Two
The memory of how pretty Kitty had looked that sad morning had stayed with him all these years later. Her cheeks had just a hint of a flush to them and her eyes sparkled with some secret anticipation that made him want to forget his responsibilities and spend the day with her. But duty to a tin badge demanded he attend to some business with the Sheriff in Garden City. "I should be back tonight." He had promised.
She'd tried to conceal her disappointment behind a well-intentioned smile. They were standing in the main room of the saloon, propriety denied any public display of affection; defying convention she stood on tiptoes and gave him a quick peck to his cheek. "Stop by when you get back, no matter how late it is; promise me. I have a surprise for you."
Her enthusiasm was contagious and he laughed, "I promise, I promise." He was turning on his heel to leave when Barney came running in from the telegraph office. He held an envelope out to the Marshal. "It's bad news." He warned.
Dillon had given Barney a sharp look and a nod of thanks. The telegraph man lingered for a moment waiting to see if Dillon wanted to respond to the message. "You can go Barney." Matt told him and waited until the small bespeckeled man left before he opened the envelope. No physical blow could have caused him more pain than what he read in the telegram. He knew Kitty was watching him and knew what this news would do to her. He took her arm and led her to the back of the saloon. "Let's go in your office."
He'd nearly broken down once inside the tidy little room. Turning away from her, his mind grappled with the truth in the words he'd just read. From some deep hidden reserve he found the strength to say them.
"What is it? Matt, What's wrong?" She'd walked to him, taken his arm and tried to turn him to face her.
He remained stiff, immovable, his eyes focused on a whiskey poster hanging on the wall. "Mary and the baby are dead."
Her hand had dropped from his arm. "No." she cried, her eyes wide in horror. "NO, no…no", she fell forward and he turned to catch her in his arms, sobs welled up from the depth of her and shook her being, `no, no." She repeated that one word over and over until he feared she'd gone mad with grief. Helpless to ease her pain he held her to him; his shirt was soaked by her tears, and her hair dampened by his.
They were in shock; their world rocked to its foundation, no Kansas twister could have caused more devastation than this news did to their hearts.
He decided he had to travel to Wichita to be with Jeb, Kitty had begged him to let her come, but the deaths had hit her so hard, that Doc Adams had advised him against it. Nothing could have prepared Matt Dillon for the for the complete despair of Jeb Walker. They had sat together in the kitchen of the once happy farmhouse, a half empty bottle of whiskey between them as Jeb revealed the details of his wife and son's deaths. With his head in his hands, the man sobbed, "Why did I leave them alone that day?" He'd made his weekly trip to town for supplies; while he was gone an outlaw by the name of Rubal Wolf had descended upon the farm. He'd been eager to even an old score with Jeb, but finding his pretty wife alone and unprotected the outlaw decided this would be a better way to exact payment. Mary had escaped from his clutches, holding the baby in her arms she ran down the road, Rubal taking aim with his rifle had gunned both Mary and the baby down. Had Jeb returned home just minutes sooner he might have saved them. As it was, Jeb shot Rubal Wolf and killed him.
"I should never have married her Matt; you remember what ol Kimbro always said, the law and a wife don't abide. I thought if I gave up the law it wouldn't matter, but you can't never give up the law, it don't let you. It was me that killed her, the day I took her for my wife, that was the day I killed her and my baby boy." He'd broken down then, and there was nothing Matt could say that would take away his friend's pain. The thought that came to Dillon and ate away at him was it could have been Kitty lying dead in a cold grave.
That night the sound of a single gunshot awoke Matt from his sleep. He had returned to the kitchen to find his friend Jeb Walker released from his anguish.
The most difficult decision Matt Dillon had ever made was one that he had attempted to make twice before in their seven-year relationship, he had to give Kitty up. If he loved her, and God knew he loved her, than he had to give her up. He couldn't risk Mary's fate befalling Kitty. How he told her this without breaking down, he was never sure, because he knew his heart was weeping with the pain of it.
