A/N: has unformatted this chapter... it looks much better on tumblr! If you're interested, my user is LadyLilyMalfoy904034.
Edit: Spellchecked (to some extent)
Chapter Seven: European Tea, or the lack of it.
Subject: [no subject]
From: "Mycroft Holmes" mh .uk
Date: Wed, Feb 22, 2012, 19:46
To: "Greg Lestrade" .uk
Priority: Normal
Detective Inspector Lestrade,
I thought it would please you to know that your wife, Caroline, is now officially your ex-wife Caroline and will no longer be bothering you in any way shape or form. Perhaps 'pleased' is not the correct term for your present state of mind, but I am sure by the time you return from your holiday and have space to think about it, it will be. What I mean to say, is that I hope you are enjoying your space and that you do not have to concern yourself with certain issues because they have been entirely cleared up and all that is left to attend to his your own state of mind.
Your possessions have been relocated into the temporary flat I managed to find for you in Kensington. As you may have gathered, the settlement received from Ms Jacobs was generous.
You may also be pleased to know that you have avoided the torrential downpour that has struck the South. I fear that my umbrella may wear out if it continues to this degree.
Regards,
Mycroft Holmes.
(mh .uk)
Subject: Re:[no subject]
From: "Greg Lestrade" .uk
Date: Thur, Feb 23, 2012, 07:54
To: "Mycroft Holmes" mh .uk
Priority: Normal
Hi, Mycroft, good to hear from you and especially good to know that everything's getting sorted! Cheers for helping out, by the way, you can't imagine how much I appreciate it! Speaking of which, I think my dossing in your flat for a months calls for a little less formality between us, don't you think? I think we're both perfectly aware that each other are human now!
Kensington? Blimey, your people must be good! Maybe this break wasn't such an extravagant waste of money after all! Thanks for finding me a place, I bet you'll be glad to get me out your hair!
France is fantastic – weather's not great, but it sounds a damn sight better than what you've in London! Could murder a cuppa, though… It's such faff even to find a half decent tea-bag here! I'm afraid I'm having to resort to coffee. Don't hate me!
Hope Sherlock's behaving himself! Hope your umbrella doesn't die!
Greg
Subject: Re: Re:[no subject]
From: "Mycroft Holmes" mh .uk
Date: Thur, Feb 23, 2012, 17:13
To: "Greg Lestrade" .uk
Priority: Normal
Mr Lestrade,
I suppose that is acceptable, although I admit that it will be hard to break the habit.
It was no problem in the slightest; once Ms Jacobs agreed to be cooperative it was, as they say, plain sailing. The lease for the flat is currently six months, but it can be lengthened if necessary without any issues.
Yes, Europe is infamous for its tea, or lack of thereof. It is, in fact, the predominant factor in my disinclination to travel more than is absolutely necessary. I can have a large box of Tetley's delivered to you by nine o'clock tomorrow morning if you so desire? The thought of you being forced to resort to coffee is most upsetting.
Since when did my brother ever behave himself?
Mycroft Holmes
(mh .uk)
Subject: Re: Re: Re:[no subject]
From: "Greg Lestrade" .uk
Date: Fri, Feb 24, 2012, 10:26
To: "Mycroft Holmes" mh .uk
Priority: Normal
Mycroft, please don't call me 'Mr Lestrade', I think that's even worth than 'Detective Inspector'! Thank you for the tea! Absolute life saver! Shame that I have to make it with UHT milk (no, that isn't a request for a pint of fresh semi-skimmed before you have Anthea pop to the shops!) Will definitely be taking you out to dinner when I get back to show my gratitude! The coffee is though, I'll bring you back some and perhaps I'll be able to convert you? Probably not if you're half as stubborn as Sherlock! Haha fair enough! I've sent Dimmock a note, so hopefully he'll be able to keep him entertained until I get back!
Sun came out today, so have been spending a pleasant afternoon reading by the pool. You should feel honoured – I'm ignoring everyone else's emails.
