always liked the idea of a role-play."

Scotland blew another puff at the half naked girl who was at the edge of the bed.

Antarctica crawled up onto the bed and straddled Scotland's waist.

"Mm~ me too. Who'll be on top?"

"You."

Antarctica bent down and nipped Scotland's ear.

"Did you get any other toys?" she whispered.

Scotland pulled a box out from under the other pillow.

"How... kinky." Antarctica purred as she opened it. "Just gimme a sec, I'll go change into that."

~x~X~At Greece's house (lol I just cock-blocked this story!)~X~x~

Greece waited for half an hour before getting up and walking away from the couch.

"Goddamn spaniard." he mumbled under his breath as he went to the kitchen to get some food.

He rummaged the the cabinets, pantry, and fridge.

Nothing.

So he lowered his standards and repeated.

Fridge status: Completely empty (and by that he means it's completely full of stuff he doesn't want)

Cabinet status: Also completely empty. Wait- why was he looking through the places where he put dishes for food?

Pantry status: absolutely noth- ramen. Shrimp ramen.

Greece winced. Ramen... Japan liked ramen. He had been the one who bought the ramen for Greece in the first place.

Greece sighed and picked up his phone.

He called Japan.

"Konichiwa?"

"Hey Kiku. It's me, Heracles."

"Oh hera-chan. How are you? I'm sorry that I forgot to carr you back."

"It's alright. But we need to talk."

"Do you want me to take a prane over to your prace?"

"Yeah. That would be good."

"I'rr come over in three days. Is that arright with you hera-san?"

Greece nodded, before realizing that Japan couldn't see him.

"Yeah. See you then."

"Hai. Goodbye."

Greece set the phone down on the counter and turned to see Spain.

"Hello."

Spain had slightly red eyes, like he'd been crying or something.

"Heracles."

"Antonio."

"I... I don't..."

Greece felt pain course through him. What had he been thinking? Kissing one of your friends out of the blue was definitely not okay.

Especially when you had a boyfriend and your friend's boyfriend had died.

"It's alright Antonio... Don't say it. I understand."

Spain looked up, relief in his eyes. "You do? Gracias! It just would have been so hard to say, I'm glad you understand that what I want~"

Spain leaped forward to hug Greece, but Greece backed up. Spain landed on his face.

"Owwie... What was that for?"

"I... can't deal with this right now. Why would you hug me after rejecting me?"

Confusion flashed through Spain's eyes. Then hurt, rejection, and then finally, understanding.

"Oh. Oh. Oh. Greece- when I... let me explain. You've got it all wrong mi amigo."

Greece stared at Spain warily, looking like a cat with it's fur all ruffled and ready to fight.

(just imagine a spanish accent, I feel lazy) "I was going to say that although I don't want to forget Romano, but I realized that I like you too. You're a great friend and I care about you. I just never really realized it 'till now. But I also don't want you to go behind Kiku's back. I want to be with you, but only if Kiku knows and is no longer with you as well."

Greece stared at his friend.

"I called Kiku earlier and told him that I wanted to talk. He's coming over in three days. I was planning on breaking up with him then, no matter what you said."

Spain smiled. "Gracias mi amigo. Gracias."

Greece didn't see how Spain did it, but he moved close to him and pressed a kiss to Greece's lips before Greece could register that he'd even moved.

Greece kissed back happily. Now all that he needed to make things perfect was for the nation-killer to stop killing all of their friends and enemies. Except maybe Turkey. They can get rid of Turkey if they want.

(whoo for crack fluff~)

~x~X~At Iggy's Liverpool House (again)~X~x~

Antarctica strutted into the room, wearing the slutty police outfit.

Scotland had let her hair down and was rocking a slutty prisoner outfit.

"Delinquent! I'm going to say this. We can do this the hard way."

Scotland smirked cockily up at her.

"What about the easy way officer?"

Antarctica smiled. "There is no easy way."

She handcuffed Scotland behind her back and pushed her down, so that she was bent face-down over the bed.

And the her newest ring-tone "Ravers in the UK" by Manian blared out.

"Sorry Scotty, I have to take this. Stay put."

Antarctica walked into the kitchen and answered it.

"Hello?"

"Hey Kiddo."

"Oh hey America. What's up?"

"Have you heard from Mattie in a while?"

Antarctica paused, remembering her uncle and his blood seeping out onto the floor. But she'd cleaned it all up. "Now that you mention it, no. Why?"

"I'm getting kinda worried. He hasn't called in a while and he won't answer his phone.

"Why don't you go visit him? Well, I'm kinda in the middle of something, so I have to go!"

"Okay. Be safe~"

"I will. Bye dad."

Antarctica barely made two steps forward before her phone rang again.

"Hello?"

"Kill England."

"Huh? Who is this?"

"It's Italy ve~"

"Oh. Wait- what?"

"I want you to kill England~"

Antarctica swallowed and put a hand on the counter to steady herself.

"W-why?"

"I want him gone~ You will do it right?"

"I will think about it you sick son of a bitch."

"No, you'll do it~"

"I have to go."

"Ciao~"

Antarctica swallowed the bile in her throat as the dial tone echoed in her head.

What the hell Italy?

What was she doing?

No, seriously.

What had she been about to do with Scotland?

Antarctica gulped and went back to the room. She looked through the Scotland's bag until she found what she was looking for.

A fully loaded 9mm Beretta PX4 Storm.

A handgun.

Antarctica walked up to Scotland and put the gun to to the back of his head.

BANG!

She shot him once.

BANG! BANG!

Two times more.

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BNAG!

Antarctica filled his head with the rest of the clip.

There was no doubt, Scotland was dead.

Ta-da? Sorry about the lack of smut, but this is the first time I have had access to a computer in a very long while. And I just... i'm sorry, I know I promised, but I couldn't. This isn't my computer, and my writers block overruled my promise. I'm sorry. Reviews send cookies to the dead nations. Sorry, once again.