That night hardly anyone slept in Camelot. Instead the courtyard and streets were filled with everyone from lords to knights to peasants; all of whom were holding lit candles and openly crying for the death of their prince. They had come together like so only once before when Queen Ygraine passed away. Tonight the social boundaries were forgotten; tonight Camelot was one. United in grief and mourning. In Gaius' quarters, the trauma and danger of the past week caused for the knights and Merlin to pass out at not long after midnight. A wet eyed Gaius slowly fell into a troubled sleep not long after. Gwen looked around at the sleeping men and walked out of the room; having slept for most of the afternoon, she now found that sleep eluded her. Instead Gwen walked around the castle until she came to where the training equipment was stored.
In the corner of the room were the dummies used by the knights during training, Gwen pulled one of them into the room and began attacking it with her bare hands. Tears ran down her face as she lashed out at the dummy, repeatedly punching and kicking the straw-filled item. As she did so, her hands began to ache, her knuckles became bruised but she didn't slow down or stop. This was how she dealt with grief; she tried to suppress it until she was alone before she would let it all out in one massive wave of sorrow, heartbreak, frustration and anger. The night after Tom had died, she had completely trashed the forge, throwing metalwork against the walls, scattering his tools everywhere before slumping to the floor and sobbing. The next day she returned to work. Eventually her strength gave way and Gwen fell to her knees, buried her head in her hands and wept.
How could Arthur be dead? Surely this all just had to be a horrific nightmare. Soon she would wake up and everything would be fine again. The Dorrocha would never have attacked and Arthur would still be here in the castle. She would tell him about her awful nightmare and he would hug her and kiss her and reassure her that nothing like this ever happened and never would happen because they loved each other so much and nothing could tear them apart.
But it wasn't a dream.
Gwen wasn't sure how long she had been kneeling on the floor sobbing her heart out but she was aware that someone was hugging her and their body was shaking too. Gwen wiped her eyes and turned to see Merlin was the one hugging her as tears ran down his face. For a moment they sat in silence, united in their shared grief for Arthur. Both of them felt like their world had ended. Merlin had lost one of his best friends, the annoying bossy older brother who irked him so much but at the same time shared a close friendship with. Gwen had lost the man she loved more than anyone in the world, the arrogant young prince who turned into the loving future king who made her so happy. They both had lost the person who helped them learn how to be brave, how to truly stand up for what they believed in, who encouraged them to rebel against Morgana and to never surrender. Their worlds had been shocked to the absolute core, how were they supposed to get through this?
"This can't be real Merlin, it can't be." Gwen whispered as she wiped her eyes.
"It is. I know we never always got on but there were times when we felt like friends." Merlin said. He knew that while they never actually said they were friends or did any of that stuff; they were one of each other's best friends.
"We all knew how much Arthur really liked you. You were like brothers." Gwen replied as she attempted to smile before realising that she had spoken in the past tense. Knew. Liked. Were.
"I don't even know how we became friends. He would call me names, throw stuff at me, boss me around…" Merlin said before his voice cracked and tears began falling again. "And I'd give anything if it meant he would be here and able to do that again."
"Do you remember that stupid hat he made you wear?" Gwen asked and Merlin nodded.
"I hated that thing but it made him laugh so much. What about his donkey ears?" Merlin asked and Gwen laughed through the tears.
"The pout on his face could have put a toddler to shame and when he started braying…" Gwen trailed off and reflected for a moment. "What about the day you met? You tried to stop him bullying his servant."
"And he completely wiped the floor with me. I'll admit that now." Merlin said as he raised his voice and looked up, his voice cracked slightly as he addressed the ceiling. "Did you hear that you prat? I admit it, you beat me."
As the inky black sky began to lighten with streaks of grey, orange, pink and gold, Gwen and Merlin had remained sitting in the storage room swapping various memories, conversations and remember-the-time-when stories about themselves and Arthur. As the dawn broke properly, they got to their feet, wiped their eyes one last time and returned to Gaius' quarters to find the others were beginning to wake up. As they struggled to find something to talk about, it was Elyan who noted the state of Gwen's hands.
"What happened to you?" Elyan asked. Gwen looked at her hands, she hadn't noticed but her knuckles were bruised and dried blood stuck to her fingers and had trailed onto the back of her hands.
"I just needed to…" Gwen trailed off and Gaius offered her a small bowl of water and a scrape of fabric for her to clean her hands with. Gaius set out some bread onto the table but none of them felt like eating but they did anyway, simply to keep their hands busy and because it was something for them to do. After she managed to swallow the bread, Gwen stood up. The others were going to create the pyre themselves for Arthur's memorial and she was going to go back to work which also meant that she would have to tell Uther that his only son was dead.
