Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor do I own Easy A
Chapter 1 or the shudder inducing and clichéd, however totally false account of how I lost my virginity to some guy in his 7th year.
Let me begin by saying there are two sides to every story. This is my side, the right one.
"Corey is not a name you would scream out during climax, it's something you would name your owl or cat." My friend, my only friend Jenna exclaimed waving her hands about in a rather dramatic fashion.
I, on the other hand was on my hands and knees trying to pick up my books which I had dropped, while alternating between trying to shush Jenna.
"And by that I assume you mean?" Came the squeaky voice of Professor Flitwick.
I finally stood up after picking up all of my fallen books and responded rather confidently. "The stable and self-perpetuating end statement to the evolution of a gillyweed community, why? What were you thinking?"
"Same." He answered nodding his head in agreement. "But I don't say out loud, lest someone get the wrong idea. I think you know an innuendo is attached to anything and everything one might say."
Jenna faked a look of surprise. "An innuendo? Whatever do you mean?"
"Jenna, Rose; go hit the books, they don't hit back. Also antidotes not Avada's, hit the dragon get the fire, and any other cliché's you can think of." Professor Flitwick reprimanded us as he walked away to advise some other students.
"Bye Professor Flitwick." Jenna and I called after him.
I turned to Jenna. "Why do you have to talk so loud?" I hissed.
"I don't know!" She hissed right back.
Professor Flitwick is my favorite teacher, though after all the trouble I've caused I don't know if I'm his favorite student anymore.
And this is where all the trouble began:
"Please I am begging you. I will pay you. Please." Jenna whined.
"Jenna. I cannot go to Hogsmeade with you. I'm sorry, I have a date. Okay." I said shrugging.
"Ach," She huffed. "With who?"
"You don't know him." I responded elusively.
"And neither do you. You selfish bitch" She said stomping her feet in exasperation.
"Yes I do, he's in my cousin James' year." I snapped.
"Alright what's his name then?"
Jenna is what you'd call a strong personality. A week ago, Jenna invited me to Hogsmeade weekend with her Hufflepuff friends.
Now you might be wondering if I have some sort of prejudice against Hufflepuff's, I don't. I am a completely unprejudiced Ravenclaw. It's just that Jenna's Hufflepuff friends are weird as hell. I swear.
One time we all hung out by the lake, and they tried to do some weird muggle calming therapy on me. I swore to myself after that, that I would never be caught dead near them.
So I lied and told her that I had a date with a boy in James' year named Corey.
"Let's face it. There is no such thing as a fit Corey." She was adamant on the fact that I would not be going on my 'date'.
"Well mine is alright." I sighed, wanting her to drop this conversation for the hundredth time that day.
"Fine, don't come to Hogsmeade with us. Just know I hate you bitch." She said throwing her arms in the air. "Go get your pumpkin juice." She gestured to the Ravenclaw table as we stepped into the Great Hall for lunch.
"You want one?" I asked.
"No." And with that she walked away to join her housemates at the Gryffindor Table.
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