Greg
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re:[no subject]
From: "Mycroft Holmes" mh .uk
Date: Fri, Feb 24, 2012, 12:07
To: "Greg Lestrade" .uk
Priority: Normal
Gregory,
Are you sure you don't want me to send milk? There are rumours circulating around the MoH that UHT is responsible for the recent increase in the number of people contracting cancer. It would be a shame, don't you think, to go on holiday in order to recuperate only to return with an incurable disease. I will send milk at once.
Thankfully, Dimmock is not in possession of my mobile phone number, although I have been informed by Doctor Watson that Sherlock is… less than happy with the new team. I am following your lead by taking a holiday of sorts myself – I've temporarily blocked Sherlock's number.
I do indeed feel most honoured.
Mycroft.
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:[no subject]
From: "Greg Lestrade" .uk
Date: Fri, Feb 24, 2012, 21:33
To: "Mycroft Holmes" mh .uk
Priority: Normal
Haha I suppose 'Gregory' is as close to informality as we're going to get! The last time somebody called me that was in 75 when I punched Johnny Lisbon in the nose! Thanks for the milk, although I'm not sure the rumours that UHT milk causes cancer is *quite* accurate... I didn't think you paid any attention to hearsay, Mycroft, considering the ease with which you normally acquire information? Anyway, the tea is wonderful and I am eternally indebted to you.
What's the odds that Dimmock's team is even less enamoured with having Sherlock snapping around their heals than your brother is with them? Can't he just take a couple of weeks off to... No, actually scrap that – I think having a bored Sherlock knocking around the flat would drive John over the edge, poor chap.
Good to hear! Make the most of it!
Greg
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:[no subject]
From: "Mycroft Holmes" mh .uk
Date: Fri, Feb 25, 2012, 22:58
To: "Greg Lestrade" .uk
Priority: Normal
Gregory,
I cannot imagine you involved in such anarchic dalliances, Detective Inspector, I am quite shocked by this new insight into your character.
If one wishes to brew a decent cup of tea, one requires proper milk. Yes, I did classify Tetley's as 'decent tea' and no, you may never mention it again.
I called in on my brother yesterday evening and discovered their Cluedo board pinned to the wall at knife point. I am under the distinct impression that, despite Detective Inspector Dimmock's best effort, he is failing to engage Sherlock's interest. No doubt, it will be up to me to rustle up a case for him before too long.
Mycroft.
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:[no subject]
From: "Greg Lestrade" .uk
Date: Sat, Feb 26, 2012, 09:14
To: "Mycroft Holmes" mh .uk
Priority: Normal
You'd be surprised what an effect having three older brothers can have on an impressionable young lad, such as I was! Poor mum... I feel it only fair to warn you, by the way, that the last email has been safely stored for future use ie. the next time you get uppity about Tetley's.
Ah shit...Poor John! Hopefully something will turn up soon. There's only so many bullets that wall can take!
Greg
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:[no subject]
From: "Mycroft Holmes" mh .uk
Date: Sun, Feb 27, 2012, 12:24
To: "Greg Lestrade" .uk
Priority: Normal
Gregory,
Sherlock is causing havoc in Devon. I have absolutely no idea what he is doing, but I have just been informed that he has broken into a military base using my I.D card. I despair of my brother, I really do; once upon a time, I laboured under the misguided assumption that he would grow out of his childish antics as he grew older, however it seems that he only gets worse.
How would you fancy joining me for a cream tea?
Mycroft.
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:[no subject]
From: "Greg Lestrade" .uk
Date: Sun, Feb 27, 2012, 15:51
To: "Mycroft Holmes" mh .uk
Priority: Normal
If it's a choice between the sunny south of France and the rainy moors of Dartmoor, how could I possibly refuse? Cream tea's on you though! Tbh, I've just finished my last book anyway, so I could do with some Sherlock-Drama to keep me occupied.
I think I can see a helicopter about to land... I take it you're responsible for this? Are you psychic as well as omnipotent?
See you in a bit!
Greg x