She had been in her office when he returned from Jeb's funeral. He had knocked at the door. "I'm back Kitty, I need to talk to you." He heard the scrape of her chair as she got up and came to the door to let him in. She must have read the pain in his face because she reached out to him, but he pulled back not daring to give in to an embrace. "Jeb's dead, he shot himself. I buried him on the hillside next to Mary and the baby." He said the words without emotion, knowing this was the only way he could get through what he had to do.
"Oh Matt, no" She must have exhausted all her tears at the news of Mary and the baby for she had no tears left for Jeb. Denied of the comfort of Dillon's embrace she wrapped her arms around herself and rocked back and forth.
He couldn't look at her, he ran a dry tongue over his lips and swallowed hard, "It's over between us." Her eyes shot up to stare at him, her mouth opened, "you deserve more than I can give you, you deserve a home and family. I'm a lawman Kitty, that's just the way it is, and no amount of pretending is going to change that truth. Please try to understand." For a brief beat of his heart their eyes locked and connected before he turned away and left the room closing the door firmly between them.
He was determined to make it stick this time. He avoided the Long Branch at all cost. There was a town on the Oklahoma boarder that needed law and order and Matt volunteered to be the one to tame it. Gone from town for over a month, he found the longer she was out of his sight the more she was on his mind. His dreams had become a safe haven, because there he could be with her again.
He had bumped into her at Lathrop's store his first day back in Dodge. He had been startled by her appearance. She looked thin and pale and with a sadness that shook him. More than anything he had wanted to reach out to her, tell her he still cared, but he couldn't trust himself to talk to her, so he had turned around and left the store without saying a word. Two days later he had been called to the Long Branch when a brawl erupted between a couple of rowdy cowpokes. He had settled the fracas, telling Chester to take the fighters over to the jail to sleep off their orneriness. He had walked right past Kitty using every ounce of self control he possessed to keep from turning to her, it wasn't until he was outside of the doors that he looked back in the saloon and saw her running up the stairs to her room.
He'd been back in town less than a week when he received the telegram that Cade Mulgrew had escaped from prison and was headed for Dodge City. Matt had captured the notorious bank robber several years earlier in a shoot out that had resulted in the death of Cade's two older brothers. At the trial Cade had vowed to make Matt Dillon pay if it was the last thing he did.
It was on the Fourth of July, Dodge City wild with celebration that Chester recognized Cade and two others as they rode into town and tied their horses in front of the saloon. "Mr. Dillon, he's here, it's Cade Mulgrew; he just went in the Long Branch and looks like he brought a couple friends with him."
Mulgrew and his men were laying in wait for the lawman. Dillon entered the saloon, with gun in hand. "I'm taking you in Mulgrew." He warned.
"Not before I make you pay lawman."
"You'll have to gun down three of us Badge." Said one of Cade's accomplices, Dillon turned to look at the other two men, while Mulgrew whirled around reaching for his weapon, with deadly accuracy Matt had fired at Cade and the outlaw fell wounded to the floor. Dillon spun and fired at Cade's partners, hitting first one and then the other. Mulgrew in the last desperate act of his life had pulled out a knife; Kitty standing only a few feet away had watched this happening. Knowing Mulgrew's knife was aimed at Matt's back; without giving a second thought for herself Kitty had hurled herself between the deadly knife and the man she loved.
All this had happened in a matter of seconds, Kitty had fallen to the floor, with the knife embedded in her lower abdomen. Matt had dropped to his knees to take her in his arms, her blood spreading over the blue of his shirt, "Get Doc." he ordered, "Somebody, get Doc!"
It had been a busy day for the old doctor and he had retreated to his quarters early in hopes of getting a little rest before the cowboys started celebrating the holiday. He'd been sleeping at his desk when the gunfire woke him up. It sounded close: the Long Branch he figured, grabbing his medical bag he'd hurried down the stairs, across the alley to the saloon. At the bat-wing doors he paused to take in the scene. Seeing it was Kitty lying on the floor he ran to her side. She was conscious, but unable to speak. Her eyes connected with the old physician's and Matt could still recall the look of fear he saw reflected there. "Hold her still." He ordered and as Matt wrapped his arms around her forming a human vice, the doctor pulled the knife from her body. "Get her upstairs." He ordered.
