Halo, people! Wishing you a belated Christmas and a Happy New Year! Here's my year end gift to all of you! I actually intended it for Christmas but this year, my Christmas was tad bit depressing so I didn't want to pull down yours by posting a angst filled story. Though to those who thinks angst = love like me, well, I'm sorry. XP Well, actually, I'm not! Hahaha… Anyway, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year again!

Chey-chan, dear, thanks as always. I can't help but feel happy when you praise me! Wee! XP Though it's always my fault when you scold me for the horrible grammar and tenses.

Look at Me, Only Me chapter 4

Reality

'It is best being ignorant because once one realizes the truth, reality is cruel…'

….

I now lived to have sex with this man, holding, pounding deep inside me.

"Ahh… Ahh!" Those noises that came out from my throat seemed to be something so frequent that I didn't care whether it was right or wrong.

"Takahiro…" He still loved my brother and called me his name every time we had sex. In his mind, he was making love to my brother and I was just a substitute.

I was nothing but an empty shell.

"Usagi-san…" I moaned his name, the nickname my brother gave him, as he continued to thrust into me. Only when he bestowed me with the pleasure did I feel alive. The heat and the pain, the pleasure and the warmth, all those told me I was alive. Even if it was only barely.

….

I came here to pay off the debt my late brother owed. Gradually, I was getting used to living with Usami Akihiko, a No.1 best seller author who came from a rich family. Even without his family supporting him, this guy earned millions. And thanks to that, he paid off all the other debts.

This life was a far cry from the life I used to know, where almost every three days, we would have 'visitors' knocking on our door, demanding money. When he suddenly cleared off all my debts, cancelled the lease for the tiny apartment and brought whatever little stuff I had over, all in a single day, everything felt so unreal that even Usagi-san seemed surreal to me.

"What are you doing?" He came behind me, peering over to see. I remained silent as I continued to stir the broth.

"We can go out and eat or order takeout…" He refilled his mug with coffee and slumped on the sofa.

"We've been eating out every day. Don't you want a home cooked meal for a change?" I muttered quietly. It wasn't like I was against takeout or anything. In fact, all the food we had ate these past few weeks since I came here was luxurious; food I'd never imagined before. I did household chores so I could have some normalcy, to counter everything else that seemed too craze. As unreal as me living in this penthouse. And of course, living with this man.

"My share too?" he suddenly asked, a tint of hopeful tone colored his voice. Blinking twice, I wondered if he was an idiot to ask a question like that when I was cooking such a big pot of food.

Nevertheless, I answered his silly query. "Of course."

"Thanks. It has been a while since I had a home cooked meal to eat with someone." He smiled, getting up and going back upstairs into his study room to continue his work. The pace of my heart increased. Something seemed to have changed, something that I could not quite put my finger on.

….

"Ah… Ngh…" My body shivered with pleasure as he licked me. His skillful tongue trailed down my body before engulfing me whole, sucking gently, erotically.

"Uhm… There…" I groaned in ecstasy when he suckled at a particularly sensitive spot. It felt so good that my strength was slowly seeping out of my body like there was a hole somewhere and the essence of my life was leaking out.

"Here?" he asked as he continued to apply more pressure, smirking. Lifting up his head, he stared at my erection, wet with his saliva and my own precum.

"How about…" He kissed the tip softly before licking it softly, teasing. My body twitched and jolted at the sensation coursing through my entire being.

"Mmm… There too…"

"Here?"

"Ahh! Damn… No!" He knew exactly where to stimulate me, making me unable to resist. I came immediately. Spent, I flopped backwards onto the bed, breathing hard.

"Was it good?" he whispered beside my ear. Heat rushed to my face as I gave a little nod. Nuzzling my face, he claimed my lips passionately.

This, too, felt utterly unreal. Yet, I was completely helpless when I was bound by this man's charm. I hated it but wanted it. I blindly continued to fall deeper into it. Conflicting thoughts were clashing in my head as he thrust into me.

