The Tegan Chronicles

Thicker than Blood 4

At 1000 hours the next morning Tegan sat down in Tilly's office.

"I didn't expect to see you back so soon."

"I didn't come of my own accord." Tegan glanced at her watch and wondered if an hour long staring contest with the orchid would count as a session and get the monkey off her back.

"So why are you here then?"

"Orders from Colonel O'Neill."

"Huh?" Tilly said thoughtfully. "Must be pretty bad if Colonel O'Neill is suggesting you come visit me."

"It wasn't a suggestion."

Tilly nodded. "Want to talk about it?"

"No." Tegan shook her head but offered up a brief run down of her last two missions, and her attempt to resign.

Tilly already knew just how hard headed she was. "Have you forgiven them yet?"

"Who?" Tegan didn't see how any of this was relevant.

"Everyone, your team, General Hammond, Dr. Fraiser, yourself." She was certain there was more going on between Janet and Tegan than a professional relationship, but Tegan had previously denied it in the interest of don't ask don't tell.

"There's nothing to forgive."

"Trust me on this one, there is. You need to forgive Dr. Fraiser and General Hammond for not telling you what McKenzie was up to. You need to forgive your team for the same, and for not listening to you when you said they shouldn't proceed with the mission."

"You can't expect your team to derail a mission based on a feeling you've got in your gut. I don't blame them."

"Then maybe you need to blame them so you can forgive them. They need to be forgiven almost as much as you need to forgive them."

"Whatever." Tegan mumbled.

"And you..." Tilly shook her head. "Stop blaming yourself, and carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. It's time to forgive yourself and move on."

"I haven't a clue what you mean."

"Why did you lose your arm?"

"Because we stepped into a trap..." Tegan's mind was moving faster than her mouth could, and suddenly she knew she was going to be sick. "Bathroom."

Tilly nodded as Tegan who had turned green around the gills headed toward the waiting room and made a B line for the bathroom.

When she returned Tilly handed her a cold can of coke. "Did you eat this morning?"

Tegan nodded as she popped the top to the coke at took a tentative sip.

"Good." Tilly waited for Tegan to sit back down. "What just happened?"

"It was my fault, me losing my arm, Daniel getting shot. She wanted information, information about me. Information we couldn't give."

"You couldn't give, or you wouldn't give?"

"Couldn't."

"Military protocol, name and rank?"

Tegan nodded and took a longer draw on the cold sweet coke, she wasn't sure it was helping her stomach and put it on the empty coaster by the orchid.

"Then it wasn't your fault." Of course they both knew that revelation wasn't going to stop Tegan from blaming herself. All Tilly could hope for was that Tegan would offer absolution to her team, her friends, and that in doing so she would find it for herself.

"Hey Tiki." Jack popped his head in Tegan's lab at 1139 hours.

She looked at him with cautious curiosity. He hadn't called her that in over a year.

"Did you go?"

"I did."

"And?" He stepped all the way in.

"And it's confidential." She shook her head at him.

"I know, I was just wondering if you wanted to share."

"Nope." She didn't feel like formalities today.

"Ok." He held up a manilla folder and fanned it in the air. "We're heading out at 0700 tomorrow."

"Another mission?" She watched him drop the folder in front of her.

"You and me."

"We've been to this planet." She recognized the destination on the outside of the folder P3G-256, and a light bulb clicked. It was during her first few months at the SGC when they'd first visited the rather primitive planet. She looked down at her right palm as she remembered catching the tiki torch just before it connected with Jack's rear.

"Yeah, they've invited us back."

"Just us?"

Jack nodded, then though better of it. "Actually just you, but..." He paused waiting for her to interrupt. When she didn't he continued. "Look we really haven't had much contact with these people since our initial contact. In fact we were completely surprised to hear from them. So when they asked for you to come to some ceremony to appease the Gods, I just wasn't comfortable sending you on your own."

"0700?"

"Yes." He wondered why she hadn't gone off on a tirade. Maybe talking to Tilly helped, but he wasn't holding his breath on that one.

They'd been on the planet for about five minutes when Tegan kicked a rock in front of her. "Why'd you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Lie to me."

"Oh, that." He shook his head. "I didn't think McKenzie had any right to dictate how quickly you should or shouldn't return to work. I wanted you to have the best shot at recovery as possible."

"Even if it meant court martial and possible jail time."

"Yup, even if it meant that." He raised an eyebrow. "Forgive me?"

"For what? I'm the one who's been acting like an ass."

"Well I forgive you for having a lot of crap to carry around lately." He smiled lightly.

"Yeah, well..." She waited for him to look her in the eyes. "I forgive you too."

"Thanks." He smiled and checked his watch.

"Something's not right."

"Yeah, I kind of expected a welcoming party."

"Should we go check it out?"

He didn't like the feeling he was getting. "What do you think?"

"I don't feel a Goa'uld presence, if that's what you're asking."

He nodded. "Alright, let's check it out."

Tegan stepped back through the gate with Jack at her side. They both had soot smeared on their faces, gray ash covering their boots and sprinkled in their hair.

"We weren't expecting you back for at least another three hours, Colonel." General Hammond spoke from the control room.

Jack looked up. "They were all dead, we were too late."

"I want to debrief now, your post mission physicals can wait." He glanced at Tegan who nodded letting him know there were no pressing medical matters.

Tegan sunk into the chair across from Jack and turned slightly to look at General Hammond.

"They didn't show up at the gate, so we decided to go into the village and check things out." His eyes glazed over at the memory. It wasn't like they hadn't seen mass carnage before, but it just proved he was still human.

"They were all dead." Tegan spoke. "Bodies everywhere burning."

"A rival tribe?"

Jack shook his head.

"As far as we know they were the only inhabitants."

"Goa'uld?" General Hammond probed.

"I don't think so." Tegan closed her eyes trying to forget the smell of burning flesh. "The pre mission report stated they were going to be doing a ceremony today to appeal to the rain Gods because they hadn't had rain in two moon cycles. It could have been an accident, someone knocked over a tiki torch in the middle of the night. The huts are made out of dried grass and palm fronds, as dry as it was, the whole village would have gone up in smoke in a matter of minutes."

"Alright, I want you both to report to the infirmary."

Tegan stood up shadowing Jack's movements.

Janet pocketed her stethoscope. "I want you to take the rest of the day off."

"I'm fine."

"I know, but I'm giving you the same orders I gave Colonel O'Neill."

"It's not like I've got anything pressing waiting in my lab."

"You do know it took three people to do your job while you were gone, and that's just the lab aspect."

Tegan nodded. "I just wish Dana, Sam, and Dr. Vickers would have left something for me to do when I came back."

"I'm sure something will turn up soon."

"Probably." She sighed as she put her prosthetic back on. "I'll see you at home."

Janet nodded.