The Tegan Chronicles

Thicker than Blood 11

When they got back to the hotel room Tegan collapsed on the bed she'd claimed earlier.

"So where do you want to go?"

"Paris." She sat up. "You mentioned wanting to go to Paris once."

"I did?"

"Yeah, 'We'll always have Paris'."

"So you do remember something about the movie."

Tegan nodded.

"I meant for dinner."

Tegan looked at her watch. "I don't think we can get there in time for dinner."

"You'd be bored in Paris."

"No I wouldn't, there's lots to do."

"Like what?" Janet pressed.

"Like the Louvre, the Eiffel tower, eat croissants."

"They don't have any beaches in Paris, no surf and sun."

Tegan shrugged.

"We don't have the clothes for Paris."

"We'll buy them."

"Why are you afraid of surfing?" Janet changed the subject.

"Shark attack." She mumbled.

"Shark attack?"

"I lost my arm in a shark attack."

Janet's brow creased. "The guys were joking Tegan."

"I'm not. I lost my arm to Hek'tu, to a shark, in a garbage disposal, to piranha, some strange alien device, a dragon, Teal'c's staff weapon." She thought that was it.

"I don't follow."

"At some point between actually losing my arm and waking up in the infirmary I lost my arm all those ways. The first time I was surfing, there was no one on the ocean but me. You were on the beach with an umbrella in your drink. The perfect wave came up, I caught it, and then a shark breached the surface of the water taking my arm in its jaw. It was so painful. I screamed for you, but it was too late, everything went black."

"In the infirmary, you screamed my name out in pain and I couldn't figure out why. We were unable to evoke any pain response. But I did give you pain medication when you would call out. I had no idea you were reliving losing your arm each time."

The room was silent for a long time before Tegan spoke. "Janet?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't want to stay here."

"Where do you want to go?"

"Home."

"I'll get us on the next flight out."

Janet hung up the phone. "We're leaving tomorrow at fourteen hundred hours."

"Janet, I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it."

"No, not for this. Well, I'm sorry about this too, but I'm sorry I've been such an ass."

Janet shook her head, and sat beside her on the bed. "Don't say that, after everything you've been through."

"If I use everything I've been through as an excuse to treat you like crap, I'm no better than – " She stopped. It was the one person she despised above all else including the Goa'uld. It was the one person who made her who she was in so many ways. "I'd be no better than – " She couldn't say his name, "my father."

"Oh Tegan." The power of those words had Tegan curling into a ball against Janet's shoulder trying not to sob.

"I've been so horrible to so many people since I lost my arm, and I don't know how to tell you I'm sorry."

"You don't have to."

"I don't know how to make it right." Tegan sat up and pulled back. Her type A personality struggling for control.

"You don't have to do anything Tegan. I shouldn't have kept McKenzie's plans from you."

"You were following orders. There will be times when we have to keep things from each other, our jobs demand it."

"But only when our jobs demand it." Janet took her right hand in both of hers. "I love you Tegan, I never stopped loving you."

"I know, I love you too. But what do we do with all of this?"

"We just say we're sorry and move forward."

"I'm sorry." Tegan said with all the sincerity of her heart.

"I'm sorry too." Janet watched as Tegan smiled lightly.

"Are you hungry?"

"Starving."

"Me too."

Tegan slid under the sheets next to Janet.

"What are you doing?"

"What's it look like I'm doing?" She rolled onto her left side closing her eyes briefly to hide the flash of light she feared would show her pain.

"Tegan we don't have to – " She was cut off by a finger covering her lips.

"I've never done it in Hawaii." She replaced her finger with her mouth.

Janet lay there in post satiated bliss.

For Tegan the whole event had been a lesson in frustration, one armed lesbian sex was harder than it looked. She felt fingers moving inside her thigh and reached down trapping Janet's wrist. "Please, don't."

Janet nodded and pulled her hand away.

"Hold me?"

Janet pressed her body against her and gently held her in her arms.