"Yes… There… Harder!" Such words came out from my mouth when, previously, these indecent words would never have even crossed my mind because to my pride. He continuously rammed at my pleasure spot as shocks ran from where we connected to my lower half. I was erect again while my legs were jelly. He sat me on top of him as I adjusted to him.

"You've come to really love taking it up in the ass, huh?" He snickered as he slowly slid out of me and then in again. I whimpered as the friction brought out my previous experience on what was to come next: the warm, full feeling and the pleasantly tingling impulses along my whole body, ticklish yet sensual in a way.

"Remember before, you couldn't even take in one finger at the beginning?" I flushed. I lightly smacked his chest as I shuddered. The heat was steadily rising.

"Don't say that…" I panted.

"Oh? You're clamping down on me already so can I move now?" I couldn't control my own body. Him inside me was in a sense invasive yet when he brushed at the sensitive part inside me, it made me want more.

"W….Why?" My mind was hazing slowly. I wanted to ask why he bothered to ask when he usually just did as he pleased but the words were tangled up in my tongue.

"Heh… You seem to be really into this. I was trying to hold on as long as I could… but…" He did not finish his sentence but started pounding into me yet again. His hand gripped my erection, rubbing it, sending more pleasure throughout my body so that I could not tell which was which anymore.

….

He fell asleep quickly after he was satisfied. Tired, I rested for some time on his arm, looking at his peacefully sleeping face.

'As long as the sex is good and I keep his house, he'll let me stay, right?' I wonderedt. Sure, all those other debts were cleared but I did agreed on paying what I owed him with my body. Even if I left him, he'd know where to find me, back at my place. And since I had no other places to hide, it was probably better to stay. Yes, staying here was easier than I thought it would be. But deep inside, there was a little tingling feeling that was bubbling quietly. I refused to dig further.

Realizing that my throat was parched dry from all the 'exercise', I slid out from under the blanket and sat on the edge of the bed for awhile, waiting until I felt sure that my legs would not give way when I stand before really trying it. However, before I could take a step further, a vice grip caught my wrist and held me. Turning, I saw him staring at me. I blinked at him without a word, confused.

"Where are you going?" he asked groggily, his eyes piercing even through the darkness.

"To… get some… water…" As if in reflex, my body and voice trembled at his fierce demeanor.

"Get it later!" he snapped, pulling me back into the bed, back into his embrace.

"Whoa!" I was swept up in the motion, unable to resist, a bird trapped in the steel cage.

"Stay with me a little longer…" With his lips on my forehead, he began snoring again. I actually felt extremely happy for some reason at his words and I snuggled into his neck, inhaling his scent.

"Takahiro…" He muttered in his sleep and my heart crashed. Every thud was a stab, excruciating. Now I knew what had changed. I was now 'Takahiro'. This place felt so unreal because his feelings for me weren't real. Those feelings were for the person in that picture, smiling next to the younger Usagi-san, a face I knew so well. He loved my brother and still did.

Creeping even closer until our faces were just an inch apart and I was breathing in the air that he breathed out, I looked at his face. My heart constricted tightly in my chest as if blood was pouring out of the wound inflicted moments ago, searing it. The ugly truth appeared in my mind clearly although I did not want to know.

'He is so close to me… Yet so far away…'

….

That's all for today! I'm older a year in another hour or so, so yeah, this is my birthday present to you guys! Oh, by the way, next chapter would be the turning point. Remember I said this is following a one-shot which I thought the ending was not satisfactory enough? Yeah, so next chapter, from half of it, if I'm not mistaken, would be my own idea. And trust me, I'll dump a tank full of angst in. XP

Happy birthday to Ken-chan as well! (3rd January) Our dear Hiro-chan's voice actor! I always sort of miss his birthday. This time I won't…

Oh well, happy birthday to me and I want my presents in the form of reviews please!

Twilight Cherry