Gwen walked through the castle in a daze. It was completely subdued, everyone was walking silently with their heads down. All of them were red eyed and tired, having mourned their prince. Gwen walked into the quiet kitchen, work was still going ahead, the world didn't stop but there was none of the usual noise, none of the running around and shouting. Today everyone was simply getting on with what they had to do. As Gwen collected Uther's breakfast, she found herself face to face with Agnes, the strict and fierce head chef, however she wasn't her usual shouting self today and instead she looked at Gwen.
"You shouldn't be working today, you of all people." Agnes commented; she wasn't being cruel but rather sympathetic. They all knew about Gwen and Arthur's romance. Agnes fondly remembered the day she had chased the prince from her kitchen as he had tried to steal some strawberries. Even though she'd given him a clip around the ear, he'd still made off with plenty of fruit and she had noted the spring in Gwen's step and how she had smelt of strawberries later that afternoon when she had come to collect Uther's evening meal.
"I have to; the king still needs looking after." Gwen replied and Agnes reached out and gently rested her hand over Gwen's, giving it a brief squeeze before letting go. Gwen walked out of the kitchen towards Uther's room. As she neared, she began to slow her pace. How would Uther react to the news Arthur was dead? Uther barely acknowledged anything anymore but before Arthur had left, Uther had taken his son's arms and looked him in the face as he begged, actually begged Arthur not to go.
But he'd gone anyway.
In that moment Gwen realised just how alone Uther was now. He had no real family left aside from Morgana and she wanted him dead. His wife, the love of his life had died bringing Arthur into the world and now his only son was dead too. The fact too that this Uther, the apathetic, depressed man who had no awareness of anything was in a way more emotionally connected to Arthur than he had been meant that Gwen felt a sense of dread build up in her as she pushed open Uther's bedchamber door.
The first thing he was aware of was the gentle shaking of his shoulder which roused him from his sleep every morning. The shaking was always accompanied by a gentle call for him to wake up before he was physically supported into a sitting position. As he focused on the woman, no Gwen, that was her name, Uther slowly managed to push back his bedcovers and pull himself out of the bed. He was not a total invalid, there were still some things he could do but they took a lot of strength to do so. As Gwen helped him to dress and guided him to his chair, Uther allowed her to give him some food to eat and watched as she slowly gnawed on a piece of bread and glanced towards the window.
"What of Arthur?" Uther asked. She had been there when Arthur left. He should be back by now. He promised Uther that he wouldn't leave him so where was he? Gwen sat down in the chair next to Uther's and reached for the king's hand. Uther hesitated at the contact but surprisingly didn't pull away and frowned as he saw tears begin to run down Gwen's face as she squeezed his hand tighter.
"Art-Arthur's dead," Gwen admitted. Uther shook his head and wrenched his hand free.
"No, you're lying! Where is he? Tell me!" Uther shouted as he pulled himself to his feet and looked around the room, expecting Arthur to appear at any second.
"The only way to save the kingdom was for someone to be a human sacrifice. Arthur sacrificed himself for Camelot. He's gone." Gwen admitted as she dragged the back of her hand across her eyes.
Uther began to tremble. Arthur dead? No. No he couldn't be. His son… his only boy who had looked so much like Ygraine who had given her life to bring Arthur into the world… They were both gone. Gone forever. Uther covered his hands and fell to his knees as he broke down, not caring who seen him like this. Nothing mattered anymore. Ygraine was dead, Arthur was dead, Morgana loathed everything about him and there was nothing good or worthwhile in his life anymore.
"My boy, my boy…" Uther whispered brokenly as tears ran down his face and he felt someone hug him tightly.
As soon as Uther had fallen to his knees, Gwen was at his side, hugging him as they both cried. Not in her worst nightmares had she ever imagined she and Uther would be mourning Arthur's death together. Right now they were not king and servant, they were two people who had lost the one person they loved more than anyone else in the world. And it was that realisation which helped to unite their grief all the more.
"Merlin, pass that to Percival." Leon instructed and Merlin mindlessly handed one of the logs to Percival who positioned it appropriately onto the growing pyre. The men had been working on it all morning without any arguing or complaints. This wasn't about them, this was about Arthur. He was more than their prince, he was their brother, their friend and they were going to give him as best a send-off as they possibly could. Merlin was still attempting to puzzle out Kilgharragh's riddles. If his destiny was connected to Arthur then surely Arthur's death ended all their destinies? How was Albion supposed to come about if Arthur wasn't alive to rule it? What did Kilgharragh mean when he claimed that secrets would come to light? He didn't know.
"Merlin," Lancelot said as he looked at Merlin who had been staring into space for a long time. Arthur's death had affected them all but out of all of the men, he would say it obviously had affected Merlin the most.
"I," Merlin looked around for an excuse and Lancelot nodded knowingly.
"We're just going to get some water," Lancelot said as he guided Merlin across the courtyard away from the pyre. "I know that look, what is it?"
