Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

"I don't mean to. It's….not what you think. Really." Her feeble attempts at denying what I could clearly see for myself were silenced by my glare. How could she do that to herself? I don't get it. I never did. But I never did ask why some people do it.

"Bella…please. Tell me. I won't judge, I promise."

"I…I cut. I can't help it. My life isn't normal. I can't get away from my past. Everywhere I look, I think that all the people around me know what happened, and yet I know that I'm being irrational. It's a stupid habit, and I know I should stop, but I can't. It's…it's like your habit. You can't help but have to drink blood…I'm the same way. Kind of. I don't have to drink it, but I do have to see it on myself. I have to see my blood running down my arm."

"But…I don't understand."

"When something happens…something that makes me think of my past…I get this feeling. It's like…bubbles. They're little bubbles that are filled with panic and despair and they start in my stomach and as they get higher and higher I get the urge. As more appear…the stronger the urge becomes.

"But I can't let them get any higher than about my neck. If I let them get that high, I cut with abandon. I forget caution then. At least if I do it while the stages are early, I can use caution. And that prevents me from bleeding to death."

I stared at her, trying to understand. And when she described it with the bubbles…I kind of got it. I could never fully understand, but I would damn well near try my best.

"Bella…I can't fully empathize, but I can sympathize. I'm trying to understand, but I can't. Not fully. But only because I've never gone through this. It'll be just as hard for me as it is for you. Can't you at least try to stop?"

"Well…the longer I'm with you, the longer the bubbles stay away. I guess I can try my best. It'll be my own personal private rehab!"

Her sudden excitement had me excited, and not because I'd be helping her get out of a bad habit. Because I'd be around her more, and have an excuse.

"But won't your dad get suspicious that I'm spending so much time with you?"

"Well then, Mr. I Can Take Care of Everything and Solve Any Problem. How would you propose we fix that dilemma before it even starts?" Oh wow. I liked the sound of her being all sarcastically mad at me. It gave me ideas.

"Well then. I guess I'll have to think on that tonight."

She looked a little disappointed that I didn't plan on fixing it now. But I had a plan, and that didn't involve being in a car. Hm….that gives me some more ideas.

"Edward?"

"What?"

"I said that I have homework, could you please unlock the door?"

"Sure." I hit the button, but kept a firm hold on her arm.

"Could you let go of me?"

"After."

"After what?"

"This." And I kissed her. I had to be careful, so it was only a chaste kiss, but it was still some contact. Any more than that and I was sure I would have drained her dry. I couldn't live with myself if I did that.

I let go of her, and she went into her house. I drove home, a question for Carlisle when I get there.

"Edward, you're running a little late."

"Yeah, dad. I have a question."

"Shoot."

"How did you change us?"

"Uh…" he took a deep breath. "I had to fill two vials. Each one contained one pint of my venom, and one pint of your blood. I mixed them, and you had drink one vial willingly. I drank mine, and a few days later you woke up. Why?"

"I want to change Bella. But only if she agrees to it."

"Good for you. You deserve someone after all this time." I nodded, even though I didn't agree. I would ask her later. I'll ask her tomorrow. On Saturday.