Matt had carried her up the staircase to her room and placed her on the bed, "It'll be alright honey, just rest easy." He told her. "I'll be right here with you."
But she shook her head at him, "Get… out… don't want you here."
"Kitty?"
The effort to speak was costing her dearly, "Get… him… away ... please..."
Adams had looked at the lawman, "Matt, you'd better leave." Dillon shook his head is disbelief, but Adams hand to his back had pushed him out the bedroom door. He stood there for a long time staring at the closed door trying to hear what was going on inside, not knowing if he would ever see Kitty alive again.
For the better part of the next three days he remained in the empty saloon sitting at a back table that had always been 'theirs'. Occasionally someone would come to sit with him, maybe Chester or Will Roniger, whose wife Bessie had been helping Doc with Kitty. Even Louie Pheeters had spent time with the lawman - some secret long hidden pain forming a bond between the two men. Most of the time he sat alone with only a jumbled collection of memories to keep him company.
He had been desperate to see her, to speak to her, to let her know he had been wrong. On the second night he'd made his way up to her room again, not bothering to knock he'd barged into the room. Too many whiskeys and too little sleep had affected his judgment, "I gotta talk with her Doc."
"No, no" she had cried from the bed in a voice filled with anguish.
"For God's sake get out of here Matt, she doesn't want you here."
It was Bessie who had led him gently from the room and down the stairs. She had warmed up the soup that Ma Smalley had brought over earlier in the day and had seen to it that he had eaten. When the bowl was empty she had patted his hand and said. "I know how hard this is for you Marshal; she's just not in her right mind now." She noticed he still wore the blood stained shirt and suggested kindly, 'Why don't you go on back to your office freshen up, put on a clean shirt, maybe get a little rest. I'll come get you just as soon as Doc says ..." He nodded like a small child, relieved to be told what to do and went back to his office to do as Bessie suggested. But sleep wouldn't come and every time he closed his eyes he saw Kitty. Within the hour he was back at the table in the Long Branch.
Towards the end of the third day Dillon had looked up to see Doc Adams slowly descending the stairs. He headed right for Matt, pulled out a chair and wearily sat down. Grabbing one of the used whiskey glasses sitting on the table he poured himself a drink and drank it in one clean swallow. He took a moment to let the whiskey settle before turning to Matt, "She's going to be all right, but there's something you should know ... something you need to know … the wound ..." Adams stammered looking to the whiskey bottle for the words. He filled another glass and drank the contents before he could finish what he'd started to say. "I don't think Kitty will ever be able to have children Matt."
He sat in stunned silence while trying to comprehend the physician's prediction. He thought of the sweet image of Kitty with baby Matt. She had an easy natural connection with children, despite her profession Kitty was born to be a mother, this would kill her. He reached for the whiskey bottle but pulled back. "Will she see me Doc?"
He nodded his head, "Yes I think she will, but only for a few minutes, she's weak, she's lost a lot of blood, it's gonna take a long time and for her to heal."
Dillon put his palms on the table and pushed his body to stand. Towering over the elderly doctor he asked. "Does she know?"
Taking off his spectacles Adams rubbed his tired eyes and nodded.
Bessie Roniger was sitting next to Kitty's bed knitting a pair of socks when he came in. She stood up and motioned for him to take her place. There were tears in her eyes, but she offered him a smile of encouragement before leaving him alone with her.
He didn't say anything for a long while; he just sat there holding her hand. Finally he said, "Kitty, I'm sorry." There were so many things he was sorry for, sorry that she'd been hurt trying to save his life, sorry that his actions had caused her pain, sorry that he couldn't make things right and sorry that he would never hold their baby in his arms. But how could he express all that? Words came hard to Matt Dillon, so in the end he only repeated the words, "I'm sorry."
Her recovery took a long time, and it had been longer still for them to repair the damage to their relationship. She never spoke about the fact that she was unable to have children, but he knew this was one scar that would never fade away. For a long time after, he noticed a hardness to her that had not been there before.