"I don't know. Kilgharragh told me time and again that my destiny was connected to Arthur and now that he's dead I don't see how Albion will be born or how I'm supposed to restore magic to the land. How are we meant to achieve our destinies if Arthur isn't here to be the Once and Future King?" Merlin explained morosely.
"Nobody really knows what destiny has planned for us. All we can really do is adapt as best we can. I wish there was something I could say but I have no idea either." Lancelot said as he drew some water from the well for them.
"I think I need to tell the truth." Merlin replied and Lancelot stared at him.
"Are you sure?" he asked. Was that wise? Lancelot had always pushed Merlin to reveal himself to Arthur, maybe his death was actually the push Merlin needed to reveal himself at last.
"I don't know. Kilgharragh spoke about secrets coming to life and that all wasn't lost. I always knew I had to reveal myself at some point in order to restore magic. Maybe that time is now." Merlin explained and Lancelot looked thoughtful.
"I don't think you should do it just yet. The shock of losing Arthur is still one we're all trying to get over. That and we don't know what will happen to Camelot now that he's gone. In my opinion I think you should give it some time first. We're going through a lot and this might be too much for them all to take in." Lancelot reasoned and Merlin nodded.
"You're right, I just… I wish I'd told him." Merlin confessed, that was his main regret. Not showing Arthur that he was proof that not all magic was evil; it sounded narcissist but he knew that Arthur would have believed him eventually.
"I know," Lancelot said as he patted Merlin's shoulder. "Come on we need to get back to work."
"Yeah, I wouldn't put it past Arthur to come back as a ghost and tell us off for slacking." Merlin joked. It was the first time he'd made a joke since they had reached the Isle of the Blessed and both he and Lancelot managed a small smile before crossing the courtyard back to the others and they continued building the pyre.
In the early afternoon the courtyard was filled with hundreds of people. From noblemen, ladies and knights to guards, servants and townspeople; the courtyard was completely packed with people who were standing in silence observing the large wooden pyre which was positioned in the centre of the courtyard. At the base of the pyre stood Geoffrey Gaius, Agravaine, the knights, Merlin (who were all holding torches) Gwen and Uther. In contrast to the weak, dishevelled man; there was something more akin to the Uther of old as he stood in his finest clothes, crown on his head and the sword in his hands. If it weren't for the sunken quality of his cheeks and the red rims around his eyes; anyone could be forgiven for thinking there was nothing wrong with the king. Standing directly beside Uther, holding one of Arthur's folded cloaks was Gwen and she too seemed to present a mask of composure as she studied the pyre however a sharp eye would have noticed the quivering of her lip and the dampness of her eyes. Geoffrey looked at the crowds, glanced at Uther before addressing them all .
"We are here today to bid farewell to Prince Arthur; a devoted warrior and prince who gave his life for his kingdom. His sacrifice was an example of his devotion and courage for every last one of his people and his memory lives on in all of us. While most have you have lost a prince; I know that the knights have lost a friend and brother and King Uther has lost a beloved son. This pyre is built as a way of saying farewell as we place both a cloak and sword to symbolise his noble sacrifice and ensure that he will never be forgotten." Geoffrey said as Gwen stepped forward, quickly pressed the fabric to her lips and set it onto the top of the pyre. She then stepped back and offered her arm to Uther who stepped forward of his own accord and placed the sword on top of the cloak without speaking. However as he moved back, his hand closed over Gwen's.
Geoffrey nodded at Leon who led the knights and Merlin around to their assigned points around the pyre and the six of them placed their lit torches at different points of the pyre and they stepped back as the flames engulfed the wood. Everyone stood in silence and watched the pyre burn. It took nearly three hours for the pyre to be reduced to ash and for the embers to die out but everyone had remained in their positions and waited for the last ember to extinguish themselves before going their separate ways.
"Merlin would you come with me," Gwen offered as she wiped her eyes and offered her arm to Uther to escort him back inside. Merlin dragged a sleeve across his own eyes and nodded in agreement and the two of them walked back up the castle steps, the knights and Agravaine following in silence. As Gaius moved to walk up the stairs, Geoffrey walked over and joined him.
"I assume Agravaine will lead the council now but who is to take the throne after Uther dies?" Gaius asked, Geoffrey was the one who knew about the succession line and its complications. He knew every last rule and law that existed in the kingdom and therefore his judgement was one that couldn't be questioned in any circumstance, not even one like this.
"That was what I needed to speak to you about. Before his death, Arthur presented me with his will and asked me to ensure the knights, Merlin and Guinevere attend the reading of his will which I'll do at tomorrow morning's meeting." Geoffrey explained, he naturally had had to study Arthur's will to ensure his bequeaths and instructions were legitimate. They were but he knew that Arthur's will would make for some… interesting reading.
Gaius nodded solemnly and looked up at the castle. "Change is coming and I doubt we are ready for it."
"We will have to be." Geoffrey answered and the men walked back into the castle.